I have been reading the posts here and think I am in the right place. The people on this board are compassionate and understanding. Not everyone where I live understand what I am going through, but most of you do here. Just telling my story seems to help.....

One day, a little more than 13 years ago, I saw a little white (buff) ##er spaniel looking at me. When I saw him, something inside me clicked, and it was like I saw someone I once knew, from before. It was like something I had never experienced before. Before I knew it, I was suddenly adopting a dog, and my life would never be the same....

Fast forward 13 years, which to me have all just blazed by, and I lost my closest friend suddenly, recently. Perhaps I am not someone who can handle grief, or loss but in my Bailey's case, I have never loved anything or anyone as much. He was, and many of you can relate, that special of a companion. He has taught me so much. Losing him has been the most devastating event of my life thus far. And sometimes I don't think I will ever be the same, or get over it, the pain is that great. I am inconsolable. Nothing seems to help, being near his bed, bowl etc is very hard right now. Crushing, agonizing pain.....

I almost lost Bailey 5 years ago to heart failure. He had pneumonia, and his vet told me he also had a Heart Problem which meant he had 6 months left. I remember feeling then as I do now. Absolutely helpless and terrified. I decided to enjoy the 6 months we had left. We went everywhere together and I cherished every moment - the way he looked at me and his ever cheerful energy. Such a sweet spirit. After 6 months, I noticed Bailey was doing very well for a dog with a terminal illness. At the 10 month mark I thanked my spiritual teacher and all the powers that be for giving me this extra time. Soon after I decided to visit a Vet Cardiologist in my area, who had some good news. Bailey had a very minor heart problem, common in 8 year old dogs, and with the proper care, he might life some years yet....

After almost losing Bailey we decided to get him a wife, a companion of his own. Soon after, he was the proud father of two little girls who are now 3, and whom remind me very much of him. For this I am thankful. Having his children does help, but the loss is still so deep........

Has anyone ever felt that time just rushes by? All those walks, rides, trips to the beach, and its like there's never enough time. One day I watched the movie, "Marley and Me" and I was as terrified of losing Bailey as I was when I thought he was about to pass away years ago. How could this ever end? It seemed perfect, what we had, the closest thing to true happiness I had ever experienced.

14 months ago I got the bad news. Bailey had entered heart failure and had 6-12 months left. Again, I cherished the time we had and he was doing so well for a now terminal 13 year old dog. He aged with grace, walked slower, but still maintained that wonderful personality I now am in tears of losing.

Ten days ago he suddenly started to cough and pant. I took him to the vet, who adjusted his meds. He improved then got worse. This time he started to pant more and could not catch his breath. I rushed him to the specialist hospital and he was put in an oxygen chamber. It was a Sunday and his cardiologist came in and told me his heart was very weak and went into an arrythmia which he would try to control. He succeeded but two days later Bailey's lungs began to fill with fluid. They tried everything. At one point I was thinking of building an oxygen chamber in the house, however, Bailey began to deteriorate. I had not slept at all and visited him every waking moment I could, at 1am, 4am 7am etc and I was so sad and shocked to find that look on his face last Thursday. He was starting to suffer. To see him that way broke me into pieces. Only those who have been in this position will understand. The pain is his and mine. I could not let him go through this. The vet came in and told me nothing more could be done, that I had "left no stone unturned". He was sinking fast so I had hours to prepare for his euthanasia. My wife, his wife and his little girls came to say goodbye and no mere words could describe the incredible pain of seeing him come into the room at the end. But his pain was killing me so I had to help him. He died in my arms, seconds after he gave me his last kiss.

And now I am broken.

Thanks for listening.

Hi, blb, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Bailey. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions -- at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that our companions can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of angels.

Blb, thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bailey with us. This grief journey is very painful, both emotionally and physically. There is no way we can ever "get over" the physical absence of our beloved companions. It is useless to even try. Rather this grief journey is one of "adjustment" - - of establishing a "new normal" that will honor the eternal joy and love that our beloved companions bring to us during their earthly journey. It is also a "transition" journey in which we come to embrace our companion's sweet Living Spirit. The love bond we share with our companions is eternal - - it is not limited to the physical laws of time and space. Our beloved companions are forever with us in our hearts and memories - - they are always a heartbeat close to us. The reason why we feel like a part of us missing is because they take a part of us with them - - a part of us that belongs only to them - - so that they can have a part of us with them in heaven's perfect garden until we are united with them in eternal joy at our appropriate time.

Blb, this grief journey is often referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds. One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you every step of your journey for as long and as often as you need us.

Blb, thank you again so much for sharing your precious Bailey with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear BLB,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved Baily. He is soooo beautiful!!!! I have a special place in my heart for ##er spaniels and understand your intense pain.

You did everything possible to help precious Baily. How fortunate that you had such a special connection with him, and how difficult it must have been to let him go. Please know that you are not alone on this grief journey.

It is my hope that you will continue to let us know how you are doing. For now, it may help to try to take it one day at a time in dealing with the enormous loss of your precious Baily.

With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Moon Beam,

Thank you so much for your kind words. That was reassuring and very helpful. I am trying my best to cope which is very hard at present. I am having a hard time eating, sleeping, and driving around. I wonder how other people wake up and go to work in these circumstances? Last Thursday it was one week ago and it was especially hard for me, this "adjustment" is not going to be easy. The Rainbow Bridge poem is helping but I wonder if it gets any easier. I keep thinking there was something else I could have done to save him. Maybe I should have acted sooner - the day before I took him to the hospital his daughter Bianca put her head in his lap when he was coughing, so even she seemed to know something was wron

But then again the reality of the situation is he is gone I have to find a way to find a balance here. During the end I was on autopilot and even now just feel numb and in shock. Eventually I am sure I'll emerge again but its going to take some time.....

On Friday his vet called and asked what I wanted to do with Bailey's body, so now I have to think about this over the weekend.


Wishing you a good weekend,

Blb

Juturna,

I just read your thread, and I believe you do know how painful it is. Your beautiful Victoria looks very much like Bailey! We have come to love the breed as well, perhaps through the unique bonds our ##ers have each given us. Currently I am doing my best, stepping forward one day at a time. My mind is not quite in the present right now.

Bailey left behind his companion Bella, and their two girls, Lucy and Bianca. As a pack there are some changes here. Bella and Bailey were very close and every night they would sleep next to each other. Its hard to watch Bella looking out the window everyday waiting for Bailey to come home, only to see her giving up and going to sleep alone looking very sad. I think she is missing him in her own way. The girls are also wondering what is happening so there are quite a few of us here making this trying shift in our lives.

Even with three ##er spaniels the house seems empty without him, such was his presence in our lives. But were trying.....

Thank you for sharing your pictures of Victoria with us. May I share a picture of Bailey and Bella? This is soon after they met, in happier, more fortunate times.

I hope your new adoption goes smoothly.

With great respect,

Blb

Dear blb,

I am so sorry for your loss of Bailey, he is beautiful, I love c0cker spaniels. I can totally relate to the pain you are feeling. I too couldn't eat, sleep, I couldn't function. The easiest way I could explain my pain is I felt completely empty and was unable to breathe. Life, and death, were smothering me. The first couple weeks I cried myself to sleep when I could sleep, I would wake with my eyes swollen shut and still sobbing. I questioned everything I'd done, and not done...the what if's will drive you crazy. Like Bailey, my Brutus had many health concerns, I spent thousands of dollars and sleepless nights, he was/is my soulmate. I guess I thought as the years past, almost 13, that he could battle anything, he was such a trooper and a fighter, I never really thought after all we'd been through that he would ever leave. But I owed him a peaceful departure, it was my duty.

I never thought that things would get better as the wonderful, caring folks on here told me. But....they were right...my tears did turn to smiles and such fond memories. I still do shed a tear, even after almost a year and a half, but my tears always turn to smiles. I could never imagine Brutus gone, but you know what?...he never left...he is here in every post I reply to, he is here helping me express myself in a way that I hope can help others, he is with me in every lake I step in to (he loved the water), he is there testing the waters with me. Bailey is with you...and will never leave, never.

I wanted to share with you some of the things I'd done to help me through the journey you are going through now.


First is a poem a wrote (I am by no means an artsy person and this is the first poem I really ever wrote, and probably the last):


My Soul Dog Brutus

There will never be another like you,
My Soul Dog that is true.

We could read each others mind, you and I,
What an honor to have you by my side.

I wish you didn’t have to go away,
I wish you at my feet, where you would always lay.

There isn’t a time I don’t remember you there,
I miss you so much it’s hard to bear.

Almost thirteen years ago we started our family,
It’s been a wonderful, full-filling journey.

Remember camping and canoeing in the backwoods?
I wish that’s something again we still could do.

You brought me back when I got us lost up north,
And how about that time at Muskegon fort?

Remember in Grayling, we all got stranded in the dunes?
It’s just not fair you have to leave us so soon.

Charity Island we did explore,
I wish we had time to do so much more.

Remember the Great Lakes and the U.P.?
God we had fun and lots we did see.

How about all those times at Hardy Dam?
We spent lazy days fishing and then we swam.

I will always remember these times so dear,
In my heart you will always be near.

You were my shadow, my rock, and my best friend,
You were loyal and loving to the very end.

We had a connection, you and I,
I’m sure one again I will never find.

I will never forget you, my Soul Dog Brutus, my dear friend,
I try to remember it’s not really the end.

We will see each other again of that I’m sure,
When my time is done and I am no more.

“Brutus”, I will call and I know you will come,
Together we can begin the journeys never done.


Here is Brutus' shelf:


Here is Brutus' painting that hangs above our sofa:


Brutus rides with me everywhere I go in my car, this is on the front of my HHR:


Finally what I put on my skin:


I also had a necklace made with a pawprint, Brutus's name/dates but I can't find a pic of it right now, I wear it every day. And a good friend made a granite stone for me with Brutus' name on it and it sits in my flower garden. Don't think I'm crazy or obsessed but these are things I did shortly after Brutus passed and it helped me, I am just someone who loved their dog very much just like you.

I will be praying for peace for you...it's a long journey, but Bailey will always be with you...you will not get over this, but you will get through it.

Many hugs (and remember to breathe)
Love,
Sonya

Dear Blb,

Thank you so much for sharing the beautiful photo of your beloved Baily and gorgeous Bella. What an exceptionally beautiful pair!!!!! And yes, Baily looks like my precious Victoria. Bella must be having a very hard time along with Lucy and Bianca. My heart aches for them and you.

The guilt that you have and the second guessing about when you took Baily to the vet is natural. We all have guilt as part of this grief journey. I'm so glad that you are sharing it with us. Please try to be gentle with yourself as your handsome Baily would want that for you. I believe that when it is their time to pass onto their next life, it is not something we necessarily have control over.

Your difficulty eating, sleeping, and concentrating is also part of the grief journey. At the beginning, during the time of intense grief, daily functioning can be a struggle. Please know that I went through that, as well. And going to work each day during the initial weeks can be very difficult. It helped me to communicate daily on this web site, and with the people in my life who understood.

The decision as to what to do with your precious Baily's body is a very personal one. Choose whatever feels right for you.

It is my hope that you will continue to let us know how you are doing. We will be here whenever you choose to share again.
With peace and compassion,
Juturna

Hi, blb, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the W O N D E R F U L pictures of your precious Bailey and Bella. What beautiful furkids! Both Sonya and Juturna have offered you the most compassionate responses I could ever hope to give, so please read them frequently and I hope they will bring you comfort and encouragement.

Blb, your precious Bella, Lucy, and Bianca are going through a grief journey as well. The dynamics of their "pack" has changed, and it will take awhile for them to establish a "new normal" as well. It doesn't matter if there are other companions in the household - - when one is no longer physically present the entire dynamics of the family unit change. It's almost as if the house structure itself also grieves the loss. Within a 39 month time frame since December 2006 my little household that used to have four beloved companions now has one sole survivor - my precious little Noah. One by one he has had to adjust to his big adopted kitty brother Eli joining the angels in December 2006, then his big adopted doggy brother Oslo in November 2009, and his beautiful sibling sister Abbygayle in March 2010. It is hard, very hard, incredibly hard, adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions. Our lives change for the better when they come into our lives, and they change again when they precede us to the angels. The good news is that we have their sweet Living Spirits forever with us continuing to share our lives just as they always have and always will. And we are blessed with the cherished memories we hold deeply in our hearts of our earthly journey together. The love bond we share with them is eternal - - it is always a heartbeat close to us.

Blb, thank you again so much for sharing your handsome Bailey and beautiful Bella with us. And as Juturna mentioned, whatever you decide about your precious Bailey's physical body will be the right one for you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, blb, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Sonya,

Its good to know there is someone out there who understands this. I have no choice but to try to function in the world and unfortunately its not going very well. I just wish I could take some time off but when you have responsibilities its very tough coming home to the one space where you had sanctuary and now a key source of your joy and happiness is no longer around. I can relate when you say you feel empty for me I feel like there's a hole in my middle - and I've never felt this way before. Its a struggle to keep positive but thanks for your words. Reading them is really helping me.

I find myself still in shock over his last day and hearing the vet say "he's gone" I keep replaying it in my mind and cant seem to stop it. I am just exhausted.

Its hard.

But thank you for your poem - I know eventually I'll have the memories too and I hope one day those abundant memories will stop the tears but for now, I can only hope for that day.......

peace,

blb

Juturna,

What you said about the timing of when they pass on to their next life is resonating with me. I do believe in such things as I used to live in the Far East, where Bailey was born. These little gems help at a time when its hard to see any clarity in the sadness. Its especially more difficult when you lose someone who was there through some very difficult times as well as the good. He was always very sensitive to my happiness and always tried to cheer me up during life's ups and downs.

His children seem to be attuned to the emotional well being of our little family, so its interesting seeing Bianca and Lucy filling in for their dad. They seem more affectionate and attentive then usual, and in many ways its helping......

Wishing you well

Blb

Dear Moon Beam,

The pack has indeed changed. Poor Bella is still staring out the window everyday and I don't know when she will accept he is gone, she is persistent. His girls seem to be taking over some of dad's role in the family too and they seem very concerned about the humans in the house right now.

At this point of my grief journey its the loss of his physical presence that's overwhelming.

Logging onto this forum and hearing everyone's support is giving me such comfort. Thank you all. I am unfortunately not surrounded by many people that are as understanding as people who are going through or know what its like. I think others on this forum can relate.

Eating and sleeping are getting a bit easier but work, driving etc is still almost impossible.

But a moment or two of happy memories have crept in, even if they were replaced by images of his last hours, I suppose I am at least moving through it.

Again thank you all for your support

Blb

so sorry for your loss--i am glad you have your three girls to hold on to his memory. The pain will heal, and soon there will be wonderful memories that flood you--and Bailey will remain close to you in spirit. I hope you take your time to grieve and don't beat yourself up for missing him or being devastated at his passing. You were a wonderful companion to him as well, and made the brave decision to end his suffering. For that, he is grateful even though it may seem hard to accept. Be at peace, and I hope your family finds strength in knowing how well he was loved and how well he loved you.
Sincerely,
Rachna

"Poor Bella is still staring out the window everyday and I don't know when she will accept he is gone, she is persistent."


Hi, blb, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your fur tribe are doing. I can so relate to how sad it is watching Bella looking for Bailey. My little Noah openly grieved for his big adopted kitty brother Eli for close to 2.5 years. There are still times when he gets this sad expression on his face and in his eyes and I know he is remembering his fur family members. The best thing you can do is just spend as much time as possible with your precious Bella letting her know how much you love her and how proud you are of her. Comforting your precious Bella, as well as your precious Lucy and Bianca, will also bring some comfort to you.

It is very hard, extremely hard, adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions. Particularly during the deep grief it feels like the gaping hole in our hearts and lives will never feel whole again. Certainly, there will always be a place in our hearts that belongs only to our individual beloved companions, and when they precede us to the angels, they take a part of our hearts with them so that they will have a part of us to hold onto until it is our appropriate time to join them. But I want to assure you, blb, that someday, probably when you least expect it, the pain you are feeling in your heart from the emptiness of not having your precious Bailey physically with you will ease, and as this pain eases, you will be able to embrace your Bailey's sweet Living Spirit and smile when you think of your precious Bailey, and talk to him just as you always have. He is forever with you, blb, in your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Blb, this grief journey is truly a one day at a time journey, and it can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you and your furkids are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Blb,

It does not surprise me that your handsome Bailey was there for your ups and downs. ##er spaniels are very sensitive dogs. (I'm trying to adopt another one now.) I'm glad that Bianca and Lucy are tuning in to your emotions more.

Please know that the difficulty driving and concentrating are symptoms of the deep grief sadness/depression. Time helps this. I am glad that my words about the timing of Bailey's passing onto her next life were helpful to you.

I hope you will continue to let us know how you are doing.
With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Thank you for that. Yes I have his two girls and his companion, and I see similarities there. The way Biana sleeps (her tongue sticks out like her dad) and the way Lucy walks and greets people all remind me of him. Still, the grief is there and has not really subsided, even though I recently took a time out.

Trying everything I can to be at peace but the memories/pain is still overwhelming, today is 3 weeks since he left.

Moon Beam,

I just took a week off, went on a trip with a friend and Bianca, no computers where we were. Getting away was a great help but coming back home yesterday the sense of loss is still there, and it hurts. I feel it more in the mornings when I used to brush him and make sure he was ok, fed, etc. And I am feeling it today because its 3 weeks since I lost him. His last day is still like a vivid scene in my mind and its like I am trying to process my worst nightmare. I have had two dreams where I also lost Bianca and Lucy. I woke up in shock and relief to find I still have them.

I don't understand this leg of my grief journey. I am still trying to come to terms with the loss, still wondering if I could have done anything else to save him, and still feel the intense pain of his lack of presence in my life. I know it will take some time but I suppose it hurts this much in my case because he was the most precious thing in my life when he left. I always knew I would be devastated when he passed but I don't think I was ever prepared or expected this much pain. Everything has always been about Bailey and his care, and my feelings or how I would deal with them was something I never considered. I know intellectually that one day will come, "when I least expect it" when the pain will lessen but today, its like it was the day after.

So here I am trudging along this path and I am still grieving, in pain - both thankful for the time I had and wishing he was still here.

And thats where I am at right now

Blb

Hi, blb, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Where you are in your grief journey is absolutely normal. Please believe me when I say that there is no way - - none - - that we can ever prepare ourselves for the physical separation from our beloved companions. Why? For one reason they are the center of our universe while they are physically with us. Another reason is they give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them with no reservation. When they join us in our earthly journey our lives are changed for the better, and when they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. Only this time we are blessed with the many treasured memories we gathered in our hearts, and these memories will eventually warm our hearts once again. But right now, blb, your heart and life is veiled in deep grief, which is very painful but is a part of this grief "adjustment" journey. I wish with all my heart that I could take this pain away from you, but I do not have that power. But I am here for you, blb, to offer you my sincerest friendship and reassurance that you are not alone in your journey, and hope that you will find some comfort in the words I share with you.

Blb, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, and unfortunately there is no easy way through it. Each of us can only travel our grief journeys at our own pace, in our own way, and in our own time. Please know that each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you with every step of your journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, blb, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear blb,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I was fighting back tears as I read your story of your sweet Bailey. I could feel the agony in every word and could relate. I am broken too and trying to find my way back. I lost my amazing Peggy 8 weeks ago tomorrow night and I recognized that your degree of heart-break was my own. I am still struggling with her loss but I can tell you that the crippling pain that takes your breath away, makes it impossible to think and makes you feel like a shell whose only purpose is to embody the pain, will slowly subside. As a wise person on this site pointed out (I can't remember who wrote it and I'm paraphrasing here) 'the body can only maintain that degree of pain for so long before it finally allows it to subside'. In the first 5 weeks or so, I thought the pain would never abate. There are still times when it's as fresh as the day she passed but for the most past, it has subsided into a very deep sadness and longing. I still cry, but not all the time. I still tell her I love her and wish her a good-night every night as I go to sleep. I know I can't talk about her without crying, so I don't, unless I'm with someone who will understand. I don't think any of us who shared that kind of special connection with our non-human family member will ever completely get over missing them but I am hopeful that we can reach a point of peace and take comfort in our wonderful memories. Like you, I was unable to sleep for several weeks, the pain was just too intense. I lost 5 lbs from the Friday it happened to the Tuesday following her passing. That Tuesday was the first day I was able to actually eat something. OMG, I can relate to what you're describing about your feelings.

I know it seems impossible but I promise you, the pain will slowly decrease in intensity. Personally, I found the wonderful people on this site to be a huge help. Even though I was usually writing through tears, writing about Peggy and sharing her with the world at large made me feel as if I were insuring she would never be forgotten. After all, the internet is 'forever' so a record of her having been here and being such a wonderful soul is now on permanent record. I want you to know that I feel and completely understand your pain. Having loved so deeply, you are feeling the pain just as deeply while having to adjust to Bailey's absence. And it's beyond brutal. But I promise you, you will come out the other side and you are not alone on this terrible journey. When you feel up to it, please let us know how you're doing and also feel free to share any stories of Bailey that you're comfortabe sharing.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peggy (the human)

Moon Beam, today is the 4 week anniversary of when I lost my Bailey. What was said earlier in this thread about the grief journey being a roller coaster is resonating within me. I find that the sadness is with me in the mornings when I wake up. The first thought I have is about him. During the weekends, when we grocery shop is also when I feel the loss more acutely. For example this past Saturday was especially hard, for when we usually come home with the weekly groceries, this was a cause of major celebration for Bailey and he would pay close attention to what was purchased, smelling the bags and wagging his tail in the process. The kitchen was his favorite place and he would spend many a happy hour, patiently waiting for meal times there. Now, even though his girls are there, somehow its just not the same.

On any given day, I am surprised that I can feel almost ok - only to have a bout of sadness and loss hours later when I least expect it. I've never experienced anything like this...........

I am also becoming more concerned with Bella, his wife. As the humans in the house are still trying the deal with the loss, Bella is still, after 1 month looking out the window and looking more sad, more downbeat than she did two weeks ago. We recently moved the bed she shared with Bailey to a new location, but she just ignored it and went back to the old bare space and went to sleep there, looking almost depressed. We have noticed she is eating a bit less as well.

We are spending our time taking them out for as many walks and trips out of the house as possible, but its a slow and hard road going forward. We are hoping that eventually Bella will pull out of it, as will I, but for now and especially on this day of his anniversary, its still hard. And the tears still flow. And the pain is still there. His girls Bianca and Lucy try to comfort us, and are noticing their mom is not as chipper as she usually is, so its a testy time in the house right now.

What still helps is knowing I am not alone, and knowing he would never want me to be in this much pain, ever. That is helping me pull myself out of the worst of it.

Hi, blb, the "angel-versaries" are very hard, particularly during the deep grief. Clinical professionals recognize that the first year is very hard because every day is "first without", and this is very painful both emotionally and physically.

I can so relate to how your precious Bella is doing. My recommendation would be to put the bed back where it was. It's too soon for Bella to "rearrange" things. When my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels, my Noah deeply grieved for him - - for almost 2.5 years. He still had his big doggie brother Oslo and his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle to cuddle with, and of course me to try to comfort him - - but for quite awhile he was truly unconsolable. I waited for Noah to let me know when it was okay to change something. He slept on the comforter that Eli slept on for close to 2.5 years. When I was absoultely certain that Noah had stopped going to it, it finally got washed - - a little over 2.5 years post Eli's journey to the angels. My Noah would go to the windows and look out patiently waiting for his big kitty brother to come back. He would go upstairs and walk from room to room crying - - calling - - crying - - for his big kitty brother to come out from hiding. Now that Noah is my sole survivor in a home that used to have four furkids, every once in awhile I will see him closing his eyes and lowering his head with the saddest expression on his little face. I give him all my love, but I know there is a HUGE empty place in his heart that will only be made whole when he is reunited with his fur family iin heaven's perfect garden. It is very heartwrenching seeing our beloved companions in such deep hearbreaking pain.

Keep a watch on Bella. If she continues to not eat well you may want to take her for a check up and talk to your vet. Grieving can change the chemical balances in our brains, as well as our beloved companions, and sometimes it takes s temporary intervention with medication to bring balance back.

Blb, you are doing everything you can to help your precious Bella, Lucy, and Bianca feel comforted and happy. And they are doing their very best to comfort you. Your home is truly turned upside down, and unfortunately it is just going to take time - - LOTS of time - - to have things feel right again. Hopefully eventually this seering pain that is in your hearts and home will ease, and you will be able to once again feel the warm glow of the eternal love you, Bella, Lucy, and Bianca share with your precious Bailey embracing you and filling your hearts.

Blb, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. I hope I have been able to help comfort you and reassure you that what you are going through is normal, and that you truly are not alone in your journey. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, blb, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam