You were a G'Boy Tom, you deserved better baby.
Full Version: Can't Escape The Guilt
I know I have danced around this before, but my guilty concience demands that I come right out with it. As I had said I said some horrible things to Tom when he would have his more severe accidents (litterally ON me or in the bed, etc) On more than one occasion I had said 'why don't you just hurry up and die'. I regretted it immediately and know I did not mean it in my heart. But it was out there, and I KNOW he understood me from the deep hurt in his eyes. Another thing I swore I'd never do but did, was give him a time out in the pet taxi that his former owner had done as punishment exactly FOR that reason. Yes, they were fairly isolated incidents, but they did happen. One of these was mere weeks before he passed. I can't help but think he finally gave up thinking I didn't really love him and what's the point and all. Or, that God made him pay the price to teach me a lesson for my mouth and bad behavior in dealing with what turned out to be his terminal illness. I can not and do not expect him to ever forgive me for these inexcusable transgressions. Ironically, as I was walking home from my bus stop deciding to post this, I saw the most amazing sunset that I had not seen the like since my childhood in Arizona. I don't know if that was some sort of sign, but I still can't escape the guilt, and I don't think I ever will
You were a G'Boy Tom, you deserved better baby.
You were a G'Boy Tom, you deserved better baby.
TomsDad,
I feel fairly confident in saying that everyone here has at one time or another lost their temper with their beloved pets (especially when pee problems happen). Myself included. About a year and a half ago, I tried to break up a nasty fight between my Finn and Linc. Linc was still sort of newish in our household and was still trying to find his place. I've always suspected he had some abuse in his life too, before living with us. He would cower sometimes (and still does a little) when you'd go to pet his head; so I think he was whacked a few times by his previous owner.
But back to the story. I got bit. I got bit really bad and ultimately ended up in urgent care with a very expensive infection and lots of antibiotics. I was so angry at Linc that I grabbed him by the nape (very harshly) and literally threw him outside (like a throw!). He looked at me with such regret and fear and horror. After my anger eased, I felt really bad. This poor cat had been abandoned only recently and here I just did the same thing (at least that's what I'm sure he thought). He didn't come back for several hours, very unlike him.
That's only one incident where I lost my temper with one of my cats, albeit the worst. Each time this happens, I feel horrid regret and try my hardest to make it up to them. After going through this enough times, it almost never happens now as my babies have taught me the lesson of controlling my temper (not with just cats but with humans too). The regret is simply not worth it.
And right now Linc is on my lap getting pets and loving me, much like he did that same night (with my very swollen hand). The thing is, they forgive. They forgive so much more easily than humans. Even some animals that come from lives of constant abuse have a unbelievable capacity for forgiveness and understanding that we should all learn from.
From your story and knowing how much love he got from you, I know in my heart that Tom never held a grudge. He had a loving home with pets and food and a warm bed. He knew ultiimately that you cared for him and loved him. He taught you a valuable lesson about how to deal with such 'loss of temper' in future and maybe in part that's why he entered your life. Take his love and his lesson and rest assured he harbors no ill feelings. It's just not his nature. Don't let guilt eat you up. Take the energy you are putting into guilt and instead, learn from this experience and be a better person instead. This would honor him.
ConnieJ
I feel fairly confident in saying that everyone here has at one time or another lost their temper with their beloved pets (especially when pee problems happen). Myself included. About a year and a half ago, I tried to break up a nasty fight between my Finn and Linc. Linc was still sort of newish in our household and was still trying to find his place. I've always suspected he had some abuse in his life too, before living with us. He would cower sometimes (and still does a little) when you'd go to pet his head; so I think he was whacked a few times by his previous owner.
But back to the story. I got bit. I got bit really bad and ultimately ended up in urgent care with a very expensive infection and lots of antibiotics. I was so angry at Linc that I grabbed him by the nape (very harshly) and literally threw him outside (like a throw!). He looked at me with such regret and fear and horror. After my anger eased, I felt really bad. This poor cat had been abandoned only recently and here I just did the same thing (at least that's what I'm sure he thought). He didn't come back for several hours, very unlike him.
That's only one incident where I lost my temper with one of my cats, albeit the worst. Each time this happens, I feel horrid regret and try my hardest to make it up to them. After going through this enough times, it almost never happens now as my babies have taught me the lesson of controlling my temper (not with just cats but with humans too). The regret is simply not worth it.
And right now Linc is on my lap getting pets and loving me, much like he did that same night (with my very swollen hand). The thing is, they forgive. They forgive so much more easily than humans. Even some animals that come from lives of constant abuse have a unbelievable capacity for forgiveness and understanding that we should all learn from.
From your story and knowing how much love he got from you, I know in my heart that Tom never held a grudge. He had a loving home with pets and food and a warm bed. He knew ultiimately that you cared for him and loved him. He taught you a valuable lesson about how to deal with such 'loss of temper' in future and maybe in part that's why he entered your life. Take his love and his lesson and rest assured he harbors no ill feelings. It's just not his nature. Don't let guilt eat you up. Take the energy you are putting into guilt and instead, learn from this experience and be a better person instead. This would honor him.
ConnieJ
Dear Tom's Dad,
I agree with ConnieJ. We have all had incidents when we look back after our babies passing, and think, "I wish I hadn't done/said that." The tuth of the matter is that we're only human. Tom's Dad, I don't think you were angry at your Tom -- you were angry at his illness. Unfortunately, the only way to express this anger was to shout or react to Tom. You were probably worried sick about him, and sometimes the worry can come out as anger. This is perfectly human/natural/normal. Please do not feel too guilty over it. We have all done it. Our babies know we love them no matter what. I believe the sunset was a sign from your precious Tom, and that he's probably giving you lot's of signs, you just have to open your mind and your heart to them.
Take care,
Cheryl xx
I agree with ConnieJ. We have all had incidents when we look back after our babies passing, and think, "I wish I hadn't done/said that." The tuth of the matter is that we're only human. Tom's Dad, I don't think you were angry at your Tom -- you were angry at his illness. Unfortunately, the only way to express this anger was to shout or react to Tom. You were probably worried sick about him, and sometimes the worry can come out as anger. This is perfectly human/natural/normal. Please do not feel too guilty over it. We have all done it. Our babies know we love them no matter what. I believe the sunset was a sign from your precious Tom, and that he's probably giving you lot's of signs, you just have to open your mind and your heart to them.
Take care,
Cheryl xx
Hi, Tom, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. Both Connie and Cheryl have offered you the most compassionate responses I could ever think, or hope, to offer. So, read their words often, Tom, and believe them with all your heart - - for they are right - - totally and absolutely.
Tom, please know your precious Sir Thomas has long forgotten the outburst of fear of losing him expressed in anger. We humans have a way getting our emotions all tangled up in a ball and consequently what comes out - - eventually - - unravels in a tangled snarl. Guilt robs us of our energy - - it is paralyzing and demoralizing. Sir Thomas wants you to put this guilt behind you so that you can remember him with a happy heart - - which is a better use of your energy.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please give your sweet Theresa a hug for me, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Tom, please know your precious Sir Thomas has long forgotten the outburst of fear of losing him expressed in anger. We humans have a way getting our emotions all tangled up in a ball and consequently what comes out - - eventually - - unravels in a tangled snarl. Guilt robs us of our energy - - it is paralyzing and demoralizing. Sir Thomas wants you to put this guilt behind you so that you can remember him with a happy heart - - which is a better use of your energy.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please give your sweet Theresa a hug for me, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you everybody for the kind words of support. I still feel pretty crummy about it, but I guess I will learn to deal. Tonight was another great sunset which is kind of a miracle. We were supposed to have storms so bad that at work they were asking the on-call people to stay after their shifts. I was dreading walking home in that. But, it seemed to bypass us, but then just now started up. Signs from Tom? Maybe...(sigh)
You didn't mean that you wanted Tom to die. You meant that you didn't want to have to clean up a horrible poopy mess. No one likes cleaning up poop. The fact that you weren't overjoyed about cleaning up his accidents doesn't mean you didn't love him.
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
You didn't mean that you wanted Tom to die. You meant that you didn't want to have to clean up a horrible poopy mess. No one likes cleaning up poop. The fact that you weren't overjoyed about cleaning up his accidents doesn't mean you didn't love him.
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
QUOTE (magdalene @ Mar 26 2011, 06:17 PM) 
You didn't mean that you wanted Tom to die. You meant that you didn't want to have to clean up a horrible poopy mess. No one likes cleaning up poop. The fact that you weren't overjoyed about cleaning up his accidents doesn't mean you didn't love him.
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
I use to work for a hospice. I had families I worked with who sometimes felt guilty because sometimes they wished their dying loved one would hurry up and die. They did not mean they did not want them to be around or that they didn't love them. They meant they were tired of sleepless nights, of changing adult diapers, of cleaning up vomit, of the horrible smell of cancer rotting our someone's insides. Well, no one loves those things. Of course they wanted those things to end. But they didn't want their loved one to be gone, just that painful, unpleasant stuff.
Same for you and Tom.
Magdalene
I appreciate the kind words. But I said it with such anger and there was such deep hurt in his eyes when I did. I will never get out of my head the image of the trail of poop from the door leading to the bathroom where I found him. As if he was looking for me to be with him in his final time and made one last attempt to make it to the litter box.
Dear Tom's Dad,
I've been following your grief journey and sending you healing thoughts, even though I have not written till now. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious boy. Others have written you wonderful words of compassion and I hope they are helpful.
Your Sir Thomas knows of your heart. Therefore he is and has been most aware of how very much you loved him. He has forgiven the angry outbursts you had at his illness and the consequent mess. I understand how the quilt is tormenting you. I prayed every night for many years asking for the guilt to be removed with a dog that I lost a long time ago. Please be gentle with yourself as that is what Sir Thomas would want.
I'm glad you are sharing. It is my hope that you will find peace with yourself. Please trust that this takes time.
With peace,
Juturna
I've been following your grief journey and sending you healing thoughts, even though I have not written till now. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious boy. Others have written you wonderful words of compassion and I hope they are helpful.
Your Sir Thomas knows of your heart. Therefore he is and has been most aware of how very much you loved him. He has forgiven the angry outbursts you had at his illness and the consequent mess. I understand how the quilt is tormenting you. I prayed every night for many years asking for the guilt to be removed with a dog that I lost a long time ago. Please be gentle with yourself as that is what Sir Thomas would want.
I'm glad you are sharing. It is my hope that you will find peace with yourself. Please trust that this takes time.
With peace,
Juturna
That is a normal reaction to the situation, we all say things we don't mean when we feeel like there is nothing we can do, we're not in control. My husband actually said he was mad at Magic for not coming come---but he really wasn't---he just didn't know how to find her....and he loved her more than anything.
Tom knows you loved him and he understands. please know that!
Radgirl
Tom knows you loved him and he understands. please know that!
Radgirl
Tom's dad
I read your post about feeling so guilty and wrote a reply - but my computer went haywire just as I finished it. It's the only time in my life that I cried enough for tears to actually fall off my face. I want to share it with you so I'm going to try to add the screen shots as an attachment.
No matter what happens, know that your Tom is in a safe place and loves you like only he can. Love never dies.
Happy Easter, Tom
Gretta's mom
I read your post about feeling so guilty and wrote a reply - but my computer went haywire just as I finished it. It's the only time in my life that I cried enough for tears to actually fall off my face. I want to share it with you so I'm going to try to add the screen shots as an attachment.
No matter what happens, know that your Tom is in a safe place and loves you like only he can. Love never dies.
Happy Easter, Tom
Gretta's mom
QUOTE (Gretta's Mom @ Apr 23 2011, 10:51 AM)
Tom's dad
I read your post about feeling so guilty and wrote a reply - but my computer went haywire just as I finished it. It's the only time in my life that I cried enough for tears to actually fall off my face. I want to share it with you so I'm going to try to add the screen shots as an attachment.
No matter what happens, know that your Tom is in a safe place and loves you like only he can. Love never dies.
Happy Easter, Tom
Gretta's mom
I read your post about feeling so guilty and wrote a reply - but my computer went haywire just as I finished it. It's the only time in my life that I cried enough for tears to actually fall off my face. I want to share it with you so I'm going to try to add the screen shots as an attachment.
No matter what happens, know that your Tom is in a safe place and loves you like only he can. Love never dies.
Happy Easter, Tom
Gretta's mom
Thank you Gretta's Mom - I'm not sure ehat the attachment is, I can't open it.
Dear Tom's Dad,
First, let me express my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your precious and wonderful Tom. He sounds like a most wonderful companion and friend. Thank you for sharing with everyone what you have to this point.
I, too, have felt incredible guilt and remorse for things said to a couple of my boys before their passing. My soul could not rest and the tears were unending as I said, "I'm so sorry!" over and over again. The one day I met this wonderful pet loss grief counselor. She suggested that I write a letter (or letters, as many as were needed) telling my buddy everything. Tell him (it turned out to be more than one buddy I wrote to) whatever I wanted: how much I loved him, how much I miss him, how incredibly sorry I was for the selfish and truly dumb things I did, how I wished I could do things all over again, but in a totally different way. I went on for pages, all the while sobbing and sobbing. Many times I had to stop because of the tears. But I kept on - the first time hand writing the letter and the second typing them on computer. Each time I felt everything had been said, I put the letter in a sealed envelope and placed tthe envelope in a special place in my house. Only I knew they were there. Each and every time I felt the same emotions begin to surface, I haded for the computer, taking boxes of kleenex with me. In all, I wrote 10 letters. And I can still write to any one of my boys today! For me, putting to words the feeling rushing over me gave them even more legitimacy and permanence and allowed the paper and written word to carry part of my heavy burden. I can go back to them any time I need/want to and the words are all there. I don't have to spend such incredible energy storing them in my head/heart and making sure that my boy(s) hear me. That energy can be turned into more love for them and more space for people to sooth my soul. The last letter I wrote to Rudy was 6/8/10. He passed away 12/23/09. And I have pictures out. All over the place, in every room where they catch my eyes. I can stll "see" every one of my honeys.
Tom' Dad, please do NOT think that I am telling you what to do. Only you and and Tom know for sure. I just want to help ease your pain and that guilt that can crush a person, if they are not careful. Oh, Tom surely knew your love for him and he also knew your frailties. He accepted every part of you, as you did of him. Our problem is that we can speak and the stupidest words fly out at times. But your actions spoke more to Tom than you mght ever know, on this earth. When you two meet again, and I know you will, he will have been free of all pain, sorrow, poopie accidents never happen, neither does that peeing, he can eat any and everything he wants to and HE HAS BRAGGED ABOUT YOU TO EVERY ANIMAL IN SIGHT and they are all waiting to meet Tom's wonderful "person"!
We are all here for you, Tom's Dad. I am sending you love, peace and as much energy as you need to rejoice in the life you and Tom had and still have togetther.
Happy Easter!
Bobbie
First, let me express my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your precious and wonderful Tom. He sounds like a most wonderful companion and friend. Thank you for sharing with everyone what you have to this point.
I, too, have felt incredible guilt and remorse for things said to a couple of my boys before their passing. My soul could not rest and the tears were unending as I said, "I'm so sorry!" over and over again. The one day I met this wonderful pet loss grief counselor. She suggested that I write a letter (or letters, as many as were needed) telling my buddy everything. Tell him (it turned out to be more than one buddy I wrote to) whatever I wanted: how much I loved him, how much I miss him, how incredibly sorry I was for the selfish and truly dumb things I did, how I wished I could do things all over again, but in a totally different way. I went on for pages, all the while sobbing and sobbing. Many times I had to stop because of the tears. But I kept on - the first time hand writing the letter and the second typing them on computer. Each time I felt everything had been said, I put the letter in a sealed envelope and placed tthe envelope in a special place in my house. Only I knew they were there. Each and every time I felt the same emotions begin to surface, I haded for the computer, taking boxes of kleenex with me. In all, I wrote 10 letters. And I can still write to any one of my boys today! For me, putting to words the feeling rushing over me gave them even more legitimacy and permanence and allowed the paper and written word to carry part of my heavy burden. I can go back to them any time I need/want to and the words are all there. I don't have to spend such incredible energy storing them in my head/heart and making sure that my boy(s) hear me. That energy can be turned into more love for them and more space for people to sooth my soul. The last letter I wrote to Rudy was 6/8/10. He passed away 12/23/09. And I have pictures out. All over the place, in every room where they catch my eyes. I can stll "see" every one of my honeys.
Tom' Dad, please do NOT think that I am telling you what to do. Only you and and Tom know for sure. I just want to help ease your pain and that guilt that can crush a person, if they are not careful. Oh, Tom surely knew your love for him and he also knew your frailties. He accepted every part of you, as you did of him. Our problem is that we can speak and the stupidest words fly out at times. But your actions spoke more to Tom than you mght ever know, on this earth. When you two meet again, and I know you will, he will have been free of all pain, sorrow, poopie accidents never happen, neither does that peeing, he can eat any and everything he wants to and HE HAS BRAGGED ABOUT YOU TO EVERY ANIMAL IN SIGHT and they are all waiting to meet Tom's wonderful "person"!
We are all here for you, Tom's Dad. I am sending you love, peace and as much energy as you need to rejoice in the life you and Tom had and still have togetther.
Happy Easter!
Bobbie
QUOTE (Bobbie @ Apr 24 2011, 05:17 PM)
Dear Tom's Dad,
First, let me express my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your precious and wonderful Tom. He sounds like a most wonderful companion and friend. Thank you for sharing with everyone what you have to this point.
I, too, have felt incredible guilt and remorse for things said to a couple of my boys before their passing. My soul could not rest and the tears were unending as I said, "I'm so sorry!" over and over again. The one day I met this wonderful pet loss grief counselor. She suggested that I write a letter (or letters, as many as were needed) telling my buddy everything. Tell him (it turned out to be more than one buddy I wrote to) whatever I wanted: how much I loved him, how much I miss him, how incredibly sorry I was for the selfish and truly dumb things I did, how I wished I could do things all over again, but in a totally different way. I went on for pages, all the while sobbing and sobbing. Many times I had to stop because of the tears. But I kept on - the first time hand writing the letter and the second typing them on computer. Each time I felt everything had been said, I put the letter in a sealed envelope and placed tthe envelope in a special place in my house. Only I knew they were there. Each and every time I felt the same emotions begin to surface, I haded for the computer, taking boxes of kleenex with me. In all, I wrote 10 letters. And I can still write to any one of my boys today! For me, putting to words the feeling rushing over me gave them even more legitimacy and permanence and allowed the paper and written word to carry part of my heavy burden. I can go back to them any time I need/want to and the words are all there. I don't have to spend such incredible energy storing them in my head/heart and making sure that my boy(s) hear me. That energy can be turned into more love for them and more space for people to sooth my soul. The last letter I wrote to Rudy was 6/8/10. He passed away 12/23/09. And I have pictures out. All over the place, in every room where they catch my eyes. I can stll "see" every one of my honeys.
Tom' Dad, please do NOT think that I am telling you what to do. Only you and and Tom know for sure. I just want to help ease your pain and that guilt that can crush a person, if they are not careful. Oh, Tom surely knew your love for him and he also knew your frailties. He accepted every part of you, as you did of him. Our problem is that we can speak and the stupidest words fly out at times. But your actions spoke more to Tom than you mght ever know, on this earth. When you two meet again, and I know you will, he will have been free of all pain, sorrow, poopie accidents never happen, neither does that peeing, he can eat any and everything he wants to and HE HAS BRAGGED ABOUT YOU TO EVERY ANIMAL IN SIGHT and they are all waiting to meet Tom's wonderful "person"!
We are all here for you, Tom's Dad. I am sending you love, peace and as much energy as you need to rejoice in the life you and Tom had and still have togetther.
Happy Easter!
Bobbie
First, let me express my sincerest sympathy for the loss of your precious and wonderful Tom. He sounds like a most wonderful companion and friend. Thank you for sharing with everyone what you have to this point.
I, too, have felt incredible guilt and remorse for things said to a couple of my boys before their passing. My soul could not rest and the tears were unending as I said, "I'm so sorry!" over and over again. The one day I met this wonderful pet loss grief counselor. She suggested that I write a letter (or letters, as many as were needed) telling my buddy everything. Tell him (it turned out to be more than one buddy I wrote to) whatever I wanted: how much I loved him, how much I miss him, how incredibly sorry I was for the selfish and truly dumb things I did, how I wished I could do things all over again, but in a totally different way. I went on for pages, all the while sobbing and sobbing. Many times I had to stop because of the tears. But I kept on - the first time hand writing the letter and the second typing them on computer. Each time I felt everything had been said, I put the letter in a sealed envelope and placed tthe envelope in a special place in my house. Only I knew they were there. Each and every time I felt the same emotions begin to surface, I haded for the computer, taking boxes of kleenex with me. In all, I wrote 10 letters. And I can still write to any one of my boys today! For me, putting to words the feeling rushing over me gave them even more legitimacy and permanence and allowed the paper and written word to carry part of my heavy burden. I can go back to them any time I need/want to and the words are all there. I don't have to spend such incredible energy storing them in my head/heart and making sure that my boy(s) hear me. That energy can be turned into more love for them and more space for people to sooth my soul. The last letter I wrote to Rudy was 6/8/10. He passed away 12/23/09. And I have pictures out. All over the place, in every room where they catch my eyes. I can stll "see" every one of my honeys.
Tom' Dad, please do NOT think that I am telling you what to do. Only you and and Tom know for sure. I just want to help ease your pain and that guilt that can crush a person, if they are not careful. Oh, Tom surely knew your love for him and he also knew your frailties. He accepted every part of you, as you did of him. Our problem is that we can speak and the stupidest words fly out at times. But your actions spoke more to Tom than you mght ever know, on this earth. When you two meet again, and I know you will, he will have been free of all pain, sorrow, poopie accidents never happen, neither does that peeing, he can eat any and everything he wants to and HE HAS BRAGGED ABOUT YOU TO EVERY ANIMAL IN SIGHT and they are all waiting to meet Tom's wonderful "person"!
We are all here for you, Tom's Dad. I am sending you love, peace and as much energy as you need to rejoice in the life you and Tom had and still have togetther.
Happy Easter!
Bobbie
Thank you for the suggestion Bobbie. I did, in fact, write a letter to Tom on the computer and I pull it up from time to time when ever I need to. Sadly, I only have one "real" picture of Tom that I keep on my desk at work. I was thinking about bringing it home to put with the make shift area by the TV where I have his clay paw print the ER vet nurse made the night he passed along with the card I got signed by the entire staff of his regular vet (now also Theresa's) But it helps me get thru really rough days at work. I work CS for the local power company, so you can imagine the hateful calls I get. Especially when ever they bring their pets into the equation of getting turned back on and there's nothing I can do. But I recall, that at my former "good" job I made a print out of the pic I have posted here that's on my computer (I have no printer at home) that I captioned "I'm Tomtatstic" that I will put up on the wall by the TV shrine. I still talk to Tom especially on my walks home from the bus stop from work each evening. Sometimes I will thank him for the most amazing sunsets that light my path. Tom was not just my child and part of my family that consists only of Theresa and myself now, but he was my best friend. I don't know if Tom is bragging about me up there (or that I deserve it) but it's a nice thought.
Thank you again, Bobbie, for the kind words and a Happy Easter to you as well.
Hi Tom's dad - here's the text that was in last nights attachments. A happy and blessed easter to you and Theresa.
Oh Tom’s dad,
Please be gentle with yourself. Do you remember how many times you were kind to Tom? How many times you gave him nourishing food and warm blankets? How many time you petted his head just to hear that purr-engine? Pets are FAR smarter than we are – that’s why they can love us – messed up as we are!
Please don’t keep labeling yourself and focusing on what you think Tom was thinking. Let me give you just one example of how hurtful that kinds of attribution can be. When I was going to the U of M Vet School to set my beautiful Gretta free, a neighbor woman saw my face, asked what was wrong and said she was going with me. Now this woman is a pet-lover’s pet-lover. She’s rescued hundreds of stray dogs and founded a rescue organization. Yet she said two things during the ordeal that cut me to the quick and that I have had to reinterpret in order not to take on all the guilt they imply. I’m sure she meant them kindly – she’s kind of a hard-bitten woman, but they mistakes based on her view of what my Gretta was thinking and feeling. When they wheeled my Gretta in on a wagon (she couldn’t walk), she looked at her lying in the wagon, head up, looking at me and said, “There’s not much there.” Then when they wheeled her away to put in the catheter, she said, “You can see the fear in her eyes.” How could she know what my Gretta was thinking or feeling? No way. Those words haunted me until yesterday, when I finally realized that she could just was well have said, “Oh, look, she recognizes you” and “There sure is love in her eyes.”
Your Tom, too. Tom’s Dad they don’t understand English (thank God), but the do understand our hearts. No, you didn’t not love Tom when you said that. It was your not-so-perfect human nature coming out in Spades. Our fur babies were sent here to help us get rid of the human stupidness. Tour Tom understood, even at the time. I have to confess that I started having thoughts of ‘after the dog” in the weeks before Gretta passed. I’m not proud of them and I have been a little afraid that thinking tem somehow brought it into being. But animals choose their entrance and choose their exit. They’re here for a reason, to teach us something, to make us better animals. Please don’t beat up on yourself. From your writing, I can that you are a loving soul. Tom could see that, too. Tome made “mistakes” and you made “mistakes.” Gretta did and so did I. Love forgives all – and casts the mistakes into the sea of oblivion where it’s as if they never were. Only the love survives. Yes, the sunsets ARE signals from Tom. Believe it. Be sure of it. Tom is sending you signal that he’s OK and that he’s thankful for the greatest friend that ever lived.
Another grieving dog parent,
Gretta’s mom
Oh Tom’s dad,
Please be gentle with yourself. Do you remember how many times you were kind to Tom? How many times you gave him nourishing food and warm blankets? How many time you petted his head just to hear that purr-engine? Pets are FAR smarter than we are – that’s why they can love us – messed up as we are!
Please don’t keep labeling yourself and focusing on what you think Tom was thinking. Let me give you just one example of how hurtful that kinds of attribution can be. When I was going to the U of M Vet School to set my beautiful Gretta free, a neighbor woman saw my face, asked what was wrong and said she was going with me. Now this woman is a pet-lover’s pet-lover. She’s rescued hundreds of stray dogs and founded a rescue organization. Yet she said two things during the ordeal that cut me to the quick and that I have had to reinterpret in order not to take on all the guilt they imply. I’m sure she meant them kindly – she’s kind of a hard-bitten woman, but they mistakes based on her view of what my Gretta was thinking and feeling. When they wheeled my Gretta in on a wagon (she couldn’t walk), she looked at her lying in the wagon, head up, looking at me and said, “There’s not much there.” Then when they wheeled her away to put in the catheter, she said, “You can see the fear in her eyes.” How could she know what my Gretta was thinking or feeling? No way. Those words haunted me until yesterday, when I finally realized that she could just was well have said, “Oh, look, she recognizes you” and “There sure is love in her eyes.”
Your Tom, too. Tom’s Dad they don’t understand English (thank God), but the do understand our hearts. No, you didn’t not love Tom when you said that. It was your not-so-perfect human nature coming out in Spades. Our fur babies were sent here to help us get rid of the human stupidness. Tour Tom understood, even at the time. I have to confess that I started having thoughts of ‘after the dog” in the weeks before Gretta passed. I’m not proud of them and I have been a little afraid that thinking tem somehow brought it into being. But animals choose their entrance and choose their exit. They’re here for a reason, to teach us something, to make us better animals. Please don’t beat up on yourself. From your writing, I can that you are a loving soul. Tom could see that, too. Tome made “mistakes” and you made “mistakes.” Gretta did and so did I. Love forgives all – and casts the mistakes into the sea of oblivion where it’s as if they never were. Only the love survives. Yes, the sunsets ARE signals from Tom. Believe it. Be sure of it. Tom is sending you signal that he’s OK and that he’s thankful for the greatest friend that ever lived.
Another grieving dog parent,
Gretta’s mom
QUOTE (Gretta's Mom @ Apr 24 2011, 06:43 PM)
Hi Tom's dad - here's the text that was in last nights attachments. A happy and blessed easter to you and Theresa.
Oh Tom’s dad,
Please be gentle with yourself. Do you remember how many times you were kind to Tom? How many times you gave him nourishing food and warm blankets? How many time you petted his head just to hear that purr-engine? Pets are FAR smarter than we are – that’s why they can love us – messed up as we are!
Please don’t keep labeling yourself and focusing on what you think Tom was thinking. Let me give you just one example of how hurtful that kinds of attribution can be. When I was going to the U of M Vet School to set my beautiful Gretta free, a neighbor woman saw my face, asked what was wrong and said she was going with me. Now this woman is a pet-lover’s pet-lover. She’s rescued hundreds of stray dogs and founded a rescue organization. Yet she said two things during the ordeal that cut me to the quick and that I have had to reinterpret in order not to take on all the guilt they imply. I’m sure she meant them kindly – she’s kind of a hard-bitten woman, but they mistakes based on her view of what my Gretta was thinking and feeling. When they wheeled my Gretta in on a wagon (she couldn’t walk), she looked at her lying in the wagon, head up, looking at me and said, “There’s not much there.” Then when they wheeled her away to put in the catheter, she said, “You can see the fear in her eyes.” How could she know what my Gretta was thinking or feeling? No way. Those words haunted me until yesterday, when I finally realized that she could just was well have said, “Oh, look, she recognizes you” and “There sure is love in her eyes.”
Your Tom, too. Tom’s Dad they don’t understand English (thank God), but the do understand our hearts. No, you didn’t not love Tom when you said that. It was your not-so-perfect human nature coming out in Spades. Our fur babies were sent here to help us get rid of the human stupidness. Tour Tom understood, even at the time. I have to confess that I started having thoughts of ‘after the dog” in the weeks before Gretta passed. I’m not proud of them and I have been a little afraid that thinking tem somehow brought it into being. But animals choose their entrance and choose their exit. They’re here for a reason, to teach us something, to make us better animals. Please don’t beat up on yourself. From your writing, I can that you are a loving soul. Tom could see that, too. Tome made “mistakes” and you made “mistakes.” Gretta did and so did I. Love forgives all – and casts the mistakes into the sea of oblivion where it’s as if they never were. Only the love survives. Yes, the sunsets ARE signals from Tom. Believe it. Be sure of it. Tom is sending you signal that he’s OK and that he’s thankful for the greatest friend that ever lived.
Another grieving dog parent,
Gretta’s mom
Oh Tom’s dad,
Please be gentle with yourself. Do you remember how many times you were kind to Tom? How many times you gave him nourishing food and warm blankets? How many time you petted his head just to hear that purr-engine? Pets are FAR smarter than we are – that’s why they can love us – messed up as we are!
Please don’t keep labeling yourself and focusing on what you think Tom was thinking. Let me give you just one example of how hurtful that kinds of attribution can be. When I was going to the U of M Vet School to set my beautiful Gretta free, a neighbor woman saw my face, asked what was wrong and said she was going with me. Now this woman is a pet-lover’s pet-lover. She’s rescued hundreds of stray dogs and founded a rescue organization. Yet she said two things during the ordeal that cut me to the quick and that I have had to reinterpret in order not to take on all the guilt they imply. I’m sure she meant them kindly – she’s kind of a hard-bitten woman, but they mistakes based on her view of what my Gretta was thinking and feeling. When they wheeled my Gretta in on a wagon (she couldn’t walk), she looked at her lying in the wagon, head up, looking at me and said, “There’s not much there.” Then when they wheeled her away to put in the catheter, she said, “You can see the fear in her eyes.” How could she know what my Gretta was thinking or feeling? No way. Those words haunted me until yesterday, when I finally realized that she could just was well have said, “Oh, look, she recognizes you” and “There sure is love in her eyes.”
Your Tom, too. Tom’s Dad they don’t understand English (thank God), but the do understand our hearts. No, you didn’t not love Tom when you said that. It was your not-so-perfect human nature coming out in Spades. Our fur babies were sent here to help us get rid of the human stupidness. Tour Tom understood, even at the time. I have to confess that I started having thoughts of ‘after the dog” in the weeks before Gretta passed. I’m not proud of them and I have been a little afraid that thinking tem somehow brought it into being. But animals choose their entrance and choose their exit. They’re here for a reason, to teach us something, to make us better animals. Please don’t beat up on yourself. From your writing, I can that you are a loving soul. Tom could see that, too. Tome made “mistakes” and you made “mistakes.” Gretta did and so did I. Love forgives all – and casts the mistakes into the sea of oblivion where it’s as if they never were. Only the love survives. Yes, the sunsets ARE signals from Tom. Believe it. Be sure of it. Tom is sending you signal that he’s OK and that he’s thankful for the greatest friend that ever lived.
Another grieving dog parent,
Gretta’s mom
Thank you for the kind words Gretta's Mom. Tom's a cat actually. Although he did have some dog like qualities that coupled with his large size made me laugh and smile from time to time. Happy Easter to you as well.
Dear Tom's Dad,
That certainly is a Tomtastic cat! And a great picture at that! One picture is all you really need, too. I have one of my Rudy sitting on my TV tray day and night. The only time I move it is to put the placemat down for supper. And then I simply pick it up and put it right back down. It's been there almost 1 1/2 years already.
I may sound like a dizzy broad, but I absolutely know that Tom has already met my Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and Spot & Squirt (my late canaries) and he's having almost a blast! You know that the best time will be when you all meet again and that day will come, too. Please give it time and that can be so hard to do. Remember, you did so many things for Tom that no one ever could or would. That's love. Words are words period, but (your) actions are what mattered to Tom. And you'll do the same for Theresa.
BTW - my dad worked in a small Power Company while I was growing up!
May you have a peace filled night!
Bobbie
That certainly is a Tomtastic cat! And a great picture at that! One picture is all you really need, too. I have one of my Rudy sitting on my TV tray day and night. The only time I move it is to put the placemat down for supper. And then I simply pick it up and put it right back down. It's been there almost 1 1/2 years already.
I may sound like a dizzy broad, but I absolutely know that Tom has already met my Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and Spot & Squirt (my late canaries) and he's having almost a blast! You know that the best time will be when you all meet again and that day will come, too. Please give it time and that can be so hard to do. Remember, you did so many things for Tom that no one ever could or would. That's love. Words are words period, but (your) actions are what mattered to Tom. And you'll do the same for Theresa.
BTW - my dad worked in a small Power Company while I was growing up!
May you have a peace filled night!
Bobbie
QUOTE (Bobbie @ Apr 24 2011, 10:37 PM)
Dear Tom's Dad,
That certainly is a Tomtastic cat! And a great picture at that! One picture is all you really need, too. I have one of my Rudy sitting on my TV tray day and night. The only time I move it is to put the placemat down for supper. And then I simply pick it up and put it right back down. It's been there almost 1 1/2 years already.
I may sound like a dizzy broad, but I absolutely know that Tom has already met my Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and Spot & Squirt (my late canaries) and he's having almost a blast! You know that the best time will be when you all meet again and that day will come, too. Please give it time and that can be so hard to do. Remember, you did so many things for Tom that no one ever could or would. That's love. Words are words period, but (your) actions are what mattered to Tom. And you'll do the same for Theresa.
BTW - my dad worked in a small Power Company while I was growing up!
May you have a peace filled night!
Bobbie
That certainly is a Tomtastic cat! And a great picture at that! One picture is all you really need, too. I have one of my Rudy sitting on my TV tray day and night. The only time I move it is to put the placemat down for supper. And then I simply pick it up and put it right back down. It's been there almost 1 1/2 years already.
I may sound like a dizzy broad, but I absolutely know that Tom has already met my Crocker, Birney, Kelly, Jasper, Rudy and Spot & Squirt (my late canaries) and he's having almost a blast! You know that the best time will be when you all meet again and that day will come, too. Please give it time and that can be so hard to do. Remember, you did so many things for Tom that no one ever could or would. That's love. Words are words period, but (your) actions are what mattered to Tom. And you'll do the same for Theresa.
BTW - my dad worked in a small Power Company while I was growing up!
May you have a peace filled night!
Bobbie
Thank you Bobbie for the kind words. "Dizzy Broad"? Sounds like a throw back to the 1940s crime novels I love so much. I do hope Tom is cavorting with your animal companions and others up there as well. Theresa and I are going to bed. Thank you again for the weel wishes.
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