My little kitty, Britt, died 2 days ago at the age of 6 and the way it happened is killing me inside. I feel that I am at fault. She was the most beautiful maine coon cat with doubled paws that I have ever seen. I just loved her she was my baby and little girl. I am a huge animal lover which led me to fostering a rescue dog Blazer. I had no previous information on Blazer but knew that he was way to interested in my cat then he should of been. He was a very well behaved and loyal dog to me. His relationship with me is amazing. I thought that I could keep them separated and it worked for 3 months until two night ago. I came home from work and someone had left the gate open to the upstairs where my cat lived and he got her. She trusted me and I let her down. My guilt it so overwhelming. I cant stop crying and I can't even go home and face my dog that killed her. I should of never got him and I dont know if I can keep him anymore either. More importantly, I miss my girl and would do anything to get her back. She didnt deserve this and how could I have been so blind?

She was the sweetest cat ever and just loved to cuddle. She was healthy and happy with me and the place we lived. I know that it only happened 2 days ago but I feel that I cant do anything besides cry. I love my dog too, will I ever be able to forgive him or myself? I dont have anymore cats so I know that he cant hurt anything else but will I still be able to love him the same eventually? If I take him to a shelter he will feel abandoned like he has been the first part of his life and he most likely will die in a shelter.

Rest in Peace my sweet little girl and I am sorry that I didn't see this tragic even coming. I love you and will always remember the times we had together. You mean the world to me. Please forgive me baby.

Dear Kristen,

Please accept my deepest condolences on your loss. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes while reading your story. I wish there were a way to reach through cyber-space and offer you a hug. IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT. You had no way of knowing this tragic event was going to happen. You clearly loved Britt with all your heart and would never have knowingly placed her in danger. You opened your heart to a homeless animal and brought him into your home with only the best of intentions. Even if Blaze was showing too great an interest in Britt, you had no way of knowing that his fixation was anything more than a desire to chase her - as many dogs like to do. Very few actually bring it to the level that Blazer did and his behavior was probably based on his past experiences - either not being properly socialized or abused or not being corrected when he would chase smaller animals. Again, you had no way of knowing this and I honestly don't think many of us would automatically anticipate events unfolding the way they did. I once had a dog enter the family that was too fixated on our cats. We kept a very close eye on everyone but one day, he managed to get loose and headed right for our most 'street smart' cat. who had come in from the wild. She stood her ground and ended up teaching him what claws are all about (she jumped onto his head, latched her front claws as deep as she could, ripped away at his head with her back claws, while chewing any part of his head she could get a grip on with her mouth). He couldn't get away from her fast enough - we actually had to step in and peel her off his head. He developed instant respect for her and was very respectful of all the cats after that. That's usually the way it goes. When I brought my little Golden Retriever, Peggy, home for the first time, she was 2 and a half and had never seen a cat before (didn't even occur to me). I brought her in the house and she immediately took off after the 17 year old cat the former owners had abandoned when I bought my house. Scamper ran under a coffee table, turned around and let her have it, right in the face. Peggy (The Dog), yelped, jumped back and was respectful forever after that episode. That is usually the way it works. You can not be faulted, even by yourself for thinking it would work out over time. Especially when you clearly took precautions to keep them apart when you weren't around.

It is completely understandable that you felt you could keep her safe, and you did. It took a third party making a mistake to set this horrible chain of events in motion. I know the pain in your heart overwhelming right now, and probably will be for a while but please try to not blame yourself. It was an accident and you know that had you been there, you would have done everything in your power to protect her.

I totally under what you’re saying about Blazer. While I don’t think it was his fault either, I suspect I would have a difficult time being around him after what happened. I agree with you that placing him in a shelter is not the best solution for him but keeping him now is not the best solution for you. Is it possible for you to contact a group that fosters animals, explain to them what happened and maybe ‘trade’ foster dogs? I think most animal people would be sympathetic to your situation. It might be worth a try, if you have people who are local to you that foster in their homes. That way, he’d have a better chance of being in a house with someone who may have training experience. They could try working with him to see if they can help eliminate his aggression issues.

I am so sorry you’re going through this pain and loss. I really wish I could do or say something that would help. Please do your best to release the guilt and for now anyway, just do your best to deal with the grief that comes from losing a loved one.
You, Britt (and Blazer) will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Please take care of yourself.

Peggy (the human)

Thank you Peggy's Human for your kind words. It does help to have support and your cyber hug is just as good as the real thing. Today is a little better for me due to being able to sleep through most of the night. Not getting up in the middle of the night to cry bottled all my emotions for this morning though. I took off the day that Britt died, to my parents house, four hours away to bury her. I leave my little girl tomorrow to head back home. I think that tomorrow will be a harder day for me. I will have to face Blazer for the first time since it happened. I have been thinking alot about him and I have come to the conclusion that I am going to wait a while until my grieving process is over and my acceptance of what happened is in full effect and that is when I am going to make a decision on if I am gong to keep him or not. He needs a home and I do love him. Its not his fault that he has natural instincts as a predator and his prey drive is huge. Making a decision based on my emotions is not fair to him. I will try to be strong enough to care for him until then plus I have help from my girlfriend who loves him as well.

As for you Peggy's Human - I am truly sorry for your loss as well. You hug is returned. I also commend you for being there the last few hours for you sweet retriever. I could not see my girl not alive. I would have that image imprinted in my head and I dont want to remember her like that. I hope your days get better and thank you for being a huge animal lover. I appreciate people like you and the others on this site. I am very happy that I found it and it does help writing about it and seeing your thoughtful, caring words.

I am proud of your cats for sticking up for themselves. It made me chuckle a bit when they showed the dog who was boss. I wish my sweet girl would of been a little more aggressive or more scared and hid as soon as she heard him. Here I go with the "what ifs" again. Whats happened has happened and I can't keep torturing myself.

Again, thank you and you are in my thoughts and prayers as well Peggy's Human.

Hi, Kristen, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Britt. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. However, losing a companion to a tragic event does intensify the deep grief.

Peggy has offered you the most comforting response I could ever think of, so I just want to affirm her comforting words to you. Unfortunately aggression is among the top five reasons why companion animals end up in shelters or abandoned. Some shelters now have behaviorists who evaluate the dog or cat to determine if training can transform the animal into an "adoptable" pet. In other shelters, though, dogs or cats who have a known history of aggression do not make it to the "adoption" list. Peggy has offered you some great advice about seeking assistance from rescue and foster home associations, in case you decide that Blazer needs another home.

Kristen, I am so sorry you and your precious Britt have had to suffer this experience. I just want to affirm what Peggy has already said to you: You did the very best you could to keep both your precious Britt and Blazer safe - - and separated - - from one another. This is all you could do, Kristen. Your precious Britt knows this is NOT your fault, and she does not want you torturing yourself over it. I truly hope and pray you will find comfort here and a peace in your heart that you truly did the very best you could, and everything that could be done.

Kristen, I can imagine the challenge it will be for you to go home and face Blazer. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible. Perhaps sometime you might feel up to posting a picture(s) of your precious Britt to share with us, - - but only when / if you're up to it.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Kristen,

Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your precious Britt. It was not your fault. You did your best to keep your animal companions safe and something happened outside of your control. Pleae be gentle with yourself as your precious Britt would want that.

I'm glad that you are taking some time before making a decision on Blazer. It is wise to wait on life decisions when we are in deep grief. Tomorrow will be difficult, and having the support of your girlfriend will help.

Hoping you have a peaceful night. Please let us know again how you are feeling when you are ready to share.
With serenity and healing thoughts,
Juturna

Dear Kristen,

I wanted to add my condolences on the loss of your Britt. It must have been devastating for you to find her. I cannot imagine what you have been through in the past few days. Who is taking care of Blazer? I think you really have to search your feelings before you make a decision you may be sorry for. If you give up the dog you will have to grieve 2 losses. Have you spoken to the vet about Blazer's aggression?

I had a dog and brought 2 kittens into the house a year apart. It took severa weeks to keep the kittens safe from the dog but eventually they worked it out. The cats would smack the dog when she got too close but she never tried to harm them after the first few weeks. I was luckier than you were.

I am just suggesting you speak with a professional, like the vet, to process what happened and then decide if you and Blazer can move past this.

Wishing you a peaceful night and lots of love and support in your decision. You have come to the right place for cybersupport.

Dear Kristin,,

I've read a lot of stories on this forum and your's is the most tragic and sad of all. You poor thing. My heart is broken with your's (I cried when I read) and if I could somehow take away some of the pain you are experiencing, I would. You did such a kind thing taking in this dog and it's just a plain rotten and cruel act by the Fates that such a selfless act is causing you guilt. I want to tell you that you need to find a way to relieve yourself of any guilt straight away. This was a terrible accident and you never intended such an event to occur. It's only those who intend to harm that should ever feel guilt. Ironically, those same people rarely do. Please promise me you will make every effort to 'forgive yourself' (not that you need forgiving in my opinion) because this is not a burden you should have to bear.

I'm in my fourth week of grieving my beloved cat Finn to a sudden death too. He was hit by a car in his prime--he was only 6 years old too. I too felt guilt for not watching him that day when he was hit. I don't want to minimize the pain of loss for anyone who loses a pet, but in my experience, the deaths that occur suddenly without warning have a deeper root. I have found that the anger from sudden loss is more pronouced and it takes a long time to get rid of it.

The unspeakable loss is horrible enough. But guilt and anger will simply eat you up. I know both of our babies wouldn't want that guilt for us and so I at least "forgave myself" and now am just trying to manage the aching sadness and missing him that never seems to go away. That's plenty enough to deal with.

Like some of the other posters have said, you may consider holding off on any decisions regarding Blazer until your mind has cleared a bit more. In his defense, he was merely acting on instinct and coming from an unknown previous life, he may have his own pain that causes him to behave this way. In any event, no one could fault you if you decided it was just too much to ask to keep him. You have a very tough road ahead of you, with a painful decision and I feel for you so much. I'm deeply sorry for your loss and I hope you check in here as the days and weeks go by so we can help you through this process. I know it saved me and continues to.

Sending you a cyber hug and plenty of boxes of kleenex,

ConnieJ

Thank you all so much for your thoughtful words! wow..this site is amazing and it really does help. My days are still sad but I am keeping myself busy. I am back home now with Blazer. Seeing him was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. I still have angry feelings towards him but I am trying to still show him love. The hardest part of my day is going upstairs where Britt lived. She stayed most of her time in my bedroom so I stay out of there as much as possible. I hope that it will get easier. I am trying to let go of the guilt so my grieving process will be easier. Its a lot easier said then done. I still feel awful and I miss my girl more than anything. The things you would do to get your pets back in your life. Its all I can think about it.

Moonbeam: What an amazing person you are. I see all your posts and how much you care. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to help and say some caring words to strangers. I am so sorry to hear about Abbygayle. She was lucky to have an amazing owner like you. Atleast she is not in any pain anymore and you gave her an amazing life. I am praying for you and Abbygayle. Best of luck in the future. I uploaded a picture so you can my beautiful girl.

JoanneL: You are absolutely right about Blazer. I am pretty sure i am going to wait and see how I feel in a month or two. I am pretty sure I am going to keep him. I can't get rid of him now because I would be dealing with two losses. Blazer was being taken care of by my friend while I was home. She has a black lab so they probably kept her busy. If I decide to keep Blazer, he will be doing an extensive obedience training. Like I said before, I dont know his past. He isnt aggressive towards other dogs or humans. He just wanted small, fast things, like a cat. Im not so sure if I would trust him around smaller timid dogs either. Blazer has made a friends with a small shih tzu, who is fearless, and they were fine together. I think its the timidness in animals that he is after. To be honest, when he attacked my cat I think he thought of her as a toy. I appreciate your support and I will let you know what happens with Blazer. I read your profile. Do you have Kasper? and is he bringing tons of joy into your life?

Juturana: Thank you for taking the time and reading my story. You words are too kind. I hope that you are feeling better about your loss with Victoria. I head what your saying about the guilt. How awful this feeling is. Its the most difficult to get rid of as well. That's all I can think about it how it was my fault and how scared my cat must of been. In your situation, I hope you relieved yourself of the guilt because I am sure Victoria knew how much you loved her even though you weren't there for 5 hours on her last night. she especially knew if you cared so intensely for her the last 2 years. I will be thinking about you and hoping the best for you.

Connie J: Isn't it the most horrible feeling with you lose your pet so suddenly and at a young age? I know exactly what your going through and the heartache is unbearable. I am sorry for your loss of Finn. It hurts because I did try to do the right thing and bring in Blazer. I feel horrible that there are so many animals out there without homes. I just feel blind to the fact that I thought my girl was safe. I hope that my guilt leaves and Im glad yours did. Seeing Blazer is a constant reminder of what has happened so I hope that goes away as well. I hope that I can someday think of him with good thoughts which I am sure will happen.

Once again, thanks to all of you kind hearted people for helping me try to see the the best out of the situation. You all are amazing. I will keep everyone updated on the progress with Blazer and I might come back sometimes to cry and write about how I am feeling. Much love from me to all of you!

Hi, Kristen, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and thank you so o o o much for sharing this adorable picture of your precious Britt with us. I'm so glad going home and seeing Blazer was not as difficult as you thought it might be. I know it will be hard to reconcile this tragic event in your heart, and I'm praying that with the passage of time - - healing time - - you and Blazer will be able to enjoy a happy and healthy life together.

Kristen, I will look forward to sharing your news as to how Blazer is doing with his training, and to knowing how you're doing. Please know you and Blazer are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kristen,

Wow. What a tragic story. I am so sorry for what happened and what you are going through.
I know how much it hurts to lose a precious pet and how guilty you can feel, even if you are not at fault. It's very difficult for me to give advice and to offer support, because I am still grieving the death of my cat and don't really know any way to comfort you, since I can't find ways to comfort myself.

I understand how difficult it must be for you to have a loving bond with Blazer now, because you feel anger towards him. But please try to remember that Blazer is inherently innocent, but what he has experienced in his life before might have made him do what he did... I hope you can find a way to forgive him and give him a loving home. Or that you are able to just make the right decision when it comes to him.

Good luck and I will keep you in my thoughts.