So this past Monday I had to have one of my three Chesapeake Bay Retrievers, Sophie, put to sleep. She was just over 5 years old. We had tried for the past three years to cure her of her extreme aggressiveness toward other dogs, but nothing ever seemed to work. She attacked other dogs we owned, friend's dogs, family member's dogs, all with the very real attempt to do serious injury. We tried two different professional trainers in our home, medication, behavioral modification, all to no avail.

Here's the hard part. On her own, she was the sweetest, most loving dog. She had a zest for life that was hard to match. She was a joy to watch run across a field chasing the ball over and over and over. People outside our family (I live with my husband) really didn't have any clue how bad things really were for us. We lived for over a year with gates up all over our house to keep her away from our other two dogs, Grimmy (our male) and Fiona (our female). Then one day a friend came over and made a mistake and let her in with our other dogs. Sophie attacked Fiona, and my husband got bit very badly while separating them. For me, that seemed like the final blow. I had to protect my family. So I made the hard decision.

My husband, over emotional soul that he is, would not even come to the vet with me, but I wanted Sophie to have Mommy with her every last second. I felt I owed her that. I know I did the right thing in my heart of hearts because I really felt that she was not a trustworthy dog, even in an only dog home, but now I lay awake at night and just think about her all the time. And I'm just not getting any support from my friends because they really don't "get" how bad our situation really was. Some of them keep asking why I didn't just take her to a shelter. The thing is that I worked at an animal shelter in college and I used to hate people who brought in aggressive animals and wanted us to adopt them out. They almost always got put to sleep. I would rather have Sophie know that I was there with her at the end than some stranger.

At the same time, their words really hurt because I just want someone to tell me I did the right thing and acknowledge that I have the right to feel the pain that I feel at losing her. Because despite her flaws, she still left huge, romping footprints on my heart.

Thanks for reading this all. Any words of encouragement would mean the world to me. I need to find the strength to get off the couch and move on.

hi

i saw your post here without an answer and i know it can feel hard not to get help quickly when youre really hurting so i wanted to write to you. it was a kind of hard one for me to answer though because my precious little bohdi was attacked and killed in a park on boxing day. the dog had escaped and bohdi was deaf and didnt hear it come. it was just so horrible and not just for bohdi and me, but also for the witnesses and all bohdi's "people". i guess i thought i should tell you that because i think it does prove that you did the right thing. imagine if your sophe did take actually get to the "serious injury" or fatal point, i think that would be very hard to live with and also you would most likely have sophie taken from you then anyway. she was clearly very troubled, so absolutely i think you did the right thing for everybody's safety and because she was so troubled maybe even for her relief.

as for the right to feel the pain of the loss, you most certainly do. you lost your girl and that hurts and is hard. you clearly tried very hard to help her through that, you obviously invested in her on so many levels and its heartbreaking that you tried so hard and still lost her.

also because you intimately connected with a part of her that was sweet and loving that perhaps not many others saw, you've had as big of a loss as anyone who loses a pet. it is heartbreaking and devastating and whoever may say those feelings aren't appropriate for you too doesn't know what they're talking about.

maybe it might help to write about how she was in her best moments. remember the good times and also i think where she is now she would be free to be a happy well adjusted girl.

take care and be gentle with youself

Chessielover,

I so so so feel your pain.

I cannot tell you whether you did the right thing or not - you made the only decision you could make for you under the circumstances. I just want you to know that you are not alone. I've been through similar circumstances, twice if you can believe it.

I had two different dogs who were aggressive - one to other dogs, one to me, but not all the time. The one who was aggressive to other dogs was only aggressive to females, and like you, I lived for quite a few years with the gates and all of that. She put my Scottie in ICU; she attacked other dogs. All kinds of things and still, I didn't know what to do. One on one or with male dogs, she was the sweetest, best dog. It wasn't cut and dry. I couldn't just give up on her. Eventually, I found another home for her with a woman who had another male dog that my dog got along with and this woman understood what she was undertaking; she was able to handle my dog (Sarah). I kept in touch through the years and somehow, she never had an incident of any kind with Sarah. We were lucky - it turned out o.k. But it could have turned out very differently - you just never know.

My other dog, my Sam, was a whole other story. He got along ok with dogs, but he had something I was told it was called sudden aggression syndrom, or something like that, I can't remember exactly now. Sometimes he would be fine with me, then sometimes, he would growl out of the blue. The first time it went further, he snapped at me; it was just some abrasions. The second time I wasn't so lucky - I got over 20 stiches in my face. He was a 130 pound Rottie, very strong. I had to have plastic surgery and I still have scars, but somehow, not too bad and it could have been a lot worse. After that, my husband (now ex) gave an ultimatum - the dog has to go. Still, I couldn't do it. Everyone said, put the dog down. I went to trainers, like you. Everyone said, there's no rehabilitating this dog. Eventually I called a friend of mine in Texas who has a no kill sanctuary and I sent him there. He lived out the rest of his life there. But to be honest with you, I feel like I was a coward and I wish had done what you did. He never again had the love of a home or a family. He lived his life in a run - it was a spacious run and he was well cared for, I'm sure. I knew the woman running the place. But it's not the same as living in a home. I should have ended it but I didn't have the courage. I can't tell you that you did the right thing but sometimes, there's no other way. I'm so sorry for your pain.

Hi, Chessielover, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sophie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves -- so that they can be healed in the company of the angels.

Chessielover, behavioral challenges are among the top five reasons why some beloved companions must have their earthly journey shortened. Please believe me when I say I DO understand what you were going through with Sophie as I had a cat who had severe personality disorder, and it is frightening.

Please let me reassure you that you did the absolute BEST THING for your precious Sophie. Obviously there was something in her brain that was not able to respond to all of your efforts. She was dangerous to others around her - - be they human or other companion animals. This was not a good situation for her or anyone around her. You did the most loving thing you could for her - - by making the hardest decision to send her to the angels where she can live a happy - - and healthy - - life. If you had waited your precious Sophie could have attacked another person, and then you would have been facing legal liability as well as court ordered euthanasia. This would have been more heartbreaking for you and your family. Sophie joined the angels with your love, and this is the greatest gift you gave to the both of you.

All of this said, of course your heart is breaking having had to make this decision. You think of all the things of "what could have been" - - if Sophie was able to have lived a normal life. You must feel so robbed of this opportunity. And Sophie - - she truly tried her best in spite of her severe aggression. But she will always have you for her mom, Chessielover, and she knows that you did the only thing you could for her. Her aggression was not a "free will" choice for her - - it was definitely a severe neurological disorder that was non-responsive to all of your herioics efforts to help her.

Chessielover, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one minute at a time journey. There are so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your journey, for each of us here do understand what you are going through. There are no judgments here, Chessielover. You are among friends here. Perhaps in time you will share picture(s) of your precious Sophie with us, and as Rainbohdi suggested, some of your wonderful memories of her.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Chessielover, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am really truly grateful to those of you who replied. I managed to get through a day at work without breaking down, which is a first step.

Here are a few good memories:

When Sophie was a puppy, she would fall asleep suckling her toys. As an adult, she would eat anything--cardboard, rosebushes, raspberry plants, sticks, tinfoil!!, dryer sheets!!, or anything we forgot to put up or fence off! She was a regular goat.

She loved her walks. I took her on a completely insane 7.5 mile hike in the Colorado mountains that my friend and I were not conditioned for. She wore a backpack and carried our water. We were dead at the end of that hike. I could hardly walk for three days. At the end of the hike, Sophie wagged her tail, bounced twice, and was ready for more.

She would lean against me, roll her head back, and let her tongue flap out of the side of her mouth--a signal for me to rub her chest, which had a tiny white spot on it. It was the only thing that would keep her calm.

Best of all, boy could she ever bounce! Jack Russel Terriers had nothing on her! We called her a Chessaroo. She could jump as high as my head up and down. She would run in fields, chase a ball, bring it back, and bounce and bounce until you threw it again. What a nutball.

These are the things that I cling to that fill me with joy, but also make me feel so terrible when I think about her being gone. She lived life so balls to the wall. On the other hand, when she attacked, she also gave it all. My sister brought her dog, Misha, over the other day to visit. My husband and I actually owned Misha once, but Sophie ripped one of Misha's ear in half two years ago, and Misha also bears a mass of scars all over her face from other minor attacks. We re-homed her for her own safety. It's such a fine line. My sister is one of the understanders, which helps. She has seen firsthand what Sophie was capable of.

It's still hard. We lived in a divided household for so long that the other two dogs have bonded with my husband while Sophie was so very much my dog. Now I feel so terribly alone. It's hard to find "the new normal." All I can do is try.

Thanks again to all the words of encouragement. I'm so glad I found the strength inside my self to do what I needed to do for Sophie. I know deep down that she IS at peace. The last thing on earth she heard were the words "I LOVE YOU" from the human who loved her enough to let her go. I pray that she is at last at peace. I hope she is in a huge field were she can run and bounce, or maybe there is a mountain she can climb.

Thanks all!!

P.S. Here is Sophie, If it downloads correctly. I suck at technology...

Dear Chessielover,

I have not had a similar experience to yours but I also lost a beloved dog almost 3 weeks ago. I know you had a hard time and tried everything to save your precious Sophie but you could not rehabilitate her. I don't think the details matter in the end you lost a beloved companion. I am glad you were able to go to work and try to carry out some of your day to day activities. Don't be surprised if you find yourself crying when you least expect it. I have found that is perfectly natural. You have had a big loss in your family and try not to listen to people who don't understand why you are upset. I have found the coming here we find people who will support us and have been where we are.
Please come back and let me know how you are.
Joanne

Hi, Chessielover, thank you so o o much for sharing some of your wonderful memories of your beloved Sophie with us. I'm smiling at your description of her - - a canine Tigger!!! My Eli, my kitty son who also had a severe neurological disorder manifested in severe aggressive behaviors - - was the same way. And your hike - - or more appropriately Sophie's lack of a need of recovery - - just boundless energy. I can see your Sophie and my Eli paling around together having a GREAT time!!!

What a beautiful girl your Sophie is - - and yes, is - - for she is living with the angels and is in all her glory - - fields to run through and mountains to climb - - and no more fear for she no longer suffers with aggressive behaviors. She is your sweet girl feeling the gentleness of your hand rubbing and caressing her chest. She knew love during her earthly journey, Chessielover, and she is eternally grateful to you for being with her in her journey to the angels.

Chessielover, your time and energy was focused on trying to help your precious Sophie during her earthly journey with you and your family. You had a very ill furchild with severe mental health challenges even though physically she was healthy. Your other furkids understand this, Chessielover, and I hope in time you will be able to form a bond with them now. They can sense your loss and sorrow, Chessielover, and hopefully they will be able to help you discover your "new normal".

And always know we are here for you, with you, and beside you as you travel your grief journey, Chessielover. We are here for you through the hard days and we are here for you with the better days. You are always among friends here, Chessielover. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello all.

I just wanted to let you know how I was doing. I have gotten off my couch and into my yard to make it ready for this year's garden. I still feel the void in the house and in my heart, but it feels a little bit less. The hardest part is that so many of our friends have shut us out of our lives because they either disagree with the choice I made or are not comfortable with it. It hurts a lot, when I know that the choice was no one's to make but my own.

I am grateful that I have my other dogs, bossy Fiona and cuddly Grimmy. They have finally started to warm up to the idea that Mommy is now available more often because I am not locked into the part of the house that formerly belonged to Sophie. It's strange to live in a house without gates. It feels freeing, but then I feel guilty too.

Here is a picture of my other two Chessies: Fiona is wearing her booty shorts because she was in heat at the time. Don't worry pet lovers: we are responsible owners! Grimmy comes from champion lines, is PRA negative, and is OFA certified on his hips and elbows. Fiona comes from champion lines, is PRA negative, and will not, I repeat, not be bred unless she too passes her OFA certification on her hips and elbows after she turns two. (Sorry, I hate being lumped in unintentionally with thoughtless backyard breeders). We love our Chessies and searched long and hard before we found the right bloodline and personality match for Grimmy and us.

Grimmy is a total lovebug, who will give you the chessie smile (it's like a sneer) and crawl into my lap, grunting like a pig for more scratches. Fiona, on the other hand, is a wild child, who will actually talk back (baaawooolf) if she is not getting her way. I would be lost without them.

Thanks again to all. And I hope someone has some advice on how to deal with, or act around some of the people who keep giving us the cold shoulder. I just am a little upset that people feel that I don't deserve to feel bad about the choice that I made. I know things are easier for our family dynamics now--we can actually have people over now--but that doesn't mean that I'm still not grieving.

Best to all.

Chessielover.

Hello Chessielover

What beautiful Chessies! Hope you don't mind that I copied them into my great-dogs gallery. The first big dog I ever had anything to do with was a Chessie named Ben. At first I was deathly afraid of the way he would bound over from next door, tongue lolling, and jump up on me. Eventually I started taking her on walks when I'd visit my dad. Slowly Bennire taught me that big dogs were GREAT dogs, and that plaing when you're 100 pound dog can look frightening when you don't know anything about dogs. It was Bennie who convinced me to get a big dog, my Gretta - a chocolate lab (although I guess in the dog world labs are considered medium-sized dogs). The reason I'm here is that two weeks ago today I had to say goodbye to her. She crashed in just one day, so intellectually there was no doubt about what had to be done. But that sure doesn't take the hurt away!

I just read through you posts and replies and I'm both sad for you and MAD at the people in your life who are treating you so shabbily. Like several other people have said, who are they to judge someone's actions? Can they read minds? Can they read hearts? If so, why have they not won the lottery yet? If not, their actions and remarks have no value - they only hurt you unnecessarily. You wouldn't feel so sad about your missing Chessie if you didn't love her so much. Only someone like you, who truly lives for dog, gets to judge yourself. And you know what your sweet Chessie's judgment would be: I HAD THE BEST HOME AND THE BEST MOM IN THE WORLD. Just imagine that 'safe place' my vet talked to me about - with all those dogs up there each trying to out-bark the rest - all saying the same thing!

How are you doing now? I'd love to hear some more about the two dogs who own you now. They look so loving and healthy and happy. That's a sure sign of an outstandingly wonderful home and parents.

Just wanted to send you a few words of encouragement - especially on the holiday.

The best to everyone in your home - no matter what species!

Gretta's mom (Jeanne)