I am new here. Yesterday was one moth to the day that I lost my best friend in the world. A cat named Tom (or Sir Thomas) He battled diabetes for almost 4 of the 5 1/2 years I had him. He was only 10. Rest in peace my dearest boy. Theresa and I will try to cary on

Dear Toms Dad

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tom ( Sir Thomas, what a great name). I send my thoughts and prayers for you and Theresa and your Angel fur baby Tom. Please come back and if you can tell us more about Tom, and let us know how you are doing.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Hi,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious Tom. I know it is so very hard and one of the most painful things we have to go through. He is at peace now and will be watching over you always.

Hang in there -- it will get easier with time and tears.

Cheryl xx

Hi, Tom's Dad, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sir Thomas. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Diabetes is a very difficult illness to keep under control in our beloved companions. It affects our furkids' bodies just as it affects a human one. I hope his journey to the angels was a peaceful one for him, as well as for you and Theresa.

Tom's Dad, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will know on this side of eternity, and it is one that you do not have to travel alone. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all for your caring support. This is a difficult time for me and my other kitty Theresa. In time, I will share happier times of our life together that touched me so deeply.

I am sorry for your loss. My wife and I are in a similar situation as you, as we had to say goodbye to our Reggie after just 9 years. We also have another kitty, Kylah, and have had to learn how to adjust to the loss. It is not easy but somehow we are able to navigate the storm. You have Thomas a wonderful life and should be proud of that. It never matters how long we have these fur balls, it is never enough time. The bonds we share with these animals is something special, which is why it hurts when we lose them. Be there for your wife and Theresa the best you can. Together you will be able to heal from this.

Please feel free to share pictures and stories of your Thomas. We'd love to hear and see them and they might help you heal

Thank you for your kind words. I am not married and Theresa now being my only fur baby is my only child. And she and Tom were my only family. We are doing our best to get through this difficult time....

Hmmmm, not sure why I thought you were married.

It's definitely difficult to lose a member of your family, we can all empathize. Let us know how we can help you through this.

Hi, Tom's Dad, please know we are here for you and your precious Theresa, and will be honored to share your cherished memories of your precious Tom, and pictures, when you are up to it.

I, too, am the only human in my household, and Noah, my little 7 year old kitty son, is now the only survivor in a household that used to have 4 furkids, two of whom joined the angels within 4 months of each other (see my posts on Oslo and Abbygayle's Journey if you'd like). So, I do so understand what you and Theresa are feeling.

This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Tom's Dad, and can only be successfully traveled at your own speed. Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam. Tom did OK for a the first few years on insulin, but started to spiral down around Christmas 2009. Loss of back legs use, diahrea, etc. Amazingly, he held out for another year while we tried everything within my meager budget. He definately wanted to live. The reason I had called the vet 2 days before he passed was because he had been drooling after eating soft food. I had forgotten that this can be a sign of low glucose. I will never escape the guilt of not thinking of that before giving him his dose of insulin the night before. I will always wonder if he "crashed" and if it was my fault

I'm so sorry for your loss of your Sir Thomas. I know for some, grieving can sometimes take a dark turn especially when you live alone. Believe me...I know. This site has been my "light at the end of the tunnel" I hope it will be for you also. I'm glad you have the company of your sweet Theresa to help you through this. We look forward to reading your stories about Tom when you are ready. We are here for you anytime when you need someone to talk to.

Lots of Hugs

Annette

I'm so sorry for your

I'm so sorry for your loss of your Sir Thomas. I know for some, grieving can sometimes take a dark turn especially when you live alone. Believe me...I know. This site has been my "light at the end of the tunnel" I hope it will be for you also. I'm glad you have the company of your sweet Theresa to help you through this. We look forward to reading your stories about Tom when you are ready. We are here for you anytime when you need someone to talk to.

Lots of Hugs

Annette

Thank you Annette. I suppose if one good thing comes out of this is that Theresa is getting the attention she deserved but did not get when I was so focused on my dear boy Tom. They never seemed to be the best of friends on the surface. In fact, they barely seemed to tolerate each other. But somehow I knew that they looked out for each other when needed. She never slept in the bed before - and for many days afrer he passed. But now she does almost regularly. I suppose she knows she must step up an assume her new role, as it were

Hi, Tom's Dad, I do understand how your heart feels right now, "I had forgotten that this can be a sign of low glucose. I will never escape the guilt of not thinking of that before giving him his dose of insulin the night before. I will always wonder if he "crashed" and if it was my fault". Guilt, unfortunately, is a part of this grief journey and is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile. Unfortunately we are not blessed with the gift of foreknowledge, only the benefit of hindsight, and it is the hindsight that is the source of our guilt. We become overwhelmed by the "what if's", "if only's", "should have's", "should not have's", and on and on and on. We are merely humans, Tom's Dad, and can only do the best we can with the information we have and the resources available at any given time. I hope in time you will come to know in your heart that your precious Sir Thomas knows that you did the very best for him, and that you love him with all your heart. This is all he asked during his earthly journey with you. And now all he wants for you is to remember his earthly journey with you with a happy heart - - not filled with remorse and guilt.

I can so relate to your little Theresa. When we have a "special needs" furchild, it does seem like our healthy companions do not always receive their "fair share" of our affections, even though we try very hard to give them equal time. My little Noah experienced this with three of his housemates: His adopted big kitty brother Eli who joined the angels in December 2006, his big doggie brother Oslo who joined the angels in November 2009, and his sibling baby sister Abbygayle who joined the angels in March 2010. When Noah had his fur family members, he was not really a cuddles kitty. He would let me pet him and briefly hold him in my arms, but he truly preferred the company of his fur family. Now that he is an "only" child, he sleeps with me every night, cuddles with me, and is letting me hold him in my arms longer now. He actively solicits my affections, and I am deeply honored to oblige. I am so glad that your precious Theresa is offering you comfort, Tom's Dad. I am so glad you are comforting one another.

Tom's Dad, I hope and pray that someday you will find peace and comfort in your heart that your precious Sir Thomas loves you and can feel your love for him reaching across the Bridge to him. The love bond you have with him is eternal, Tom's Dad. Our earthly journey with our beloved companions would be ever so much easier if we could talk to each other in a common language, but unfortunately they cannot tell us how they're feeling or what we can do to make them better or happier. Our beloved companions accept us for who we are, Tom's Dad, which is one of the many reasons why this grief "adjustment" journey is so painful for us - - both emotionally and physically - - when they precede us to the angels. And this is one of the many reasons why it is so important for you to know we are here for you, Tom's Dad, for as long and as often as you need us.

Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, Tom's Dad, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I also want to add my condolences and support on your loss of Tom. As you may have read I lost my little Schnoodle, Zoe this week but several years ago I lost my cats, one year apart. Charlie was almost 20 and Smokey was 18 when he died. They had seen me through many good times and bad. They were always there for me and I thought I would never survive losing them but somehow we do heal.
With other situations in my life I have found online forums like this one to be a lifeline. I hope we can all hold each other's hands through this grief process.

I want to thank everyone for the kind words of support. But there's more to my guilt than the insulin thing, or losing the job that made giving Tom the care he needed and deserved possible. It has nothing to do with weather I could have saved him or not or extend his life. This is my guilt and shame that I will take with me to my grave. It was the mean hurtful things I said when I would lose my temper due to all the messes I had to clean up over those last months. When I would talk to Tom in my more placid moments and looked into his soulful green eyes, I KNEW he understood me. So, it stands to reason he understood the hurtful comments as well. (and yes, they included talking about ending his suffering, God forgive me) After these outbursts he would always make some gesture of goodwill. From trying harder to get to the litter box, to coming to me as if to say "I'm sorry daddy" - I found him on the bathroom floor entrance not 3 feet from either litter box. Behind him a trail of accidents from the front door to the bathroom entrance. I can't help but feel he was trying to make it there one last time before he passed. Also that morning his eyes were so sunken and hollow as he looked at me as if to say "My time draws near daddy, please stay with me." I don't know if I was holding on to false hope and/or denial, but I knew could not afford to not go to work as I was/am living check to check as it is/was. If I'd known I'd never see him alive again, I would have stayed home and not eaten for a week if that's what it took to balance the loss of pay. Did I love him? Absolutely! Which is why I will never be able to reconcile any of this. I read somewhere this type of behavior is not unheard of when dealing with terminally ill loved ones as a coping mechanism. But it does not excuse my words. I will always wonder if he knew how much I loved him despite all that and if he loved me and forgave me, not that I deserve forgiveness

Hi, Tom's Dad, please believe me when I say to you that you have done nothing, absoultely NOTHING, unforgiveable. My number one kitty son, Eli, developed a severe personality disorder. Never having experience in this before, I found his behavior frightening, potentially life threatening to me and to Oslo, and reprehensible. I talked to my vet several times about his bizarre and dangerous behaviors, and at first I knew she was not taking me seriously - - perhaps because she might not have ever encountered a case like this before in her experience. Normally, when "gender related" surgery is performed to prevent their ability to have furkids of their own, this helps to calm the "wild" side behavior. This did not happen for my Eli. In fact, his behavior WORSENED after his surgery. It took me 7 months to convince the vet that something was very wrong with my Eli mentally, and that if there was no medical intervention that could help him, I would have to euthanize him - - at 1 year of age, an otherwise physically healthy cat. I did not want to do this.

I was reading a book one day about bizarre animal behaviors, and lo and behold I read an account of a lady who had a cat who exhibited the same threatening behavior. Her cat was put on Prozac, which helped her cat tremendously. I shared this information with my vet, and she finally relented to try my Eli on Valium -- which was Eli's life saver. It took about a year and half to get the dosage at the right maintenance level, and Eli went on to live what I would like to believe to be a happy life - - here with me, his big doggie brother Oslo, and two younger adopted siblings, Noah and Abbygayle.

BEFORE he finally started the Valium, Eli and I had many dark moments together, things I would prefer not to remember -- things I would say to him, things he would physically do to me and Oslo, things I would say to him, things that I would have to do to protect myself and Oslo from him when he was literally physically attacking us. It wasn't his fault, but it was still a very dark time in our history together which still brings tears to my eyes when I think of them, as I'm thinking of them now as I'm writing this.

I am very gratelful to have been blessed to be my precious Eli's caregiver, my little "challenge child". When he was 3 years old he became the best big kitty brother to his adopted brother Noah - - well beyond my hopes. I am so proud of him, and so blessed that I was allowed to share this moment in his earthly journey with him. His entire earthly journey with me and his fur famiy was 6 years and 7 months, and his physical presence is still deeply missed by both Noah and me. There were many opportunties that my Eli had to run away and stay away - - my little Houdini specialist, but he always chose of his own free will to come back home to me - - and for this I am eternally grateful.

Tom's Dad, unfortunately we are mere humans. We make mistakes, we say things, we do things - - we are imperfect beings who are blessed to have the PERFECT love of our beloved companions. This is why having them with us is so very humbling, and one of the many reasons why we go through this horrible guilt when they precede us to the angels. We look back and wonder why these precious beings ever love us? In their hearts they see us for the love we have for them - - not for what we do or say in moments of frustration, exasperation, anger, - - and mortal fear of losing them.

Tom's Dad, your precious Sir Thomas knows you love him with all your heart. He knows you better than you know yourself, because he can look deep into your heart and knows that hidden in your not always so kind words is the deepest love committed only to him. Your Sir Thomas, as each of our beloved companions, listen with their hearts and not just with their ears. I promise you that Sir Thomas wants you to hold onto this mutually committed love you shared during his earthly journey with you, and continue to share - - for love is eternal, Tom's Dad, and it is enduring through both the good times and the less than good times, and the downright awful times.

Hopefully in time, Tom's Dad, you will be able to focus your memories on the wonderful life you and Sir Thomas shared together during his earthly journey. Your precious Sir Thomas wants you to do this and not be consumed by guilt and remorse. Yes, our sad memories are part of the package, but our beloved companions want us to focus on the GOOD times - - because for them the bad times are forever forgotten - - as though they never happened.

Tom's Dad, please let your heart find some peace. For in allowing your heart to be at peace you will be able to focus on the most important thing Sir Thomas wants you to remember - - that his love for you is eternal, and as far as he is concerned - - you are the most wonderful, PERFECT dad he could have ever had during his earthly journey.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Tom's Dad, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon_beam. I still feel terrible for not having handled it better. Hind sight I guess. After I read your response I had an odd dream taking a nap. I had gotten a companion for Theresa, but not a cat - a dog of all things. I just remember he was mostly white with some gray. Then when I looked under the coffee table there were about 9 or 10 cats huddled in there of all breeds. They came out and went every where, but the dog rounded them up and started to make sure they were OK. I'd almost think it was a sign from Tom that all is well at the Bridge. But, was Tom the dog? I don't know. It's been a few weeks since his last visitation. Seems to only happen when I'm feeling guilty or stressed over his passing.

Hi, Tom's Dad, sounds like your precious Sir Thomas is trying to let you know that all is well and that you can try to put your mind at peace. I know this is easier said than done, and that is why this grief journey is indeed a one day at a time journey, and is one that can only be traveled at your own pace, Tom's Dad. Each of us travel this grief journey at different speeds, and each of us here are at different milestones in our individual journey. I truly hope and pray that you find comfort, encouragement, support, and hope from each of us that one day you, too, will be able to think of your precious Sir Thomas and feel the warmth of his sweet Living Spirit surrounding your heart and smiling once again when you think of your earthly journey together. I do know the pain you are feeling in your heart is overwhelming right now, but please know you are not alone in your grief journey, Tom's Dad.

Please know you and your precious Theresa are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam