Anyone ever on chat? I'd love to talk to someone...

I've been pretty good up till now. Then I looked at photos. I don't have nearly enough. I always thought there'd be heaps of time for that. For years I thought that.

And now there's no time... and endless time.

I just want it to be morning because these hours go on forever now...

I don't think the online chat feature is used as much as we'd all like it to be, but there's a few of us that try to check in throughout the day in case someone needs us, which you appear to do.

So whatever you want to say, feel free...

((((HUGS))))

I can't look at my Jersey's photos yet. I scroll past the one I posted on here really fast, if I pause and look it's instant tears time. Besides I really don't need pictures because I can see her everywhere, sometimes I wish I could just move to a place that wasn't loaded with memories of her.

I wish I had been on, I'd have chatted with you. But really I'm not sure if I'd have done much good except to cry with you. Last night was a hard night for me to. We both know it'll get easier, easier not better. Cry if you need to, and try to stay busy if you aren't, it helps.

I think I might take my friends up on their offers to stay. Being busy during the day isn't too difficult- but the nights are hard. I've had close friends offer to stay over, or alternatively offer me a spare room at their place... I might try that.

Thanks guys- your kind words have helped.

Hi Amber

The void that our dear pets leave is big - you should do whatever you need to do as you work through your grief and if it will help you to stay with your friends then take them up on the offer. You are in my thoughts and prayers as you will also be dealing with the "one week mark" this weekend.

Take care

Margie

Amber

Margie hit the nail on the head, the void and emptiness our friends leave is huge and a space no other being can fill.

And I just posted elsewhere, but the same message stands true, do whatever YOU need to do to get through each day at the moment, if you need to sleep then sleep, close the door and shut out the world, if you need to get out of the house grab a pal and go somewhere, walking, coffee sometimes just being around others. If you can manage work then go, but don’t force yourself into doing something that adds more strain to your grief.

Each minute for me is different and that’s how I take it one minute at a time.

Take care of yourself and come her as often as you can, it is bittersweet that this site is here, but knowing that you are not going crazy and you are not alone is a very warm and calming feeling.

Well tonight is a week since my last night with my baby. I got a sunset with him, and we even stayed up for a sunrise too. Since I tried to make him a roast chicken to tempt him last Friday, I had a friend over for a roast chicken tonight. It's a tradition that I'm going to try to keep up in memory of my baby and something to help me keep sociable. It also reassures my friends and family to see that I'm doing OK, or at least I think it will.

I'm hoping I'll sleep well tonight, well because I had a lousy nights sleep last night. Hopefully that will make me tired enough to sleep well tonight.

To my baby- you know that I love you so much. I know that you heard me saying that before you went to sleep. I miss you so much- home is just a house without you. I'm ashamed to say that it's easier to forget- not to forget that you were here- but to forget that you aren't here now. I can't put away the tangle of blankets where we snuggled on the couch- and at first glance it's easy to think that maybe, just maybe you are in there somewhere. I promise that I'm trying to be ok, just some times I'm better at it than others.

Still not sleeping.

Every room here has him in it.

The bed, well that's just out of the question- although I did manage it for a few hours the other night.

The study- with the windows where he sat that last night.

The spare room, with that big comfy chair where he sat that last night.

The bathroom, where I slept on the tiles with him when he was sick about 6 months ago.

And lastly the couch- where I found it comforting for a while- but my back isn't thanking me for it.

So then I've tried the lounge floor- and that worked for a while, until i remembered it was where we played.

I seem to have one night of no sleep, then the next where I practically just pass out where I am.

I can handle the days (mostly)- but the nights I just can't deal with.

What has worked for you guys?

Dear Amber,

I am so sorry for your loss and want you to know I (and unfortunately many others) understand and know how you are feeling.

I lots my dearest cat just 3 days ago after 12,5 beautiful years together. I all happened very suddenly so I was not prepared and am not coping well at all.

Like you everywhere I look I can see her and I feel nothing but emptiness and grief. She was downstairs the most, so I am trying to cope by not going downstairs too much, but when I do it is hell and I can't keep myself from crying. When I look into the garden and see her little grave I just start wailing and pleading for someone to give her back to me.

It all just hurts so much. I am trying to hold on to the thought that sadness and grief need time. I wish there were a magic pill to make all this hurt go away, but the truth of the matter is that we need to work through all this sadness. There is no magical solution, but it will get better.

Hi Amber

I've found that to help me sleep in these sad nights after my Bruno's passing I have a much greater chance of sleeping if I have a 'talk radio' station playing on low volume. I need that sense of live 'life' with me during the night when I can wake, remember Bruno, and feel desperately alone. Alternatively, I sleep with a 24 hour news channel playing on the television on mute with the brightness turned down a bit. My biggest problem is falling asleep initially then waking in the middle of the night, feeling distressed, and being unable to get back to sleep. I have also had a Jasmine candle lit by my bedside during the night. This can be very soothing to stare at, remember Bruno in happier times, and make me drowsy.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Take care

Peter

Hi, Amber, grief is very disruptive for our physical bodies. Peter has given you many good ideas to try. It is normal for your body to collapse from sleep deprivation - - not sleeping one night and then the next night passing out. Once normal sleep patterns are disrupted it can be very hard sometimes to get them back. So, if Peter's suggestions don't help, you may need to talk to your doctor who may need to give you some temporary medicinal assistance for awhile.

Amber, you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My thoughts exactly. One thing I do regularly is keep a portable CD player in my bed and I listen to audio books or music when I can't sleep. Some of the folks who read the recorded books can put you to sleep with no problem. After Zoe died last week I did turn to a low dose of sleeping pill. I had mentioned that I was home form work with neck and back pain so I needed a very low dose of pain medication during the day. I did not sleep one night until 3am despite the medication but a nonaddictive low dose med may help you get back on track with sleep. Please let your doctor know the problem you are having and hopefully the doc is someone who understands grief.
I am so sorry for the pain you are having. It sounds as if you are alone and don't have any other pets. I can't find your original post to understand exactly what your situation is but I do thank you for posting the Auden poem.
Joanne

Well here goes... I exercised twice as much as I normally do- so if I don't sleep tonight I'll be off to the doctors. I've been ok because I've had a bad night followed by an OK one, if I end up with 2 bad in a row I won't be very functional.

I haven't really managed to get my story on paper yet- when I do I'll post here. I'm afraid I haven't really been able to make it into bed much- it just seems to be the place that is worst for me.

Thank-you so much for all your advice. I've kept the TV on mostly- although I think I'll be moving my cd player into the bedroom so I can listen to CDs in there. It's been 18 days now- and I just need a couple of nights of proper sleep in a row. Hopefully the exercise will do the trick.

Thanks again everyone,

Amber

PS- I got in touch with a photo retouching place today- I'm going to send all the photos I have to him and see if he can find something decent among them. The photos are pretty bad as the cat was always too close to the camera- as soon as I was still enough to be mooched upon, well he'd come towards me to snuggle up. So I have a lot of out of focus close-ups

Hi Amber I look forward to seeing your photos. I hope the extra exercise helps you to sleep okay.

Take care

Peter

Hi, Amber, so glad you have found someone to help you with your pictures. Like Peter, I too will look forward to seeing your pictures whenever you're up to sharing them. This grief journey is a very personal one - - it can only be traveled at our own speed. We're here for you, Amber, to share with you whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing and whenever you're up to it.

I hope you're able to get some decent rest, Amber. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sleep.

Wonderful, restful, blissful sleep.

I stopped myself from sleeping in forever, I may still be a little tired today, but hopefully it will mean sleep tonight too.

Fantastic! Great to hear

Hi, Amber, great news!! Restful sleep is healing. May each night bring peace to your mind and rest for your body.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Glad you are able to rest. Hopefully you are past the insomnia phase. You do need sleep in order to heal. Look who is giving advice-I am in the same boat you are but I have been sleeping most of the nights.

Dear Joanne,

Together we'd do great- I"m fine days- you are fine nights.



Amber

I slept. In bed. I covered most of my bed in pillows so that it wasn't so empty and slept on the little bit that was left. I think anyone who shared a bed with a cat knows that the human gets the smallest portion of the bed. It seemed to do the trick somewhat. Until now when I stretched out and didn't find something (or someone) in my way I would get very upset and not be able to stop crying. That didn't happen last night so it was good.

Anyway- that might be something that others might find helpful to get some sleep themselves.

- Amber

This is exactly what I have done, only I used the blanket and towel that my Sassy was wrapped in at the hospital I have placed it in a small pillow case and I tuck it behind my kness, the pressure of something being there in the bed stops me from waking up alarmed at her not being here.

I hope your nights get better lovely ….

Sad sad times we are living in

Hi, Amber, what a clever person you are. Thank you so o o much for this comforting and inspiring suggestion. I'm smiling at your comment: "anyone who shared a bed with a cat knows that the human gets the smallest portion of the bed." Oh so true. Who would think that a tiny body like a kitty -- as opposed to say a Great Dane or Lab or Newfoundland - - could assume the "lion's portion" of a bed - - whatever the size!!! The reward is feeling the warmth of their precious bodies snuggled next to us - - a reward that is priceless, and one of the many hard adjustments to endure when they precede us to the angels.

I am so o o glad you are finally being able to get some peaceful sleep, Amber. Getting restful, and hopefully peaceful, sleep is so essential to helping our bodies and our spirits endure the stress of grieving. I hope and pray with all my heart that your efforts to compensate continue to help you.

Amber, thank you so much for letting us know how things are going and again for your inspiring suggestion. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I've always thought cats were a bit tardis-like- instead of being "bigger on the inside" they are "bigger in the bed"- well that sounds all wrong. But it seems as soon as they hit the covers they become able to take up 90% of the bed. Amazing creatures.