We have been struggling with the decision to put my beloved ten year old boxer, Heidi, down. I have had her since I was ten years old and have basically grown up with her. I am an only child so she was pretty much my surrogate sister. She had been diagnosed with Cushing's disease about two months ago, just before her 10th birthday. The disease usually progresses pretty slowly, but Heidi declined quickly. She also had had a couple of seizures in the past couple of months, nothing major though. We think she also had a bout with Vestibular disease, making her stumble when she would walk and lean heavily to one side. This stumbling completely went away after about a week but came back right after Thanksgiving. It has been about three weeks and did not go away. She falls often but doesn't seem to be hurt by it and still gets to where she needs to go. She was not incontinent and had a fairly good appetite. She seemed a bit worse on Christmas day somewhat collapsing at the end of the day but seemed to improve the past couple of days. I prayed for a sign telling me if I should put her down or not because she would still be her perky self, greeting me at the door with her little nub wagging, but still not quite her usual self.

At around 12am last night she had her third seizure. I sat with her trying to reassure her, thinking she would soon come out of it like she had the others. After thirty minutes I knew I had gotten my sign. We called the emergency vet saying we would be in soon to put her down for it had been over an hour of constant seizing. Fortunately one of the vets from the clinic that we had taken Heidi to for her whole life was the one on call and it was somewhat reassuring that my beloved pup was put down by someone that knew her and loved her. It all happened so fast and I know it was the right decision in the end but I just feel so guilty because I feel like I could have payed more attention to her last night. I didn't know this would be her last night, I mean she was so happy earlier today and greeted me at the door and now she is gone and will never do that again. Like I said, her health had been declining so I had been trying to prepare myself, knowing that her time would come soon, but nothing can prepare us for the loss of a dear pet and the shear emptiness felt.

It has only been about 18 hours since she left this earth and I am completely broken inside. I pet her as they injected the medication and I felt her heart as it stopped beating. Honestly I think this will haunt me for a while, the fact that I actually felt her heart stop. She was my best friend and the grief that I have been feeling has been overwhelming. I just don't see how it will ever get better. It's hard to breathe and it hurts so bad whenever I think about her, which is constantly. I'm desperately hoping that this site will help me grieve for my dearest Heidi and accept her death and move on, remembering the good times we had instead of dwelling on the final hours. I just can't believe she is actually gone...


I attached a recent picture of Heidi playing with her favorite toy, an obnoxious squeaking ball.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet doggie. Rest assure you did the right thing. I too took my sweet Opie to the vet to be put to sleep after a horrible seizure. We love them so much that we don't want them to suffer. You did it out of love, don't ever forget that. You gave her a wonderful life. Think about all the good memories you had with her. Hugs...

Dear Heidi Lover

I am so sorry for the loss of your darling girl Heidi. As Missy has said, you did everything you could for her and then the final act of supreme love is to stop our beloved companions from suffering any more. She would feel your love and presence, and that means so much.

Heidi will be with you forever, in your heart and soul.

Please let us know how you are, and maybe tell us more about dear Heidi, if you feel able.

I send prayers and hugs to help you at this very sad time.

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful Heidi. You definately did the right thing by ending her suffering. Remember animals are not like humans -- they have no fear of death; but they do fear pain. You were there with your baby to help with her transition to the angels. She is watching over you now -- she is healthy again, and happy, and free. She will be with you always.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl xx

Thank you so much for your kind words. They really do help and mean a lot. It's a real comfort to know that others have been and are in my same position and that it does eventually get better.

I finally got some sleep last night after only getting an hour the night before. Every time I close my eyes I see Heidi and then of course I start crying because I am an emotional wreck and miss her so much. When I woke up this morning I felt calm and smiled when I thought of Heidi, but as the day has gone on everything reminds me of Heidi and I feel incredible sadness. I keep thinking she is napping in the next room and when I walk from one side of the house to the other I can walk past her and give her a pet and a kiss, but now when I walk to the other side of the house I just see the spot where Heidi last laid, seizing, where we had to get her on a blanket so we could get her to the car on the horrible night.

I know that she is in a much better place and is no longer suffering, but I just can't get past the fact that she is no longer here for me to love on and I know that that is selfish. I had no one to make dinner for last night, or let outside before bed, or give a nightly treat to that she was always so excited for, and I could not hear her snoring in her sleep, something that used to really annoy me but is now something I miss more than anything. I think the worst thing is coming home and not having anyone to greet me and not having her waiting on the other side of the door with a big smile and excited look on her face, waggling her little nub of a tail.

Heidi was a remarkable companion. She was so loving to everyone and anyone. Whenever someone new would come into the house or if we took her on walks or to her favorite place, Petsmart, she would go up to everyone looking for hugs and kisses. Often times people would be afraid of her at first and people always asked if she was a Pitbull or if she was a biter. By the end of the interactions Heidi would have made a new friend. She was my best friend and went through a lot with me over the years. After a bad day or if I was in a bad mood, Heidi was always there to make it better with her unconditional love. She was a great comfort to me and a huge part of my daily life and I have big void in my life and hole in my heart since she has gone.

To my sweet girl, I miss you more than you could possibly know and I love you more than anything. I know that you are looking down on me and I wish I was stronger for you and that you didn't have to see me crying so much. I hope you are having fun running and playing with your first friends Sassy, Baxter, and Max and I hope you are getting all of the treats and food that you loved so much. I will be with you again soon, my love, and I will never forget the immense joy that you brought to my life. I will love you forever.

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your Heidi. She is a beautiful puppy, that's for sure. I always tell others this, but please try to remember that you gave her the best life possible and you are far better today for having her in your life than had she not been there. The pain hurts, we all know it too well unfortunately. But it's the price we pay for the companionship we enjoy. I know you won't experience this pain for the same amount of time that you enjoyed Heidi's presence. Grief is a necessary thing and we're here to help you navigate if you need it.

Dear Heidi lover, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Heidi. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can once again be healed and restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Heidi. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Heidi lover. As I am older now I have come to believe that the goal of this grief journey is one more of "adjusting" to the physical loss rather than "accepting and moving on." The love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal, Heidi lover - - for love has no boundaries of time and space. The love we share with our beloved companions therefore continues on when they precede us to the angels, for they are forever in our hearts and memories, and they continue to share our lives just as they always have during their earthly journey with us. It is the "adjustment" to not having their precious physical presence with us that we must endure as we continue with our physical earthly journey, and it is an adjustment that is both physically and emotionally painful - - particularly during the deep grief.

Heidi lover, it is important for you to get as much rest as possible and to keep your strength up for this grief journey takes a lot of strength to endure. And it is important for you to know that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Heidi lover, and please let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's always difficult to see them suffer--knowing what may have to be done---My condolences to you!! I know she willbe missed---

Thank you Aaron, mistletoe, moon_beam, and the others again for your encouraging words. I am really grateful that there are people out there who have the ability and kindheartedness to console the pains of strangers and that there is a forum where we can all come together and talk about our beloved pets and the grief that comes with losing them.

After having such a difficult time yesterday morning, the day turned out better than I could have hoped. I kept myself busy running errands and going to a basketball game (which I actually hate, but it was something to do), just mainly staying out of the house. I thought of Heidi often but wasn't overwhelmed with sadness and tears. The nights are hard however, and coming home to my house without Heidi was almost unbearable and when I try to sleep, I just can't turn my mind off. I have a beautiful black cat, Ollie man, who has been acting strange and more clingy than usual. I know he misses Heidi too and he sees that I am sad so it's as if he is trying to fill in for her, which I appreciate and love him for it but it's just not the same. I had such a strong bond with Heidi that I don't think I could ever have the same with another pet.

Today I have teared up a few times but haven't bawled. Not yet at least. I've just been in a somber mood all day and have not been able to leave the house. I just have a feeling that I need to be home and get used to how lonely it feels without Heidi here. The week and especially the day before Heidi passed I had an overwhelming feeling that I needed to be home and whenever I was away I would feel anxious and restless and couldn't wait to be home. I didn't realize it until the last couple of days that my subconscious was telling me that Heidi would soon be gone and that I needed to be with her as much as possible. I'm very glad that was able to be around a lot before her passing.

I've been thinking a lot about Heidi's "lasts". The last time she ate, the last time I gave her a treat, the last time I let her outside, the last time she played. I also think about my "lasts" too, things like "the last time I wore/ heard/ watched this, Heidi was still alive". I feel like that is a bit silly, but I can't help all of these thoughts running through my head.

To my precious angel, I miss you and love you with all of my heart. I feel that I am starting to somewhat get used to you not being here, but I miss all of the times that we spent together playing and running and whatnot. You weren't able to do that toward the end, but I know that you wanted to but your body just wouldn't allow it. I hope that you are running and playing as much as you want and I know that we will be together again one day. Until that day comes, I will continue to love you more than you know.

To all of you grieving the loss of your beloved furball, we are all in this together and we will all overcome it together.

To all of those who have read this far, thank you. I know it was long. It just really helps me being able to write down all of my feelings and thoughts.

Love and prayers to all,
Heidi lover (aka Katy)

Hi, Katy, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. Scientific studies prove that each living being brings an "energy" to their family unit, and when this "energy" is no longer physically present, for whatever reason, it changes the dynamics of the "unit." And it feels as if the house structure itself, in whatever fashion that is, also feels - - and mourns - - the physical absence of this "energy." Even when there are other precious companions in the home, the void of the one who is no longer physically present is numbing and overwhelming to adjust to. And the sound of silence is deafening.

Katy, what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal - - and definitely not silly. Remembering the "lasts" is normal, for this is part of the grief journey - - the mind's and body's way of safely comprehending that Heidi's physical presence is no longer with you. This grief journey is filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds of a myriad of different emotions that can overcome us without any warning. It is important that you give yourself permission to grieve, Katy, for this is healthy. Some folks think that if they distract themselves or suppress their grief that it will help make the physical loss not so painful. Clinical studies prove that suppressing grief can lead to both serious physical and emotional challenges down the road. So, as painful as this grief journey is to experience now, it is much healthier to let the grief emotions out - - which help to cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up from the stress of grief. And it is important that you get as much rest and nourishment as you can because it takes a lot of strength to endure this grief journey.

Katy, each beloved companion has their own special place in our hearts and lives, and no two beloved companions relationship in our lives can ever be the same, for each beloved companion is as individual as any other relationship we have with a human family member or friend. I'm so glad you have your precious Ollie with you. Comforting one another will strengthen the individual bond you have with each other.

Katy, thank you so much for sharing your precious Heidi with us. Please know we are here for you and with you and beside you with every step that you take in your grief journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Katy, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I haven't been on here much lately but a couple of things in your posts really touched my heart. First you said that you will be haunted by feeling her heart beat for the last time. This may be little consolation but I was not with my Nikita when she finally passed and it still haunts me that I wasn't with her when she breathed her last, so no matter which way it goes there is no good way to loose our beloved companions. If we are there we will be haunted by it; if we are not there we will be haunted by that. Second you mentioned thinking about all of the lasts. It has been almost seven months since I lost Nik and I still look at the events of the past year in terms of Nik was alive then or Nik was really sick then. Again, I know that this is little comfort but I do understand where you are comming from. There are no magic words that will take away your grief, this is a process that only time will (slowly) heal, and as I have said it has been almost eight months since I lost my precious Nik and not a day goes by that I don't think of her. I am so so sorry for your loss. This is a place to come where you can share your grief with others who have been, and are still going through the same thing. Try to be strong, the pain will subside. I know you miss your Heidi and nothing can take that away right now but it will get better though you will always miss her.

John

Your story about Heidi made me cry
thank You for sharing her photo
feeling with You
thinking of You and Heidi
my deepest sympathy

Eva
with boxer-girl Freya (1965-1975)