My 3 year old sprocker spaniel was put to sleep on Wednesday. I honestly feel like I buried half of my heart with him and I don't feel complete anymore. We got him just after me and my mum moved into our new, having left my brother, dad, and 9 year old family coccker behind, we needed something with a bit of life in them to make our house feel like a home. It was the school breaks and I spent the majority of my 6 weeks with him. Training him, loving him and creating that bond which people without pets don't understand. He helped me through their divorce and the sad times. When I broke up with my boyfriend at 17, he was there to give me a warm hug. He Always listened, always laid on my lap. Just patiently sitting by me, comforting me when i felt so low. When I came home my mum would go 'Where's Emma?' And he'd run and sit by the dog, tail wagging waiting to welcome me home.
Although he was naughty I loved him so so much. When my mum was out with her new boyfriend, he was there to look after me. A companion for life. We'd walk for hours and hours, always trotting at my side, healing like a good boy.
I don't feel like going into details of why we put him down. It was a combination of a disease called 'Addisons' which mimics kidney failure and epileptic fits. He was on 6 tablets a day for his addisons, otherwise he would collapse and his blood pressure would drop and his internal organs would shut down within a few hours. His fits were gradually getting worse and worse. Closer and closer together. There is nothing more heart wrenching than watching your loved one thrash about, throth at the mouth and soil themselves. Then wake up not knowing who they were, and where they are, and their feet not supporting them. On the Monday night he had his first fit in 7 weeks. 9 more followed throughout the day. I'm sure that he was brain damaged. He was never the same after the 5th one. He would screech and whine for food. He was ravenous. Even though we'd fed him plenty and more. He constantly paced, even though he had had a sedative and i was trying to sooth him. My Alfie had died that Monday night, not the Wednesday.
The car journey to the vets was like a bad dream. He sat in between my legs with his head resting on my knees. His big brown eyes looking at me trying to apologise for all the noise he'd been making, and for scaring us. But also trying to tell me that his body ached, his head hurt and he didn't feel well. Part of me died on that table with him. I feel like a huge chunk of me has been taken away.
I now sleep with his blanket next to me, his scent helps ease the pain and ache in my heart. His little tag which was on his collar is now on my keys, a constant reminder that he's still here with me in my heart and mind. I miss him every minute of everyday. He's the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing at night.
I need to talk to people who understand. I don't think people realise the bond an owner makes with their pet and how hard it is when this bond is broken.
Does it get easier?
They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.
A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.
Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
Full Version: I Miss My Baby So So Much :(
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. You can tell by your words how much you loved him.
From what you've said about his condition, you definitely did the right thing by letting him go. Several years ago my sister, step-father and I had to make the difficult decision to remove our mother's ventilator after it became apparent she would never regain consciousness after an aneurysm in her brain ruptured. I was talking to my Father the day we made the decision and he said "the most selfless thing you can do for someone is to let them go and take their pain onto yourself, and that's what you did for your mother. I only hope you love me enough to do that for me, if I was in her situation."
You did the best thing for your fur friend... you took his pain onto yourself and he's no longer in pain. I promise that you will heal from this... it takes time and that amount of time varies from person to person but someday you'll think about him and rather than cry you'll smile, thinking of his antics or some particular personality quirk he had.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss... please let us know how you're doing and, when you feel you can, we'd all love to hear some stories about him and maybe see a picture or two.
Clay
From what you've said about his condition, you definitely did the right thing by letting him go. Several years ago my sister, step-father and I had to make the difficult decision to remove our mother's ventilator after it became apparent she would never regain consciousness after an aneurysm in her brain ruptured. I was talking to my Father the day we made the decision and he said "the most selfless thing you can do for someone is to let them go and take their pain onto yourself, and that's what you did for your mother. I only hope you love me enough to do that for me, if I was in her situation."
You did the best thing for your fur friend... you took his pain onto yourself and he's no longer in pain. I promise that you will heal from this... it takes time and that amount of time varies from person to person but someday you'll think about him and rather than cry you'll smile, thinking of his antics or some particular personality quirk he had.
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss... please let us know how you're doing and, when you feel you can, we'd all love to hear some stories about him and maybe see a picture or two.
Clay
Dear Emmaa
I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling little fur baby. You had to make a decision to help him to be free from any more pain or suffering, and you did the only thing that could be done for him, out of your love for him. We can't let our darling fur companions suffer when we know that whatever we do or try they will be having to endure more suffering, with no quality of life. He knows how much he is loved and missed, and he will not want you to 'suffer'. He will always be such a big part of you, forever in your heart and soul. I know this seems small comfort right now when the heartache and pain is so raw, but in time you will be able to think of him in a 'happy' way again.
If you feel able it would be lovely to hear more about him, and maybe you could post a photo too. Please let us know how you and your family are doing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling little fur baby. You had to make a decision to help him to be free from any more pain or suffering, and you did the only thing that could be done for him, out of your love for him. We can't let our darling fur companions suffer when we know that whatever we do or try they will be having to endure more suffering, with no quality of life. He knows how much he is loved and missed, and he will not want you to 'suffer'. He will always be such a big part of you, forever in your heart and soul. I know this seems small comfort right now when the heartache and pain is so raw, but in time you will be able to think of him in a 'happy' way again.
If you feel able it would be lovely to hear more about him, and maybe you could post a photo too. Please let us know how you and your family are doing.
My thoughts and prayers are with you all.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
Hi Emma, I am glad you found this site. Please believe me when I say that I (and everyone here) knows how you feel. We lost our 9 year old cat Reggie last Friday and we are devastated by the loss. He was the ying to our other cat's yang and we miss him and their dynamic so so much.
I know the pain you are feeling after just 2 days of having to say good bye to your baby. Right now all you can do is grieve and lean on whomever you can in your time of need. We are here to help you, as others have helped me cope with my loss. It may not seem like it, but sharing pictures and stories of your baby's life might help you, even if a little.
My wife and I have said numerous times how it does not matter how much time we share with our pets, we always want more time to hold them. I asked the same question of why is it so hard - the best answer I can come up with is that these animals love us unconditionally and rely on us so much that the bond we share with them at times surpasses the bonds we have with many humans. They are there EVERY day for us as we are for them and that is a tough pill to swallow when they leave us.
Please take comfort in knowing he will never endure any pain and suffering again and he is happy and healthy where he is. I know that does not offset the physical loss of your baby, but his spirit will forever live on in your heart. Please try to take hold of that and use it to inspire your life. I have tried my best to think that Reggie would want my wife and me to live each day to its fullest. We need to grieve for the loss of our friends, but try to remember to honor their LIVES the best we can through our own lives.
If you are able, please share some more stories and pictures with us so we can better understand how special your friend was. What was his name?
I know the pain you are feeling after just 2 days of having to say good bye to your baby. Right now all you can do is grieve and lean on whomever you can in your time of need. We are here to help you, as others have helped me cope with my loss. It may not seem like it, but sharing pictures and stories of your baby's life might help you, even if a little.
My wife and I have said numerous times how it does not matter how much time we share with our pets, we always want more time to hold them. I asked the same question of why is it so hard - the best answer I can come up with is that these animals love us unconditionally and rely on us so much that the bond we share with them at times surpasses the bonds we have with many humans. They are there EVERY day for us as we are for them and that is a tough pill to swallow when they leave us.
Please take comfort in knowing he will never endure any pain and suffering again and he is happy and healthy where he is. I know that does not offset the physical loss of your baby, but his spirit will forever live on in your heart. Please try to take hold of that and use it to inspire your life. I have tried my best to think that Reggie would want my wife and me to live each day to its fullest. We need to grieve for the loss of our friends, but try to remember to honor their LIVES the best we can through our own lives.
If you are able, please share some more stories and pictures with us so we can better understand how special your friend was. What was his name?
Hi Emmaa,
I'm so sorry about the loss of your gorgeous Alfie. You said you need to talk to people who understand - then you have come to the right place. Each one of us here have loved our pets as if they were our babies, and we all understand the agonizing pain when they phsyically leave us - how it feels like we have been kicked in the stomach, like our insides have been ripped out, how it hurts to even breathe. That's all you need to focus on right now - breathing. Sometimes the pain can get so intense that you realize you've been holding your breath. Just breathe. Allow yourself to grieve for your precious Alfie. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Pound the walls. It's important you get it all out. Talk about how you feel... we are all here to listen. We will all read what you have to say and nod our heads, knowing that we have been there too.
Emmaa, it's important that you understand that Alfie is still with you. Do not think of it as a 'death' but as a transition. Love cannot die. He is now love and energy, all around you, all the time - free from any pain and suffering that he was in. He will always be with you.
I look forward to hearing how you're doing. Take care of yourself.
Cheryl xx
I'm so sorry about the loss of your gorgeous Alfie. You said you need to talk to people who understand - then you have come to the right place. Each one of us here have loved our pets as if they were our babies, and we all understand the agonizing pain when they phsyically leave us - how it feels like we have been kicked in the stomach, like our insides have been ripped out, how it hurts to even breathe. That's all you need to focus on right now - breathing. Sometimes the pain can get so intense that you realize you've been holding your breath. Just breathe. Allow yourself to grieve for your precious Alfie. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Pound the walls. It's important you get it all out. Talk about how you feel... we are all here to listen. We will all read what you have to say and nod our heads, knowing that we have been there too.
Emmaa, it's important that you understand that Alfie is still with you. Do not think of it as a 'death' but as a transition. Love cannot die. He is now love and energy, all around you, all the time - free from any pain and suffering that he was in. He will always be with you.
I look forward to hearing how you're doing. Take care of yourself.
Cheryl xx
~WCHamilton~
I did love him very much indeed.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother and the hard decision yourself and your family had to make. I only hope that the time has eased the pain you feel, and that now you can remember the happy times you spent together.
I try and smile when I think of him now. His alfie mambo he did, when he was wagging his tail so fast and hard that it looked like his bum was dancing. And how he always used to wait until my mum had gone upstairs to get off his bed for a sniff down the kitchen, then run back and lay down before she got downstairs again.
I’ve uploaded some pictures of him. One when he was a puppy and getting up to mischief in a box. The other was about 4 months ago after he’d been to the ‘poodle parlor’ when his coat had come through spotty.
I miss him so so much. Thank you for your kind words they really do help ease the pain.
~Janika~
I know. It’s such a hard decision to make, however seeing him in pain, confused and distressed was so much more painful than the pain I feel now. I’m starting to feel like a weight has been lifted. Sleeping with one ear open (as my mum would say) every night just in case he had a fit is now a distant memory, and the sadness I felt when he woke up in soiled bedding, unbalanced and confused after a fit happens no more. Now I hope that his head no longer hurts, and his body does not ache. I know he’s somewhere, having the time of his life upon a sandy beach. Running around with dogs, digging holes and rushing through the waves.
Thank you for your kind words. You have all helped me ease the pain i’m feeling, and I know that i’m not alone with my grief.
Thank you and hugs to your loved ones who have moved onto wait for us some place else.
Hi Aaron. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful cat Reggie. Let’s hope that Alfie and Reggie are some place peaceful, fully restored to their youth and vigour.
I agree with your answer about their unconditional love. I felt like he was my baby, however strange that sounds. But he was there with me through everything and seemed to understand me in ways even y close family didn’t.
I’m sure the pain will slowly disappear for both of us, and like you said their spirit will live on through us. My heart feels lighter knowing that he’s no longer in pain, however much pain it’s causing me at the moment. I thank you for your kind words, and the insight into your loss. It helps me know that i'm not alone in the grieving of my baby.
Cheryl
Your words made me cry. It’s nice to finally talk to people who understand that this connection is more than just an owner and an animal. You can’t simply ‘get another one’ or brush it off because ‘it’s just a dog’. I felt like Alfie was a sibling or my baby. I wanted to look out for him and care for him as much as he cared and looked after me.
He’s always in my heart, and like I said I try and carry items that remind me of him around with me. The only teddy on my bed now wears a t-shirt we brought him saying ‘The king’. (Don’t worry we were not cruel, he only wore it once for about 10seconds) but it made me laugh how he strutted around the house in that studded top from a supermarket. Really looking like a king.
I know you’re probably on this website due to losing a loved one yourself. If that is then case then i’m very sorry for your loss and I hope Alfie and your loved one are looking upon us now, together in peace and free from pain.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to this post. Like i’ve said before it really helps ease the pain, knowing that you’re not alone.
Take care
Emma
I did love him very much indeed.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mother and the hard decision yourself and your family had to make. I only hope that the time has eased the pain you feel, and that now you can remember the happy times you spent together.
I try and smile when I think of him now. His alfie mambo he did, when he was wagging his tail so fast and hard that it looked like his bum was dancing. And how he always used to wait until my mum had gone upstairs to get off his bed for a sniff down the kitchen, then run back and lay down before she got downstairs again.
I’ve uploaded some pictures of him. One when he was a puppy and getting up to mischief in a box. The other was about 4 months ago after he’d been to the ‘poodle parlor’ when his coat had come through spotty.
I miss him so so much. Thank you for your kind words they really do help ease the pain.
~Janika~
I know. It’s such a hard decision to make, however seeing him in pain, confused and distressed was so much more painful than the pain I feel now. I’m starting to feel like a weight has been lifted. Sleeping with one ear open (as my mum would say) every night just in case he had a fit is now a distant memory, and the sadness I felt when he woke up in soiled bedding, unbalanced and confused after a fit happens no more. Now I hope that his head no longer hurts, and his body does not ache. I know he’s somewhere, having the time of his life upon a sandy beach. Running around with dogs, digging holes and rushing through the waves.
Thank you for your kind words. You have all helped me ease the pain i’m feeling, and I know that i’m not alone with my grief.
Thank you and hugs to your loved ones who have moved onto wait for us some place else.
Hi Aaron. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful cat Reggie. Let’s hope that Alfie and Reggie are some place peaceful, fully restored to their youth and vigour.
I agree with your answer about their unconditional love. I felt like he was my baby, however strange that sounds. But he was there with me through everything and seemed to understand me in ways even y close family didn’t.
I’m sure the pain will slowly disappear for both of us, and like you said their spirit will live on through us. My heart feels lighter knowing that he’s no longer in pain, however much pain it’s causing me at the moment. I thank you for your kind words, and the insight into your loss. It helps me know that i'm not alone in the grieving of my baby.
Cheryl
Your words made me cry. It’s nice to finally talk to people who understand that this connection is more than just an owner and an animal. You can’t simply ‘get another one’ or brush it off because ‘it’s just a dog’. I felt like Alfie was a sibling or my baby. I wanted to look out for him and care for him as much as he cared and looked after me.
He’s always in my heart, and like I said I try and carry items that remind me of him around with me. The only teddy on my bed now wears a t-shirt we brought him saying ‘The king’. (Don’t worry we were not cruel, he only wore it once for about 10seconds) but it made me laugh how he strutted around the house in that studded top from a supermarket. Really looking like a king.
I know you’re probably on this website due to losing a loved one yourself. If that is then case then i’m very sorry for your loss and I hope Alfie and your loved one are looking upon us now, together in peace and free from pain.
Thanks for taking the time to respond to this post. Like i’ve said before it really helps ease the pain, knowing that you’re not alone.
Take care
Emma
Hi, Emmaa, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Alfie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.
As Clay and Jan and Cheryl and Aaron have already shared, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, and unfortunately cannot be rushed. It is very painful - - both physically and emotionally - - particularly in the early deep grief. Our beloved companions do take the part of us with them that we surrendered only to them so that they will have that part of us with them until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. That is why it feels like a part of us is missing, like a part of us die when they precede us to the angels.
Emmaa, thank you so o o very much for sharing with us about your precious Alfie and pictures of him. What a handsome lad he is. Each of us do understand how you're feeling and what you're going through in this grief journey, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And thank you so much for sharing the beautiful poem / song with us. Music, as my mom used to say, is a universal language, and our beloved companions are the "music of our hearts."
Emmaa, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
As Clay and Jan and Cheryl and Aaron have already shared, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, and unfortunately cannot be rushed. It is very painful - - both physically and emotionally - - particularly in the early deep grief. Our beloved companions do take the part of us with them that we surrendered only to them so that they will have that part of us with them until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. That is why it feels like a part of us is missing, like a part of us die when they precede us to the angels.
Emmaa, thank you so o o very much for sharing with us about your precious Alfie and pictures of him. What a handsome lad he is. Each of us do understand how you're feeling and what you're going through in this grief journey, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And thank you so much for sharing the beautiful poem / song with us. Music, as my mom used to say, is a universal language, and our beloved companions are the "music of our hearts."
Emmaa, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I really feel for you Emmaa, how sad for you to lose your beloved dog at such an early age. He was a beautiful boy, so evident how happy and loved he was by your photos. You don't forget them ever, but you do get to go on and be happy again in time with them forever tucked away in that special place in your heart.
Clay, you said it so perfectly and I am so sorry that you lost your mum. xx
madi xx
Clay, you said it so perfectly and I am so sorry that you lost your mum. xx
madi xx
Moon-Beam---Thank you very much for your kind words. I’m glad you understand what I mean about the piece of me missing, it’s so painful.
I’m sorry to know that the majority of people on here have suffered the same pain at some point in their lives. But it’s comforting to know that you all understand what it’s like, and that I’m not exaggerating how much it hurts. You have all helped me through the rough few days following his death and I now feel so much more at ease.
Thank you again
Emma
Hi Madi
He was loved very much indeed. I regret how little photos I have of him actually. I think I took it for granted that he would be with me until he was much, much older. I’m looking forward to that time you describe, where I can be happy again. At the moment the pain is still raw but time will heal that.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I really do appreciate it.
Emma
I know it's only be 4 days since my lovely Alfie passed away, and although it still hurts a lot, I'm finding his passing a lot easier to deal with. My heart does not ache anymore, and i've not cried today at all. I've also found the strength to put pictures up of him on my bedroom door so I can see him whenever I want. My brain on the other hand is taking a bit longer to get used to the fact he's no longer physically with me. I keep thinking stupid things such as 'I'll have to close the bathroom door incase the dog get's in' or 'i'll save that mashed potatoe for the dog' I also woke up this morning and thought ' oh what a lovely morning, i'll take alfie for a walk.' Then reality crashes down upon me. I don't understand why I keep thinking these things, even though I know he's not here anymore. I still miss his hugs, and his waggy tail when I come home from work. Time will heal these wounds though I guess.
Thank you all for your support.
I’m sorry to know that the majority of people on here have suffered the same pain at some point in their lives. But it’s comforting to know that you all understand what it’s like, and that I’m not exaggerating how much it hurts. You have all helped me through the rough few days following his death and I now feel so much more at ease.
Thank you again
Emma
Hi Madi
He was loved very much indeed. I regret how little photos I have of him actually. I think I took it for granted that he would be with me until he was much, much older. I’m looking forward to that time you describe, where I can be happy again. At the moment the pain is still raw but time will heal that.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I really do appreciate it.
Emma
I know it's only be 4 days since my lovely Alfie passed away, and although it still hurts a lot, I'm finding his passing a lot easier to deal with. My heart does not ache anymore, and i've not cried today at all. I've also found the strength to put pictures up of him on my bedroom door so I can see him whenever I want. My brain on the other hand is taking a bit longer to get used to the fact he's no longer physically with me. I keep thinking stupid things such as 'I'll have to close the bathroom door incase the dog get's in' or 'i'll save that mashed potatoe for the dog' I also woke up this morning and thought ' oh what a lovely morning, i'll take alfie for a walk.' Then reality crashes down upon me. I don't understand why I keep thinking these things, even though I know he's not here anymore. I still miss his hugs, and his waggy tail when I come home from work. Time will heal these wounds though I guess.
Thank you all for your support.
Hi, Emmaa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. What you are experiencing, the thoughts of still doing things with your precious Alfie - - is normal. One of the many things your mind is doing is slowly processing the physical absence of your precious companion. And one of the hardest things we have to adjust to in their physical absence is what we do with the time that we shared with them during their earthly journey with us. This is so very hard to do, and it takes awhile for the mind and heart to reconcile the "new reality".
Thank you so much also for the wonderful pictures of your precious Alfie. He is so handsome - - what a loving expression he has as he looks at you. He is looking at you now, Emmaa, with a heart filled with so much love that is no longer confined to the physical laws of time and space. The love bond that we share with our beloved companions is eternal, and nothing can ever take this away from us, not even the dimming of our minds with age.
Emmaa, hold fast to your precious memories of Alfie, and know that he still enjoys hearing you talk to him for the sound of your voice is as sweet to him as it was during his earthly journey with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. And we look forward to sharing more memories of your precious Alfie as you feel up to doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you so much also for the wonderful pictures of your precious Alfie. He is so handsome - - what a loving expression he has as he looks at you. He is looking at you now, Emmaa, with a heart filled with so much love that is no longer confined to the physical laws of time and space. The love bond that we share with our beloved companions is eternal, and nothing can ever take this away from us, not even the dimming of our minds with age.
Emmaa, hold fast to your precious memories of Alfie, and know that he still enjoys hearing you talk to him for the sound of your voice is as sweet to him as it was during his earthly journey with you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. And we look forward to sharing more memories of your precious Alfie as you feel up to doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.