I just lost the love and light of my life. I found Bunny in a ditch when he was a baby. He was wild and didn't trust anyone. I had to wrap him up in a towel just to hold him and pet the top of his head while he growled. It was so cute. After a couple of weeks of that he was mine and gave me so much love every day. He never learned to trust many other people but let me do anything I wanted. I had him for fifteen years and I'm trying really hard to remember that I'm lucky to have had him that long instead of wishing I could have him longer.
He was so beautiful and unique in every way. He was all white, long hair and a short tail like a bunny rabbit. That's why I named him Bunny. He was so intelligent and our relationship was on a spiritual level. We read each others minds all the time, he slept by my pillow, knew when I was sad, gave me purr therapy. He came to me in a time in my life that was very hard and he lifted me up. Everything that he did delighted me and I thought that he was the one thing that life gave me that was special and beautiful. And I felt that way about him every day of my life.
I come to India for a few months every year to study yoga and I always worry about him so much when I'm gone. My parents take care of him while I'm gone and Bunny is OK with that because they cater to his every whim. They always treated him like royalty because they know what he means to me and he has also brought much joy and wonder to their lives as well.
This time I planned to stay in India for five months to study yoga and some day I would like to teach it. I call my house every day to check on everyone and make sure everyone is OK. A few days after I arrived I called and my mom told me that Bunny was sick and in the hospital. He had come into their room dragging his hind legs and meowing in a strange way. They knew that something really bad had happened and took him to the emergency room. He had a blood clot and was in the hospital for two days. Those were the most horrible days. I called him to talk to him on the phone and he would lift his head up when he heard my voice. He was on blood thinners to dissolve the blood clot and morphine for the pain. On the third day I was going to skype with him with the help of my mom and sister but unfortunately he didn't make it. He had another blood clot that went to his heart and he died. I didn't want Bunny to suffer but it was so horrible to get that news and my mom was just hysterical because she loved Bunny and she knew how it would hurt me to lose him.
I am so sad and miss him so much. And most of all I feel terrible that I wasn't there for him when he needed me. I wish that I had gone straight home to be with him. It's a very long flight from India to the US and expensive and I was hoping that he would make it. Anyway, I just hate that I wasn't with him and feel like I let him down. I'm trying not to be depressed and feeling sorry for myself.
I still have nearly five months left and I really just want to go home but at the same time I'm afraid to go home because he won't be there and I just can't imagine that. He loved water especially running water and so I got him a big fountain to drink out of and he loved it. I just can't imagine him not there drinking out of this fountain. It will be so lonely without him and I don't want another animal. When I got him I wasn't looking for a pet. He was a gift, a blessing.
Everyone tells me that he was lucky to have been loved so much but it is hard and painful. I know that everything is impermanent in this life and we have to learn about loss and all that. It's just hard and I wanted to tell about Bunny and how much he means to me.
Someone here gave me the Tibetan Book of the Dead and I have been reading it to him everyday and will do so for the 49 days. It helps a little. I'm also reading the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and I really like it.
Anyway, thank you thank you for reading this and I will continue to post and read the stories of others. Bunny deserves the highest and to be in the highest place. I love him so much.
Here is a picture of him in the hospital. I will upload another picture they took of him when I called and was talking to him and you can see he lifted his head up. I also uploaded a picture I took of him when I came back from India last time. He loved everything new and different. I was unpacking my stuff and spread out and Indian wall hanging and he jumped up on it to lay down on it.
I am sorry I know I am feeling really sorry for myself it's just that I need to share this with people that understand and I wish I could be stronger and Bunny could be proud of me. I am really glad to have this site to post on. I feel better and a little lighter just getting this out and sharing it. Thank you all so much.

Here is the third picture of him the last time I came back from India. It wouldn't fit in the first posting.

Hi, Lammy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Bunny. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Lammy, you are not feeling sorry for yourself, believe me. What you are feeling is normal grief from the physical loss of your beloved Bunny. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence with us is so painful - - both physically and emotionally, for when they precede us to the angels they take with them the part of us that belongs only to them. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it is a sign of being brave or strong, or that the pain of the physical loss and separation won't hurt so much. But in reality, clinical studies prove that suppressing grief eventually leads to both physical and emotional side effects, - - the grief will take its toll both physically and emotionally in unhealthy ways if we suppress it.

Unfortunately with this grief journey comes the emotion of guilt. Since this is a trip you plan every year, your precious Bunny was used to this, and enjoyed his time with his "grandparents" - - for they are a part of you - - his connection to you through them. Blood clots are unpredictable - - unforseeable - - and I am so very sorry that this happened when you were not able to be home. But please know this - - your Bunny felt your presence with him, for love is not bound by the physical laws of time and space - - and love is eternal.

Lammy, hopefully by the time you are scheduled to come home you will look forward to it. Yoga encompasses the entire being - - physical, emotional, and spiritual - - and hopefully it will help guide you to a peaceful place in your heart, mind, and spirit that you will know that Bunny's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you sharing your life now just as he always has, and is forever proud of having you his human guardian during his earthly journey.

Lammy, thank you so o o o much for sharing your precious Bunny with us. What a beautiful lad he is. And hopefully, as you close your eyes - - if not now then one day soon - - you will be able to see him playing once again with the angels and each of the inhabitants in heaven's perfect garden - - once again restored to his former youthfulness.

Lammy, I hope in some way what I have shared with you will help bring some comfort to your sorrowful heart. Please know you are among friends here who do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lammy, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Lammy, my deepest sympathy for your loss. I understand your love for him. I share your pain, I lost my beloved dog just a short time ago and I hurt for him. May our love for these beautiful blessings we had get us through.
-Di

Hi Lammy,

I am so sorry for the painful loss of your gorgeous kitty, Bunny. Firstly, I feel the need to ensure you that you do not have to apologize for "feeling sorry for yourself" as you put it. You have every right to feel sorry for yourself, Lammy. You've just lost a close companion and someone you loved dearly, so please don't apologize for your feelings. Feel whatever you need to feel, let out your grief and emotions. We are all here for you to offer you a cyper hand to hold and a shoulder to cry on. We will not judge you. We've all been there, and we all feel for you. Take each day at a time, and be easy on yourself.

Cheryl xx

Wow, thank you all so much for your support. Honestly it cheered me when I first saw that I had replies and your kind words really spoke to my heart.

Cheryl83,
Thank you for saying that. I'm so glad you read about Bunny and saw his pictures and that you are on this site.

LostInDespair,
I know you all understand and that's why it makes me feel good to read your replies. I am so sorry for your loss. These animals are such a blessing to us.

Moon_beam,
It is true even if I had been home I wouldn't have handled it any better and even if I had only had him a few years or thirty I would never have been ready to let him go. And yes, what you shared with me did bring comfort to my heart.

To all of you: Your comments mean so much to me. I keep reading them over and over. I wish I had internet in my apartment so I could stay on here longer. I am doing a little better everday but the waves of grief continue to come and that is OK. I used to sing songs to Bunny all the time and it would make other people smile to see us together. I always sang to him and would change the lyrics and put his name in it. I called them "lamb songs" because Bunny had many names one of which was lamb (the most popular one). It was just very affectionate. I thought that that was over and that I would never get to sing to him again and there was no singing for a long time after he died. But a few days ago I started singing to him again and it made me happy to think of him...my little lammy pie

I still want to upload the other picture of him but it is too large and I'm trying to make it smaller.

dear lammy
"i would never have been ready to let him go........"
i know
feeling with you
thank you for sharing
Bunny`s life and the photos
beautiful cat Bunny

Eva

blood clot
that is how my Jimmy Klinger was dying

i am very sorry for your loss

Eva

Hi, Lammy, it is so good to hear from you and to know how you're doing. I am so glad you are finding comfort in singing to your precious Bunny. The sound of your voice is as sweet to him now as it has always been - - for he hears the eternal love you have in your heart for him, and is a comfort to the both of you.

The grief emotions are like waves - - sometimes huge rogue waves - - that seem to overwhelm us from the depths of our hearts that ache to once again hold and caress our precious companions. Go with the flow as often as you can. I remember so well being thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could go for a few minutes to collect myself so that I could go back to my desk and resume my work. And then there were the drives to and from work engulfed in gut-wrenching sobbing. It does take awhile but eventually the huge waves of grief that feel like we're drowning do subside. This grief journey is often referred to as a nightmare roller coaster ride, and that is why we are here, Lammy, for you to hold onto as tight as you can, - - for we are here for you, beside you, each of us offering you our support and encouragement through every step.

Lammy, thank you again so much for letting us know how you're doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss of Bunny, it is indeed a very sad way to lose a loved pet. Moon_beam describes the feelings of grief perfectly, that is exactly how I felt and I'm sure how all of us here feel too. Don't ever be afraid to grieve and cry, it is normal and if that's feeling sorry for yourself, then you are not alone my friend. Your Bunny was so beautiful and I'm sure she couldn't have been in better hands, you sound like you have a wonderful mother xx

PS, I'm glad I'm not the only one who talks to animals on the phone xx

madi xoxo

I just read your posts about Jimmy and it really went straight to my heart. It is so hard when your baby is so sick and might not make it and you just have to hope and pray and try to be positive. When Bunny was in the hospital for two days I prayed constantly. I never stopped and even whispered them like a mantra when I was doing other things like cooking or cleaning. Other times I was just pacing back and forth or lying in the floor begging and pleading for his life. It was really hard because I felt like if I could just "pray the right way" maybe it would save him. I even prayed to God to help me pray the right way. I tried to pray like I had already recieved what I asked for -Bunny's healing- but it was so hard to have the faith when you are terrified. I couldn't help but feel like I was letting him down. Ultimately I know that isn't true because we have no control but we can just do our best and that is all.

I am so sorry that you went through that and my heart and love goes out to you.

Madi,
Thank you for your post. When I read these replies it feels like love lapping against the shores of my heart and that is how your post felt to me. Thank you. I don't feel alone here. Bunny was in good hands. His doctors really love animals and are very special people and they tried to get him alternaltive treatments to save him. Where I live it is hard to find doctors that will do that so I was very grateful to them. There was also a woman there and her job is just to be an advocate for the animals. I'm not really sure how she got that job but I thought it was wonderful. She helped my mom a lot and took the pictures of him when I called to talk to him and emailed them to me. What a kind person. I will be forever thankful for that and want to meet her when I go home.

My mom is wonderful. I love her so much. I felt so bad that she had to deal with that all by herself. She even told me that it was an honor to be with Bunny until the end. I call every morning and night to check on her and make sure she is OK.

Thank you for saying Bunny was beautiful. I read about Ulriich and can't believe that that happened. It seems so unfair and unnecessary. It seems like no matter how much we try to protect our beloved babies we cannot protect them at all.
with much love and gratitude,
lammy

I finally figured out how to crop this photo so I could post it. I just wanted to show one of him when he was well and happy. This is the first time I came back from India and I was unpacking my suitcase. Bunny loved everything new and would lay on it. As soon as I unpacked the wall hanging he sniffed around and settled down on it. He is so content in this picture. That was a really good moment that I will never forget. It was so good to be together again.

The picture is beautiful, thank you for sharing. She looked like an Angel even when here on Earth. Now she is an angel, watching over you always

Cheryl x

thank you, dear lammy
Eva

as time goes by
the fond memories will stay
and the heartache should be getting less