This is my first visit to this forum, I think it's going to help me a lot.
I had my cat euthanised yesterday, Tinou was 11 years old. This is the first time I go throught the death of my animal. My cat has been sick for the past 4-5 days, didn't eat, drink-and my cat is a big eater. He lost about 6 pounds all of a suden-something was wrong. He was very weak and his fur started changing. Poor thing! We had to give him drops of water because he didn't want to drink. We never thought it would have been that bad, we would have brought him sooner to the vet.
The vet could not find anything wrong after examination (touch) and suggested a batterie of test and fluids to check what was wrong with him or euthanise him. After debating our options and crying our eyes out, we decided to euthanise him. I have a feeling he was sick for a month or 2 but will never know. Our cat left this world very weak and sick and I hate that he left that way. On top of that, we had left him all weekend at home not knowing it was that bad (but someone was checking him during our absence), so I feel like we didn't spend enough time with him during his last days.
The reason we choose to euthanise him over a batterie of tests was because the vet bills would have been way over our budget and we could not afford it. And the cat was suffering enough, we didn't want it to keep going on like that.
Now I regret my decision, I feel guilty. Maybe we should have went the other way and pay for all the tests-maybe he just ate something and would have been better after some medications. But, I have a feeling we would have discovered that he had something very wrong with him and this would have been useless. I think if we would have known if the cat was sick or that he had cancer or something, it would have been less hard on us, we feel like there was no reason for us to euthanise him and we did it just because we were cheap. I don't know. I take comfort in my feeling that he was sick and like the vet said, that not all cats live up to 15 years of age. Maybe it was his time.
I just find it very hard and I keep thinking that we made a decision too fast and should have thought about it more. I miss him so much. I feel so much pain, I feel like I could cry all day again today. Is this normal??????? Will this feeling go away?????? I guess time will tell...Did I make the right decision?????
Mama
Full Version: Did I Make The Right Decision?
First of all, Tinou, welcome to the Forums, and I am so sorry for the loss of your cat.
First of all, let me say that if your cat lost that much weight that quickly there was something wrong with him, and something serious. A cat's liver doesn't handle the metabolism of fat very well and if he lost that kind of weight that quickly it indicates something was wrong with him.
As for the pain, grieving a pet is different for everyone. Some people get through the crushing grief very quickly; when my dog Winston was hit by a car and killed in July I was absolutely devastated and for the first week I was an absolute wreck. I can say that the grief I felt over his death was almost as strong as the grief I felt when my mother died. This isn't a slight against my mother but a testament to the love I had for Winston. After that first week the crushing grief was replaced with a sense of loss and it's only now, almost three months after he died, that I can think of him and his antics without crying.
You're going to go through alot of different emotions as you process the loss of Tinou, but DON'T doubt what you did and if it was right. No one knew your cat like you did and you knew that he was suffering, and you chose to end that suffering. Could tests have revealed something? Maybe. But consider this... if you had found something and it needed Tinou to be kept at the vet for treatment, all he would know is that he was being hurt (shots, force feeding, whatever) at the hands of someone he doesn't know and he would have no idea why. You can't explain to an animal that what they're going through is for their own good.
I am going to assume, since you didn't say otherwise, that you were with Tinou when he was put to sleep. Your cat died while you held and pet him, telling him what a good cat he was. He wasn't scared, he was comforted by you, his person, as he gently went to sleep. I think we should all be that lucky that, when we die, it's under those kinds of circumstances.
Again, I am so sorry for the loss of Tinou, but you've come to the right place for support and sympathy. We've all experienced what you're going through and not ONE person here will judge you. We're a family, bound together by the love of our pets and the pain of their passing.
Welcome to our family.
First of all, let me say that if your cat lost that much weight that quickly there was something wrong with him, and something serious. A cat's liver doesn't handle the metabolism of fat very well and if he lost that kind of weight that quickly it indicates something was wrong with him.
As for the pain, grieving a pet is different for everyone. Some people get through the crushing grief very quickly; when my dog Winston was hit by a car and killed in July I was absolutely devastated and for the first week I was an absolute wreck. I can say that the grief I felt over his death was almost as strong as the grief I felt when my mother died. This isn't a slight against my mother but a testament to the love I had for Winston. After that first week the crushing grief was replaced with a sense of loss and it's only now, almost three months after he died, that I can think of him and his antics without crying.
You're going to go through alot of different emotions as you process the loss of Tinou, but DON'T doubt what you did and if it was right. No one knew your cat like you did and you knew that he was suffering, and you chose to end that suffering. Could tests have revealed something? Maybe. But consider this... if you had found something and it needed Tinou to be kept at the vet for treatment, all he would know is that he was being hurt (shots, force feeding, whatever) at the hands of someone he doesn't know and he would have no idea why. You can't explain to an animal that what they're going through is for their own good.
I am going to assume, since you didn't say otherwise, that you were with Tinou when he was put to sleep. Your cat died while you held and pet him, telling him what a good cat he was. He wasn't scared, he was comforted by you, his person, as he gently went to sleep. I think we should all be that lucky that, when we die, it's under those kinds of circumstances.
Again, I am so sorry for the loss of Tinou, but you've come to the right place for support and sympathy. We've all experienced what you're going through and not ONE person here will judge you. We're a family, bound together by the love of our pets and the pain of their passing.
Welcome to our family.
Thank you so much wchamilton, thank you for your kind words. It does help me to have someone else besides friends and family telling me that we did the right thing. You are right, I was with him until the end. I held his little paw in my arms and he was warm with love. I am the last person he saw before going away. I take comfort in your words that I am going to feel better soon. I never dealt with death until now, not even with someone in my family. This is all new to me and still so fresh.
Sorry for your loss as well. It's weird how a little animal can become someone so special in our lives. Winston must have been a really good dog for you to love him that much.
Thank you for your words.
Sorry for your loss as well. It's weird how a little animal can become someone so special in our lives. Winston must have been a really good dog for you to love him that much.
Thank you for your words.
QUOTE (Tinou @ Oct 19 2010, 01:41 PM) 
Thank you so much wchamilton, thank you for your kind words. It does help me to have someone else besides friends and family telling me that we did the right thing. You are right, I was with him until the end. I held his little paw in my arms and he was warm with love. I am the last person he saw before going away. I take comfort in your words that I am going to feel better soon. I never dealt with death until now, not even with someone in my family. This is all new to me and still so fresh.
Sorry for your loss as well. It's weird how a little animal can become someone so special in our lives. Winston must have been a really good dog for you to love him that much.
Thank you for your words.
Sorry for your loss as well. It's weird how a little animal can become someone so special in our lives. Winston must have been a really good dog for you to love him that much.
Thank you for your words.
That's the way everyone should pass on... safe in the presence of someone they love. You did the right thing for your Tinou... never doubt that.
And yes, Winston was an incredible dog... you can read about him in my "RIP Winston T. Puppy" thread if you feel so inclined, but this thread isn't about me, it's about you.
If I can ask, are you bringing Tinou home?
No, we've decided not to. As soon as I feel better, I will create a nice album with all his pictures.
I'll definitely check out Winston's story!
I'll definitely check out Winston's story!
Hi, Mama, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Tinou. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. And it doesn't matter if it's our first grief experience or our fiftieth - - the grief journey is painful because of the individual relationship we have shared with our best friend and other factors that are happening, and have happened, in our lives.
Euthanasia is the last gift of love that we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing physical bodies once again restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
As Clay has so compassionately shared, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one minute at a time journey, particularly in the early deep grief. There are so many emotions, ups and downs, highs and lows, and turn arounds - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately guilt - - the second guessing - - is a challenge to reconcile. Our hearts are filled with so much sorrow and emptiness, and we are faced with the "hindsights" - - "what ifs", "why didn't I", "why did I", and so forth. I totally agree with Clay - - you did the very best for your precious Tinou. Unfortunately our beloved companions' physical bodies are subject to the same illnesses that we experience. And their survival code is to do everything they can to hide and disguise their illnesses and weaknesses until it is so obvious that something is wrong, and we then know that we need to get them to their doctor. And usually by the time their illness is manifesting itself it has progressed to the point where there is very little that can be done - - except to send them home to the angels.
Please do not blame yourself for not putting your precious Tinou through the battery of tests. There is always the possibility that he would not have survived the tests, and that would have made you feel guilty for having subjected him to all that misery. I am not a licensed Veterinary Technician, but I did take the courses, and believe me, - - you gave your very best to your precious Tinou, and he knows that - - even now - - especially now - - as he reaches out to you with his sweet Living Spirit letting you know he's okay and happy.
Mama, one of the most important things to remember during this grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us does understand what you are feeling and what you are going through. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. In 6 weeks it will be one year since my handsome Black Lab, Oslo, joined the angels (see my post "Oslo" if you'd like), and last Friday, October 15, was the 7 month anniversary of my beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle joining the angels (see my post on "Abbygayle's Journey if you'd like).
I hope at some point in time you will share with us a picture of your precious Tinou, and share with us some of your memories. And in time as the grief eases, Mama, I hope you will feel the presence of Tinou's sweet Living Spirit still with you just as he always has been and will always be. The love bond that we share with our beloved companions during their earthly journey does not end when they join the angels before us. The love bond is not restricted by the physical laws of time and space - - it is eternal - - and this is true with our beloved companions.
Mama, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Euthanasia is the last gift of love that we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be released from their failing physical bodies once again restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
As Clay has so compassionately shared, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one minute at a time journey, particularly in the early deep grief. There are so many emotions, ups and downs, highs and lows, and turn arounds - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately guilt - - the second guessing - - is a challenge to reconcile. Our hearts are filled with so much sorrow and emptiness, and we are faced with the "hindsights" - - "what ifs", "why didn't I", "why did I", and so forth. I totally agree with Clay - - you did the very best for your precious Tinou. Unfortunately our beloved companions' physical bodies are subject to the same illnesses that we experience. And their survival code is to do everything they can to hide and disguise their illnesses and weaknesses until it is so obvious that something is wrong, and we then know that we need to get them to their doctor. And usually by the time their illness is manifesting itself it has progressed to the point where there is very little that can be done - - except to send them home to the angels.
Please do not blame yourself for not putting your precious Tinou through the battery of tests. There is always the possibility that he would not have survived the tests, and that would have made you feel guilty for having subjected him to all that misery. I am not a licensed Veterinary Technician, but I did take the courses, and believe me, - - you gave your very best to your precious Tinou, and he knows that - - even now - - especially now - - as he reaches out to you with his sweet Living Spirit letting you know he's okay and happy.
Mama, one of the most important things to remember during this grief journey is that you are not alone. Each of us does understand what you are feeling and what you are going through. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. In 6 weeks it will be one year since my handsome Black Lab, Oslo, joined the angels (see my post "Oslo" if you'd like), and last Friday, October 15, was the 7 month anniversary of my beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle joining the angels (see my post on "Abbygayle's Journey if you'd like).
I hope at some point in time you will share with us a picture of your precious Tinou, and share with us some of your memories. And in time as the grief eases, Mama, I hope you will feel the presence of Tinou's sweet Living Spirit still with you just as he always has been and will always be. The love bond that we share with our beloved companions during their earthly journey does not end when they join the angels before us. The love bond is not restricted by the physical laws of time and space - - it is eternal - - and this is true with our beloved companions.
Mama, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I haven't got much time to write a long reply, so I'm going to keep it short - YES, I definately believe you did the right thing. I think deep down in your heart you know this too. Please don't be hard on yourself by questioning it. You loved your precious kitty and did what was best. I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there and take each day as it comes.
Cheryl x
Cheryl x
Dear Tinou's Mama
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tinou. As Clay said for him to lose so much weight so quickly there must have been a very serious illness. Your love for him helped you to make the decision to stop any more pain and suffering. Yes he might have had a little more time, but that wouldn't have been good for him, not if he was suffering. I know how you feel though, as do many of our LS friends. We question our decisions. Did we leave them too long?- My worry about Tasha. Was it too soon? If only we'd been with them and If only we'd brought them home (thats my guilt with Noushka). I do feel that you were right, and you were with your dear Tinou. That means so much.
I send my prayers and hugs.
Jan and my Angels and Pixie
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tinou. As Clay said for him to lose so much weight so quickly there must have been a very serious illness. Your love for him helped you to make the decision to stop any more pain and suffering. Yes he might have had a little more time, but that wouldn't have been good for him, not if he was suffering. I know how you feel though, as do many of our LS friends. We question our decisions. Did we leave them too long?- My worry about Tasha. Was it too soon? If only we'd been with them and If only we'd brought them home (thats my guilt with Noushka). I do feel that you were right, and you were with your dear Tinou. That means so much.
I send my prayers and hugs.
Jan and my Angels and Pixie
QUOTE (Tinou @ Oct 19 2010, 01:10 PM)
This is my first visit to this forum, I think it's going to help me a lot.
I had my cat euthanised yesterday, Tinou was 11 years old. This is the first time I go throught the death of my animal. My cat has been sick for the past 4-5 days, didn't eat, drink-and my cat is a big eater. He lost about 6 pounds all of a suden-something was wrong. He was very weak and his fur started changing. Poor thing! We had to give him drops of water because he didn't want to drink. We never thought it would have been that bad, we would have brought him sooner to the vet.
The vet could not find anything wrong after examination (touch) and suggested a batterie of test and fluids to check what was wrong with him or euthanise him. After debating our options and crying our eyes out, we decided to euthanise him. I have a feeling he was sick for a month or 2 but will never know. Our cat left this world very weak and sick and I hate that he left that way. On top of that, we had left him all weekend at home not knowing it was that bad (but someone was checking him during our absence), so I feel like we didn't spend enough time with him during his last days.
The reason we choose to euthanise him over a batterie of tests was because the vet bills would have been way over our budget and we could not afford it. And the cat was suffering enough, we didn't want it to keep going on like that.
Now I regret my decision, I feel guilty. Maybe we should have went the other way and pay for all the tests-maybe he just ate something and would have been better after some medications. But, I have a feeling we would have discovered that he had something very wrong with him and this would have been useless. I think if we would have known if the cat was sick or that he had cancer or something, it would have been less hard on us, we feel like there was no reason for us to euthanise him and we did it just because we were cheap. I don't know. I take comfort in my feeling that he was sick and like the vet said, that not all cats live up to 15 years of age. Maybe it was his time.
I just find it very hard and I keep thinking that we made a decision too fast and should have thought about it more. I miss him so much. I feel so much pain, I feel like I could cry all day again today. Is this normal??????? Will this feeling go away?????? I guess time will tell...Did I make the right decision?????
Mama
I had my cat euthanised yesterday, Tinou was 11 years old. This is the first time I go throught the death of my animal. My cat has been sick for the past 4-5 days, didn't eat, drink-and my cat is a big eater. He lost about 6 pounds all of a suden-something was wrong. He was very weak and his fur started changing. Poor thing! We had to give him drops of water because he didn't want to drink. We never thought it would have been that bad, we would have brought him sooner to the vet.
The vet could not find anything wrong after examination (touch) and suggested a batterie of test and fluids to check what was wrong with him or euthanise him. After debating our options and crying our eyes out, we decided to euthanise him. I have a feeling he was sick for a month or 2 but will never know. Our cat left this world very weak and sick and I hate that he left that way. On top of that, we had left him all weekend at home not knowing it was that bad (but someone was checking him during our absence), so I feel like we didn't spend enough time with him during his last days.
The reason we choose to euthanise him over a batterie of tests was because the vet bills would have been way over our budget and we could not afford it. And the cat was suffering enough, we didn't want it to keep going on like that.
Now I regret my decision, I feel guilty. Maybe we should have went the other way and pay for all the tests-maybe he just ate something and would have been better after some medications. But, I have a feeling we would have discovered that he had something very wrong with him and this would have been useless. I think if we would have known if the cat was sick or that he had cancer or something, it would have been less hard on us, we feel like there was no reason for us to euthanise him and we did it just because we were cheap. I don't know. I take comfort in my feeling that he was sick and like the vet said, that not all cats live up to 15 years of age. Maybe it was his time.
I just find it very hard and I keep thinking that we made a decision too fast and should have thought about it more. I miss him so much. I feel so much pain, I feel like I could cry all day again today. Is this normal??????? Will this feeling go away?????? I guess time will tell...Did I make the right decision?????
Mama
From what I hear this is very normal. I came to your post today because I needed to be hear today after making my last payment to a very high vet bill. It was not just the bill it was having to go to the painful place of remembering where I last saw my angel alive. You heart will never lie, you know that first feeling is usually the right one. I take solace in the thought our fury babies know what burden we can take and what we can't. You gave him the best for 11 years and he knew you loved him. And some how some way they know what we feel before we do. Maybe thats why he gave you no sign otherwise to take drastic measures. Guilt is a big part of grieving but you just try to hold on to all the memories the good and the bad. It is something you have forever. Coming to this site was a good choice. It helps! I am still a work in progress very far from where I think I should be but each experience is it of its own (different for everyone). Take all the time you need to heal. My thoughts and prayers are with each of you for I was where you are at not long ago. Be well and take care.
i am so sorry for your loss. you did the right thing. your grief is strong, and it will ease with time. i'd be lying if i say if goes away completely. although it is different for each person. i lost my two cats and my two dogs within two years of each other. all from old age related illnesse's. and it still hurts but not as bad as it did when they first all passed. im glad you were with your furbaby till the end. i am a strong believer that they came into my life i need to be there when they go out of my life. just me.
i never thought after losing all of them so suddenly and all within 2 yrs...that i could even love another like i did them. they were all my babies.
it took awile but i have now aqquired two dogs...(again) and boy let me tell you they just filled the void i had in my heart.
i did have a very hard time whent hey first came to me...i kept thinking....nope not gonna get attached. yeah right...i kept thinking...i know how it all ends....and i didnt want my heart to break again....
but ...... i kept telling my self that... they need love and a home....and did i really want to miss all the in betweens? the joy ? the love? and most of all the way they give themselves to you? ...i didnt. and now ive opened up and gave my heart again...
i tell you this because i want you to know...that you have a lot of love in your heart,,,your a good mommy and you will get better in time.....it takes time...i dont know how much time...but time....
and when you look back you will remember your kitty and you will get a warm fuzzy feeling when you think if your kitty...and not that feeling of blah that you have right now. i call it the ick factor...that ick feeling knowing they are not there...
but your kitty will always be with you in your heart.
i am so sorry for your loss. xox
i never thought after losing all of them so suddenly and all within 2 yrs...that i could even love another like i did them. they were all my babies.
it took awile but i have now aqquired two dogs...(again) and boy let me tell you they just filled the void i had in my heart.
i did have a very hard time whent hey first came to me...i kept thinking....nope not gonna get attached. yeah right...i kept thinking...i know how it all ends....and i didnt want my heart to break again....
but ...... i kept telling my self that... they need love and a home....and did i really want to miss all the in betweens? the joy ? the love? and most of all the way they give themselves to you? ...i didnt. and now ive opened up and gave my heart again...
i tell you this because i want you to know...that you have a lot of love in your heart,,,your a good mommy and you will get better in time.....it takes time...i dont know how much time...but time....
and when you look back you will remember your kitty and you will get a warm fuzzy feeling when you think if your kitty...and not that feeling of blah that you have right now. i call it the ick factor...that ick feeling knowing they are not there...
but your kitty will always be with you in your heart.
i am so sorry for your loss. xox
I'm so sorry for your loss Tinou. I lost my best buddy Moose on 10/09/10 after making the same heartbreaking decision. My thoughts are with you.
Cindy
Cindy
Thank you everyone for the kind words! Wow! Never thought you would take the time to write a message!
The more I think of it, the more I think we made the right decision. The guilt feeling is slowly starting to go away, after a couple of anxiety attacks.
My little Tinou was sick and we just didn't see the signs and like you say Moon_Beam, he was probably sick for a long time and decided to let us know right at the end.
This weekend was pretty hard as our 3 ½ year old daughter started talking about how she missed our cat. I think that's the hardest of everything, having to put on a strong face to a little innocent girl who hasn't a clue what death is. But she knows he's in a better place. He was there since she was born.
A week ago exactly from today, we said goodbye to our cat. I'm better and can now look at a picture of our cat without tearing up but his presence is dearly missed. It is getting better. This site has helped me a great deal. Everybody has it's own story to share.
Thank you everyone!!!!!!
Mama
The more I think of it, the more I think we made the right decision. The guilt feeling is slowly starting to go away, after a couple of anxiety attacks.
My little Tinou was sick and we just didn't see the signs and like you say Moon_Beam, he was probably sick for a long time and decided to let us know right at the end.
This weekend was pretty hard as our 3 ½ year old daughter started talking about how she missed our cat. I think that's the hardest of everything, having to put on a strong face to a little innocent girl who hasn't a clue what death is. But she knows he's in a better place. He was there since she was born.
A week ago exactly from today, we said goodbye to our cat. I'm better and can now look at a picture of our cat without tearing up but his presence is dearly missed. It is getting better. This site has helped me a great deal. Everybody has it's own story to share.
Thank you everyone!!!!!!
Mama
Hi, Mama, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. Please keep in mind that children grieve differently from adults, and their understanding of death can be quite amazing. Also, please keep in mind that this is your daughter's first experience with death, and even though she is very young, this may influence her coping abilities with death later on in her life. There are some excellent books you might want to read that may offer you some options on how to talk to your little girl about Tinou's journey to the angels.
I am so glad that you are finding peace about your decision to help Tinou on his journey to the angels. I do so understand those anxiety attacks - - the "what have I done" questions - - the guilt. That is why it is important to stay focused on what our precious companions needed so that they are no longer living in a state of agonizing pain that has permanently taken away their quality of life with us.
Mama, please know that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing and how things are going.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I am so glad that you are finding peace about your decision to help Tinou on his journey to the angels. I do so understand those anxiety attacks - - the "what have I done" questions - - the guilt. That is why it is important to stay focused on what our precious companions needed so that they are no longer living in a state of agonizing pain that has permanently taken away their quality of life with us.
Mama, please know that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing and how things are going.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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