Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
Full Version: Fractured By Dispair
I'm so sorry for your loss of Squiggy, I know where you're at at the moment, I've been there and it's the most horrible feeling in the world. Worse still when you don't have anyone around to talk to who understands. Grief always seems to make us regret our decisions, no matter how right they are, all we know is we miss them beyond belief and we want them back. It takes a lot of time and talking through to accept in your mind what you have lost. I'm so glad you found this forum and I'm sure you'll get some great advice and understanding from people here. Thinking of you xx
madi xx
madi xx
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Oct 12 2010, 08:19 AM) 
Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
I am so sorry for your loss, LostInDespair. Losing a pet is hard, especially when you don't have the support of family that understands the depth of your grief.
Even if you can't get the support you need from your family, you'll get it here. We're a family here, bound by the love we have for our pets and the shared pain of their loss.
Welcome to our family, and please let us know how you're doing.
I am so sorry to hear of your recent loss......I lost my Mozart just 6 days ago...there were times I cried so hard that I could barely breathe....I still feel so guilty that I couldn't do something. It is so much more diffcult on you since no one in your family understands the increditable pain you are feeling. I'm new here but know that the others here have experienced the awful loneliness,guilt, and pain you now feel.Try to take each day,be kind to yourself....don't let any guilt you have creep in.If you can maybe do something nice for somebody who needs help as a tribte to your Squiggy.I am just now able to contain my tears a bit better.
Terry
Terry
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Oct 12 2010, 07:19 AM)
Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
Dearest LostInDespair,
Allow me to extend my deepest condolences on your loss of precious Squiggy.
I am so very sorry and clearly understand and empathize with your pain, feelings of guilt, grief, devastation and your shattered world. I too know how it feels when family and friends just don't want to hear about it for this, that or the other reasons they have. There's a thread in the Pet Loss Support Resources and Articles area here at LS about just that and a whole lot more which you're sharing, so I'm going to link you directly to that thread so you don't have to hunt it down. Please read the short snippet which is within that Website. Please click the link below ...Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss
<<Snippet>>
For pet lovers, the death of a cherished companion can be as painful as the death of a relative or friend. In fact, the death of a pet can affect some of us even more than the death of a relative or friend.
When a pet becomes terminally ill or dies, it is natural to hope that your pain will be acknowledged, even if it is not shared, by your support group of family, friends, and coworkers. Although you may value your pet as much or more than many of your relationships with people, the significance of your loss may not be fully appreciated by those you turn to for support. Your grief may be intensified if you are disappointed by the lack of empathy from someone you turn to for support. You do not need approval to justify the pain you feel because of the loss of your pet. You do not need to justify your feelings to anyone. On the other hand, understand that not everyone can appreciate the joy you experienced with your pet, or how their loss has shattered your world. Perhaps they are distracted with their own turmoil, and simply are not emotionally available to you right now.
Move toward people who show you compassion. They may emerge from the least expected places. Open yourself to colleagues at work; you might make a new friend. Validate your pain with people who understand, such as your veterinarian, veterinary technician, groomer, or another pet owner. A local pet grief support group or bereavement might provide the comfort you need.
<<End Snippet>>
Please also click on the candle image below.
It's a free, non-denominational, loving, caring, comforting journey ...
Winging many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this gawd awful time, Dear One.
I Wish You Peace.
Many Comforting Hugs and Lighting Candles for You and Your Angel Fur Child Squiggy.
Always, Dottie xoxoxox
Hi, LostinDespair, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies on the loss of your beloved Squiggy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can be healed from their failing physical bodies in the company of the angels.
LostinDespair, this grief journey is one the worst experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so painful for us - - both physically and emotionally.
I am sorry you are not receiving support from your family. However, clinical studies show that this is not uncommon, particularly with the loss of beloved companion. That is why forums like Lightning Strike were formed so that people can come to a place where they can find support and encouragement and comfort and hope during their grief journey.
And so, LostinDespair, please know you are among friends here who do understand first hand what you are going through. This grief journey is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as the "nightmare roller coaster ride" - - so very unpredictable. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will find that your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - just as he always has been and always will be, for the love bond you shared during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - and so it continues on even now for Squiggy is forever in your heart and memories.
LostinDespair, thank you so o o much for sharing your precious Squiggy with us. Perhaps sometime you can post a picture of him here. We look forward to sharing your many memories of him. Unfortunately in the early stages of our grief journey, our precious happy memories are veiled with the consuming emotion of guilt. This is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile, for guilt comes from the "looking back" and trying to make sense out of all the things we wish we "could have done", "should have done" "should not have done", "why didn't I", etc.. But guilt is not where our beloved companions want us to be. Our beloved companions want us to remember them with a happy heart, and hopefully someday - - when you least expect it, LostinDespair, you will be thinking of your precious Squiggy and will find yourself smiling. And when this happens, LostinDespair, hopefully your heart will be warmed by feeling the presence of your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit.
LostinDespair, I know there are no adequate words that can soothe your broken heart right now. The tears you shed are healing tears. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that their loss will not be so painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppression only prolongs the grief journey, and can literally cause physical medical problems.
LostinDespair, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LostinDespair, this grief journey is one the worst experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so painful for us - - both physically and emotionally.
I am sorry you are not receiving support from your family. However, clinical studies show that this is not uncommon, particularly with the loss of beloved companion. That is why forums like Lightning Strike were formed so that people can come to a place where they can find support and encouragement and comfort and hope during their grief journey.
And so, LostinDespair, please know you are among friends here who do understand first hand what you are going through. This grief journey is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as the "nightmare roller coaster ride" - - so very unpredictable. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will find that your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - just as he always has been and always will be, for the love bond you shared during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - and so it continues on even now for Squiggy is forever in your heart and memories.
LostinDespair, thank you so o o much for sharing your precious Squiggy with us. Perhaps sometime you can post a picture of him here. We look forward to sharing your many memories of him. Unfortunately in the early stages of our grief journey, our precious happy memories are veiled with the consuming emotion of guilt. This is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile, for guilt comes from the "looking back" and trying to make sense out of all the things we wish we "could have done", "should have done" "should not have done", "why didn't I", etc.. But guilt is not where our beloved companions want us to be. Our beloved companions want us to remember them with a happy heart, and hopefully someday - - when you least expect it, LostinDespair, you will be thinking of your precious Squiggy and will find yourself smiling. And when this happens, LostinDespair, hopefully your heart will be warmed by feeling the presence of your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit.
LostinDespair, I know there are no adequate words that can soothe your broken heart right now. The tears you shed are healing tears. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that their loss will not be so painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppression only prolongs the grief journey, and can literally cause physical medical problems.
LostinDespair, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Oct 12 2010, 02:46 PM)
Hi, LostinDespair, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies on the loss of your beloved Squiggy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can be healed from their failing physical bodies in the company of the angels.
LostinDespair, this grief journey is one the worst experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so painful for us - - both physically and emotionally.
I am sorry you are not receiving support from your family. However, clinical studies show that this is not uncommon, particularly with the loss of beloved companion. That is why forums like Lightning Strike were formed so that people can come to a place where they can find support and encouragement and comfort and hope during their grief journey.
And so, LostinDespair, please know you are among friends here who do understand first hand what you are going through. This grief journey is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as the "nightmare roller coaster ride" - - so very unpredictable. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will find that your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - just as he always has been and always will be, for the love bond you shared during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - and so it continues on even now for Squiggy is forever in your heart and memories.
LostinDespair, thank you so o o much for sharing your precious Squiggy with us. Perhaps sometime you can post a picture of him here. We look forward to sharing your many memories of him. Unfortunately in the early stages of our grief journey, our precious happy memories are veiled with the consuming emotion of guilt. This is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile, for guilt comes from the "looking back" and trying to make sense out of all the things we wish we "could have done", "should have done" "should not have done", "why didn't I", etc.. But guilt is not where our beloved companions want us to be. Our beloved companions want us to remember them with a happy heart, and hopefully someday - - when you least expect it, LostinDespair, you will be thinking of your precious Squiggy and will find yourself smiling. And when this happens, LostinDespair, hopefully your heart will be warmed by feeling the presence of your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit.
LostinDespair, I know there are no adequate words that can soothe your broken heart right now. The tears you shed are healing tears. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that their loss will not be so painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppression only prolongs the grief journey, and can literally cause physical medical problems.
LostinDespair, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
LostinDespair, this grief journey is one the worst experiences we will have on this side of eternity. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their physical presence is so painful for us - - both physically and emotionally.
I am sorry you are not receiving support from your family. However, clinical studies show that this is not uncommon, particularly with the loss of beloved companion. That is why forums like Lightning Strike were formed so that people can come to a place where they can find support and encouragement and comfort and hope during their grief journey.
And so, LostinDespair, please know you are among friends here who do understand first hand what you are going through. This grief journey is filled with so many highs and lows, ups and downs, and turnarounds. It is frequently referred to as the "nightmare roller coaster ride" - - so very unpredictable. Hopefully in time as the deep grief eases you will find that your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit is still with you - - just as he always has been and always will be, for the love bond you shared during his earthly journey with you is eternal - - and so it continues on even now for Squiggy is forever in your heart and memories.
LostinDespair, thank you so o o much for sharing your precious Squiggy with us. Perhaps sometime you can post a picture of him here. We look forward to sharing your many memories of him. Unfortunately in the early stages of our grief journey, our precious happy memories are veiled with the consuming emotion of guilt. This is one of the hardest emotions of this grief journey to reconcile, for guilt comes from the "looking back" and trying to make sense out of all the things we wish we "could have done", "should have done" "should not have done", "why didn't I", etc.. But guilt is not where our beloved companions want us to be. Our beloved companions want us to remember them with a happy heart, and hopefully someday - - when you least expect it, LostinDespair, you will be thinking of your precious Squiggy and will find yourself smiling. And when this happens, LostinDespair, hopefully your heart will be warmed by feeling the presence of your precious Squiggy's sweet Living Spirit.
LostinDespair, I know there are no adequate words that can soothe your broken heart right now. The tears you shed are healing tears. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that their loss will not be so painful. In reality, clinical studies show that suppression only prolongs the grief journey, and can literally cause physical medical problems.
LostinDespair, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dearest Moon Beam,
Reading all that you've said to LostinDespair has also helped me enormously regarding my own grief journey. I do hope and pray that everyone will read what you've shared, drink it in, and that it will help them, too.
Thank you so o o o o o much, sweet Moon Beam!
Oceans of Love to you and Yours!
Always, Dottie xoxoxox
Thank you all so much for being here for me.
I am so traumatized. My vet was not able to be with me. I had to deal with his **&^^ partner (insert colorful metaphor here). He has no bedside manner. He told me to put my head in a plastic bag and breathe for 10 minutes and that's how squiggy feels. WHO says that?!!
I can't block out some of that day. I miss him. I miss his little Peke face, his stubborn self. I miss him near me. I'm still talking to him because I forget for quick moments he's gone and that is so unbearable when I come to.
I have more to tell, but I cannot yet find the words to articulate. I'll check back in with you, I hope to get through the night, it is the worst part of my day.
Thank you dear friends, may you all sleep well tonight.
-Di
Click to view attachment
I am so traumatized. My vet was not able to be with me. I had to deal with his **&^^ partner (insert colorful metaphor here). He has no bedside manner. He told me to put my head in a plastic bag and breathe for 10 minutes and that's how squiggy feels. WHO says that?!!
I can't block out some of that day. I miss him. I miss his little Peke face, his stubborn self. I miss him near me. I'm still talking to him because I forget for quick moments he's gone and that is so unbearable when I come to.
I have more to tell, but I cannot yet find the words to articulate. I'll check back in with you, I hope to get through the night, it is the worst part of my day.
Thank you dear friends, may you all sleep well tonight.
-Di
Click to view attachment
I'm so sorry for the loss of your darling Squiggy. I love the photo of him. Thankyou so much for posting it.
I am sending hugs and prayers for you to get through these days and nights. I know it is so hard to just 'carry on' when we feel so broken and empty inside, but that is waht your dear Squiggy will want you to do.
I still talk to my Noushka and Tasha, and even Soot at times and he has been at the Rainbow bridge for 18 years. They never really leave us. Physically ,yes, but they remain part of us for eternity, always in our Heart and Soul.
I had the same experience with Noushka. A vet with no sympathy whatsoever. Hence, when we rescued Pixie 6 months ago we changed vets. I suppose there are good and bad in every practice, as with our doctors.
I do hope that you are getting more sympathy from your family now.Some men, certainly not all men, as we have some wonderful male friends on this forum, sometimes feel as though they have to appear to be 'strong' for some reason, and in lots of cases they just go into a 'shell'. Right when we need them to just give us a 'Hug'. Maybe your husband can't bear to see you hurting so much, and so he just thinks it's better to stay away. Lots of men can't cope with us crying? You cry as much as you need to, it will help to cleanse away some of the pain.
I found that posting pictures and writing my Angels stories was a wonderful way of feeling close to them, and sharing them with this great community of like minded people. It did however take me a month or so before I could do that.
When you feel ready we would love to hear more about your Squiggy.
I send a great big HUG.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
I am sending hugs and prayers for you to get through these days and nights. I know it is so hard to just 'carry on' when we feel so broken and empty inside, but that is waht your dear Squiggy will want you to do.
I still talk to my Noushka and Tasha, and even Soot at times and he has been at the Rainbow bridge for 18 years. They never really leave us. Physically ,yes, but they remain part of us for eternity, always in our Heart and Soul.
I had the same experience with Noushka. A vet with no sympathy whatsoever. Hence, when we rescued Pixie 6 months ago we changed vets. I suppose there are good and bad in every practice, as with our doctors.
I do hope that you are getting more sympathy from your family now.Some men, certainly not all men, as we have some wonderful male friends on this forum, sometimes feel as though they have to appear to be 'strong' for some reason, and in lots of cases they just go into a 'shell'. Right when we need them to just give us a 'Hug'. Maybe your husband can't bear to see you hurting so much, and so he just thinks it's better to stay away. Lots of men can't cope with us crying? You cry as much as you need to, it will help to cleanse away some of the pain.
I found that posting pictures and writing my Angels stories was a wonderful way of feeling close to them, and sharing them with this great community of like minded people. It did however take me a month or so before I could do that.
When you feel ready we would love to hear more about your Squiggy.
I send a great big HUG.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Dearest LostInDespair,
I am so very sorry that you're suffering this terribly. Please know that his Heart beats with yours, and he's healed now.
He Lives in you and always will, Dear One.
Winging more loving Angels to comfort you and gently guide you through your devastation.
Many Comforting Hugs!
Love and Butterfly Kisses to Your Little Boy Angel Fur Kid Squiggy.
I Wish You Peace.
Always, Dottie xoxoxox
I am so very sorry that you're suffering this terribly. Please know that his Heart beats with yours, and he's healed now.
He Lives in you and always will, Dear One.
Winging more loving Angels to comfort you and gently guide you through your devastation.
Many Comforting Hugs!
Love and Butterfly Kisses to Your Little Boy Angel Fur Kid Squiggy.
I Wish You Peace.
Always, Dottie xoxoxox
Hi all. Hope everyone is well. Got through another day.
I keep forgetting my Squig is not here-opens the wound right up. I get out of bed and step gingerly so I don't bump him, then I remember. I reached up to pet him where he sat on top of the couch and it was empty. I washed dishes with no one at my feet. No one greeted me today after a long day. I think the aftershock is horrible. Thank you all for listening.
Many blessings to you all for a good night.
-Di
I keep forgetting my Squig is not here-opens the wound right up. I get out of bed and step gingerly so I don't bump him, then I remember. I reached up to pet him where he sat on top of the couch and it was empty. I washed dishes with no one at my feet. No one greeted me today after a long day. I think the aftershock is horrible. Thank you all for listening.
Many blessings to you all for a good night.
-Di
Hello LostInDespair,
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved pet Squiggy. My condolences go out to you during this hard journey. I too know the pain and suffering that you are feeling and I wish there was some magic words that I could use to take away everyone’s pain that comes to this forum. The pain and emptiness that you describe is a feeling we are all familiar with and please know that we are here for you during this sad journey.
All though everyone’s story is different, every pet is different, the years our precious pets shared with us vary, we all have one thing in common; the pain, the emptiness and the guilt when our beloved pet departs. I do know that since I lost my dog Lukas over a month ago, this journey is a rollercoaster ride and there will be days that the pain and emptiness is still very fresh.
As Moon_Beam so kindly has written, it is unfortunate that the beginning of this grieving journey is filled with so much of the guilt “why didn’t I do this”, “I should of done this” , “why did I do that” that it consumes us at times. I know that it is a hard journey and please know LostInDespair, that my heart and prayers go out to you and Squiggy and know that we are all here for you during this hard time.
MommyluvsuLukas
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved pet Squiggy. My condolences go out to you during this hard journey. I too know the pain and suffering that you are feeling and I wish there was some magic words that I could use to take away everyone’s pain that comes to this forum. The pain and emptiness that you describe is a feeling we are all familiar with and please know that we are here for you during this sad journey.
All though everyone’s story is different, every pet is different, the years our precious pets shared with us vary, we all have one thing in common; the pain, the emptiness and the guilt when our beloved pet departs. I do know that since I lost my dog Lukas over a month ago, this journey is a rollercoaster ride and there will be days that the pain and emptiness is still very fresh.
As Moon_Beam so kindly has written, it is unfortunate that the beginning of this grieving journey is filled with so much of the guilt “why didn’t I do this”, “I should of done this” , “why did I do that” that it consumes us at times. I know that it is a hard journey and please know LostInDespair, that my heart and prayers go out to you and Squiggy and know that we are all here for you during this hard time.
MommyluvsuLukas
Hello, Di, this adjustment time to re-defining our lives without the physical presence of our beloved companions is very hard indeed. It is one of the hardest experiences we will have during our earthly journey. The feelings of emptiness is deafening, isn't it?
Di, I wish there was an easier way through this grief adjustment journey. Please know you are not alone. This is so important for you to know - - to hold onto. Even though we are not physically able to gather around you, to be physically with you during the really hard moments - - please know we are here for you every step of your journey - - with you and beside you.
Di, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Di, I wish there was an easier way through this grief adjustment journey. Please know you are not alone. This is so important for you to know - - to hold onto. Even though we are not physically able to gather around you, to be physically with you during the really hard moments - - please know we are here for you every step of your journey - - with you and beside you.
Di, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you all, again, for getting me through another day. Sleep well my friends.
-Di
-Di
Hi Di,
I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your precious Squiggy. He's absolutely gorgeous - what an adorable face! In one of your posts you said that you still talk to him because you forget he's not there. I personally think it's a good idea to carry on talking to them anyway. Almost 6 months after the loss of my fur baby, Daisy, I still speak to her. I have a pillow with her face printed on it, and whenever I walk past, I say, "hello, baby" or tell her that I love her in the baby voice I used only for her. Just hearing myself talk like that again helps. I hope you will be able to feel you Squiggy's presence - he is still with you, and he still hears you when you talk. A love that powerful cannot just die. That just doesn't make any sense to me.
Keep doing what you're doing - taking it "one day at a time". That's all any of us can really do.
Sending you hugs, Cheryl xx
I'm so sorry for the devastating loss of your precious Squiggy. He's absolutely gorgeous - what an adorable face! In one of your posts you said that you still talk to him because you forget he's not there. I personally think it's a good idea to carry on talking to them anyway. Almost 6 months after the loss of my fur baby, Daisy, I still speak to her. I have a pillow with her face printed on it, and whenever I walk past, I say, "hello, baby" or tell her that I love her in the baby voice I used only for her. Just hearing myself talk like that again helps. I hope you will be able to feel you Squiggy's presence - he is still with you, and he still hears you when you talk. A love that powerful cannot just die. That just doesn't make any sense to me.
Keep doing what you're doing - taking it "one day at a time". That's all any of us can really do.
Sending you hugs, Cheryl xx
Thanks Cheryl.
It's ok when I get to the place of consciously talking to him. It's the unconscious that hurts-when, for moments I forget.
Another night to get through.
Good night friends.
-Di
It's ok when I get to the place of consciously talking to him. It's the unconscious that hurts-when, for moments I forget.
Another night to get through.
Good night friends.
-Di
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Oct 12 2010, 08:19 AM)
Hello all. I found you over the weekend as I need help from friends in this difficult time. On Friday, my wonderful Peke, Squiggy, was put to sleep. I cannot put my devastation into words. My little guy was only 8. He has a mitral valve leak for 2 years, and other med problems most certainly caused by the mill he came from. Squig was sick from day 1. I am so blessed to have loved and have been loved by him- no one would have loved him as I did. His loss is so profound. No one too kiss me, greet me, or play with me. He was always within arms reach. I look down and he's not there.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
I knew it was time, he couldn't breathe or walk. I carried him around the house for 2 days, yet I regret my decision and I miss him; I want him back.
My family doesn't understand; my husband hasn't said a word to me, my kids were not attached. They were told to keep away from him so they have no feeling of loss.
I feel so alone. He loved me like no other. This pain is so unbearable. Thank you in advance for the shoulder to lean on, I can't see how to be without him.
Now you have come here you are definitely not alone. I have a similar problem with my family but we all took care of Rudy and had no choice because he demanded everyones attention. But I try to keep in mind everyone feelings are different when it comes to this area. You can find the support you need for the most part right here. Your right no one loved him as you did (a mothers love). I hope you remember the feeling he gave you acknowledging your dedication to him and him to you. That love is so pure thats why its so hard to shake. I am a mom with a household of 8 (including me). We have a cat, bird , iguanas. And some days I feel so guilty because all I want is Rudy (was my 7mth old westie). I know exactly how unbearable it is. Take every little piece of affection from your family and friends you can. Your husband or children don't have to know what that hug is really for. My point is it opens those strings pulling your heart little by little. I hope my words translated what I want to say to you in this sad time. For it is not always easy to do. Please know I have you on my mind and will pray for your heart to mend.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know the feeling of a "love like no other". It's an unconditional love, and nothing and noone can give like a pet. There are many people here that know what you mean and have felt the same things. We do understand. Squiggy will be in your heart forever.
Moosie's Mom
Moosie's Mom
^^ thank you. I'm still so numb. I miss his little face.
Another night through. Good nite.
Another night through. Good nite.
LostInDespair,
I am so sorry. I read what you wrote and it made me cry. When Bunny was in the hospital with a blood clot my mind was racing to find solutions for him. I even thought maybe they could just amputate his legs where the blood clot was and we could get him some kind of special wheel thing to attach to him or something. I was willing to do anything to save him -even at his own cost. Then I began to realize the fact that he might end up suffering so greatly with no cure for him and I had to face the idea of putting him to sleep. It was terrifying. On the third day in the hospital another blood clot formed and went straight to his heart and he died so I didn't have to make the choice. But I would have. What you did was selfless and shows the depths of your love for Squigggy.
much much love,
lammy
I am so sorry. I read what you wrote and it made me cry. When Bunny was in the hospital with a blood clot my mind was racing to find solutions for him. I even thought maybe they could just amputate his legs where the blood clot was and we could get him some kind of special wheel thing to attach to him or something. I was willing to do anything to save him -even at his own cost. Then I began to realize the fact that he might end up suffering so greatly with no cure for him and I had to face the idea of putting him to sleep. It was terrifying. On the third day in the hospital another blood clot formed and went straight to his heart and he died so I didn't have to make the choice. But I would have. What you did was selfless and shows the depths of your love for Squigggy.
much much love,
lammy
Lost,
I am so sorry to hear that you lost Squigs. And the picture of him was adorable. What a precious little pup he is.
I, too, still miss my kitty, Little Bit, and the outside of my house is still like a black hole. I lost him on 9/2/2010 (Thursday a little past 7:00p). He thought he was a dog and would always run to me when I called his name. This time for some unknown reason a car was flying up my otherwise calm residential street. I can still see and hear his little body getting fractured by that car.
And even though I live alone (human wise anyway), I was fortunate to at least have people that would listen to me, plus I had this site. And even though it is a lonely trek, I am sorry to hear you do not have support in your house. It is a truly rough road to walk, and it feels horrible inside, there is no getting over that.
And even though I still cry, I am not crying uncontrollably anymore; however, I still have a HUGE hole inside my belly and chest, I still go over that fateful day with the "what if's", and there is not a day or night that I don't talk to him (out loud) and tell him how much I miss him, love him, and how sorry I am that I called him to me. I don't go through a day without missing him something terrible, wishing life had a Rewind button.
People here tell me it will "get better", and I guess the pain has subsided a teeny bit, but man oh man, it still makes me cry and I still ache for that little goober so much.
I say all that to say, "I understand...," I can't "feel your pain" because it is yours, but I have felt mine and so understand what you are progressing through. There is not a Milli-second that goes by that we don't miss them. I always hated to wake up and for those few seconds between sleep and awake, Little Bit was still alive, just waiting for me to go out and call him..., then I woke up and my stomach fell and my chest hurt because I realized he was no longer here. I believe I will see him again - all my animals for that matter - but I want to have him NOW.
Again, I am so sorry... Keep coming here and posting, no matter how many times, or if it is the same thing you posted an hour ago. There are a lot wiser people here than me and they can certainly help you through this horrible, horrible loss.
I am so sorry to hear that you lost Squigs. And the picture of him was adorable. What a precious little pup he is.
I, too, still miss my kitty, Little Bit, and the outside of my house is still like a black hole. I lost him on 9/2/2010 (Thursday a little past 7:00p). He thought he was a dog and would always run to me when I called his name. This time for some unknown reason a car was flying up my otherwise calm residential street. I can still see and hear his little body getting fractured by that car.
And even though I live alone (human wise anyway), I was fortunate to at least have people that would listen to me, plus I had this site. And even though it is a lonely trek, I am sorry to hear you do not have support in your house. It is a truly rough road to walk, and it feels horrible inside, there is no getting over that.
And even though I still cry, I am not crying uncontrollably anymore; however, I still have a HUGE hole inside my belly and chest, I still go over that fateful day with the "what if's", and there is not a day or night that I don't talk to him (out loud) and tell him how much I miss him, love him, and how sorry I am that I called him to me. I don't go through a day without missing him something terrible, wishing life had a Rewind button.
People here tell me it will "get better", and I guess the pain has subsided a teeny bit, but man oh man, it still makes me cry and I still ache for that little goober so much.
I say all that to say, "I understand...," I can't "feel your pain" because it is yours, but I have felt mine and so understand what you are progressing through. There is not a Milli-second that goes by that we don't miss them. I always hated to wake up and for those few seconds between sleep and awake, Little Bit was still alive, just waiting for me to go out and call him..., then I woke up and my stomach fell and my chest hurt because I realized he was no longer here. I believe I will see him again - all my animals for that matter - but I want to have him NOW.
Again, I am so sorry... Keep coming here and posting, no matter how many times, or if it is the same thing you posted an hour ago. There are a lot wiser people here than me and they can certainly help you through this horrible, horrible loss.
^ thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for your little one too. I still forget myself and talk to him. I miss my Squigman.
Good night
Good night
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Oct 30 2010, 11:55 PM)
^ thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry for your little one too. I still forget myself and talk to him. I miss my Squigman.
Good night
Good night
I just wanted to say that I am sorry for the loss of your Squigman and am sorry you are not able to find as much support as you truly deserve. I think we are blessed to have a site like this to help others through these difficult times. While it does not make the pain go away, it helps to know that there are others out there who feel the same way you do and that over time the pain will begin to ease. We'll never stop loving, remembering or thinking about our special friends, but someday we can think about them and smile and laugh.
Just letting you know that we are thinking of you and here for you if you need us. I know you are still hurting. If you are able to, please share some more stories with us of Squiggy's wonderful life, we'd love to hear more about your little man.
Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Nov 9 2010, 04:02 AM)
Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
Hey Di, I am sorry to hear that you are still hurting like you are, although that is the tough part of the process of losing such a special friend. You can't rush the healing process, no matter how much you want to.
On Sunday when I had a "moment", my wife and I were talking about how we are not sure we want to put up any stockings this year. We had a stocking for each of us, including Reggie. My wife's sister, while good intentioned, suggested we hang stockings for just the two of us. But we can't exclude Kylah like that, she is a part of our family. So we know EXACTLY how you feel. Squiggy was a family member, plain and simple. Things like not having a stocking up for him are going to be difficult to adjust to.
I know it does not make the hurt go away, but we all know the pain you are feeling now. Just like Squiggy was a constant in your life and was always there, our beloved pets were always there for us. You are still adjusting to him not being there physically, as we are still adjusting to Reggie not being in his chair or on the couch or on the bed. But everything you are sharing with us are joyous memories and hopefully those will someday allow you to smile. Never let go of those memories as the enrichment and happiness he brought into your life will never be overshadowed by the pain you are feeling right now.
Take care.
Thanks Aaron. It's nice to not be alone. Outside of here, only two friends mourn with me. My husband never understood nor does now.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Nov 9 2010, 08:41 PM)
Thanks Aaron. It's nice to not be alone. Outside of here, only two friends mourn with me. My husband never understood nor does now.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.
Night is worst for me, I just try to get through.
Ugh.
I know it must be tough, but always remember that you have your friends here to support you. I am sorry your husband is not being more supportive, I couldn't imagine not being there for my wife or vice versa through this difficult time. I am reading a book on coping with the loss of a pet, so we'll see how that goes. We just have to seek out support in any way we can.
Mornings and nights are about the same for me. We are slowly adjusting to Reggie not being with us physically. It's tough though. We go through the daily motions just to pass the time and I am grateful when I get busy at work as it takes my mind off Reggie. The bus rides into work are the worst, as it's just 45 minutes of sitting there with not much to do. I try to pass time by reading emails or the internet on my phone.
Please let us know how you are doing, as we truly care about you and know how you feel. Hang in there, your Squiggy would want you to continue healing from his loss.
Nights are unbearable. I want to put my hand down to him and he's not there. I need him to kiss my nose. I miss his silky Peke fur.
Good night friends. See you tomorrow night.
-Di
Good night friends. See you tomorrow night.
-Di
QUOTE (LostInDespair @ Nov 9 2010, 09:02 AM)
Hi Aaron, I hope today was ok for you. Today was especially bad for me. I looked at Squiggy's Xmas stocking. I just lost it. It will not be full of squeaks this year. He will not be rubbing his butt up against my tree. He will not be sitting next to me as we wrapped presents. His jowls will not be flapping with happiness over his new toys as he aggressively attacked the squeaker. He will not be in his xmas eve Santa outfit, or his xmas day antlers. I miss hearing him tap dance on my hardwood. I miss his crazy Peke smile and his crooked teeth. I miss his floppy ears-- he was a bit Farengi in his love of ear rubs. (sorry, inner dork emerging)
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
God I loved him. I love him still.
His favorite hedgehog sits on my night stand. It's a well loved, icky sad looking hedgehog. It was his favorite. I can't part with it.
Today sucked.
Sleep well, my friends.
-Di
I can completely relate to this. I had to run out of a store the other week when I saw the little bunny stocking that I got my Daisy every year. We used to hang it above her bed, along with some little decorations, and other gifts that we'd gotten her. Part of the joy of Christmas for me was watching Daisy 'unwrap' her presents, and usually ending up taking more interest in trying to eat the paper!! Christmas is going to be so difficult for us all on here. At least we have this site to help each other through.
Hang in there and take care,
Cheryl xx
It has been 40 days and nights. Midas well been yesterday. I miss seeing his little face. I miss his growl when he played with his toys. I miss the tilt of his head and the way his ears would perk up when I said eggs or chicken. I miss his kisses on my nose and his furry head on my cheek. I miss his crooked teeth. I want him back.
Good nite dear friends, may we get through another day.
-Di
Good nite dear friends, may we get through another day.
-Di
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