I lost my 7 year old Boston Terrier, Sophie, on Friday night. It was a horrible accident, and I am guilt stricken and distraught. I am deeply saddened that she is not with me anymore, but the image I keep seeing in my mind of her death is torturous. I dropped her off at a friend's place because I was heading out of town early Saturday morning. Around 8pm on Friday they called me saying they couldn't find her and she got out when they left the front door open. I spent all of Friday night and Saturday morning combing their neighborhood for her. Mid day Saturday they called me and told me they found her in the pool. She had drowned. Sophie had such a gentle heart and was scared of her own shadow. It is killing me knowing that she spent her last moments terrified and fighting for her life. Even though I wasn't there, I can't get the horrific images of how I know she would have fought out of my mind. I also can't get rid of the image of her lifeless body and eyes when I picked her up to take her to get cremated. I don't want to remember my beloved Sophie like this. How do I get over this?

I am sorry to hear about your Sophie. You cannot beat yourself up for something that happened when you were not there. I know it is very difficult and I too felt very guilty when my Pepper passed away. The guilt was awful. I blamed myself for so many things. I kept going on about what I could've done different. I kept picturing Pepper over and over in he last moments as you are. All I can tell you is that I read some very good books on Pet Loss and even if you look up articles about grieving these articles can help too. It also helps to talk to friends and family. I still feel awful if I think about it today. I try to think of her as a happy dog and not dwell on her last day. The guilt is not there constantly anymore. I put a link to my story below if you want to read it.
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...7&hl=pepper
There is a process to greiving and guilt is one of the processes. I hope you will look up some books or articles as I really felt these helped me. It is a very hard thing to lose your pet.

Dear To be Frank

I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your darling Sophie. My heart goes out to you and I'm sending a great big hug.
We never know when anyone of us or our darling pet companions will be called to join the 'Angels'. It's something that is beyond our control. For some it's a slow painful experience of illness and old age. For others it's a sudden tragic accident while still so young that it just doesn't seem 'fair'.
Your Sophie is a very much loved little girl and she will know that. God bless her and keep her safe now in a place where she will know no pain or suffering. She will be forever with you, watching over you, always part of your heart and soul.
Try and find a photo of her that you can look at and maybe even post on here. One that will let you see her as you remember her, so that your mind can stop bringing the sad image of her as you last saw her.
As Trulie has said there are many books and articles on the internet about grief after losing a pet. I am glad that you found this forum too. There are many people here who know the heartache of losing our beloved fur/feather companions. They certainly helped me through my loss this time last year, and over the year that followed.
Please if you can, let us know how you are.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your darling Sophie.
Jan and my Angles and Pixie xx

ToBeFrank,

I am so sorry over the loss of Sophie. I also lost my dog Winston to a tragic accident back in July and was ridden by the same feelings of guilt that you must be feeling now. Your mind is racing with "what ifs" and you can't help but wonder what you could have done differently to prevent this... that's how I was when Winston died and this site was absolutely wonderful in helping me cope with the loss.

One thing you won't find here is blame. No one here is going to question what you did or question the series of events that led to your tragic loss. You're going to find nothing but support, compassion, and lots of e-shoulders to cry on. We're a family here, a family bound by the love of animals and the pain of their passing.

Welcome to our family. Please let us know how you're doing and take some comfort in the fact that you're in all of our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.

-Clay

Thank you everyone for the support. I think it's getting a little better. I'm not crying as much and I can be in my home for the most part without crying. Getting up in the morning and getting home from work are the hardest parts. My routine was so based around taking care of her that I find myself doing it just out of habit. It's especially hard because I am single and live alone and she has been my support through a divorce and everything else in my life for the past 7 years. I miss her so much and just can't help but think that she did not deserve to die like that. I wasn't there when she needed me.

Here are some photos of her: http://gallery.me.com/fhriley#100030

I'm so sorry Sophie. I love you.

I am so sorry for your loss. Yes, guilt can be so painful, and we do beat ourselves up so much about what happened. Whether it is a long painful illness, or a quick death or accident. Doesn't matter, whatever we did wasn't good enough. What happened to Sophie was an accident....a horrible one, but an accident. Unfortunately in this life it happens. Try and stay busy, cry your eyes out and post. With time the pain does lessen, it really does. Remember, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't, it wasn't!!!

Try and remember the love and wonderful times you had. Distract your mind, for if you don't, it does take you to some very dark places if you let it.

Hugs,

Diane

To Be Frank,

I am so sorry for physical loss of your precious Sophie. What a horrible, tragic accident. And that's what it was -- an accident -- it was in no way your fault. I do understand the feelings of guilt -- it is all part of the grieving process, but we have established on this forum, through reading the experiences of others', that we always feel guilty no matter how we lose our babies. We always think of the "What ifs..." and the "I should haves..." All we can do is acknowledge these feelings for what they are, and then try to move past them. We should take comfort in the fact that, deep down, we know that we loved our babies with all our heart and would have done anything possible in our power to protect them. Unfortunately, these things aren't always in our power.

Thank you for sharing the photographs - she's such a cutie. Keep looking at them as often as you can, so that this will be how you remember her. In time, the good memories will overpower the sadness.

We are all here for you during this difficult journey.

Cheryl x

Hi, ToBeFrank, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Sophie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstanes or how long we have been blesed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion is always traumatic, and certainly an accident such as drowning qualifies.

You took your Sophie to friends whom you knew you could trust. Neither you nor your friends could ever have anticipated or imagined that a tragic accident would happen. You ask how you get over the physical loss of a beloved companion. ToBeFrank, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey. It is filled with many different emotions highs and lows ups and downs and turnarounds - - sometimes all at once, sometimes blindsiding us. This grief journey is often compared to a horror roller coaster ride. Just when you think you have come through the worst part, something comes along that can bring you to your knees with gut-wrenching sorrow.

Our beloved companions are the center of our world, they are our life's heartbeat, our purpose. When we lose their precious physical presence, it literally feels like our hearts have been ripped out of our bodies and our life's heartbeat is missing. We live in a physical-oriented world - - sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. When our beloved companions precede us from this side of eternity, we actually do not lose them - - for their sweet Living Spirit is forever with us in our hearts and memories. Love has no boundaries - - it is not confined to the physical laws of time and space. Hopefully in time, ToBeFrank, you will come to feel your precious Sophie's sweet Living Spirit with you wherever you go and whatever you do as you continue on your journey on this side of eternity. She has not left you behind - - she is with you now and always will be just as she has always been. No, it is not the same as being able to physically hold her and cuddle with her. To a certain extent there will always be a part of your heart "missing" - - - because she did take that part of you that belonged only to her with her to heaven's perfect garden. For you see, she, too, cannot bear to not have something of you with her while she patiently waits for your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy.

One of the "goals" of this grief journey is to find a peace in your heart that will help you to be able to remember your precious Sophie with a happy heart, for she so wants you to be happy. For in finding a peace in your heart will help you to know that you truly did everything you possibly could for your precious Sophie at all times and in all circumstances during her earthly journey with you, and she does not want your heart filled with guilt and regrets.

And one of the many important things to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. As Clay said so well, there are no judgments here. Each of us know so well the painful hindsights of the "if only's" and "should have's" "should not's", etc.. None of us is blessed with the privilege of foresight, ToBeFrank, only the "wisdom" that comes with hindsight, and even with that "wisdom" comes the reality of having to accept just how little control we have over what we think is in our control.

Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful pictures of Sophie with us. We would love to know more about her and the life you have shared together so far, keeping in mind that she is still very much a part of your life and will continue to share your adventures just as she always has. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, ToBeFrank, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you everyone for the support. As I sit here reading your replies I am looking at her pictures and crying. I miss her sweet, always happy personality, and believe it or not, her tender touch. She would sit at my feet and place her paw gently on my foot when she wanted some scratching, which was all the time. My home is a place of sadness now, and I don't particularly like coming home anymore. I bought my house 6 years ago so I don't know what it's like to live in it without her. It's now a quiet and lonely place. In fact, I don't even know how to be on my own without her. My days are slowly getting better, but I feel guilty during the happy moments because I'm enjoying myself while Sophie no longer gets life and its happy moments. I've got to learn how to live again.

ToBeFrank, I too am so sorry for your loss. I saw your pics, your Sophie looks so sweet, I love the jacket. I also live alone, it was just me & Daisy in my house. Believe me, I know how sad it is to come home to an empty house. It will take time to make your "adjustments" for your new - different - life. I used to come home for lunch every single day to let her out and have a snack together. The other day I went and did some errands during my lunch hour and went back to work. It felt horrible...I felt like I forgot something. It seemed like I was doing everything backwards for the rest of the afternoon. So for now, I go home for lunch, even if its just to cry...until I "adjust".

I know your house is as empty as your heart now, just keep looking at her cute pictures, even though they make you cry. It's good to cry.

My thoughts and prayers are with you also

Annette

Last night was very sad. I picked up Sophie's ashes. Included in the bag was her collar. It is all moldy and stinky because it was soaked in water from the accident. It is a somber reminder of how I lost my Sophie. I had to place her in the other room because all of this just makes me cry. All that love and life and personality is reduced to some ashes in a box. I want to spread them at her favorite place, the dog park, but I just don't have the heart to do it yet. I know after I do that she is truly gone, and I'm not ready to let go yet. I miss her so much.

Hi, ToBeFrank, receiving the ashes back of our beloved companions is a two-edged sword in our hearts - - on one side it's a relief and a blessing to have them, and on the other side it's yet another HUGE reminder that, for now, we are temporarily, agonizingly physically separated from them. The grief journey is our "adjustment" journey to so many things, and one of them being adjusting to the physical absence of our precious companions.

You wrote, "All that love and life and personality is reduced to some ashes in a box. " This is another adjustment we need to make in our grief journey. The life and love and personality of your precious Sophie is still ever present with you through her sweet Living Spirit that continues on in your heart and memories. Her life with you and love for you and her precious personality can never die - - for love knows no boundaries of physical time and space, and as long as you hold onto the love you shared together during her physical journey with you, then her life and personality continues on with you just as it always did and always will.

ToBeFrank, no matter what you do with her ashes, she will NEVER be gone from you. You NEVER have to let go of her. To heal from your deep grief does not mean "letting go" or "forgetting" someone you love - - whatever the life form. To try to do this is impossible, and for anyone to expect you to do so is expecting the impossible. It is obvious that anyone who expects this has not lost the physical presence of someone they have deeply loved and cherished.

What you are feeling and going through is very normal, ToBeFrank. This grief journey is very difficult to navigate, particularly in the early deep grief. Each of us here does know what you're going through, ToBeFrank - - each of us feels your deepest sorrow of heart, and we are here for you.

I hope in some way I have been able to offer you some encouragement and comfort, ToBeFrank. Take your time through this grief journey - - there's no rush to make any decisions about what to do with Sophie's ashes, or anything else. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, ToBeFrank, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam