Hello, I am a 27-year old single woman, and I have never suffered loneliness until today, after my 12-year old springer spaniel suc%%bed to cancer. I have always thought of myself as independent and strong -- and despite the fact that almost all of my friends are married or engaged, I have never felt any sort of jealousy or insecurity in being single. That was because I always had a friend waiting at home for me. I'm at a point in my life where staying out until 2am every weekend is not my idea of a good time. Sure, once in a blue moon, it can be fun, but for me, there was nothing better than staying at home with my best friend to watch movies, cook, or just go for a long evening walk.

So now she's gone, and I'm all alone. My apartment seems so empty, and I haven't had the emotional ability to pick up all of her toys and beds to be stored or thrown away. The loneliness is debilitating, and I haven't been able to do anything but cry all day. Does anyone have any good advice for dealing with the loss of your first pet? I loved my dog more than anything in the world, and I am scared of ever having to go through this kind of pain again with another animal. Unfortunately, I am sure there is some good advice on this website, but does anyone have any specific advice or words of wisdom for someone who is all alone? How do you fill the void?

Help,
Missing Greta in Texas

Hi Greta's Pal,
I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your Greta girl. It sounds like you really appreciated Greta though and I am sure she had a wonderful, wonderful life with you.

It just does hurt for some time. I hope you have friends and family who understand and will support you. You can keep coming here and posting your feelings. When you feel like it, tell us about Greta. Everyone here certainly can relate. We have all been there, and we all experience that anguish and just pure devastation, the loss of the world as we knew it really.

I lost my best friend, Hannah, almost 6 months ago now, and there are still some days when I just miss her so bad, I don't know what to do. It feels unbearable. That's the way it is when we lose our best little buddies. You need to cry, if and when you can. If possible, it might be a good idea to take a couple or more days off from work. Some of us put their toys and pictures and things up right away, some didn't, and some probably still haven't. Be sure to keep everything you have of Greta's in a special place until you decide, but of course it's okay to just leave it there until you feel ready.

Keep coming here and posting, okay. In the first few days, I gathered each and every picture of Hannah and made a couple of albums, and I carried those pictures everywhere I went, guarding them for about two months. These days, I have hardly been able to look at her pictures. Lots of us have posted tributes on this site, and there are lots of websites where you can put Greta's picture with poems or whatever you want to say. Those things helped me.

Some of the others will have some helpful advice, I'm sure. I will leave you with this thought, which I hope brings some comfort:

We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more fragile than our own live within a fragile circle, easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would have it no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan . . . Irving Townsend, from The Once Again Prince

Take care of yourself, Greta's Best Friend.
Love,
Marcia

I too live alone Greta's Pal. The place really seems empty and quiet without my Ava around anymore. Fortunately I work with some great people. Most have dealt with the loss of their buddies too so they know the pain and are truely understanding.

My best advice I can give you isn't much. Take one day at a time. Cry when you feel like it and don't hold back. You no doubt have shed a river of tears already but you probably won't be finished until it's an ocean. Don't worry about it. They are healing tears. Each day will get easier to bear the pain.

It's like maternal amnesia, as time goes by, the pain will be forgotten. (good thing too or the human race wouldn't be very far along, if at all) The pain will be replaced by all those special and cherished moments that you and Greta shared. Her body may be gone but her spirit will live with you in your memories of her.

When our own times are done here on earth, our beloved pets will be waiting to welcome us.

Someday you may want to open your heart to another fur buddy. I know I will, when I'm ready.

Hello Greta's Pal,

I am SO sorry for your loss. I too just lost my 12 year old little girl this past Saturday to cancer. It's very painful, I understand exactly what you are feeling. I put some of her toys away, but I still have some sitting out. I couldn't stand to walk around and see her personalized items, such as her bath towel. So, we chose to bury her wrapped in the "special" blanket that she used for her babies many years ago, and her towel, her "special" pillow and on she is still laying on her "special" dog bed. Somehow that made me feel better, keeping them with her, instead of putting them away somewhere.

The tears still pour out, but I am starting to feel like they really are healing tears. I battled with whether or not to go back to work yesterday. It seemed so painful at home with her memories and fresh grave, that I thought maybe going to work would be a good idea. Well, I managed to make it through half a day and then I had to go home. However, I discovered how wonderful people can be in your time of sorrow. I got many, many hugs and got to hear stories of loss from their own lives. I was surprised to discover that after years had passed by, these people were still tearing up while relating their stories. I admit that scared me! I keep hoping that someday down the road the tears will stop. Yet this confirms that the tears will always be there, because they were such a special addition to our lives. I hope that for both of us, the day will come when the tears won't hurt so badly. The people here are a great comfort. I hope you have many friends/family/co-workers/etc. that can support you through this, as I have discovered that I am blessed to be surrounded by. I must share with you a really nice sympathy card I got at work yesterday ~ the cover showed the footprints in the sand by the beach, but next to the human footprints were a set of paw prints. That touched me SO deeply! I really believe my little girl's spirit will always be with me.
So, I'm sorry I have rambled on, but like you I am still in EXTREME pain and I wanted to share with you and let you know we are all here for you.
I come to this forum and read postings and tributes several times a day right now, and it really helps!

Rachael's Mommy,
Cheri

I am sorry for your loss. You gave Greta a loving home and she loved you in return. How sad it is that our animal friends don't live as long as we do since it means we have tearful goodbyes. Coming home will be hard for you - nobody waiting for you, no happy barking of someone thrilled that you are home. You also have no one to share your grief with, so that makes it pretty tough. Your grief will lift in a while, but it is sure hard to believe that this early in the process! Please allow yourself the privilege of grieving - the tears are healing and the pain is proof that you are capable of great love.

I believe that Greta is still there, although on a different plane. She has moved to a place beyond grief, beyond pain, beyond earthly cares. I believe that you will be reunited later, but that doesn't make being here without her easier to bear.

I adopted a kitten when I first moved away from home and had her for 20 years. She was my "family" when I moved into different areas - I always looked forward to seeing her when I came home. She gave me someone to talk to and a nice warmth purring on the foot of my bed. I lost her three years ago, and I think I have grieved her more than any of my other pets - she was mine and mine alone. I still miss her, even though I have a family now and two other pets, she still has a warm place in my heart.

Please accept my heartfelt condolences for the loss of your best friend1

dee dee

Hi Greta's pal,

So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dog of almost twelve years on Aug. 18th, so I know from experience exactly how you are feeling right now.

When I lost my beloved dog, I couldn't seem to find anyone within my circle of family and friends who fully understood what I was going through and I found that to be very frustrating. That's when I got on the internet and began looking for help. Lightning Strike was listed with many other sites in my search, but it was the one that just kind of jumped out at me. It offered everything I needed and even more. So many wonderful people reached out with open arms and embraced me and helped me immensely with the grieving process because they too had lost a pet and they knew from experience exactly what I was going through.

I came here on a daily basis and read present and past posts from other grieving pet lovers and I also spent hours at a time reading the "tributes" people had written about their special relationships with their pets. It truly warms the heart to know there are still such wonderful people in the world.

The overwhelming amount of understanding and support I found here most certainly didn't take away the almost unbearable pain of losing my beloved dog, but just knowing I could share my feelings with people who truly cared was extremely comforting. So that's my advice to you---come here often and talk about how you feel or just come here and read the posts left by others. All of us here are heartbroken over the loss of our pets, so we are all in this together and we help each other as best we can while at the same time dealing with our own grief. I've learned also that when you help others, you are also helping yourself.

The grieving process is different for everyone but it's something we all must deal with in our own way. The healing doesn't happen overnight---it takes a while to come to terms with such a huge loss. Just take it one day at a time and things do slowly get better. Please keep us posted as to how you're doing.

You're in my thoughts,
_Jim

Hi Greta's Pal,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It hits SO deep and hard!

There's nothing I can add to the advice others here have already given. Just know you're not alone, and you're not "weird" for feeling the way you do. You've lost a best friend -- it would be weird if you didn't feel this grief.

One thing that always hits me after a loss like this is exhaustion, especially if I've been through a period of intensive medical care for my furry friend. I find that I need to sleep more, take some time off from work, leave the house (too many memories!!) and do "comfort things" like having hot chocolate at a sidewalk coffee shop where I can lose myself in watching scenery and people. Except, of course, seeing happy people with their pets brings a pang or three....

Take extra-good care of yourself. I hope you'll find comfort here.

-- Daryl

Dear Greta's pal,
Hi dear girl. I am so sorry that you had to come here, to this website---but I am happy that you DID find us--because we know what you are feeling--and for whatever reason that HELPS --to feel understood.
Everyone here has said it perfectly so far--the way through this is really "through" it. It seems sort of like a tunnel that you must travel through. You WILL get to the other side but you have to cry the healing tears to advance forward and get to the daylight again.
For me it helped to start thinking about life as a big book full of chapters. Your chapters with Greta's physical presence are behind you and your new chapters are ahead. The best part is that you are the author--you are the one who decides about everything--especially the next new page--!
Many of us here were and are heavily "invested" in our animals. We made them so central to our lives! With this much new space unfilled in our lives we need to start considering our next options..and it is all up to us! I completely relate to your fear of getting another animal. Give yourself plenty of time to process all your thoughts about this. It might be a good idea to keep a journal because I am betting your feelings will change back and forth. Feelings are like bubbles in a champagne glass--they just bubble up to the top and then disappear and then start again from the bottom --on and on...what you'll learn is that they are "just" feelings. Feelings won't kill us, though in the beginning it feels like they might!
Since you are starting this new chapter maybe consider doing things REALLY differently than you have. Go out right after work and have that cappacino at the sidewalk cafe--take a class that begins at 6pm..you know, get out in the world a little bit. I am not advising you to do this to cover up your feelings--just to consider living life fuller if you can--because Greta would want you to and because it is a big beautiful world! Spend a little time determining what your interests might be..If you are like me you might not know what interests you! Day to day survival and taking care of a pet takes up alot of time! Spend your new found time discovering you.
I am so sorry for your loss. Greta is at the rainbow bridge with all our pets now..she is 100% healthy and happy--she is playing and having fun just waiting for the day when she will be reunited with her one day!
Hugs, I am thinking of you!
{{{{{{{{{{{{Greta'spal}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Love,
Patti

Hello. I am so terribly sorry about your loss. I lost my best friend on Saturday and know the emptiness and debilitating sadness that you feel. I am a 21 year old single female. My ex and I broke up a few months ago after a fairly serious three year relationship. Oscar my golden retriever was always my source of strength. Now he is gone and I feel like I have absolutely no resources whatsoever (You can read my story of my loss titled "Our Golden is Gone"). I am so sorry that you are feeling the way that you are. I think the only way to deal with it is to talk to people who have been through a similar situation. Losing a beloved "pet" (I hate that word) is exactly like losing a family member except that it is harder to find people who have empathy towards this type of loss. I am finding that this website is a huge help.

Something that you mentioned really hit home with me...about the fear of feeling this pain if you decide to adopt another friend. My family used to have a ##er spaniel who was also a true member of the family, however, he suffered from aggression problems and the difficult day came when we had to make the decision to put him down. It was so hard. It was also hard to believe that I would ever ever ever love another animal so much again. Shortly after, we got a golden retriever, Oscar. Soon, without us really realizing it, he became the central focus of our family and my best best best friend and soulmate. Now he's gone and I have those same feelings that I will never ever love something as much as I loved him. But logically we know this can't be so. There will be more love to fill this huge void. I hope that you know that when you are ready for another animal in your life and you have given yourself plenty of time to grieve, there will be another animal that would want nothing more than to give you love like your spaniel did. I know that's so hard to imagine. And it is so sad to think that no animal will be able to replace the one's we lost but there are more loving personalities out there with there own quirky habits and loving notions who need us just as well. That's what gives me hope.

Have you ever read the poem about Rainbow Bridge?? Let me know. If you have not, I will find the website where there is a beautiful, soothing picture and a poem about this wonderful place where our best friends are all running together. This poem gives me peace. For now, keep in touch. Email me anytime you want. angela_duerksen@yahoo.ca
I am doing nothing but crying. You are in my prayers. I understand.
Love, Angela.

Thank you all for your kind words of support. After a full day of tears, I've reached a point of emotional detachment. It's like I don't even hurt -- that I just don't feel anything at all. I haven't shed a single tear today -- am I going through denial? Am I going to relapse into that "drop to your knees heartache" that I went through yesterday??

I've been lucky -- lots of great friends and co-workers to help me through the ordeal. People in my office who I hardly know, but found out through the grapevine, have all come to me with moral support. It's been nice knowing that I have them there for me. But it feels weird to not have any feelings today at all.

Anyway, I hope each of you is doing okay -- I hope our pets are meeting eachother in heaven. I bet they would like eachother.

Thanks,
Greta's Pal

Hello Greta's Pal...

What you are feeling is normal. That's exactly what I am feeling too. Sometimes I just feel complete emptiness but no emotion at all. It's a horrible and helpless feeling. But I know that it will get better. Keep on coming on here. Do something for yourself. Have a compassionate friend over and cook dinner together. All of a sudden it might feel like you do have emotion and you want to cry...sometimes that helps. Give it time. Keep on talking on here.

love, Angela

Hi Greta's Pal,

I have been crying for days and suddenly today, nothing. I couldn't believe it! I have been SO sad and now suddenly I feel nothing too. I have been struggling through work each day (leaving early) and crying at the very mention of my Rachael's name. This morning a co-worker asked me if she could have a picture of my Rachael to hang in her cubicle, like a tribute to her for me. I expected to bust out in tears, but strangely, I felt nothing!

I read someone's post (I'm sorry, but I don't remember who) stating that they believe the human body has survival tactics. That once your body seems to reach its limit in pain, your mind shuts down to give your body a rest. Somehow I believe that to be true. There is just no other explanation that makes sense to me. So, I'm sure the pain will be back, but my body is just "resting" itself right now.

I hope we both start feeling again soon!
Cheri

I'm feeling the same thing -- or maybe I should say the same lack of things.

Kirby died a week ago today. I expected to get hit VERY hard by the anniversary but, like you, I seem to be feeling very little. There's the occasional twinge when I see the place where her bed used to be, or where she used to eat, but not what I expected. Surprising, and a little guilt-inducing for me. "Doesn't Kirby deserve more grieving than this???"

But I've been through this enough times in recent years to know that it just happens at its own pace. I don't cry over Kela every day (she died 1-1/2 years ago), but I still do get hit with shockwaves of grief over her death from time to time. I don't understand it, but I can't control it either. Nothing to do, I guess, other than to let it happen at its own pace.


-- Daryl