Hello everyone,

Last night my dear cat Holly passed away at the age of 15.


I stayed up most of the night, unable to sleep and just crying until I couldn't cry anymore. What little sleep I got was filled with dreams of her and all the happy times we had.

I have been trying to keep busy since I am in the process of moving. I have been out of the house most of the day and when I come home I still expect to see her waiting in the entryway.


This morning we took her down to a crematory since I don't have anyplace to bury her. Thankfully I will have her ashes in addition to the memories and pictures. When I can afford it, I will get a nice remembrance box to keep her ashes.

I knew this was coming though, she had been ill for some time now...I thought I would at least have another week or even a month with her. When she passed though I was right there with her, stroking her fur and telling her it would be alright. In all the grief and sadness I am going through I am glad I was with her in her last moments. I would never forgive myself if I wasn't.

As I said I have been trying to stay busy, but whenever I stop for a moment my thoughts go to her and how much I already miss her. Like right now I am crying as I type this.

I don't know if I know how to cope with this. She was always there and now....she's not.

I know I will be sad for a long time, she was the center of my existance for over half my life.


She was my source of joy, my constant companion and my furry little child..and I will never stop missing her.

Raena
I am so very sorry about the passing of your beautiful cat Holly. I know the grief you're experiencing all too well as does everyone here on the website. I wish I could take away your pain and sorrow. Please keeping coming back here for help -- there are so many wonderful people here who can ease the burden somewhat. Take care of yourself.
Sharon

I am deeply sorry for your loss. I am going thru this also. I believe the memories you have in your heart of the good times are the gifts from above. Treasure those everyday and everyday will get easier. My thoughts are with you.
kim

Raena--

Oh, what a beautiful kitty Holly was! I can see why you miss her so much!

I'm very glad that you got to be with her in her final moments--that is a gift and a treasure that you will always remember. I'm so, so sorry for your loss. The grief journey has already started for you, and it can be a long and rocky road. But it sounds as if Holly lived a long and very complete life, with you loving her deeply right up til the last moment and beyond. She is still with you, in a way, even if the house feels very empty now.

Please continue visiting and posting here. This Forum is filled with wonderful, compassionate people, all of whom know the pain of losses like yours. Each loss is distinct and different, because all of our pets are individuals, but each loss is also kind of the same, regardless of the circumstances. The pain of missing them is something that all of us know andd can help each other with.

Again, I am so very sorry.

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold

Dear Raena

As I said in 'chat' in the early hours of your terrible yesterday, I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful Holly. The photo is lovely and your story is one of such a happy and wonderful life together. The blessing is that you were with her to hug her and love her and let her know that she would be free from pain and suffering. I'm happy that you managed to get some sleep eventually and that you dreamed of your happy times together.
The move is probably also a blessing as it will keep you busy over the next days and weeks, and remember that wherever you are your darling Holly will be with you, time and space are unimportant and she is forever with you, heart and soul.
Please let us know how you are, and I'm sure we would all love to see any more pics.
Thinking of you.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

I am so sorry for your loss... she is a gorgeous cat and it's apparent from your post that she was very well loved. Let yourself cry, let yourself yell, let yourself grieve; you will start to heal eventually, I and everyone else here promise.

Again, you are in my thoughts.

Raena,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful Holly. I am pleased to hear, however, that you've been blessed with wonderful dreams of Holly and all the happy times you've shared -- maybe that's her way of telling you that she is okay and happy and that she is still with you. It's good that you're managing to keep yourself busy, but please ensure you acknowledge your grief and your feelings when you need to. It is very important that you don't push them aside. We are all here for you, with an understanding ear, whenever you need to talk about your feelings, or even just to share stories of your lovely Holly.

Hang in there!

Cheryl x

Raena

I, too, am so sorry to hear about Holly. What a cutie-pie! She is really looking up at the camera with such a nice expression. I lost my cat Scooter on August 5th - he was almost 16 and shared in almost every significant moment in my adult life. The pain is so raw for you right now, but soon you will find yourself smiling again, and thinking of all of those happy, fun and comforting memories of Holly. Nothing can stop the feeling of loss and sadness, that part takes a lot of time and will probably never fully leave you, but the acute take-your-breath-away pain will get better.

In my backyard, there is a large rock that looks like my Scooter sitting out there (I wear glasses so without is a bit blurry) - the first time I saw it made me cry. Now, I purposely look at it and allow myself to dream of seeing him there. He loved the backyard so much. And I realize that mental images like this (or your dreams of Holly at night) allow you some sort of outlet and comfort. She is still all around you in spirit and in your love for her, that will never change.

Thank you all for your kind words. I don't have much of a support system at home(just my dad) and he is feeling the loss just as much as I am. It is nice to know I can come here and just talk this out and have others truly understand what I am feeling.

For the most part, I have been busy. The move is the only thing keeping me from breaking down all together.

I keep catching myself in all the little habits that came with having her around. It will be hard to not think of her and feel sad, because of all the things that I did that she had even a small part of. Things like looking around for her before I roam into one of her sunning spots. Or leaving the bathroom door open just a little so she can come in and rub her face all over the vanity doors.(Otherwise she would stick her paws under the door and want in.) Even opening a can of soup or something, she always came running at the sound of the can opener.


On a side note to Janika: I have to specially thank you for being there to talk when I needed someone the most. Your words were an immense comfort when the pain of Holly's loss was so fresh. I could never thank you enough.


Thank you all again for the kind words. I will be frequenting these forums when I can and after my own grief has passed, I can give support to those who need it.

Hi, Raena, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Holly. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Raena, I wish there were some words I could say that would take away the deep sorrow that is in your heart right now, but unfortunately there are no adequate words that come close to expressing the deepest empathy I share with you in your loss. I am so glad that you had the chance to be with your precious Holly during her journey to the angels. Adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions is one of the hardest parts of the grief journey - - both physically and emotionally. It is important that you give yourself permission to grieve this physical absence, Raena, for it will help you through the healing process.

Raena, one of the many important things to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Thank you so much for sharing your precious Holly with us. She is so pretty - - and I do say "is" because she still has her beautiful sweet Living Spirit which is now within her healed angelic body - - and is forever with you in your heart and memories.

Raena, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Raena, I'm so very sorry about your beautiful Holly. It will take a long time to stop those routines you mentioned. She was with you for 15 years - those habits are hard to break. And just when you think you've stopped looking in this spot or leaving the door open, you'll do it when you least expect it. Kind of when you're on auto-pilot and it just happens. That's when it hits again. Moving is stressful enough as it is. I'm so sorry you're having to add such grief to your stress. She sounded like she was a really good friend to you. And I'm sure you were to her. Her long life is a testament to how good you were to her.
My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

Raena

I am so sorry for your loss of your beautiful Holly. Your descriptions of your feelings are very much a reflection of my feelings when I lost my Nikita in June. I am just now starting to adapt to the new routines of life without her here. We do go on but the loss is something we will always carry with us. Again I am so sorry. Try to keep strong and know that you have friends here and can find support when you need to share during this terrible time.

John

Moonbeam, Donna and John: Thank you for your kind words.

I think just knowing I am not alone in this really has helped me these past few days.

I am feeling physically better then I have since Holly passed away. After Holly passed, I had a headache for nearly 3 days straight and also (and I know this doesn't sound good) but I had a bit of chest discomfort (almost like I could literally feel my heart breaking) that has now receded a bit. I think with the sudden loss of Holly, the stress of it really got to me.

I just went today to pick up her ashes, and now I am going through the task of finding a suitable vessel to hold them in. Focusing on that has actually been therapeutic in a way. I want to get something nice and I don't want to settle for anything less then exactly what I want.

I don't really have the luxury of time at the moment though. After the move is done and I am settled into the new place I will focus on finding a purchasing the keepsake box/urn. I also figure that I can properly grieve then. I know I may be doing more harm then good by suppressing my grief, but the situation is stressful enough as it is.

Also, focusing on the move is really the only thing getting me out of bed in the mornings.

I miss Holly so much. Truth be told I am actually glad I will be moving from here. I don't want to look down on that spot where she passed and remember that moment, I don't want to remember her that way. It will be easier for me in a new place, where I can remember all the good and happy years we had together.


I am glad I can come here and post my thoughts and feelings. The is the outlet I needed to keep me from being a useless lump for the duration of my grieving process. I am happy to have such understanding people to listen to me.

Hi Raena,
Glad to hear that you are doing things to keep yourself busy. I understand why you feel you need to suppress your grief temporarily---it is better and easier to have the time to focus on and properly honor the memories of your lovely Holly. I cremated my Kajoor--and agree that taking care of the ashes is incredibly therapeutic. The memories will eventually be a huge source of comfort. Don't be afraid to talk about her to people who you're close to--they may not understand but will want to support you through your loss. Also, talking about her makes her presence in your life relevant even after she has passed on. she was after all, with you for all these years. Be kind to yourself--your loss is very real. I send you my condolences,
~Rach

Dear Raena

It's good to hear from you again, please keep posting, when you can.
You will feel a sense of relief now that you have your darling Holly's ashes back with you. I know that I did even though I cried all the way home from the vets, once we were home, I just felt that Noushka was back where she should be, back with me.
The move will be therapeutic and as you say a blessing as you have many painful memories and visions that you can move on from and start to focus on the happy times, and all the precious memories you have of Holly. Also it's giving you a 'focus', and something to keep you busy. I hope it all goes well for you.
I'm thinking of you and your Darling Angel Holly and your Dad.
I send a big 'hug'
Love
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hi, Raena. It's so good to hear from you. What you felt about your heart literally breaking is very normal. It's a physical reaction to the stress of grief. I'm glad that you are feeling better.

Moving is stressful, and I also understand how having to stay focused on the moving details is helping you. Many people who have experienced a loss share the same relief when they move - - that they can focus on the good memories instead of being focused on the painful grief. You are in good company with this feeling, Raena.

I hope that everything goes well with the move, Raena. Please let us know how things are going for you, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi everyone,

Just an update. I am currently staying with my mom while we transition to a new place. She has her two cats here and being around them is helping a bit. Her one cat Sasha is really friendly and reminds me so much of Holly, personality-wise.

I still miss Holly every day. I keep her ashes near my bed and I give her greetings when I wake up and when I go to bed.


I just purchased a lovely urn for her on ebay. I am really happy with it and will be relieved to put Holly's ashes in that, instead of the cardboard box they are in now.

It is still hard knowing that she is gone but I think about her a lot. I am still cry when I think about her, most of the time when I am alone with no one to preoccupy me.

Well, I will update again soon. It is kind of hard here to get computer time sometimes though, so when I can.


Oh, I almost forgot...here is a picture of the urn I got for Holly.

Hi, Raena, thank you so o o much for bringing us up to date as to how you're doing. What a lovely urn you have selected for Holly's ashes. I know this will bring you great comfort when you finally get it.

I can relate to you're preference to cry privately. I am the same way, although I am not embarassed to cry publicly if overwhelmed. The most important thing, Raena, is that you do for you what is best for you in your grief healing journey.

Raena, it's really good to hear from you again, and look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible. Thank you again so o o much for sharing with us the picture of the urn you have selected for Holly's ashes, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Raena--

That urn is absolutely beautiful--what a great ebay find! Holly will be honored to be resting inside such a beautiful piece of sculpture! I'm so glad you found it.

Sorry not to have been able to post much in your thread--my wireless service has gone wonky since a huge storm passed through, and I often can't download much of anything, which is a real drag, as I try to keep up with all the threads in this forum.

I gather, because I can't read all the prior posts, that you are moving now too? What a tumult, eh? But it must be keeping you very very busy.

Again, I am so very sorry for your loss of Holly.

Big hugs from Margi, her Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Terrible