I don't really know much of what to say, aside from it being only 8 days since, at a moment's notice, I lost my best friend in the world. If you have not already read my tribute post, you may do so by going here:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=5953

I still get the shakes and I barely sleep. Yet already my so-called "friends" are not only telling me to get over it, but they are treating it as no big deal (as one put it, "other people in the world are suffering worse than you are"). I'm so fragile and sensitive right now and it just feels like none of them can respect that. Heck, a couple of them somehow found themselves offended when I told them otherwise (and another just completely forgot the ordeal altogether and asked me if my sleep deprivation and mood swings had anything to do with my diet - HUH?). It just feels like no one really understands what I've lost here, and I find myself even more hurt knowing that people I should be able to rely on aren't being in any way supportive. I absolutely LOATHE this whole mentality people get where they say "it's just an animal, what's your problem?" I've found inner peace through Nuisance's presence with me, yes, and that's a very good thing because I can't even imagine the shape I'd be in if I hadn't felt it. But that doesn't mean I don't hurt. It still hurts more than anything I've felt in my life so far. And the fact that my so-called friends aren't even being remotely respectful just amplifies those feelings even more. It's times like these where I wonder if Nuisance really was the only real friend I had.

Dear JRichard

I feel sad that you are not getting help from your so called 'close' friends at this dreadfully painful time in your life, but please know that each and every one of us on this forum is sending you our support and love and prayers to help you through. I don't think I would have got through without this forum, it has been a lifesaver and certainly an eye opener. It has made me see just how many of us are the 'lucky' ones in life, the ones who know the love of a fur companion, or feather companion. I feel very sorry for those who have never known that 'love'. They are the ones who we should pity. They just do not understand how important they are to us and how the grief is unbearable when we lose their physical presence. Don't be worried to let them see how you are hurting, you must be yourself , and if you feel anger at what they say and their lack of sympathy or understanding, let them know that they have offended you and the memory of your darling Nuisance.
Remember that you are not alone, your Nuisance is watching over you, and you have many new and wonderful friends on this forum. I hope that you will count me as one of them. Remember if you feel like instant 'company' the chat room on here is a good place. Time zones make it hard for me to catch many people in there (I'm UK based), but I find that if you post on the board that you are in there someone usually joins the 'room'. Please post more photos if possible and let us know how your are.
Thinking of you.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Hi, JRichard, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Nuisance. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is a gift of love that we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can join the angels once again healed and restored to their former healthy spirits - - free from their physically failing bodies.

I have read through your memorial tribute of your precious Nuisance, and am deeply inspired by your life journey with her. Clinical studies have consistently shown that our society in general does not understand that the grief process of the loss of a beloved companion is exactly the same as it is for a human family member or friend. And even that is confined to the time that it takes for a funeral or memorial service to take place, and then the bereaved are expected to "get on" with their lives. This "tolerance" is practically non-existent for the loss of a beloved companion.

This is one of the many reasons why this forum was established, so that like-hearted and like-spirited people can come together and both offer and receive support and encouragement to help us through our grief journeys. And I am so o o glad you have found us, JRichard.

I smile at how you shared how Nuisance was the only one who could reach you when others, including doctors, could not. While my Oslo (see my post about Oslo if you'd like) was in his prime, we did Animal Assisted Therapy visits to folks in the hopital and nursing faicilities, and I could take up this entire forum sharing with you the many miracles that happened when Oslo entered the rooms. He is now back home with the angels - - a well deserved honor and rest from his journey here with me. What you have shared about Nuisance's presence in your life, JRichard, does not surprise me - - you have given her an honorable tribute.

Experiencing a loss - - whomever the life form - - can add to a dilemma involving faith issues arising from the questions "Do animals have souls? Do animals go to heaven - - whatever form that may be?" And I assure you, JRichard, the answer to both is "yes." I have an ecumenical background with several organized religions here in the U.S., but I am no longer affiliated with any of them because I cannot believe in God as they preach. Being many years older than you, I have found peace in my heart that each one of us needs to find our own path in our faith beliefs - - whether or not it is through the means of an organized religion. There is no one "right" way in our "faith journey" - - just as there is no one "right" way through our grief journey. Just as with our faith journey, our grief journey is a one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time journey, and is unique for each of us - - "one size does not fit all" with either one of them.

Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them - - the better part of ourselves - - completely without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence is so very painful, both physically and emotionally - - because they do take the better part of us - - the part that belongs only to them - - with them. Adjusting to the loss of their sweet physical presence is extremely difficult, even though we always have their sweet Living Spirits with us in our hearts and our memories. Once again, clinical studies show that the first year of a loss is called the hardest because of this very painful adjustment.

This is one of the many reasons why it is so important for you to know you are not alone in you grief journey, JRichard. Each of us here do understand how you are feeling and how difficult this grief journey is, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

JRichard, thank you so o o o much for sharing with us about your precious Nuisance and her physical life's journey with you on this side of eternity. The love you share with her continues on even now for love knows no boundaries of time and space. She is forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do. But right now I know this is hard to accept when your heart is grieving so deeply. JRichard, I hope in some way you will know and feel our individual and collective support, encouragement, and comfort reaching out to you to help you in your grief journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, JRichard, and please do let us know how your doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

I think Jan said it perfectly. Those who tell us "It's only an animal" or "Get over it" have simply not been blessed with the type of love we have. As Jan said, it's those people we should feel sorry for. The fact that we hurt so deeply means that we have given our hearts completely - and what a wonderful thing that is. Until you've experienced that, I don't think you've truly lived. Please know, Jrichard, that we here truly understand and respect what you are going through. We would never judge anything you say or feel. It is more than likely that we are feeling it also. We are all here for you for as often and as long as you need us. Some people find it helps to write 'letters' to their companions on their thread. Do whatever you need to do to help yourself through this difficult journey.

Thinking of you,

Cheryl x

I agree with what everyone has said so far, so eloquently. The whole culture, unfortunately, does not support grieving as an important part of our life process. Think of the people who have been given a few days off from work when their children died, and then been expected to report back and perform at 100%. This culture is insane, and that insanity extends to perceptions of our relationships with our fur-kids.

Only people who have felt the deep kind of love that we have can understand what you are going through. It is most unfortunate that your friends do not fall into that category. Mine, by contrast, do, and are very supportive when my grief comes up over Ladywolf, my most recent loss. I have found it best to keep my grief somewhat private from people I suspect are not true animal people, and only to share it with those I know I can trust.

As Moon Beam said, this is one of the reasons that this Forum was started--so that people like us, who love our animals more than we love people in some cases, have a place to come and let it all hang out without fear of judgement. Everyone here understands, as everyone, sadly, has suffered one or multiple losses of our pets. I myself have lost 11 dogs in my long lifetime by now. We wouldn't bother to be here if we didn't understand the depth of the grief that we all have to deal with. You are among true friends here, JRichard, so please keep coming back to check in with us.

We are the lucky ones!!

Big Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold

I'm very fortunate that the people I work with understood what my animals mean to me so when I lost Winston they were very understanding about me calling in to work the next day and also allowing me to leave my desk when I needed to. My father, step-mother, sister... everyone in my family is the same way.

I didn't have to deal with any "it's only an animal" comments from people, thankfully. I think the best way to deal with those comments is to say "seeing as you apparently don't love animals like I do it's apparent you don't understand the pain and grief I'm going through. If you can't understand that then please keep your comments to yourself."

If nothing else, you know that you won't find that attitude here... we all know what you're going through and understand the depth of your pain and you'll find nothing but compassion and understanding.

Thank you all so very much, and I am sincerely sorry that it has taken me over 3 weeks to get back to you...I guess I just needed some time to myself. After being mistreated by many so-called "friends" during my time of deep mourning, your words of encouragement have rejuvenated my faith in humanity. Your support has meant the world to me and has made a significant difference in my life during this very difficult time. Once again, thank you all so very much - each and every one of you.

You're more than welcome. We all know what you're going through and all want to do our part to make your grief journey a bit easier... nothing will erase the pain of Nuisance's departure, but with our help we can at least offer you support and encouragement.

I just went back and read through the tribute you posted about Nuisance and wanted to share one of my own... you wrote how, when you were twelve and at a dark point in your life, that she jumped up on the couch and nudged under your arm. Animals are very empathetic to our emotions. My mother died in 2008, after rupturing a subarachnoid aneurysm. She was in the hospital for 10 days and during that time I was the go-to person for the doctors. My mother and I were very close and to lose her so suddenly was a tremendous blow to me... I was sitting at my desk one night during all of this and I'm pretty sure I was either crying or visible choked up (that whole 10 days is kind of a blur to me now) and as I was sitting there my dog Winston came up, nudged his head under my arm and put his head in my lap. He looked up at me with his big brown eyes as if to say "I know you're hurting and I'm here for you."

Anyway, I'm glad we've been a help to you. We're a family here; a family formed of a shared love of animals and the shared experience of the pain of their departures.

Welcome to the family.

Hi, JRichard, it's so good to hear from you and to share how you're doing. Each of us definitely understands the need for private time during this grief journey. We're just so glad you came back to share how you're doing. Clay has said it so well, and I just want to add my affirmation to his words to you.

JRichard, please know we are here for you to share whatever is in your heart, to share your memories of your precious Nuisance, whenever you feel up to it, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

There are definitely people who understand what a big loss you have experienced. Who know that it is reasonable to feel loosing your cat is a "big deal". Who know that it isn't something you get over quickly. You certainly have my support and understanding and everyone who visits this forum recognizes the significance of your loss. I am sending understanding and I'll be with you in spirit whenever someone is not sensitive about your loss.