I'm sure it is perfectly normal to feel the pain and grief that I am still experiencing, but it is so foreign to me. I do ok during the day. It's at night when I go to bed and I am lying there quiet that I hear him and see him. I do have other cats, 3 more, and they love to cuddle with me as soon as I lie down, which makes me think of him even more.
I try to give my other babies as much love and attention I can when I am feeling so sad and blue, and somehow, hope to comfort them as well because my oldest guy is missing him too. He spends most of his time on the computer desk. Far away from the coffee table that he and his brother always shared. It's heartbreaking because I feel his grief and depression, but have no way to help him, which makes me even sadder.
I know one day I will be able to think of Habibi and smile, but for now, my heart continues to grieve.
Here is a pic of the coffee table buddies - Habibi on the left and his big brother Pasheela on the right.
Full Version: Still Sobbing A Month Later
It's kind of a weird thing. If your baby passes and you don't have another in the house, you feel so lonely and the quiet drives you crazy. But if you do have others, it's hard too. You go through a routine, knowing something huge is missing. And you are so sad yet you don't want to show it because I think the animals can sense it. It's hard giving them that extra love when you're missing your baby. And the worst part is knowing how much they have to be suffering too but you can't explain it to them or make it better. I guess it just takes time for them to work through it too. When our baby Cooper passed, our other dog Rudy didn't seem that sad. I was kind of relieved (though I'm sure he was suffering and not showing it) because I didn't want him to be depressed, but it also made me a little sad to think he didn't miss his best buddy and brother.
What beautiful kitties!
It is common (I hate to use the world 'normal' because what is normal for one person's grief, may not be for another) to still be crying after a month. If you think about it, a month is nothing compared to the amount of time we spent with our fur companions. Think of your tears as healing tears. In time, they will become less frequent, but please don't try to rush the process. It's important you allow yourself time to grieve and feel whatever you feel. It's been three months for me, and the tears still come of a night before I go to sleep. That does seem to be the hardest time for most people. The difference now is that they're not as heart-wrenching. They're just kind of sad. That shows that a little healing has taken place. But the time span is different for each individual, so please don't put pressure on yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss. We are all here for you during this painful journey.
Take care, Cheryl x
It is common (I hate to use the world 'normal' because what is normal for one person's grief, may not be for another) to still be crying after a month. If you think about it, a month is nothing compared to the amount of time we spent with our fur companions. Think of your tears as healing tears. In time, they will become less frequent, but please don't try to rush the process. It's important you allow yourself time to grieve and feel whatever you feel. It's been three months for me, and the tears still come of a night before I go to sleep. That does seem to be the hardest time for most people. The difference now is that they're not as heart-wrenching. They're just kind of sad. That shows that a little healing has taken place. But the time span is different for each individual, so please don't put pressure on yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss. We are all here for you during this painful journey.
Take care, Cheryl x
Hi, catmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Habibi. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's our first grief experience or our thousandth - - the grief journey is never easy because the loss we are experiencing is as unique as the individual relationship we share with our beloved companions.
Grieving can be more pronounced at night than it is during the day, actually, because there are distractions during the day to keep us focused - - to force us to focus on other things - - employment, household chores, errands, bills to pay, etc.. Night time does not offer as many distractions, so it forces us to deal with our grief. Even when we have other furkids in our home this does not diminish the deep loss that everyone is feeling. When there is a loss of a beloved companion, the entire dynamics of the household changes - - including for the surviving companions who are now faced with having to re-structure their "accountability" or "superiority" circle - - like what their wild cousins do when there is a loss within their "tribe".
Catmom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will have in our journey on this side of eternity. It's a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Comforting your precious furkids will also help comfort you, and will bring each of you closer together.
And for you to be able to be there for your furkids, it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for your for as long and as often as you need us. We are here to offer you our individual and collective encouragement and support to help you which will help you be there for your precious furkids.
Catmom, thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Habibi and your other beloved companions. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Grieving can be more pronounced at night than it is during the day, actually, because there are distractions during the day to keep us focused - - to force us to focus on other things - - employment, household chores, errands, bills to pay, etc.. Night time does not offer as many distractions, so it forces us to deal with our grief. Even when we have other furkids in our home this does not diminish the deep loss that everyone is feeling. When there is a loss of a beloved companion, the entire dynamics of the household changes - - including for the surviving companions who are now faced with having to re-structure their "accountability" or "superiority" circle - - like what their wild cousins do when there is a loss within their "tribe".
Catmom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will have in our journey on this side of eternity. It's a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Comforting your precious furkids will also help comfort you, and will bring each of you closer together.
And for you to be able to be there for your furkids, it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for your for as long and as often as you need us. We are here to offer you our individual and collective encouragement and support to help you which will help you be there for your precious furkids.
Catmom, thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Habibi and your other beloved companions. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (My heart Cooper @ Aug 12 2010, 04:15 PM) 
It's kind of a weird thing. If your baby passes and you don't have another in the house, you feel so lonely and the quiet drives you crazy. But if you do have others, it's hard too. You go through a routine, knowing something huge is missing. And you are so sad yet you don't want to show it because I think the animals can sense it. It's hard giving them that extra love when you're missing your baby. And the worst part is knowing how much they have to be suffering too but you can't explain it to them or make it better. I guess it just takes time for them to work through it too. When our baby Cooper passed, our other dog Rudy didn't seem that sad. I was kind of relieved (though I'm sure he was suffering and not showing it) because I didn't want him to be depressed, but it also made me a little sad to think he didn't miss his best buddy and brother.
Thank you for your reply. It's always helpful to know there are others that are experiencing what I am.
I really thought that Pasheela was doing ok the first few weeks, like he thought he was on vacation and was coming back. The last 2 weeks he has been very depressed and it makes me so sad. I know I need to give him his space, but I worry that he will distance himself from me and that scares me. I guess as long as he is still hopping in bed with me at night, I should stop worrying about him.
Thank you again for making me not feel alone.
QUOTE (Cheryl83 @ Aug 12 2010, 05:26 PM)
What beautiful kitties!
It is common (I hate to use the world 'normal' because what is normal for one person's grief, may not be for another) to still be crying after a month. If you think about it, a month is nothing compared to the amount of time we spent with our fur companions. Think of your tears as healing tears. In time, they will become less frequent, but please don't try to rush the process. It's important you allow yourself time to grieve and feel whatever you feel. It's been three months for me, and the tears still come of a night before I go to sleep. That does seem to be the hardest time for most people. The difference now is that they're not as heart-wrenching. They're just kind of sad. That shows that a little healing has taken place. But the time span is different for each individual, so please don't put pressure on yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss. We are all here for you during this painful journey.
Take care, Cheryl x
It is common (I hate to use the world 'normal' because what is normal for one person's grief, may not be for another) to still be crying after a month. If you think about it, a month is nothing compared to the amount of time we spent with our fur companions. Think of your tears as healing tears. In time, they will become less frequent, but please don't try to rush the process. It's important you allow yourself time to grieve and feel whatever you feel. It's been three months for me, and the tears still come of a night before I go to sleep. That does seem to be the hardest time for most people. The difference now is that they're not as heart-wrenching. They're just kind of sad. That shows that a little healing has taken place. But the time span is different for each individual, so please don't put pressure on yourself.
I'm sorry for your loss. We are all here for you during this painful journey.
Take care, Cheryl x
Thank you Cheryl...it may be common, but nothing about this experience is normal for me. He is the first baby out of 4 I have lost. What's worse is he was only 8 and suffered from diabetes. It was so horrible to watch him grow so weak no matter what insulin or how much he was given. He was just wasting away before my eyes. Ugh - I need to stop!
Anyway thank you so much for your encouragment. It means so much to me to have complete strangers understand me and give me much needed help.
THANK YOU!
Tina
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 12 2010, 06:52 PM)
Hi, catmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Habibi. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's our first grief experience or our thousandth - - the grief journey is never easy because the loss we are experiencing is as unique as the individual relationship we share with our beloved companions.
Grieving can be more pronounced at night than it is during the day, actually, because there are distractions during the day to keep us focused - - to force us to focus on other things - - employment, household chores, errands, bills to pay, etc.. Night time does not offer as many distractions, so it forces us to deal with our grief. Even when we have other furkids in our home this does not diminish the deep loss that everyone is feeling. When there is a loss of a beloved companion, the entire dynamics of the household changes - - including for the surviving companions who are now faced with having to re-structure their "accountability" or "superiority" circle - - like what their wild cousins do when there is a loss within their "tribe".
Catmom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will have in our journey on this side of eternity. It's a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Comforting your precious furkids will also help comfort you, and will bring each of you closer together.
And for you to be able to be there for your furkids, it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for your for as long and as often as you need us. We are here to offer you our individual and collective encouragement and support to help you which will help you be there for your precious furkids.
Catmom, thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Habibi and your other beloved companions. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Grieving can be more pronounced at night than it is during the day, actually, because there are distractions during the day to keep us focused - - to force us to focus on other things - - employment, household chores, errands, bills to pay, etc.. Night time does not offer as many distractions, so it forces us to deal with our grief. Even when we have other furkids in our home this does not diminish the deep loss that everyone is feeling. When there is a loss of a beloved companion, the entire dynamics of the household changes - - including for the surviving companions who are now faced with having to re-structure their "accountability" or "superiority" circle - - like what their wild cousins do when there is a loss within their "tribe".
Catmom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will have in our journey on this side of eternity. It's a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. Comforting your precious furkids will also help comfort you, and will bring each of you closer together.
And for you to be able to be there for your furkids, it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for your for as long and as often as you need us. We are here to offer you our individual and collective encouragement and support to help you which will help you be there for your precious furkids.
Catmom, thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Habibi and your other beloved companions. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Dear Moon Beam,
It took me a while to come back on here and reply to these posts because when I read yours I was crying and could no longer see the computer screen! I am so thankful for your kind words and your thoughtfulness. Your advice just confirms that I need to cry when I feel like it and just allow myself the time to grieve in MY own way.
Habibi was such a special boy I miss everything about him...he will always live in my heart and that helps me get thru the day.
Thank you again for everything. Your prayers are much appreciated.
Tina
Hi, Tina, I have been reading through your posts and re-read about your precious Pasheela. I know you already are keeping a close eye on him, making sure he is eating and drinking water properly. As you know our furkids grieve as well - - and diffierently from one another - - , and it is important that you keep an eye on him, as his grieving can become a medical issue. Don't worry about invading his space. It is very important for the both of you to spend as much time as possible with him reassuring him that everything will be okay.
Tina, I wish there was an easier way through this grief journey for you and your beloved companions, but unfortunately there is no "fast forward" through this painful experience. Just keep telling yourself and your fur babies - - "one day at a time, we'll get through this" - - and I promise you will. And please remember you and your precious furkids are close in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Tina, I wish there was an easier way through this grief journey for you and your beloved companions, but unfortunately there is no "fast forward" through this painful experience. Just keep telling yourself and your fur babies - - "one day at a time, we'll get through this" - - and I promise you will. And please remember you and your precious furkids are close in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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