This past week has been so awful. I sit and cry every night. I cry on the way home from work, while I'm here at home, and then at night before bed. I thought I was doing better but I just feel so awful. I miss my baby so much. I've gotten used to him not being here. I don't expect to see him anymore. But I still miss everything about him. I can't stand to look at pictures. I feel like I've taken a huge step backwards. I'm back to not being able to concentrate at work and just feeling sad all the time. I still just can't believe this has happened. And I feel like I can't let people know I still feel this bad because they expect me to have moved on by now. I don't even tell my husband how sad I am anymore. There's so much going on in my life right now and most of it is not so good. Normally, Cooper would be my rock. He brought my a sense of peace no matter what and now that is gone. I don't know how to work through these things without him.
Coopie - Mommy loves you so much. More than anything. I miss you every second of every day. You are my heart and I will never be whole without you. I pray that you are ok, wherever you are and you are not sad or lonely or afraid. I did my best to make sure you never had to feel those feelings. I pray that you don't now. I am so sorry you were alone when you passed. I would've never left you if I thought that would happen. I hope you were not afraid. Please be ok. I love you.
Full Version: I Miss My Little Boy
My Heart Cooper--
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. Bless this forum--yes?--for being here as a place where we can express our truest, deepest feelings, even long after others think that we "should" have gotten over them... There are no "shoulds" here--what you're feeling is what you are feeling, hon', and no one here will judge you for that.
I just wish that there was some way to wave a magic wand and make all that deep grief just disappear, but obviously, there is not. I think you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and given the circumstances, you have every right to be. You DID undergo a major trauma--your precious Coopie was there one minute and gone the next, and it's tragic. PTSD tends to amplify the waves of feeling that we experience, to make everything feel even more powerful. Time, and kindness to yourself, will help you eventually to heal.
Please trust that Cooper is in a place where he is content now. He is not lonely or sad or afraid. He is in a place of love, and he loves you deeply and always will, just as you loved him.
Big Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold
I am so sorry that you are having such a rough time right now. Bless this forum--yes?--for being here as a place where we can express our truest, deepest feelings, even long after others think that we "should" have gotten over them... There are no "shoulds" here--what you're feeling is what you are feeling, hon', and no one here will judge you for that.
I just wish that there was some way to wave a magic wand and make all that deep grief just disappear, but obviously, there is not. I think you are suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and given the circumstances, you have every right to be. You DID undergo a major trauma--your precious Coopie was there one minute and gone the next, and it's tragic. PTSD tends to amplify the waves of feeling that we experience, to make everything feel even more powerful. Time, and kindness to yourself, will help you eventually to heal.
Please trust that Cooper is in a place where he is content now. He is not lonely or sad or afraid. He is in a place of love, and he loves you deeply and always will, just as you loved him.
Big Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold
I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time... losing a pet is hard, especially when it's under accidental circumstances.
If I may make a suggestion, and please don't think I'm doing this to downplay what you're going through, because I am in NO WAY doing that... when my mother died in 2008 I sank into a very deep depression. I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until my father called me and told me that he and my step-mother were worried about me. I saw my doctor who prescribed Welbutrin for me, which made a WORLD of difference in my mood and my emotions. My doctor said I most likely had a mild case of clinical depression that I had just been dealing with for quite some time and the shock of my mother's death pushed it into an almost crippling depression.
Your grief is very real and again PLEASE don't think I'm discounting or trying to downplay what you're going through, but it's something you may want to consider.
Either way, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
If I may make a suggestion, and please don't think I'm doing this to downplay what you're going through, because I am in NO WAY doing that... when my mother died in 2008 I sank into a very deep depression. I didn't even realize how bad it had gotten until my father called me and told me that he and my step-mother were worried about me. I saw my doctor who prescribed Welbutrin for me, which made a WORLD of difference in my mood and my emotions. My doctor said I most likely had a mild case of clinical depression that I had just been dealing with for quite some time and the shock of my mother's death pushed it into an almost crippling depression.
Your grief is very real and again PLEASE don't think I'm discounting or trying to downplay what you're going through, but it's something you may want to consider.
Either way, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Tiffany,
I don't really know what to say to this -- I just feel so very sad for you. What you are going through is COMPLETELY understandable. The events in which your baby Coop was taken from you were tragic and shocking, and I know I can speak for everyone on this forum when I say that we all feel your pain and anger for you. What happened is just so, so sad; and it will take you a very long time to get through this. Seek any extra help that you can. Maybe speaking to a grief counselor would help. Just know we are all here with you, through your painful journey, every step of the way.
You are in my thoughts.
Cheryl xx
I don't really know what to say to this -- I just feel so very sad for you. What you are going through is COMPLETELY understandable. The events in which your baby Coop was taken from you were tragic and shocking, and I know I can speak for everyone on this forum when I say that we all feel your pain and anger for you. What happened is just so, so sad; and it will take you a very long time to get through this. Seek any extra help that you can. Maybe speaking to a grief counselor would help. Just know we are all here with you, through your painful journey, every step of the way.
You are in my thoughts.
Cheryl xx
Tiffany,
This may not be helpful but it is very normal what you are going thru. I lost my soul mate Callaway almost 10 months ago and I went into a deep depression. I would start feeling a little better and then fall into another deep depression. I had never been thru so much pain and I was really scared that I would never come out of it but eventually I did. I started seeing a grief counselor, going to a pet loss support group and I started taking an anti-depressant, I think all of these things helped me to deal with the pain. You may want to check into seeing a grief counselor, they complete understand the grief process and have tools that can help you thru your pain.
I compare the loss of losing an animal to the loss of losing a child, it was for me anyway. It's going to take a long time to get over the pain but you can do it. Just take things one day at a time and it's very important to talk about your feelings. We are all hear for you and want to help in any way that we can.
Take care,
Rhapsedy
This may not be helpful but it is very normal what you are going thru. I lost my soul mate Callaway almost 10 months ago and I went into a deep depression. I would start feeling a little better and then fall into another deep depression. I had never been thru so much pain and I was really scared that I would never come out of it but eventually I did. I started seeing a grief counselor, going to a pet loss support group and I started taking an anti-depressant, I think all of these things helped me to deal with the pain. You may want to check into seeing a grief counselor, they complete understand the grief process and have tools that can help you thru your pain.
I compare the loss of losing an animal to the loss of losing a child, it was for me anyway. It's going to take a long time to get over the pain but you can do it. Just take things one day at a time and it's very important to talk about your feelings. We are all hear for you and want to help in any way that we can.
Take care,
Rhapsedy
Thanks everyone. I did see a counselor for the first month after we lost Cooper. It really did help but it got to the point where I was just going and saying every week "I'm sad". I really was feeling better. I think I am just having a setback. My doctor has me on a certain medication not related to depression that messes with my hormones and I think it is amplifying all of my feelings, making this grief process all the more difficult. I have thought about asking my doctor about depression meds but I hate to get started on them. My husband has taken them and the side effects were pretty crappy. And it seems like once you start, they're hard to get off of. I just keep hoping I can make it through without them. But maybe in a few more weeks, if I'm not feeling better, I'll talk to my doctor about it. I can't stay this way forever.
Tiffany,
I am sorry you are sad. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. It makes me angry when someone tells someone else how he or she SHOULD feel. Everyone is different.
As someone who was on depression meds, I certainly wouldn't recommend them. When I lost my health insurance, I could no longer afford the meds. The side effects were bad, but the withdrawal from them was terrible. My dosage was slowly scaled back so as to not shock my body, but it was still terrible. I would never take them again.
As others suggested, a grief counsellor may be a good idea. I understand going every week and just saying your sad. Maybe a different grief counsellor could help you?
Hang in there.
Teresa
I am sorry you are sad. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. It makes me angry when someone tells someone else how he or she SHOULD feel. Everyone is different.
As someone who was on depression meds, I certainly wouldn't recommend them. When I lost my health insurance, I could no longer afford the meds. The side effects were bad, but the withdrawal from them was terrible. My dosage was slowly scaled back so as to not shock my body, but it was still terrible. I would never take them again.
As others suggested, a grief counsellor may be a good idea. I understand going every week and just saying your sad. Maybe a different grief counsellor could help you?
Hang in there.
Teresa
Tiffany--
Everyone's experience with antidepressants is radically different, and there are so many different ones to try. I'm a psychotherapist who knows pharmacology, and a "professional patient," and I've been on every one made except the very newest ones, and two of them, taken at two different times in my life, literally saved my life. Some may cause side effects in YOU (and not someone else), and some may not. Some are hard to withdraw from, some aren't. Believe me, it's a crap-shoot, but it may be worth a try. I've been on them, in one form or another, since I was 20, so...40 years now...and I have no problem with having to take antidepressants. I'm on two right now that have no side-effects at all for me, and do nothing but bring me benefits.
You can't know until you try. Getting "hooked" on the AD's is kind of a fallacy, since they are not addictive. Generally one takes them as long as one needs them, and can then stop. (I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, Teresa, but that doesn't mean that Tiffany would.) I've been on them for so long because I have chronic, severe, biochemical depression. You probably have "situational" depression, which would call for less time on the meds. They can cause you to do a 180-degree turn and begin to live your life again in a somewhat normal fashion after a loss. I literally wouldn't be alive today had it not been for the blessings of the meds I found.
You would need to find a good doctor who would really work with you on finding the right med for you. And you have to be willing to put in some time trying one out, finding out if it helps, and maybe having to try another. But, believe me, the benefits can be worth it. You can't rely on other peoples' experiences with them to know how they would affect YOU. That's the nature of "the beast." I would recommend giving a good AD a try at this point, but that's just my own opinion.
Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold
Everyone's experience with antidepressants is radically different, and there are so many different ones to try. I'm a psychotherapist who knows pharmacology, and a "professional patient," and I've been on every one made except the very newest ones, and two of them, taken at two different times in my life, literally saved my life. Some may cause side effects in YOU (and not someone else), and some may not. Some are hard to withdraw from, some aren't. Believe me, it's a crap-shoot, but it may be worth a try. I've been on them, in one form or another, since I was 20, so...40 years now...and I have no problem with having to take antidepressants. I'm on two right now that have no side-effects at all for me, and do nothing but bring me benefits.
You can't know until you try. Getting "hooked" on the AD's is kind of a fallacy, since they are not addictive. Generally one takes them as long as one needs them, and can then stop. (I'm sorry you had such a bad experience, Teresa, but that doesn't mean that Tiffany would.) I've been on them for so long because I have chronic, severe, biochemical depression. You probably have "situational" depression, which would call for less time on the meds. They can cause you to do a 180-degree turn and begin to live your life again in a somewhat normal fashion after a loss. I literally wouldn't be alive today had it not been for the blessings of the meds I found.
You would need to find a good doctor who would really work with you on finding the right med for you. And you have to be willing to put in some time trying one out, finding out if it helps, and maybe having to try another. But, believe me, the benefits can be worth it. You can't rely on other peoples' experiences with them to know how they would affect YOU. That's the nature of "the beast." I would recommend giving a good AD a try at this point, but that's just my own opinion.
Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold
QUOTE (My heart Cooper @ Aug 6 2010, 10:12 AM) 
Thanks everyone. I did see a counselor for the first month after we lost Cooper. It really did help but it got to the point where I was just going and saying every week "I'm sad". I really was feeling better. I think I am just having a setback. My doctor has me on a certain medication not related to depression that messes with my hormones and I think it is amplifying all of my feelings, making this grief process all the more difficult. I have thought about asking my doctor about depression meds but I hate to get started on them. My husband has taken them and the side effects were pretty crappy. And it seems like once you start, they're hard to get off of. I just keep hoping I can make it through without them. But maybe in a few more weeks, if I'm not feeling better, I'll talk to my doctor about it. I can't stay this way forever.
It really depends on the medication and the person. I don't have any side-effects from my Welbutrin, and as far as getting off of them, yeah, you have to wean yourself off of them slowly and normally under a doctor's supervision, or coming off of them can be incredibly nasty. But even though I'm almost two years past my mother's death I opted to stay on them, and with Winston's death I'm very glad I did, or I might be right back where I was when my Dad said he was worried about me; Winston's death hit me as hard as my mother's, as odd as that may sound.
There's no right or wrong way to handle your grief... it's a process unique to each person. Whatever route you chose to go we're all here for you.
My Heart Cooper, I don't blame you for not wanting to get started on antidepressants. This grief journey is a roller coaster ride from hell for sure. Once you think things are going okay something can come along and blindside you into another period of deep grief. One way to gauge your progress is to keep track of how long each episode lasts. As time progresses eventually you should see shorter periods of deep grief episodes. Sadness is one thing, depression is another. However, if you feel that you need to talk to your doctor or see a professional counselor, it is always good to follow through with that as well.
My Heart Cooper, there is no easy way through this grief journey, unfortunately. Our bodies are sensitive to so many factors we experience, and it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. What affects us physically affects us emotionally - - and vice versa. Please do not hesitate to do whatever you feel is best for you to do to help you through this very difficult time.
And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My Heart Cooper, there is no easy way through this grief journey, unfortunately. Our bodies are sensitive to so many factors we experience, and it sounds like you're going through a lot right now. What affects us physically affects us emotionally - - and vice versa. Please do not hesitate to do whatever you feel is best for you to do to help you through this very difficult time.
And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thank you to everyone for the information and advice. I felt better over the weekend. I spent time with a lot of different people that I'm close to and it helped. I guess I just have to accept that some days will be much worse than others. It's just hard because one minute he was here, the center of my world, and the next he was gone. No warning. Just gone. No time to adjust to the thought. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad he wasn't sick or suffering. He'll never have to go through that, which is a blessing in a way. He'll never know pain or sadness. And I'll never have to make that awful decision so many are forced to. But that doesn't make it ok that he's gone.
It really seems to help when I spend time working with Dori, teaching her things. I'm going to enroll her in agility classes soon, which will be nice for us both I think. But since she's a puppy, we've had several visits to the vet lately. I absolutely love the vets at the office but it is hard going there. When I chose Cooper's new vet, the one that killed him, this place we are going now was the other option. I know if I would've chosen them, he'd be alive now. I just can't get over that thought. I just wish I would've chosen them for Cooper.
I guess Cooper is the first major loss I've ever had and I've never had to go through this before. There were other things that I thought were major but once this happened, I realized they were nothing in comparison. It's just a tough process. It's really hard being sad every day. Tomorrow will be three months. I hate Tuesdays.
It really seems to help when I spend time working with Dori, teaching her things. I'm going to enroll her in agility classes soon, which will be nice for us both I think. But since she's a puppy, we've had several visits to the vet lately. I absolutely love the vets at the office but it is hard going there. When I chose Cooper's new vet, the one that killed him, this place we are going now was the other option. I know if I would've chosen them, he'd be alive now. I just can't get over that thought. I just wish I would've chosen them for Cooper.
I guess Cooper is the first major loss I've ever had and I've never had to go through this before. There were other things that I thought were major but once this happened, I realized they were nothing in comparison. It's just a tough process. It's really hard being sad every day. Tomorrow will be three months. I hate Tuesdays.
Hi, My Heart Cooper, I do understand what you mean about Tuesdays - - I feel the same way about Mondays as each of my furkids over the last 3 years have taken their jouney to the angels on Monday -- or have been taken to the vet on Monday for cremation after a home-based euthanasia on Sunday.
This grief journey of adjusting to the physical loss of our beloved companions I think is a life time adjustment, and you are so right - - even though your precious Cooper's journey was sudden without illness or suffering or your having to make the decision for him certainly does not make his not being here with you okay. I can relate to a certain extent about the incompetency involved in what happened to your precious Cooper, but not the extent that it became a loss situation. I did have the opportunity to take my Eli to another vet for a second opinion out of disgust with the vet who bought the practice from the previous vet - - but it was becoming a critial situaiton when I took him to the new vet. The new vet becamse my furkids PCP, and I haven't had any regrets about doing that, either
So, I do hope that this vet will always be there for you in every way you and your precious furkid(s) need them. And I kow you and Dori will have fun doing agility work together. Do you think you'll enter into any competitions together? If I were younger and had the physical stamina for another canine companion I would be very interested in doing agility, search and rescue work with him / her. Oh - - please let us know how this goes for you and Dori. I will look forward to hearing all about Dori's progress.
My Heart Cooper, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward ot knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
This grief journey of adjusting to the physical loss of our beloved companions I think is a life time adjustment, and you are so right - - even though your precious Cooper's journey was sudden without illness or suffering or your having to make the decision for him certainly does not make his not being here with you okay. I can relate to a certain extent about the incompetency involved in what happened to your precious Cooper, but not the extent that it became a loss situation. I did have the opportunity to take my Eli to another vet for a second opinion out of disgust with the vet who bought the practice from the previous vet - - but it was becoming a critial situaiton when I took him to the new vet. The new vet becamse my furkids PCP, and I haven't had any regrets about doing that, either
So, I do hope that this vet will always be there for you in every way you and your precious furkid(s) need them. And I kow you and Dori will have fun doing agility work together. Do you think you'll enter into any competitions together? If I were younger and had the physical stamina for another canine companion I would be very interested in doing agility, search and rescue work with him / her. Oh - - please let us know how this goes for you and Dori. I will look forward to hearing all about Dori's progress.
My Heart Cooper, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward ot knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My Heart Cooper-
I feel very much the same with the rollercoaster emotions, and the waves of depression that make you feel like you will get thrown down into a bottomless abyss. Some days are better than others and it goes in cycles, as does life. Its so hard. Even though my dog was 15 yrs old, I too had no preparation-he was with me one minute totally fine and the next minute gone, so I understand what you mean. I know that your shock must be even worse. I try to just give myself some time to go through the grief, to cry it out, to look at pictures and think about him, but then sort-of put a cap on it and try to find something to keep my mind busy. I think this sort of loss can have a tendency to swallow us whole if we allow it to. Its so painful and its so hard to have these little ones out of our lives. Time is really the healer of all wounds and I think as time goes on as someone said, it wont be quite as painful constantly. Hang in there with us....Im sure our animals miss us too!
Blessings,
Amy
I feel very much the same with the rollercoaster emotions, and the waves of depression that make you feel like you will get thrown down into a bottomless abyss. Some days are better than others and it goes in cycles, as does life. Its so hard. Even though my dog was 15 yrs old, I too had no preparation-he was with me one minute totally fine and the next minute gone, so I understand what you mean. I know that your shock must be even worse. I try to just give myself some time to go through the grief, to cry it out, to look at pictures and think about him, but then sort-of put a cap on it and try to find something to keep my mind busy. I think this sort of loss can have a tendency to swallow us whole if we allow it to. Its so painful and its so hard to have these little ones out of our lives. Time is really the healer of all wounds and I think as time goes on as someone said, it wont be quite as painful constantly. Hang in there with us....Im sure our animals miss us too!
Blessings,
Amy
QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 9 2010, 03:41 PM)
Hi, My Heart Cooper, I do understand what you mean about Tuesdays - - I feel the same way about Mondays as each of my furkids over the last 3 years have taken their jouney to the angels on Monday -- or have been taken to the vet on Monday for cremation after a home-based euthanasia on Sunday.
This grief journey of adjusting to the physical loss of our beloved companions I think is a life time adjustment, and you are so right - - even though your precious Cooper's journey was sudden without illness or suffering or your having to make the decision for him certainly does not make his not being here with you okay. I can relate to a certain extent about the incompetency involved in what happened to your precious Cooper, but not the extent that it became a loss situation. I did have the opportunity to take my Eli to another vet for a second opinion out of disgust with the vet who bought the practice from the previous vet - - but it was becoming a critial situaiton when I took him to the new vet. The new vet becamse my furkids PCP, and I haven't had any regrets about doing that, either
So, I do hope that this vet will always be there for you in every way you and your precious furkid(s) need them. And I kow you and Dori will have fun doing agility work together. Do you think you'll enter into any competitions together? If I were younger and had the physical stamina for another canine companion I would be very interested in doing agility, search and rescue work with him / her. Oh - - please let us know how this goes for you and Dori. I will look forward to hearing all about Dori's progress.
My Heart Cooper, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward ot knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
This grief journey of adjusting to the physical loss of our beloved companions I think is a life time adjustment, and you are so right - - even though your precious Cooper's journey was sudden without illness or suffering or your having to make the decision for him certainly does not make his not being here with you okay. I can relate to a certain extent about the incompetency involved in what happened to your precious Cooper, but not the extent that it became a loss situation. I did have the opportunity to take my Eli to another vet for a second opinion out of disgust with the vet who bought the practice from the previous vet - - but it was becoming a critial situaiton when I took him to the new vet. The new vet becamse my furkids PCP, and I haven't had any regrets about doing that, either
So, I do hope that this vet will always be there for you in every way you and your precious furkid(s) need them. And I kow you and Dori will have fun doing agility work together. Do you think you'll enter into any competitions together? If I were younger and had the physical stamina for another canine companion I would be very interested in doing agility, search and rescue work with him / her. Oh - - please let us know how this goes for you and Dori. I will look forward to hearing all about Dori's progress.
My Heart Cooper, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward ot knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Thanks Amy. I think I'm still just in shock with what happened. While Cooper was here, I never stopped to think he'd be gone one day. We thought about that a lot with our older dog but never with Coop. I was just so unprepared mentally and emotionally that this has been such a shock to me. I think, until I can really accept this and move past the shock, I can't move forward.
Hi, My Heart Cooper, I do understand what you mean about not being able to move forward since the tragic loss of your beloved Cooper. Losing him the way you did is tragic - - it was due to the careless, recklessness of someone else's actions - - someone who you had trusted to take care of your precious Cooper.
This is very difficult to reconcile, for sure. I hope in time you will be able to think of Cooper and embrace the loving memories you have of him. But I know this is not going to happen overnight, or within a few weeks or even months. It may take quite awhile before the deep sorrow of your loss eases, My Heart Cooper. Just know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, My Heart Cooper, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
This is very difficult to reconcile, for sure. I hope in time you will be able to think of Cooper and embrace the loving memories you have of him. But I know this is not going to happen overnight, or within a few weeks or even months. It may take quite awhile before the deep sorrow of your loss eases, My Heart Cooper. Just know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, My Heart Cooper, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Yesterday evening was rough. I went to write something in my calendar at work and flipped to Sept. Right there on Sept. 9 was "Cooper's 6th Bday" surrounded by stars. I forgot I'd written that. I used to be sad that he would be 6. I never wanted him to get old. I wanted him to be my baby forever. But it breaks my heart to think he will now never be 6. He had so many good years ahead of him. I miss you little buddy.
QUOTE (My heart Cooper @ Aug 13 2010, 09:31 AM)
Yesterday evening was rough. I went to write something in my calendar at work and flipped to Sept. Right there on Sept. 9 was "Cooper's 6th Bday" surrounded by stars. I forgot I'd written that. I used to be sad that he would be 6. I never wanted him to get old. I wanted him to be my baby forever. But it breaks my heart to think he will now never be 6. He had so many good years ahead of him. I miss you little buddy.
That was exactly what I thought when Winston died... he wasn't even 4 yet when he got hit by the car and to know that he had so many years ahead of him was just heartbreaking. We honestly thought our son would come home with his grandkids and Winston would get to meet them.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time... my thoughts are with you, and please let us know how you're doing on your journey.
Well, looks like this afternoon won't be much better than last. I just got a call from the insurance adjuster representing our vet. We asked them to compensate us for the new puppy and they have agreed. However, they want us to sign a release and I can't agree to these terms. Some are just untrue. They said they cannot change it. I have no idea what to do. Why must every evening be ruined? I feel so consumed by this every day.
Hi Tiffany--
I am sorry that you are having to deal with all these distressing developments, when you are already distressed enough by your grieving process. I don't have any advice as to how to deal with this latest round, except to say that sometimes it is best to just go ahead and move beyond your losses, even if you don't get the satisfaction of having the truth be known. I had an experience many years ago where a lawyer took me to the cleaners, and I sued him, and he countersued me, and I developed an ulcer, and finally decided to settle out of court for a tiny percentage of the $75K he had cost me through his malpractice, just to "get away from it all." My health was starting to go, and I decided that fighting it any more just wasn't worth the toll it was taking on my body and psyche.
And the very next week, his Karma began to catch up with him--his name appeared in the local paper for having been charged with an Agrravated DUI, and I admit that I was delighted!
The time WILL come when you are not consumed with all of this every day, really it will. You just need to get through this stage of things somehow, and then I think that your life will begin to settle down a bit. I'm just sorry that it's so complicated and painful.
Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold
I am sorry that you are having to deal with all these distressing developments, when you are already distressed enough by your grieving process. I don't have any advice as to how to deal with this latest round, except to say that sometimes it is best to just go ahead and move beyond your losses, even if you don't get the satisfaction of having the truth be known. I had an experience many years ago where a lawyer took me to the cleaners, and I sued him, and he countersued me, and I developed an ulcer, and finally decided to settle out of court for a tiny percentage of the $75K he had cost me through his malpractice, just to "get away from it all." My health was starting to go, and I decided that fighting it any more just wasn't worth the toll it was taking on my body and psyche.
And the very next week, his Karma began to catch up with him--his name appeared in the local paper for having been charged with an Agrravated DUI, and I admit that I was delighted!
The time WILL come when you are not consumed with all of this every day, really it will. You just need to get through this stage of things somehow, and then I think that your life will begin to settle down a bit. I'm just sorry that it's so complicated and painful.
Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Sir Leopold
Hi, My Heart Cooper, I am so o o o sorry about what is happening with the settlement with the previous vet. Who drew up the terms anyway? It sounds like you didn't have any input to the terms of the settlement. Believe me, I DO understand how you're feeling about this. Twenty-two years ago I was forced to sign a settlement agreement that was 3 years in the making negotiated by attorneys that still angers me to this day and hour and minute. It was clearly drawn in favor of the reckless driver who hit my car head on, the result of which inflicted mortal injuries on my mom who died from her injuries 6 weeks later, and the result of which has left me changed forever physically, emotionally, spiritually. The driver never ever had to admit his responsibility for the automobile collision or for the death of my mom, and was legally absolved of all of his responsibility for losing control of his vehicle crossing over into oncoming traffic hitting my car head on. So yes, My Heart Cooper, I do understand how you're feeling.
If in fact the terms cannot change - - then you should be able to write something on the settlement document showing your disagreement with the terms. I didn't have that option 22 years ago because of the type of settlement document it was, but perhaps you have this option now? However, I would try to press first as to WHY the document cannot be changed to reflect the truth - - perhaps an addendum to the document can be added?
For now, My Heart Cooper, take your time. For me, my situation was becoming desperate and I had no options at all. If you have a few days to put this aside I would recommend that you try to do that so that you have a chance to think things over and perhaps come up with other options that will be more healing for YOU - - and not just "wipe the slate clean" for the other vet - - because that is EXACTLY what is happening here. Also, considering the laws that are involved in this type of settlement, give yourself time to reconcile your heart to the actual settlement process. For the vet and the insurance processor and everyone else, once the settlement is signed it will mean that what happened to Cooper will be "over" - - for everyone else but YOU. So, take your time, My Heart Cooper. If something doesn't feel right about this settlement for you, then you must follow your heart. This is something that you really do NOT have to be forced into agreeing with or signing until YOU are comfortable doing so.
Again, My Heart Cooper, I am so o o o sorry that you are having to deal with this legal stuff. My heart gtoes out to you as this is just one more thing that you have to contend with - - just one more thing that rips out your heart even more about the circumstances of your precious Cooper being taken away from you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, My Heart Cooper, and please let us know how things are going for you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
If in fact the terms cannot change - - then you should be able to write something on the settlement document showing your disagreement with the terms. I didn't have that option 22 years ago because of the type of settlement document it was, but perhaps you have this option now? However, I would try to press first as to WHY the document cannot be changed to reflect the truth - - perhaps an addendum to the document can be added?
For now, My Heart Cooper, take your time. For me, my situation was becoming desperate and I had no options at all. If you have a few days to put this aside I would recommend that you try to do that so that you have a chance to think things over and perhaps come up with other options that will be more healing for YOU - - and not just "wipe the slate clean" for the other vet - - because that is EXACTLY what is happening here. Also, considering the laws that are involved in this type of settlement, give yourself time to reconcile your heart to the actual settlement process. For the vet and the insurance processor and everyone else, once the settlement is signed it will mean that what happened to Cooper will be "over" - - for everyone else but YOU. So, take your time, My Heart Cooper. If something doesn't feel right about this settlement for you, then you must follow your heart. This is something that you really do NOT have to be forced into agreeing with or signing until YOU are comfortable doing so.
Again, My Heart Cooper, I am so o o o sorry that you are having to deal with this legal stuff. My heart gtoes out to you as this is just one more thing that you have to contend with - - just one more thing that rips out your heart even more about the circumstances of your precious Cooper being taken away from you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, My Heart Cooper, and please let us know how things are going for you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Shortly after Cooper passed, we filed complaints with the state vet board and another group he is accredited through. Those are still pending. Once we decided to get another dog, we asked that the vet reimburse us for this amount. The amount of the new puppy was about the same we paid for Cooper 5 years ago. Because we filed complaints, the vet had to send this request to his insurance company. They are willing to pay it but they have a standard release you have to sign. I don't think they were aware of the fact that I am an attorney (they are now though) and know my rights and will not just sign some paper, thinking it's my only option. I am waiting to hear back from them about whether or not they will accept the changes I made.
It's just one more thing to deal with right now that I don't want to think about. I feel like, as a human being, our vet should want to do this for us after what they took from us because of their negligence.
It's just one more thing to deal with right now that I don't want to think about. I feel like, as a human being, our vet should want to do this for us after what they took from us because of their negligence.
Hi, My Heart Cooper, you are absolutely right about the vet. He SHOULD want to do this, and I hope that he will support you in coming to a resolution that is comfortable for YOU. I do so hope and pray that this will happen for you, My Heart Cooper. Please do let us know how you are doing and equally important how things go with this.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Hi, My Heart Cooper, just checking in with you to see how things are going for you. Did you ever hear back from the insurance company about your settlement proposal? I hope I didn't offend you by sharing what happened with my situation. Even though you are an attorney by profession, My Heart Cooper, you are first and foremost an individual person with thoughts and feelings, hopes and dreams. Even though you are expected to remain impartial working with your clients so that you can help them come to a "resolution" with their circumstances, it is impossible to remain impartial when you or someone you love is being harmed by others who either do not care about what happened and what you are going through as a consequence, or who are trying to summarize the value of what happened and what you are going through by a financial resolution - - to make the "problem" go away.
My Heart Cooper, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know we are here for you whenever you feel up to writing - - and that I do sincerely look forward to knowing how things are going.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
My Heart Cooper, you are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know we are here for you whenever you feel up to writing - - and that I do sincerely look forward to knowing how things are going.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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