Today, my beloved pomeranian Lacey lost her battle with heart disease. Words can not describe the pain I felt when I came home earlier to find my little buddy had passed away. I completely broke down. I wanted to scream. She wasnt just a dog to me, she was like my own child. She was the best dog you could ever imagine.
I'm 19 now. I got Lacey for my 6th birthday. I've grown up with her basically my whole life. She wasn't your average pomeranian. In fact, she acted more human than dog. She always knew when I was upset and was always there to comfort me. Even crying now I know that if she were here she'd be right at my side with her ears down and tail wagging. She followed me around the house everywhere I went. I now walk around and don't hear her little paws behind me. She's not there to greet me at the door, to sleep beside me, or to comfort me in my time of sorrow. Even hearing noices or hearing the sound of someone knocking at the door I wait to hear her bark but its silent.
I feel like a huge part of me died with her. I feel this whole thing isn't real, and I truely wish it wasn't. There is no dog like her, and there never will be. She is irreplaceable. I feel such a deep pain, a pain that I dont think I've ever felt before. I just keep trying to think to myself that she is no longer in pain or feeling sick but that can only do so much. I want my puppy back, I miss her so much already.
Thank you to anyone that reads this. I know everyone on here knows what I'm going through and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Think about Lacey and say a little prayer for her. She was an amazing dog.. she truely was.
R.I.P Lacey.
Word will never describe how much I love you and the unbelievable bond we both shared.
I miss you sooo much.
I will never forget you.. ever.
I'll see you in heaven Wubby.
Full Version: I Lost My Best Friend Today
QUOTE (ShelbyRae @ Aug 4 2010, 04:15 AM) 
Today, my beloved pomeranian Lacey lost her battle with heart disease. Words can not describe the pain I felt when I came home earlier to find my little buddy had passed away. I completely broke down. I wanted to scream. She wasnt just a dog to me, she was like my own child. She was the best dog you could ever imagine.
I'm 19 now. I got Lacey for my 6th birthday. I've grown up with her basically my whole life. She wasn't your average pomeranian. In fact, she acted more human than dog. She always knew when I was upset and was always there to comfort me. Even crying now I know that if she were here she'd be right at my side with her ears down and tail wagging. She followed me around the house everywhere I went. I now walk around and don't hear her little paws behind me. She's not there to greet me at the door, to sleep beside me, or to comfort me in my time of sorrow. Even hearing noices or hearing the sound of someone knocking at the door I wait to hear her bark but its silent.
I feel like a huge part of me died with her. I feel this whole thing isn't real, and I truely wish it wasn't. There is no dog like her, and there never will be. She is irreplaceable. I feel such a deep pain, a pain that I dont think I've ever felt before. I just keep trying to think to myself that she is no longer in pain or feeling sick but that can only do so much. I want my puppy back, I miss her so much already.
Thank you to anyone that reads this. I know everyone on here knows what I'm going through and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Think about Lacey and say a little prayer for her. She was an amazing dog.. she truely was.
R.I.P Lacey.
Word will never describe how much I love you and the unbelievable bond we both shared.
I miss you sooo much.
I will never forget you.. ever.
I'll see you in heaven Wubby.
I'm 19 now. I got Lacey for my 6th birthday. I've grown up with her basically my whole life. She wasn't your average pomeranian. In fact, she acted more human than dog. She always knew when I was upset and was always there to comfort me. Even crying now I know that if she were here she'd be right at my side with her ears down and tail wagging. She followed me around the house everywhere I went. I now walk around and don't hear her little paws behind me. She's not there to greet me at the door, to sleep beside me, or to comfort me in my time of sorrow. Even hearing noices or hearing the sound of someone knocking at the door I wait to hear her bark but its silent.
I feel like a huge part of me died with her. I feel this whole thing isn't real, and I truely wish it wasn't. There is no dog like her, and there never will be. She is irreplaceable. I feel such a deep pain, a pain that I dont think I've ever felt before. I just keep trying to think to myself that she is no longer in pain or feeling sick but that can only do so much. I want my puppy back, I miss her so much already.
Thank you to anyone that reads this. I know everyone on here knows what I'm going through and it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Think about Lacey and say a little prayer for her. She was an amazing dog.. she truely was.
R.I.P Lacey.
Word will never describe how much I love you and the unbelievable bond we both shared.
I miss you sooo much.
I will never forget you.. ever.
I'll see you in heaven Wubby.
I am so sorry for your loss, ShelbyRae. She was an absolutely gorgeous dog and Lacey sounded like a very special friend. To lose her, especially seeing as you grew up with her, has to be incredibly painful.
And yes, we all know what you're going through... we all have lost pets and know the pain their passing causes. Don't hold your emotions back. Cry if you need to cry. Scream if you need to scream. Call in sick to work or skip classes if you need to. Talk about Lacey with your friends, family and here. We all know what you're going through and we're all here to listen and offer whatever support that we can. Eventually, although you may not think so now, you will heal. Every day a tiny bit of healing takes place and while you'll always miss Lacey someday you'll be able to think of her and tell stories without feeling so overcome by grief. Instead, you'll smile and laugh when you think of her, with maybe a single tear rolling down your cheek.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss, ShelbyRae. You're in my thoughts today.
Dear ShelbyRae
I am thinking of you and your beloved Lacey, who as you say is no longer in pain. You will be feeling physical heartache, I know it's an unbearable feeling, but just do what you can to get through each moment and day and that tearing pain will start to ease. I was 12 when I lost my first beloved corgi, who was only 6 years old. I felt that I wouldn't survive, but 53 years down the road I am still here and have known and loved such wonderful dogs during that time. Each one so special in their own way. Each time one leaves me for the Rainbow Bridge I feel that tearing awful dreadful heartache, and miss them like mad, but I wouldn't have been without them for anything. Your photos are beautiful, what a darling Lacey is, and she has the best Mum, who has so obviously loved her so much and always will do. Please let us know how you are getting on.
I am sending prayers for sweet Lacey and for you. I hope that all our Angels have welcomed her, I'm sure they will have.
God bless
Love and hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
I am thinking of you and your beloved Lacey, who as you say is no longer in pain. You will be feeling physical heartache, I know it's an unbearable feeling, but just do what you can to get through each moment and day and that tearing pain will start to ease. I was 12 when I lost my first beloved corgi, who was only 6 years old. I felt that I wouldn't survive, but 53 years down the road I am still here and have known and loved such wonderful dogs during that time. Each one so special in their own way. Each time one leaves me for the Rainbow Bridge I feel that tearing awful dreadful heartache, and miss them like mad, but I wouldn't have been without them for anything. Your photos are beautiful, what a darling Lacey is, and she has the best Mum, who has so obviously loved her so much and always will do. Please let us know how you are getting on.
I am sending prayers for sweet Lacey and for you. I hope that all our Angels have welcomed her, I'm sure they will have.
God bless
Love and hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx
Dearest ShelbyRae,
I am so sorry for your loss. She still loves you, and although her physical body is no longer with you, her spirit lives on. She no longer is confined to this physical world, so wherever you are, she can be right there with you. Talk to her. She will hear you, and she will send you a sign to let you know that she hears.
It has been less than two days since I had to put my beautiful 12 year old Diamond to sleep because of liver cancer, but I have been talking to him. When I do, I feel his presence. When I lay down and close my eyes, I feel warmth against my body where he used to lay. If I listen closely, I can hear his special little meow. He came to me in a dream this morning, and he is so happy and bouncy--like a kitten. He is no longer suffering from his disease-ridden physical body. He is free to do whatever and wherever.
Whatever you do, don't keep your emotions inside. It doesn't matter if you are driving down the road or in the middle of a store. Let it out. Who cares what anyone else thinks or says.
You will be in my thoughts.
I am so sorry for your loss. She still loves you, and although her physical body is no longer with you, her spirit lives on. She no longer is confined to this physical world, so wherever you are, she can be right there with you. Talk to her. She will hear you, and she will send you a sign to let you know that she hears.
It has been less than two days since I had to put my beautiful 12 year old Diamond to sleep because of liver cancer, but I have been talking to him. When I do, I feel his presence. When I lay down and close my eyes, I feel warmth against my body where he used to lay. If I listen closely, I can hear his special little meow. He came to me in a dream this morning, and he is so happy and bouncy--like a kitten. He is no longer suffering from his disease-ridden physical body. He is free to do whatever and wherever.
Whatever you do, don't keep your emotions inside. It doesn't matter if you are driving down the road or in the middle of a store. Let it out. Who cares what anyone else thinks or says.
You will be in my thoughts.
Thank you guys for posting on here and giving me your feedback. They have all brought me tears of joy and have really helped. This is my first time losing a pet and the pet I lost was also my first pet so it's been very difficult. It's definately hard to get through the day. I can't sleep and really have no desire to eat or really do anything. I did take the day off of work and will probably also take tomorrow off. Sometimes I'm okay and then a second later I find myself crying until I can hardly breathe. A huge part of me is missing.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious fur baby. It is so hard when we lose them. The only thing I can say is it is ok to feel whatever you are feeling. Greiving is a day to day process. We are here for you.
Karen aka Mishasmom
Karen aka Mishasmom
ShelbyRae,
I am so sorry to hear about the devastating loss of your beautiful girl, Lacey. The pain you will be feeling now is so incredibly raw, intense, and all consuming. I know it hurts to even breathe. You will feel physically and emotionally drained. You will walk around like a lost zombie. You will have no energy and find it hard to eat, or concentrate on anything. All you can do is take each day, each moment as it comes. Feel what you need to feel. Don't try to hold back tears or surpress your emotions, as this will make things even harder. Breathe. Eat little bits, as full meals will be hard to stomach. Drink plenty of water, as the grieving process really does take its toll on our bodies. Be extra kind to yourself.
I know right now you feel like the tears will never stop. But in time you will be able to think of your precious Lacey and smile at the memories. The pain may always be there, but it will become less raw. Some people find it helps to write letters or keep talking to their babies as though they were still here. Do whatever you need to do during this painful journey. We are all here with you.
Thinking of you.
Cheryl x
I am so sorry to hear about the devastating loss of your beautiful girl, Lacey. The pain you will be feeling now is so incredibly raw, intense, and all consuming. I know it hurts to even breathe. You will feel physically and emotionally drained. You will walk around like a lost zombie. You will have no energy and find it hard to eat, or concentrate on anything. All you can do is take each day, each moment as it comes. Feel what you need to feel. Don't try to hold back tears or surpress your emotions, as this will make things even harder. Breathe. Eat little bits, as full meals will be hard to stomach. Drink plenty of water, as the grieving process really does take its toll on our bodies. Be extra kind to yourself.
I know right now you feel like the tears will never stop. But in time you will be able to think of your precious Lacey and smile at the memories. The pain may always be there, but it will become less raw. Some people find it helps to write letters or keep talking to their babies as though they were still here. Do whatever you need to do during this painful journey. We are all here with you.
Thinking of you.
Cheryl x
Hi, ShelbyRae, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Lacey. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.
ShelbyRae, there are no words that can adequately express to you the sincerest sorrow I share with you in your loss, or that can come close to trying to comfort you in your deepest grief. This grief journey is one of the worst experiences we will know on this side of eternity, for truly our beloved companions have indeed taken a part of us with them - - the part that belonged only to them. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them - - and this is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence with us is so very painful both physically and emotionally.
ShelbyRae, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful Lacey with us. I am so glad you are here with us so that you will know you are not alone in this grief journey. As painful as it was for you to come home to find your precious baby already with the angels, I hope it will be comforting to you - - at some point in time - - to know that she went on her journey in the place that was filled with the scents and sounds where she knew - - and still knows - - she is loved. I know it is hard to comprehend this right now, but her sweet Living Spirit is now forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do. You and Lacey share a love and bond that transcends both time and space - - she no longer is confined to waiting for you to come home from work or school or other places - - she is with you when you go shopping or visit with friends and family, etc..
ShelbyRae, I wish there was some way that this grief journey could be easier - - that we didn't have to feel the deep gut-wrenching pain and sorrow in the process of coming to a place where we can smile when we think about our furkids instead of crumbling emotionally, and physically, with deep sorrow. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, especially in the beginning a moment at a time journey. Try not to make any "serious" decisions right now because it's difficult enough just trying to decide what to wear to work. Slowly, eventually, this horrible grief pain will ease, but for now - - please do not hold in your grieving. For me at work I was ever so thankful for the restroom where I could go to release some of the pressure privately and collect my composure so that I could return to my desk and resume my work. And then there were the drives to and from work, and the grocery store, and the gas station, etc.. - - gut-wrenching sobbing - - waking up in the night with gut wrenching sobbing. Believe me, and the other wonderful people in this forum, it is important tnat you do not suppress your sorrow. Some folks think that suppressing their sorrow will help it to not be so painful, but in reality it prolongs the grief and inflicts both physical and emotional consequences. The tears you are crying, dear ShelbyRae, are healing tears - - literally, and eventually you will come to see this is true.
ShelbyRae, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
ShelbyRae, there are no words that can adequately express to you the sincerest sorrow I share with you in your loss, or that can come close to trying to comfort you in your deepest grief. This grief journey is one of the worst experiences we will know on this side of eternity, for truly our beloved companions have indeed taken a part of us with them - - the part that belonged only to them. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them - - and this is one of the many reasons why losing their precious physical presence with us is so very painful both physically and emotionally.
ShelbyRae, thank you so much for sharing your beautiful Lacey with us. I am so glad you are here with us so that you will know you are not alone in this grief journey. As painful as it was for you to come home to find your precious baby already with the angels, I hope it will be comforting to you - - at some point in time - - to know that she went on her journey in the place that was filled with the scents and sounds where she knew - - and still knows - - she is loved. I know it is hard to comprehend this right now, but her sweet Living Spirit is now forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do. You and Lacey share a love and bond that transcends both time and space - - she no longer is confined to waiting for you to come home from work or school or other places - - she is with you when you go shopping or visit with friends and family, etc..
ShelbyRae, I wish there was some way that this grief journey could be easier - - that we didn't have to feel the deep gut-wrenching pain and sorrow in the process of coming to a place where we can smile when we think about our furkids instead of crumbling emotionally, and physically, with deep sorrow. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, especially in the beginning a moment at a time journey. Try not to make any "serious" decisions right now because it's difficult enough just trying to decide what to wear to work. Slowly, eventually, this horrible grief pain will ease, but for now - - please do not hold in your grieving. For me at work I was ever so thankful for the restroom where I could go to release some of the pressure privately and collect my composure so that I could return to my desk and resume my work. And then there were the drives to and from work, and the grocery store, and the gas station, etc.. - - gut-wrenching sobbing - - waking up in the night with gut wrenching sobbing. Believe me, and the other wonderful people in this forum, it is important tnat you do not suppress your sorrow. Some folks think that suppressing their sorrow will help it to not be so painful, but in reality it prolongs the grief and inflicts both physical and emotional consequences. The tears you are crying, dear ShelbyRae, are healing tears - - literally, and eventually you will come to see this is true.
ShelbyRae, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Finally got some sleep lastnight. I feel very empty. It's not the same around here. I keep thinking about all the things I wish I would have done differently. Taking her on more car rides, giving her more treats, all the things she loved to do. I'm worried she felt alone when she died, and I hope she didn't. I hope she knows how much I loved her and how much I still do. The feeling of sadness is completely unbearable. I miss her.
Dear ShelbyRae--
I am so, so sorry for your loss, both of your beautiful Lacie, and of your childhood. First losses are especially terrible, as we simply can't believe that it is happening to us!
(I especially loved the picture of her with the tiara on. What a great little princess she was!!)
You know, there are those who believe, including me, that often our loved ones just can't bear to leave us when we are around, so they go quietly alone, often in the middle of the night. That is borne out by statistics in hospitals--more people die alone in the middle of the night than do during the day when people are around. Maybe Lacie chose to spare you that pain. Usually, there is a dying process, not just a moment, and that process can be pretty painful for us. I think that she was protecting you from having to endure that.
My Poppers passed while I was catching a snooze, and my Ladywolf while I was around the corner from her trying to play Scrabble. So I wasn't with either of them when they took their last breaths. Yes, I felt a little guilty, but I also figured that they had both planned it that way, so I didn't feel the guilt for long.
You had a wonderful long life with Lacie, and you did everything right in taking care of her. As others have said so well, don't try to suppress your grief--let it all hang out. You'll be healthier for it in the long run.
Remember to breathe, and eat, and try to sleep. You need to keep your strength up for this long grieving journey ahead of you. Again, I am so very sorry. Keep posting here--everyone here knows what you are going through!
Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold
I am so, so sorry for your loss, both of your beautiful Lacie, and of your childhood. First losses are especially terrible, as we simply can't believe that it is happening to us!
(I especially loved the picture of her with the tiara on. What a great little princess she was!!)
You know, there are those who believe, including me, that often our loved ones just can't bear to leave us when we are around, so they go quietly alone, often in the middle of the night. That is borne out by statistics in hospitals--more people die alone in the middle of the night than do during the day when people are around. Maybe Lacie chose to spare you that pain. Usually, there is a dying process, not just a moment, and that process can be pretty painful for us. I think that she was protecting you from having to endure that.
My Poppers passed while I was catching a snooze, and my Ladywolf while I was around the corner from her trying to play Scrabble. So I wasn't with either of them when they took their last breaths. Yes, I felt a little guilty, but I also figured that they had both planned it that way, so I didn't feel the guilt for long.
You had a wonderful long life with Lacie, and you did everything right in taking care of her. As others have said so well, don't try to suppress your grief--let it all hang out. You'll be healthier for it in the long run.
Remember to breathe, and eat, and try to sleep. You need to keep your strength up for this long grieving journey ahead of you. Again, I am so very sorry. Keep posting here--everyone here knows what you are going through!
Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold
Hi, ShelbyRae.
I couldn't have said it any better than ladywolf.
I am glad you got some sleep. I understand the empty feeling and the feelings that you would have done things differently. Don't beat yourself up about wishing you did things differently because the truth is that you would feel that way no matter if you took her on more car rides or gave her more treats. We always think that we should have done more.
You loved her, and she knew that. That is the most important thing. Also, keep telling her that; she will hear you. When I am home, I talk to Diamond and tell him that I love him and miss him, and I ask him to keep looking out for his little brother.
It is good to take off work for a little while, but try to make sure that you don't crawl into a hole and stay there. Keep coming back here to let us know how you are.
Hugs.
I couldn't have said it any better than ladywolf.
I am glad you got some sleep. I understand the empty feeling and the feelings that you would have done things differently. Don't beat yourself up about wishing you did things differently because the truth is that you would feel that way no matter if you took her on more car rides or gave her more treats. We always think that we should have done more.
You loved her, and she knew that. That is the most important thing. Also, keep telling her that; she will hear you. When I am home, I talk to Diamond and tell him that I love him and miss him, and I ask him to keep looking out for his little brother.
It is good to take off work for a little while, but try to make sure that you don't crawl into a hole and stay there. Keep coming back here to let us know how you are.
Hugs.
I'm very sorry for your lost. Lacey sounded like she was a wonderful friend. I'm sure she knew how much she was lost.
When my cat died last month, it helped me to make a picture album of her and to collect her things in a box. Maybe you can do something similar. It will be hard, but day by day the pain will lessened and you'll be left with the good memories.
When my cat died last month, it helped me to make a picture album of her and to collect her things in a box. Maybe you can do something similar. It will be hard, but day by day the pain will lessened and you'll be left with the good memories.
ShelbyRae,
I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you.
I love the black and white picture of the two of you... look at the big smile on Lacey's face... she was a very lucky girl to have such a great mom.
Take care,
Rhapsedy
I am so sorry for your loss. I just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you.
I love the black and white picture of the two of you... look at the big smile on Lacey's face... she was a very lucky girl to have such a great mom.
Take care,
Rhapsedy
ShelbyRae, I am so sorry for your loss. Lacey is such a gorgeous girl. I know your heart is breaking and I hope you can find some comfort soon. This grief process is a long and painful road, but it will get easier and the pain will lessen with time.
Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and cry as much and as long as you need to. It is very hard to adjust to life without our babies when they are gone. The emptiness and quiet is unbearable at times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Berta
Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and cry as much and as long as you need to. It is very hard to adjust to life without our babies when they are gone. The emptiness and quiet is unbearable at times.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Berta
I've been doing alright today under the circumstances. I feel very sad, yet I also feel like I cant feel anything. I saw Lacey's winter coat and sweater on the coat hanger and cried. Hurts to know I'll never see her walk in the snow with her cute little coat. Went through her travel bag with all her clothes and just held on to them for awhile. That's about all I have left of hers to hang on to. I'm thinking of all the memories of us together and feel so blessed to have had her in my life for so long. I miss my little princess and I hope she misses me too.
ShelbyRae,
It is very difficult to see something that belonged to your baby, but one day you will be able to look at her things, smile, and remember all of the good and goofy times you shared.
I am sure your princess misses you. If it makes you feel better, talk to her; she is still with you in spirit.
It is very difficult to see something that belonged to your baby, but one day you will be able to look at her things, smile, and remember all of the good and goofy times you shared.
I am sure your princess misses you. If it makes you feel better, talk to her; she is still with you in spirit.
It's been exactly a week since Lacey died and it's been one of the worst weeks of my life. I miss her so much. The pet cemetary in the town that I live in will be burying her in about 2 weeks. Then I'll break down all over again. I don't feel like I can be myself without her. It's almost as if I don't feel at all, yet I have this unbearable sadness at the same time. It's like someone is ripping my heart out and kicking me in the stomach all at the same time. I'm so incrediably lonely. Sometimes I wish that I would have died with her too. I found a quote that completely fits me right now. Its.. "Death is not the greatest of evils; it's worse to want to die and not be able to"
I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow for her. I'm nervous.. it's my first tattoo but excited at the same time. it's something I've wanted to do since Middle School. I just wish that she were here to see it.
I'm getting a tattoo tomorrow for her. I'm nervous.. it's my first tattoo but excited at the same time. it's something I've wanted to do since Middle School. I just wish that she were here to see it.
ShelbyRae,
I first want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you've heard this alot already...but you are not alone. EVERYONE on this post knows exactly what your going through. I'm 27 years old now...but when I was 19, I lost my first pet and best friend...a basset hound named Nugget. My parents got her when I was 3...and we were best friends ever since. Its been a long time now since shes been gone, but I still think about her all the time. And just 19 days ago, I lost one of my cats, named Husker. So, the pain starts all over again. Just know that you have support here and that I'm thinking and praying for you and Lacey. And good luck with your tattoo!! I also want to tell you that I love your quote by Robert Louis Stevenson.
I first want to say that I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sure you've heard this alot already...but you are not alone. EVERYONE on this post knows exactly what your going through. I'm 27 years old now...but when I was 19, I lost my first pet and best friend...a basset hound named Nugget. My parents got her when I was 3...and we were best friends ever since. Its been a long time now since shes been gone, but I still think about her all the time. And just 19 days ago, I lost one of my cats, named Husker. So, the pain starts all over again. Just know that you have support here and that I'm thinking and praying for you and Lacey. And good luck with your tattoo!! I also want to tell you that I love your quote by Robert Louis Stevenson.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my cat Scooter on August 5th. He was a part of my life for more than 15 years - saw me graduate from two universities, get married, have a child, buy a house,....he was a part of everything that I know.
I totally understand everything you said about the guilt - the "if only I did more...". I am going through that myself and it is very painful. But as Diamond-bear wrote, even if you were wonderful to Lacey in every way possible (and I bet you were wonderful), you would have found things to feel guilty over right now.
I hope this week will be easier for you. Going through the same feelings right now, and it is very hard.
I totally understand everything you said about the guilt - the "if only I did more...". I am going through that myself and it is very painful. But as Diamond-bear wrote, even if you were wonderful to Lacey in every way possible (and I bet you were wonderful), you would have found things to feel guilty over right now.
I hope this week will be easier for you. Going through the same feelings right now, and it is very hard.
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