Tuesday afternoon my beautiful bright eyed tabby cat George looked like he was breathing strangely. I called the vet, but they had left early so I had to go to a local emergency clinic. He was much worse off than I expected and they rushed him onto oxygen and gave him a sedative. They told me that open mouth breathing in a cat is never a good thing. They suspected congestive heart failure and/or fluid in his lungs. He was 17 1/2 years old. He had been living with cancerous tumors for 2 years which we had managed with my regular vet. He was happy, pain free, and of course always looking to eat. After several discussions with the vet about options such as diuretics, and some other possibilities to keep him her for maybe 6 months to a year I made the unbearable decision to let him go. I know he was old and that this day was coming but I am still just shell shocked. I keep expecting him to be in all his usual places in the house. He was an indoor cat so he was always here. I feel guilty for deciding his fate and have been second guessing myself since. My regular vet assured me that we did the right thing but it is still heart wrenching. I miss him so much and can't belive he is gone forever.

Hi Jenga

I feel for you so much. What a terrible decision you had to make but I do believe you made the right one. Love makes us want to cling to our pets for as long as possible, a completely natural state of mind, but sometimes to do right by them we have to let them go. Your decision prevented George suffering, if you had kept him alive he wouldn't have had a good life and you would have also suffered seeing him ill and knowing what was to come. Your actions really are the result of your love for him, and a brave and true love at that, you gave him a good life and chose not to let him suffer at the end, it was an act of compassion and i'm sure he knows that and i hope you believe that because you have done nothing wrong. I lost my cat Marley yesterday, he was only a baby, you must be proud of yourself that George had a long life, that is credit to your care and love.

Stay strong, I hope George and Marley find each other in heaven xx

My cat Flo was about that age, and I think she also had cancer, but I never found out for sure. I put her down because it looked like her immune system was shutting down, and she was getting painful opportunistic infections. Also she only weighed about 3.5 pounds, so she was really on her last legs.

The feeling of unreality is something I think we've all faced, and it's very distressing. It took me a couple of weeks before I could wake up in the morning and not automatically look for Flo. Flo was a big part of my reality for almost 17 years, and a world without her just didn't seem real to me. It's been four weeks, and I feel like I'm just getting past that unreality stage, where I can go downstairs in the morning and make myself a cup of coffee, and accept that Flo isn't there, and that's my reality now.

Two years seems like a long time for a cat to have cancer. You must have been taking really good care of George.

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious George. He was indeed a fighter, wasn't he, to have lived for two years with cancers? My Ladywolf did the same and then, luckily for me, she slipped away quite quietly and gently one afternoon about seven weeks ago now. I didn't have to make that fateful decision that you and so many others have had to make, though I've had to do it with animals in the past, so I know how that feels.

I also know that feeling of unreality very well. I felt it to a huge degree after Ladywolf's passing--as if I was just waiting for her to come back from a trip or something, as if she wasn't really gone. That was my mind's way of protecting me from totally overwhelming grief.

Please try not to spend too much time second-guessing. That is another trick of the mind. Your heart knows that you did the right thing, but your mind is messing with you. You operated on the best possible information you had available to you at the time, and your own vet backed up your decision. Everything you did, you did out of love for George and your long, long life with him. He is at peace now and free from discomfort. Sadly, YOU have the pain now.

Open-mouth breathing is often one of the major signs that an animal is on its way out naturally. Ladywolf went into that labored breathing for three hours before she passed--that's how I knew that she was leaving me.

Again, I am so so sorry for your loss.

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Terrible

Jenga,

What a tragedy to have to have said goodbye to George so suddenly. What magic that you were able to care for and love him over 17 years, and especially the last two years with his cancer. I know that the sadness permeates every cell of your body and and every inch of the house that was home for George and you. It took me awhile to believe it, but I do wholeheartedly believe that your final decision to let go of George, and ease his suffering, was your final ultimate unconditional act of love for him. No guilt needed, no regrets...just now the realization of life without George, though his energy will remain to be in your heart and home. So sorry for this time that has come, that we here have all faced, that your special love had to move on. Peace to you and George and your family.

Dennis

Hi Jenga. I'm going through a similar situation right now too. My 3 year old cat Husker is at the vets office right now and is scheduled to be put to sleep tonight when our vet returns from out of town. I'M GOING CRAZY!! I took him in 3 weeks ago because I thought he had a bladder infection, which he had had a few times when he was a kitten. It turned out that he had a blockage in his bladder. The vet put in a catheter, flushed him out, and sent him home a few days later. Well, by the following weekend, he had another blockage. My boyfriend took him to the vet last Monday and he has been there ever since. He has been able to urinate and then gotten plugged up again FIVE times since he has been there. The dr called me this morning and recommended putting him to sleep. I am absolutely heart broken. I haven't stopped crying since I found out. And of course I want to make sure we are doing the right thing. We adopted Husker and his brother, Miles, from the Humane Society 3 years ago and they have never been apart. I'm worried about Miles too...I'm sure he is wondering where Husker is. I guess when we dropped him off at the vet last Monday, I didn't think he would never be coming home...but I know what your going through...maybe we can chit chat on here sometimes to see how the other is doing....

Jenga-
First, I am so very sorry. I know that no words will make the pain disappear and for your George to come back, but I believe that our beloved animals live with us and in our hearts now. The guilt is such a common part of the grief process. I think everyone on here has felt and experienced it. The void from these little creatures is hard to deal with, but the love lives on. In the lack of George's physical presence, he is still loving you with all of his heart. Know that you did the right thing and it was just George's time to change in form. It does not mean he is gone....just different. It is so very hard and I am thinking of you during this sorrowful time. Take care of yourself and know that we are all here, going through the same emotions, just at different stages in the healing process. Its okay to feel shocked for a while. I think it makes it a bit more dealable.
Sending Peace and Love,
Amy

Jenga

I am so sorry for loss. Please know that I am thinking about you and George. I had to end my Rex's pain on Tuesday also. If you want to talk please come here, everyone has helped me so much. What you said about looking for your George in his regular places...I am doing the same thing. I am doubting the choices I made and feeling so guilty, but somewhere in my head or heart I know I did what was best for Rex and you what was best for George. People on here tell me I have to let this process of grief run its course and I am trying with their help, so we will be there for you while you grieve for your George.

Thoughts and prayers for you and George

Kristina

Thank you all so very much for your support and words of kindness for George and my decision. This is truly a wonderful site to come to for understanding and compassion as we are all going through so many of the same things.

That is a very comforting thought. I am so sorry for your loss of your baby. I am indeed lucky to have had George for so long.

Jenga

I am so sorry for your loss of George. You need not feel guilty although the guilt is a natural reaction that we go through when we lose our beloved companions. You gave him seventeen years of love and devotion. I too know the feeling of unreality. I lost my Nikita six weeks ago and she was an indoor cat like George and such a major part of my life. Just today I was thinking that I still can't believe that she is not here. She was only twelve; I had always hoped that she would be one of those cats that would make eighteen or even twenty years but it was not to be. The pain of losing them is at times almost unbearable but remember the love your shared with George and that what you did you did to spare him any suffering. You gave him many wonderful. No words can ease the grief you are feeling; it is a process we all must go through. But you can know that you are not alone and you have shoulders to cry on here with those of us who have shared the love of our beloved pets and know the pain of losing them.

I am so so sorry

John