Hi everyone,

Reading some of the stories posted here has helped, I can identify with a lot of them. I just put our 13 or 14? year old black cat Marcy to sleep on 7/14 and I'm having a hard time with the guilt. She had a history of hyperthyroidism, toxoplasmosis, and FIP. A couple of weeks ago she started having diarrhea and urinating on our rug upstairs. Since this had never happened the entire time my wife and I had her, we took her to the vet. Bloodwork revealed a high white blood cell count, an ultrasound showed numerous tumors on her intestine and an enlarged lymph node. Meanwhile, the diarrhea accidents were getting more frequent and I noticed she was drinking a lot of water. The vet then asked us if we wanted to do a biopsy on the tumors to see if they were cancerous. We decided not to, and the next day I took her to the vet's, she passed away peacefully while I petted her. I feel bad about not having the biopsy done, like maybe I just gave up, but at that point, I just didn't want to subject her to any more medical procedures. I could tell she wasn't doing well and I thought her condition was only going to get worse. I've also been questioning whether I did enough to comfort her at the vet's office when she was put to sleep, a lot of it is like a blur to me now. My wife says I'm being too hard on myself, and maybe I am. I'm just wondering if anyone has felt the same way.

Thanks,

Walt

Dear Walt--

Welcome to this wonderful forum. It has saved my life through my recent losses of two dogs, and recent acquisition of a new kitten who is driving me crazy!

I am so sorry for your loss of Marcy. Trust me, guilt seems to be a natural part of the grieving process when it comes to our beloved fur-friends. "I didn't do enough," "I did too much," "I waited too long," "I didn't wait long enough," "She died in her sleep while I was sleeping too," "I had her put to sleep..." etc. There seems to be no "perfection" when it comes to the loss of a beloved companion. The mind plays terrible tricks on us, even while our hearts know that we did the right thing.

You operated on the best information you had available to you at the time. You indeed followed your heart, in that you did what you thought (and I think too) was best for Marcy's well-being. Biopsies can be very invasive, and can actually contribute to the problems. It must have been Marcy's time...can't you feel that?

Go ahead and experience the guilt feelings, though. You have to get through them in order to reach the other side, where you can eventually feel content that you did the right thing.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Terrible

Yes, that is exactly how I felt. That is how I feel now. I keep thinking of things I could have done to comfort my cat in her last few hours. I kept trying to give her water, but she wouldn't drink, and I think maybe I should have used a syringe to squirt some water in her mouth because maybe she couldn't see the water I was trying to give her. I wonder if maybe I should have confirmed that she had cancer before we put her down. I wonder if I should have tried to give her a painkiller the night before she died. I wonder if I gave up too soon. And I worry that I'll never find out the answer to those questions, and I worry that I will will find out the answer to those questions.

And then I try to put those thoughts aside and tell myself that I did the best I could, and all I did I did out of love, and I gave her the best life I knew how to give her.

I'm in the same boat dear friend so feel comforted and supported. It's been 5 days now since I had my little boy put to sleep. Trust me, I've been through several days of hell now thinking about it with little sleep, little food etc. I'm only just now starting to recover a wee bit...'Should I have done more?' 'Why didn't I?' 'If only I had had him checked the week before his seizure...' 'If only I'd had (minimum) $10,000 to pay for ICU treatment on a respirator etc...' 'If only I hadn't given him anti-inflamatory tablets that the vet gave me for his ear infection, that wouldn't have messed with his diabetes and sent him over the edge into fits and vomiting...' ' if only if only'..................it's endless...He was 13 and tired and had several issues, so I chose to have him put to rest, which nearly finished me off. I held him right to the end, until he went limp. I loved him, so I know what you're going through...All I do is look at his photos and videos, his leash and mat and drinking bowl, and imagine him walking around the house slowly and resting in his favourite places, barking politely for his supper...
you are not alone here
God bless
x

I felt/feel exactly the same way you do. My dog Callaway had lymphoma or the vet was almost sure of it. He had all of the symptoms of lymphoma. I decided not to do a biopsey because he was 14 and I was not going to do chemo not because of the cost but because I didn't want to put him thru chemo that wouldn't cure the cancer and I thought it would put him thru hell. I asked the vet if he gets a biopsey and it's negative would the treatment be any different and she said no but I still wonder if I should have had the biopsey done.

I also don't think I held Callaway enough when the vet came to my house to put him to sleep. I thought I would be stronger but I just cried and put my head on his paw. I did tell him I loved him a couple of times but I wanted to talk to him the whole procedure.

I am so sorry that you are going thru this but you have come to the right place to talk about your feelings. We all have had animals that we loved deeply and understand the whole complicated grief process. We are all here for you.

Love,
Rhapsedy

So sorry for your loss. I too can relate to the guilt as most here will attest the guilt is a natural part of the grief. I lost my beloved cat Nikita six weeks ago tommorow and still struggle with grief and guilt. She also had lymphoma and suffered from severe diarrhea and in the end vomiting. I didn't have her euthanized because she didn't make it that long. I was going to take her that evening after work but she passed that afternoon at home. I struggled with the decisions I made while she was sick; wondering if I had done things differently maybe she would still be with us. Also I had gone back to work and was not with her at the moment she passed. These losses take a heavy toll on us all and you can find friends here that understand your feelings. Again I am so so sorry, I feel your pain.

John

I just lost my dog Winston on Sunday when he was hit by a car and I'm feeling alot of those same "what if" emotions now... "what if" he hadn't gotten out, "what if" my son and I had gotten to him quicker, "what if" the car that hit him had just been going slow enough to stop and not hit him.

This site has taught me this morning that this is all normal and part of the grieving process. Sure, you could have had the biopsy, but what if the tumors had been cancerous? Your choices there would have been painful chemotherapy and radiation for her, and rather than put her through that indignity you gave her a passing that we can all only hope for; being help by someone you love while you just slip away.

As for if you did enough to comfort her, your presence was all the comfort she needed. I take some small comfort in the fact that Winston was with my son in the back seat of the car, with his head in my son's lap, when he died. My son was petting him and telling him what a good dog he was and he just passed away, before we even got to the vet, which tells me just how badly he was hurt.

The grief will pass, you will heal. It probably doesn't feel that way for you now anymore than it does for me, but it will.

Hi Walt. I just lost my cat Husker on Thursday due to an unexpected illness, so I know exactly how you are feeling. And all those "what if" questions are running through my mind too. The people on this forum are absolutely amazing. They have helped me ALOT! Every day gets a tiny bit better. Just know that I'm thinking of you and your family...and your not alone if what your going through.

Maranda