I went to the vet yesterday and found out that Brando has Degenerative Disc Disease. The protective covering around his spinal disc is badly degenerated and the soft inner disc matter is pressing on his spinal cord. The vet said that he is in pain and she gave him some prednisone and methocarbamol for pain. I just feel like I can't make "the decision" again. It's been 9 months since I lost Callaway and I can't believe I'm going thru this again. How can I make the decision again? I am so scared! The weird thing too is that I'm feeling guilty again about Callaway, I guess that's because I'm facing euthanasia again with Brando. If anybody can give me any advice I would greatly appreciate it.

Rhapsedy, I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am that you are facing this again. I'm so sorry about Brando's condition. I wish I had words of advice but even though I've been through this 3 times in 10 months, I don't know what is the right thing to say.
I understand what you mean about suddenly feeling guilty again over Callaway. I think it's normal since you're in the same situation again. What sort of prognosis did the vet give you? What are the options for Brando other than pain medication?
There is one thing I've painfully learned in this process and it's the only words of (hopefully) comfort I can give. That one thing is that if you follow your love for Brando through each of your decisions, then you can't make a wrong one. If everything is for his sake (which sometimes is painfully not for yours), you will do the right things. Follow your gut and keep asking your vet for advice and the people on this forum.
Rhapsedy, I so hope that Brando will get relief and comfort from his medications. That will help you ease up and begin to think more clearly. It's so hard to think clearly when your baby is hurting, I know too well. Assessing the level of pain is nearly impossible. Figuring out what is liveable and what is too much is so hard. If only they could tell us verbally. I don't know where you live but it's night here so I will say that I hope you have a restful evening and that Brando will get some rest too. Please keep us posted.
-Donna

Rhapsody,

I feel as badly for Brando as I do for you. Kota suffered from Deg. Disc Dis, and severe arthritis. For close to the last year of her life I had her on prednisone, fish oil supplements, vitamins, Adequan shots (a liquid glucosamine that supposedly helps rebuild their cartilage), chiropractic and accupuncture. In the end both the vet and chiropractor stated she was in a lot of pain, from bone rubbing on bone. Do whatever you can to make Brando comfie, listen to your heart and your vet (if he's a good one). I just think, it's not fair and it's not right that you are going thru this process again. I'm sorry. Love him as much as you can.

Dennis

Rhapsedy, I'm so sorry Brando is having problems. Take it one day at a time and enjoy each day you have with him. Try not to stress about the situation. Treat everyday just like it was before, take care of him the way you always have. When the time comes, you will know just like with Callaway (even though I know you have guilt feelings that you really shouldn't have). Go boating with him.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this so soon again. I am thinking and praying for you and your hubby.

Much hugs and Love,
Sonya

Rhapsedy,

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. I know your mind is probably working overtime right now; just thinking - thinking is it the right time, thinking what to do for the best, thinking about the other options. I know it is difficult, but try to clear your mind, and instead of thinking - FEEL. Listen to your heart. You will know when the time is right. In the meantime, enjoy every moment you have with your precious Brando. Give him extra kisses and hugs.

Let us know how you get on.

Thinking of you. Cheryl x

Hi, Rhapsedy, I am so sorry about Brando. I do so understand how you're feeling about having to deal with the prospects of losing another beloved companion so soon after Callaway. I wish there were some intelligent words I could offer you that would bring you the answers you need - - and want. I agree with what our Forum partners have already shared with you - - seek the vet's advice about Brando's medical needs and follow your heart when it comes to making the decisions of what - - and what not - - to do. Brando will let you know when he needs to let go of his physical body, and I know out of your love for him you will do what is best for him, even when your heart is breaking.

Rhapsedy, please know we are with you come whatever happens - - and please know you and your beloved Brando are in my thoughts and prayers. Please let us know how things are going, and how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Rhapsedy
I am so sorry to hear about Brando. I will ask my angels to watch over you and Brando. You both will be in my prayers. I know your heart is breaking I wish this was not happening to you and your precious Brando. Please know I will am thinking of you and would you are now going throough so soon.

Sending you and Brando Big Hugs
Anna and My Angels
xo
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Hi Rhapsedy--

I too am so sorry to hear about Brando's situation, and your's. It doesn't seem fair, coming so soon on the heels of the decision that you had to make about Calloway. I can understand how feelings are being reactivated, and some of them feelings of guilt. But we do the very best that we can for our fur-kids, with all the best information that we have available to us at the time.

As others have said, I encourage you to listen to your heart about Brando's condition, and listen closely to your vet too. Its so unfortunate that our fur-kids can't communicate with us to tell us exactly how much pain they are in, whether it's bearable for them or not. I trust that you will make the right decision at the right time.

All love to you--

Margi and Spiritwolf

Dear Rhapsedy

I can only echo what everyone has said, make the most of each precious moment. You will do your best for your dear Brando as you did for Calloway. I am just so sad that you are having to go through this so soon, but live for the present and follow your heart.
Thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers to you, your husband and dear Brando.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Thank you so much everyone for your advice and support. You are all so wonderful and I am so thankful that I can talk to you about my feelings. I have been on here everyday but I haven't been able to respond, I know you all understand how that is.

Brando seems to be doing a little better on the combination of pills that the vet gave him. He does sleep all the time but doesn't seem to be in much pain. I took him to a different vet and she seems much more knowledgable than my vet. So, I am now feeling tremendous guilt that I didn't take Callaway to another vet, I could have possibly made him more comfortable. I keep telling Callaway that I am so sorry for not trying to do more for him, I really feel that I let him down. I also feel guilty because I think about Callaway so much while Brando is nearing the end of his life, all of my thoughts should be about him. As you read this I'm sure you think I'm crazy and I don't blame you, I think I'm crazy too. I haven't been to my therapist in a couple of months so I'm going to start again.

I feel selfish because I haven't been very supportive to others lately. I should have it together more. It's been over 9 months and I'm still a wreck! I hope to get it together soon and offer support, I don't feel like I'm being a team player, I'm not giving I'm just taking. Everyone please know that I am praying for you all.

Love,
Rhapsedy

P.S. I just read this over and I'm disgusted because it seems like this is all about me. I need to snap out of this and stop being so selfish. Right now Brando is having a hard time and I need to tend to him and not think about how I feel about losing Callaway and thinking about how Im going to feel after Brando is gone.

Sorry everyone, I really feel like I'm losing it!

Hi, Rhapsedy, absolutely no apologies are needed here with us. What you are going through is perfectly normal. This time last summer I had my Oslo who I knew was nearing the time of his final days, and my beautiful baby girl Abbygayle was on the vet's surgical schedule to remove what was already known to be a malignant cancer tumor on her left hip - - the surgery was to remove the tumor and have a pathology done to define the type and stage of cancer - - and prognosis. I wasn't here much last summer either because I was feeling very overwhelmed with what was happening.

So, Rhapsedy, your FIRST priority is to you and your precious Brando. We're here - - we're not going anywhere - - and we're here for you - - both in the better times as well as, and especially during, the difficult times.

Getting a second opinion is always an option, Rhapsedy, and I'm glad you felt confident to do this for Brando. Sometimes we think that getting a second opinion means that we don't have "faith" or "trust" in our veterinary PCP. That doesn't have to be the case. Veterinary medicine now is as specialized as human medicine - - and that includes pain management as well as the various medical needs - - cancer specialists, opthalmology, bone and joint, internal medicine, etc.. Callaway understands that you gave him the very best medical treatment available at the time. Sometimes all specialists do is just confirm the PCP's diagnosis and treatment plans. You did the very best for Callaway with the iniformation you had available to you at the time.

And what is happening with Brando is also happening to you - - because you love him. My mom always used to say to me "I hurt when you hurt" and "I'm happy when you're happy." Well, the same is true for us furkid parents, too. We don't want our furkids in pain or ill or sad for any reason, and it's particularly painful for us because our kids can't tell us what is wrong, why they're sad, where it hurts, etc..

And of course you're thinking of Callaway as you're tending to Brando's needs. I was thinking of Eli while I was tending to Abbygayle's needs. Much of what Eli went through with his cancer and veterinary treatment I did NOT want my Abbygayle to go through. So, yes, what Eli went through very much affected the decisions that I made for Abbygayle.

So, no, Rhapsedy, you're not "losing it" - - you're perfectly okay. So, please don't worry about not being able to be here for us right now - - your priorities are exactly where they need to be. Just know that we are here for YOU whenever you need us, okay?

Rhapsedy, please know you and your precious Brando are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Rhapsedy--

Please stop beating yourself up! You're caught up in a traumatic situation and *of course* your feelings are going to be all over the map. As Moon Beam said so eloquently, you don't need to be here for us right now, we need to be here for you. And always are and always will be. I go through periods when I can't post and be of assistance to others--and you're understandably in one of those periods right now.

"Second guessing" is the true curse of the grieving process, because it gets us nowhere and causes us excruciating pain. I say again what Moon Beam just echoed: with Calloway, you operated on the best possible information you had available to you at the time. We all do. With hindsight, we can see that we might have done some things differently--but that's why it's called "hindsight," not "insight." And it doesn't mean that "differently" would necessarily have been "better."

Your responsibility right now is to be self-concerned (that's different from "selfish.") You have a lot on your plate--past grieving, new grieving, the need to be there for Brando and your husband, but most of all, the need to be there for yourself. Try to stay healthy, eat well, sleep as well as you can. WE need you to take care of yourself, and we don't care if you don't post again for months, although we really appreciate hearing from you and knowing what is going on.

I know these must be very turbulent times for you, and I am very sad to think of what you must be going through. Please keep the faith that your own heart will know what to do for Brando, as it did for Calloway.

Much much love from Margi and Spiritwolf

Rhapsedy, Margi and Moonbeam have already said everything I wanted to say (although alot better than I can!) But let me echo that it's OK for this to be all about you - this situation IS all about you and Brando and still Callaway. We've all had times when we couldn't post and just read to absorb. That's ok. I'm kind of doing it now. When my second cat, Niles, was sick, I didn't read or post at all. I was no help to the sweet people here who had helped me with losing Frasier. I just couldn't be here.
The whole time Niles was sick, I thought of Frasier. It was like losing him all over again. This is an extremely stressful and traumatic time for you and we all understand. I know at least Margi, Moonbeam, and I have all lost babies back to back to back. This is a very unique place you're in right now and we get that. Don't feel bad. You do what you need to do and you take what you need to take. That's why we're here.
I believe Margi is right about not second-guessing yourself. Yes, you might have done things differently, but the end result would have most likely been the same. And not knowing the result of other decisions you could have made, you would still be second-guessing yourself even if you did take a different road. We always want to explore what we didn't do. We always think we could've done better. And again, like she said, you made the best decisions you could given the information you had at the time and you made those decisions with pure and utter love for your Callaway. No way could those decisions have been wrong. Not when they're made with love. And Moonbeam is so right about when they hurt, we hurt. So this is happening to you and we all feel for you. You're in an awful place. A place all too familiar to me as I think about all 3 of my boys in that ground outside. I hate this for you as much as I hate it for me and for all of us.
Rhapsedy, give yourself a hug from all of us. You need it. You're ok and you're going to be ok even though it doesn't feel like it. Kiss Brando for us. He has fans all over the world pulling for him.
And remember, it's ok to have those crazy-all-over-the-place moments here. It's probably the only place that understands it. During Buck's last days I was frantically typing on here as I went back and forth with decisions. It helps, trust me.
-Donna

Rhapsedy, stop being so hard on yourself. I echo everything the last 3 posters said. You did right by Callaway, and you will do right by Brando. Remember what I said about trying not to stress? I know it's easier said than done. I'm praying for you and Brando. Hang in there and be good to yourself.

Hugs and much Love,
Sonya

Hi Rhapsedy...how is Brando doing? I hope good. Keep us posted.

Hugs,
Sonya

Hi Rhapsedy--

I too am wondering how Brando is doing these days? I can understand if you're all caught up in the situation of his health and well-being and can't communicate with us right now, but I just wanted you to know that we're all thinking of you and sending our love and support your way...

I hope you are hanging in there and doing all right, and that Brando is responding to the new meds.

Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Terrible

Hi, Rhapsedy, just adding my "hello" to the others - - checking in with you to let you know you and Brando are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Sonya, Margi, and Moon Beam,

Thank you so much for checking on me. Brando seems to be getting worse. He is having more trouble walking, is it from the pain pills or Prednisone, I don't know. Does anyone know if Prednisone can affect the ability to walk?

I am taking him to the vet today to see if we can try different medication, if nothing helps I will have to make the decision that I'm dreading.

I was always afraid of losing my babies but never thought it would actually happen, denial I guess. I can't believe that I don't have Callaway and will be losing Brando soon. My life will never be the same and that's scary. I have really changed as a person in some positive ways, but I wish I could get back my life the way it was before the pain, I wish I could give Callaway a big hug and kiss, I wish I could make Brando feel better.

I'm sorry Rhapsedy...I don't think the pred would make it difficult for him to walk...maybe the painpills though? I hope they can find something to work for him so you have alittle more quality time together. I know what you mean about time....sometimes I don't know if I want to go back in time or go forward and move ahead. It's so hard...I will be thinking of you...let us know what the vet says.

Much Love and many hugs,
Sonya

Rhapsedy, I'm sorry Brando seems to be declining. I'm sending hugs your way because I know how desperate you're feeling right now. As far as the pred goes, Sonya is right. It doesn't cause weakness but it can definitely cause muscle atrophy which will of course lead to weakness. Buck experienced that within days of starting the pred. My vet was so concerned about it that he took him off the pred almost immediately (we had to wean him, of course). I hope your vet will have some answers for you.
But if this is speeding to what we all dread for you, please know we're here every step of the way. We all know how very very hard your position is. My heart aches for you. I just hate this. Take a deep breath and keep posting to keep us updated, if you can. But if you can't, that's ok too.
-Donna

I'm so very sorry, Rhapsedy, to hear of Brando's decline. How sad. I know that it must just be hard to believe at this point. How old is Brando--I'm not sure if that's in your thread somewhere or not?

If this is leading in that awful direction, you WILL survive it. I survived the loss of both Poppers and then Ladywolf six months apart, almost exactly. I didn't know how I would, but I did. It's just tragic when you lose them that close together.

I'll be sending positive thoughts in your family's and Brando's direction, hoping for a miracle!

As Donna said, please keep us posted if you can, but don't feel that you have to. Our hearts are with you always.

Big big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Great

Hi, Rhapsedy, adding my sincerest sympathies that Brando is not doing well. I'm so hoping that the vet will still have some "tricks of the trade" to keep Brando comfortable and give him some additional quality of life with you. Please know you and Brando are in my thoughts and prayers, and am waiting in the company of the other wonderful participants in this forum to know how things went with Brando at the vet today.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Ditto what Ladywolf and Moonbeam said. This has got to be one of the hardest times there is, caretaking and anticipating about your loved one. One breathe at a time. My thoughts are with you.

Dennis

Hi Rhapsedy
I am so sorry to hear that Brando isnt doing well. I am sending you an Angel of hope.
You and brando are in my prayers
Hugs
Anna and my Angels
xo


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Thank you so much for your support everyone!

The vet told me to up the pred and cut back on the pain pills. She wants me to try this for a day and give her a call tomorrow.

I will update you tomorrow with how Brando is doing.

You guys are all so wonderful!

Love,
Rhapsedy

Rhapsedy, please tell Brando my fingers are crossed for him!
-Donna

During Kota's last few months on earth, I cut back on the Tramadyl (pain med), and had her on 10mg's of Prednasone every day, along with Gabapentin (Neurontin). Kota responded really well at first to the Prednasone till her arthritis got too much for her. But it gave her new life for quite a few months. I wouldn't worry about the dose you are giving. If it works, it's worth it.

Dennis

The higher dose of pred seems to be working better. I only give Brando 1/4 of a pain pill at night and he has been sleeping pretty good. I will keep everyone updated. Sorry I'm not posting more, I am just exhausted and numb at the moment.

Love you guys,
Rhapsedy

Hi, Rhapsedy, thank you so much for keeping us up to date about Brando's progress. Sometimes it just takes a little tweeking of the meds to see an improvement. I can truly empathize with you about feeling exhausted - - emotionally and physically. Please take care of yourself, Rhapsedy. We're here - - we're here for you whenever you are up to writing. And you are ALWAYS in our thoughts and prayers. Please give Brando a hug from me, okay? And I'm giving you a hug now, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam