It will be three weeks tommorow since I lost my cat Nikita. I had her twelve years and I miss her so much. It seems to be getting worse instead of better; I want to see her, I want to touch her and pet her, talk to her and sing to her, I want to wake up in the morning with her snuggling next to me. I miss her so much and can't believe she's gone. I always tried so hard to take care of her and protect her but I couldn't protect her from the disease that took her. She got so sick at the end it broke my heart. The last few months were a roller coaster of hope and despair. I tried to hold on to any glimmer of hope right till the last day but then I knew it was over, but I could never imagine how bad it would be when she was gone. We had her cremated and got her ashes back today; I've been going through pictures and her old toys and things to put in the box. I had hoped it would bring some closure but it has stirred so many memories. I'm glad I found this site because most people don't understand the grief we feel at the loss of our beloved companions and it helps to be able to vent my feeling to people who know what I'm going through. My heart goes out to everyone here who has lost their loved ones.

Hi John,

I just want to say how truly sorry I am for your loss of Nikita. I know all too well what you're going through. Yesterday was two weeks since I lost Gabby to CRF and I still feel utterly empty and lost. Just when I think I might be getting a little better I have a setback. I've been sleeping a lot lately simply to avoid being awake and thinking of her. I wish I could be one of the members who have the hindsight of many months or years and tell you that it will get better. That each day will find you a little happier. Even though rationally I know this to be true, I've yet to reach that frame of mind.

There are so many wonderful people here, so much courage and strength, and they are all so giving of themselves even during their own crushing losses. This place is truly a source of strength and I doubt I would have made it this far without all the wonderful people here.

Your story, like so many others, is essentially my own. We loved them so deeply and the emptiness they leave behind is almost too overwhelming to bear. But each new day brings with it the chance for healing. Even if only a tiny little bit. Even if we don't even recognize that we're getting better we are. I have to believe that.

Please take care of yourself and know that my thoughts are with you.

Take care,
John

I am so sorry for your loss of Nikata. I like you felt the same way at your timeline of 2-3 weeks...I think at first we are in denial, even though we know them to be gone, and then when you think you should be feeling better, you actually feel worse. It does get better, it really does. It has been almost 8 months since I lost Brutus and I still have setbacks, but have went on living. I still cry alittle but I have learned to cope. I don't really think that we ever totally get over it, just through it...and the pain, although it lessens, is still there but we learn to deal with it. Things will get better for both of you, it takes time. I do believe you both will see Gabby and Nikata again, and it will be a joyous reunion. Hang in there, I am thinking of you both.

Hugs,
Sonya

I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your wonderful Nikita. I too felt like had a big setback around 3 weeks or so. I am at 6 weeks today and can tell a difference. I'm still sad and cry every day, but I am also having more "normal" moments. It doesn't occupy my mind 100% of the time like it did in the beginning. It took me five weeks before I could start to box Cooper's things up. And it was so hard. But I knew it was a step I had to take. The last thing not yet in his memory box is his little food bowl. I just can't bare that yet. But we just have to try and be positive as often as we can, in the good moments we have. Try and remember the good things. It helps me to think about how much I loved Coop and how I showed him this every day. He always knew he was loved. There are so many animals out there that don't know the kind of love Cooper and Nikita knew.

Thank you all so much. The last few days have been very hard. I wasn't sure how it would be when we got her ashes back; I hoped it would help in some way but it turned out to be a setback. When I read the certifcate from the crematorium I was crushed and broke down in tears. Last night going through all the pictures was bittersweet - good memories but right now memories are still painfull. I know with time those memories will be sweet but right now I miss my Baby Nik.

Hi, John, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Nikita. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

John, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences we will experience during our journey on this side of eternity. Clinical studies show that the grief journey for a beloved companion is identical to the one we experience with a human family member or friend. However, society in general offers little empathy to the deep grief we go through because our beloved companions are considered "replaceable" and "expendable" by society in general, and unfortunately, by many people who are close to us and from whom we "thought" we could receive emotional support and encouragement.

Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. This is one of the many reasons why our grief journey is so painful - - both physically and emotonally - - when our beloved companions precede us from this side of eternity into heaven's perfect garden.

John, what you are going through is very normal. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one moment at a time journey. It has so many twists and turns, highs and lows, ups and downs and turnarounds - - sometimes on different days, but in the early stages they can be all at once or a combination all in one day at different times during the day. One of the most important things for you to remember is that you are not alone in your journey, and I hope you have this reassurance from the responses you have already received, and will continue to receive. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

John, when you feel up to it we would love to see a picture, or pictures, of your Nikita, and share whatever memories you would like to share with us. And one more thing I would like to say: John, you can still talk to her and sing to her as you always have. Her sweet Living Spirit is still with you, John, she is still very much a part of your life and always will be wherever you go and whatever you do. I know this is hard to understand because you are right now struggling to cope with the loss of her physical presence, and believe me - - I do know how hard this is to do. But hopefully as the deep grief eases you will begin to realize that your precious Nikita is still very much with you in your heart and memories, and in time, hopefully, you will realize that she is still very much alive through you.

John, please know you are close in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam