I told myself on the way home from work today, that I would try to have a good night. Not too many tears. But on the way in I checked the mail. We'd received the response from our vet to the complaint I filed for Cooper's death. I had to read through his medical records, reliving it all. Seeing that within 5 minutes, my boy was gone forever is killing me. They did CPR for 20 minutes I guess. I hope he wasn't in pain. Please, I hope he wasn't in pain. I don't know how I will ever get through this. within 5 minutes, they changed my life forever. They took my baby. My beautiful, healthy, happy boy. I just don't know what to do. I can't stand feeling like this much longer.

I am so, so sorry hon, for what happened to Cooper that changed your life forever. It was totally unexpected, totally unfair, and, as you say, devastating! Of course you are going to get reactivated time and time again--what you've gone through is not something one recovers from quickly or easily.

I really don't know what else to say except that I'm so sorry that you are having to endure this. You were the victim of a senseless mistake, and you're entitled to be torn apart about it. It really really hurts.

All love--

Margi and Spiritwolf

Hi, My Heart Cooper, what you have been through, and are going through, is unimaginable. Losing your precious boy to a preventable error is so very devastating, and I know that word doesn't come close to adequately defining the loss and ache you have in your heart.

I wish there was something more I could say to you that would be of comfort to you. The only thing I can say is that you are in my thoughts and prayers, My Heart Cooper, and I hope and pray with all my heart that somehow you will know that your precious Cooper did go peacefully to the angels, and that he knows this was not your fault. He knows that you love him and will always love him, and that you would do everything within your power to move heaven and earth to keep him safe.

My Heart Cooper, please know you are not going through this horrible grief journey alone. Even though we are many miles apart geographically, each of us are just a sign in and a post away. We are here for you, My Heart Cooper, to help you with this heavy burden. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. There are so many things daily that remind us of our loved ones and how much we miss them, how senseless it all seems. When I received Gabby's ashes it was as if I'd been taken back to the day she died. I was incapacitated for three days, laying in bed, wishing it was all so different. They get so close to us, capture our hearts. It has to be one of the most difficult times in someone's life to lose their faithful little companion, some loving little creature who gave so much love and filled our lives with so much joy. To face a life without them seems almost impossible. I know all too well the grief you're facing, but as others have told me, it will get better.

My mother lost her precious kitty from a mistake at the vet. They gave her a flea bath even though it was known she was allergic. So unexpected and devastating. She still thinks about her little kitty but enough time has passed that she's able to think fondly of her rather than with only the intense grief and anger that seems to block any forward momentum toward healing.

It seems trite to say that it will get better, yet it will. It must. I try to think of this when I'm having an especially bad moment, when my sadness seems unendurable. I hope you can find continued strength here in this little community, as much strength as I've found.

Please take care of yourself. My thoughts are with you and Cooper.

John

I think the worst part for me is that I am afraid I will feel like this forever. I see people saying, years later, that they are still horribly sad. I don't want to feel like this forever. And the love I had for Coop was so special. No matter what happened in life, at the end of the day, coming home to him, everything was ok. He gave me feelings of such love and joy that I've never had with anything else. As much as I love my other dog, it's just not the same. I am so afraid I will never feel this intense feeling again. And that's an awful thought. He was my baby and I don't know what to do without him.

Like John said, it feels like I'm being trite in saying that it WILL get better for you, but it will. Like Dennis said in a post, it's not that our wounds go away, but they get scarred over with time, so we don't feel them as much. I know that that's hard to believe right now--it's all so fresh and raw for you. But, speaking as one who has had eleven dogs, and lost one to poisoning, I can tell you from experience that the grief eventually softens. It never goes away entirely--I believe that we are permanently changed by our losses, that they eventually make us "deeper" people with more substance to us.

Again, I am so sorry for your sad, sad loss.

Big hugs from Margi and Spiritwolf

I'm so sorry you are living it all over again. As Margi and John said it does get better, but there will be times when it comes back so strong you think you are going crazy, completely unexpected and the pain feels just as strong. It's been almost 8 months for me and I've gotten better, gotten worse, gotten better, gotten worse, over and over again. The time between is getting longer and longer though. I just recently had another setback for no apparent reason. The pain doesn't ever totally go away, but you learn how to deal with it and move on. I think the thing with us all and at least with me (and I've said this before), I don't know If I want to move forward or turn back time, I just want my baby back. Things will get better, hang in there, I will be thinking of you and Cooper.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom