A couple weeks ago, my husband and I decided to get a puppy. She was only a few weeks old so we knew it would be another month before we got her, which gave us a couple months after Cooper passed. We went to see her two weekends ago. I've been very excited about it and she is so cute. But last night and today, when I think of bringing her home, I get this heavy feeling in my chest. I just feel like I'm going to freak out. I'm afraid I'm not ready for it. I had been doing ok with Coop's loss but once I hit a month, I've been having a really awful time again. I'm so confused. I do want to add a dog to the house. I think Rudy needs it, as much as we do. But I'm so unsure all of a sudden. I know it will be an adjustment, but what if I'm not ready? I've also been taking fertility meds this past week, trying to get pregnant, so I'm hoping the intense emotions I've been having out of nowhere are partially due to that and they'll calm down now that I'm done with the meds. I'm just scared I won't be able to love Dori as much as I should or as much as she deserves.

Awww, honey, I suggest trying to calm down and "go with the flow." All of your apprehensions are perfectly normal, but I think it is marvelous that you've decided to bring a new being of love into your household. Of course, she won't be Cooper--she will be her own wonderful, boisterous, puppy self, with different needs and different personality traits--and you will be new and different to her! What an opportunity--to be a puppy's first and only parents! There is such joyfulness in new puppies--I doubt that you will fail to be seduced by it.

But your fears are normal too. I don't blame you for freaking out. Please know that you are not dishonoring Cooper's memory by bringing a new one into the house. Cooper would WANT you to have someone new to love--wouldn't he?

Animals "grow on us," you know that. So even if you feel awkward around the newcomer, you will soon come to love her madly, I am sure!

I support you 100% in your choice to do this. And yes, the fertility meds may very well be playing into your feelings of doubt right now, and hopefully your whole system will settle down now. When are you supposed to bring her home?

All love to you and faith in your decision--

Margi and Spiritwolf

dear my heart cooper,
as i read your post, i had to smile. the fact that the thought of getting another puppy is the beginning of the healing process. little cooper will always be in your heart. he will always be a part of you, always. and i have a little feeling that cooper is behind this. i dont know if ive told you this or if you have read my entries in the past but i got my lucy (dog) one week after fred had passed away. it was not easy. i had all the feelings that youve shared and more. i took it to the extreme. i was calling all my friends and in between sobs, begging them to take her. i missed my fred so much and my heart hurt badly. (i took her sight unseen because if i didnt, she would more than likely be returned to the shelter). the guilt set in. would fred think ive replaced him? would he be upset? but thanks to my wonderful friends who held my hand and told me it will be alright, i hung in there and lucy is the love of my life. even more recently, lucy and i have adopted a second little dog, ethel. prior to picking her up from the shelter, i only had happy thoughts. oh it would be fantastic. the girls would cuddle, and play together. they would share toys and we would have lovely walks together. NOT. once again, the same thoughts crept in. i cried for weeks as this was not the picture perfect vision that i had. had i done the right thing? was lucy now mad at me? what if i couldnt handle it? well, im happy to report that 3 months and one week later, we are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. slowly but surely, things are starting to improve. my point? you have gone thru a tremendous tragedy very recently, but even if you hadnt, you would be having these feelings of fear, being unsure etc. will it be easy in the beginning? im here to tell you: no but will it be worth it in the end? yes. you have an extremely big heart. and by you getting a puppy, says so much of the love you have to give. cooper will be smiling from up above. he just wants you to be happy and i tell you that the new puppy will bring you so much joy and overall, continue the healing process. even though i still have difficult days, my lucy makes me laugh out loud. oh those first few days were awful. my guilt was too much, but the smiles she brought to my face… well, all i can say is my little lucy helped the wound in my heart begin to close. you will love the new baby trust me. you have so much love to give. maybe it will be a different kind of love but love nonetheless. and when she makes you smile and laugh amidst the tears, youre love will grow and grow. ive been there and like my friends said to me "it will be alright".
patricia

I've been reading all your posts since Cooper passed on. I've thought before that if I had died before my Kota did, I'd want her to go to someone who would love and care for her and make her happy. I think that vice versa, Cooper would want the same for you. I read a short book recently, A Dog Year, by Jon Katz...about losing a few dogs and getting a couple new ones. It made me cry. And now something comes to mind which may sound silly but I recently saw it again. It was in the final 4th movie of Lethal Weapon. Mel Gibson is standing by his wife's grave. Joe Pesci starts to say to him, "When I was a kid, I had a pet frog named Froggy. I loved him, but when he died I didn't think I could go on. He was my best friend. Now I have you (Mel Gibson as Riggs), in my life. You're not better friends than my Froggy, but different friends...but you're still my friend." And as Robert Frost said, "Everything I've ever learned in life can be summed up in three words...It Goes On!" Congrats on your new budding family.

Dennis

Dear My Heart Cooper

I had exactly the same feelings when we rescued Pixie. Would I be able to love her? Was I being too quick to find another fur baby? What would Noushka think? I can honestly say that I'm sure you are doing the right thing. It doesn't mean that we love our darling angels any the less, but that we love them so much that we want to honour their memory. They would want us to take on another fur baby, they would want us to be happy. Good luck with dear Dori and also with the meds. You have many exciting things ahead of you and your dear Cooper will be with you all the way.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

Hi, My Heart Cooper, there isn't much I can add to the wonderful posts you have already received except to encourage you to "hang in here". I agree with Margi that the fertility meds can be contributing to your "high anxiety" at the moment, after all they are hormones and that can cause all kinds of thoughts and feelings to fly all over the place.

I hope by now you have been able to regain some peace of mind that it's really okay for you and Dori to adopt one another. I agree that Cooper is happy that Dori will have you for her loving guardian.

My Heart Cooper, please let us know how things are going, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. And what Patricia said - - she's right - - it will be okay.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I just wanted to say thank you for all of the wonderful words. I don't think it's that I feel like I am replacing Cooper or dishonoring him. We've talked about adding a third dog in the past and I'm sure we will always have dogs in our home. It's just that we wouldn't be in this situation right now, adding this dog, if Cooper were still here. People say Cooper would want me to love another and be happy but I don't know. As wonderful and loving as Coop was, he was jealous if I loved on other animals. He wanted to be #1 and he was. So if Coop is looking down from Heaven, I don't know if he'd be happy I'm going to love another dog. I told my husband the other day, it's like "he was mine and I was his". We belonged to each other. And now he's gone. And I'm afraid I don't have it in me to put on a cheery face and give Dori what she needs. I feel bad enough crying around Rudy, afraid I'm depressing him. I;m just afraid I will feel this awful forever. I keep reading how people are still so sad a year later. I don't want to keep feeling like this.