I was going to wait until the 16th of this month, which will be the four year anniversary of my baby's death. But I'm sad now.

It's been almost four years. In some ways it seems like yesterday and in some ways it seems like a lifetime ago that I held her last. I know it's supposed to get easier in time but I swear it hasn't. It's different, but not easier. Well, it's easier to breathe, so I guess that counts for something. The pain is less sharp. But it's not less. It's just different.

My other cat was diagnosed with diabetes recently. She's doing well now but there is no guarantee she'll keep doing well. I mean, I know there is never any guarantee anyway. But she's also getting older. She can't jump up on the bathroom counter anymore. She likes to get up on the counter sometimes when I'm in the bathroom but now I have to pick her up and put her there. She's getting older. She will not live forever.

I made a will recently. Not that I'm planning on going anywhere anytime soon, but you never know, right? In my will, I asked for Eileen's ashes to be buried with me when I die.

Life has been hard lately. My partner is seriously ill. If Eileen was still here, she'd be such a comfort to me. But instead of comfort, there is just this big empty hole.

Magdalene

Dear Magdalene--

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. I am so sorry for your situation--it sounds very painful.

I don't know how much help I can be today--one of my beloveds, Sweet Pea, was put to sleep this morning and my other, Ladywolf, is probably dying as I write. So I'm in something of a numb state and can't really feel other people's pain the way I usually can. But my heart goes out to you.

Ladywolf was diagnosed with diabetes just a few weeks ago. She's been doing wonderfully well on insulin until yesterday, when she went into a big decline. But she also has cancer, so who knows what is "getting" her now? Anyway, the whole insulin thing has turned out to be very easy and remarkably effective in making her feel much better for awhile. So I would wish the same for your kitty.

As for your partner, that must be incredibly hard.

I don't think I can offer a lot of comfort right now myself, but the people here are absolutely wonderful, and you will find lots of comfort and good input and compassionate support if you keep coming back here. These people are just amazing! I don't know how I'd be getting through all of this were it not for this Forum!

All love to you--

Margi, Ladywolf, and Sweet Pea's spirit

Magdalene, I'm so sorry for everything you're having to deal with. I know what it feels like when everything piles on. I know you miss your sweet Eileen and I'm sorry. And I'm also sorry about your partner. I hope things turn upward for you soon.
Thanks for posting and letting us know how you're doing.
-Donna

I am so sorry about everything you are going through. Why does it always seem that when we are going through a tough time, life just seems to throw more tough times at you? But you will get through this. I know it might not seem like it now, but somehow, you will find the strength.

The last few words of your post hit me the most. About "the empty hole." That's what I'm finding the hardest to cope with since my sweetheart, Daisy, passed two weeks ago today. The emptiness. The loneliness. It's almost unbearable. All we can do is try to fill that hole with memories of the ones we've lost and the love that we had, and still have, for them. But it is so very hard.

Keep coming to this forum. And keeping writing down any thoughts or feelings you are having. It's hard, but it helps to make sense of them.

Sending you hugs from an understanding stranger. Cheryl xx