I had to put my baby to sleep Saturday becasue she had nerve damage and her hind leg quit working. In the end I was carrying her to her water bowl and trying to hold her up so she could go potty outside. I know I did the right thing but my heart is broken. I got her when she was 6 weeks old and when she went to sleep she was 14. I have lost family members including my parents but somehow this seems to be different. She was my best friend.

Russr, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how devastating it is to lose a special friend. It is harder than losing people sometimes. My thoughts are with you as you go through this. Please keep us posted on how you're doing. This is a great place for support long after the support from our friends and family has ended. You were a good parent to do the things you were doing for her. I totally understand and admire that commitment.
-Donna

Hi, russr, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Toto. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last act of love we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be healed to their former healthy bodies in the arms of the angels. This grief journey is a very difficult one - - both physically and emotionally. Clinical professionals are now recognizing that the loss of a beloved companion is more difficult than the loss of a human loved one and / or friend because our companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely.

Russr, this grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that can bring us to wondering sometimes if we are losing our minds. One of the most important things to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, russr, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts. I feel like I lost my emotional support system becasue toto my dog and friend did definitely give me unconditonal love. I just don't know how to go forward from here. I am single and not in a relationship.

Neither am I, in a relationship. And all of my family is long dead now. So my Ladywolf is my only link to my past, so I totally understand...

I am so sorry for your loss of Toto. For those of us who have no one else, except (hopefully) friends, these losses can seem insurmountable.

You'll find lots of new friends here!

With much sorrow for your loss of Toto--

Big hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf

Thanks Margi and Lady. I really need friends right now.

You have them here, Russr. These are some of the most wonderful, compassionate people on earth!!

Margi and Ladywolf

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Toto.

I can relate to the care you talk about as I too had to carry my Flossie much of the time during her 17+ years and in the end hold her to go potty.

And now there is no responsibility so that makes more time on your hands to grieve and miss them even more. Time will help but it will be full of ups & downs along the way. Understanding support is available here. It has helped me and lots of others as we wind our way down this sad and heavily traveled path together. Amazing how many people have the same connection to pets all over the world while at the same time it seems people you talk to when you experience a loss just "don't get it". Well, here we do!

You can come here as much as you need to and always find encouragement and true care for how you are doing.

Hugs to you and your Angel Toto....................

Thinking of you Russr, and your precious Angel Toto. When able could you post a picture of your darling Toto. I found it helped me so much to post pictures and to talk on here about my Angels.

Hugs Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs)))

what a wonderful bunch of people you are. I just don't know how anyone makes it thru this without the wonderful support I see here my first day. I just still can't beleive she is gone. Someone shared the rainbow bridge peom with me and it made me cry alot harder but helped. I'm a really big guy, 6'6" and about 260. I am definitely an emotional person but I had this crazy idea that I could be strong when I brought toto into the vet. Not even close, I started crying almost immediately and have been crying off and on since. I went back to work today for the first time and it was tough but better than sitting home I guess. I am a conductor on a train and it was odd that I could be around thousands of people and feel so alone. Again thanks.

Russ

I'm so sorry Russ for your loss of Toto. I think we all tell ourselves we can be strong, but it never seems to work out that way, we are never prepared to lose our best friends and soulmates. Losing Brutus has been the hardest loss I've ever experienced, yes even over a sister, which I sometimes feel guilty about. They are such a big part of our lives it's like half of you is missing. I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Hugs to you and your furangel Toto,
Brutus' Mom

Big men need to cry too! Forget about "trying to be strong" and just let it all out. You'll heal so much faster if you do. It's bottling it up inside that makes grief toxic, not expressing it. I'm GLAD to know that you've been crying, Russ, and thank you for letting us know that. Sometimes we women feel like weeping sponges compared to the more stoic men in our lives, and we can't understand THEM at all!

Again, I am so sorry for your loss of Toto, your companion. It's a huge loss when you live alone, absolutely HUGE.

In what part of the country do you live? Maybe someone here lives near you?! I'm in southern Arizona, myself, and don't seem to live near anybody!

Hang in there--big Hugs from Margi and Ladywolf

Thanks for the hugs. I live in Illinois about 50 miles north of Chicago.

On toto's last day I was able to capture her voice on my cell phone. She was talking/barking about something. I will treasure that always and play it often.

Russ,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Toto. My husband was so upset that he was unable to stay with me when I had to say goodbye to my Casey (11/13/08) and my Shelby (4/29/10). It is very difficult and our hearts just break in two. The greiving journey is a long journey to take, but I have been able to endure this journey with the help of the wonderful people on this site. Please keep us informed on how you are doing and remember you are not alone.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Karen

Thanks Karen. If I was alone I don't think I could make it. I had some of my friends express their regrets and the rainbow brifge poem but no one can really understand like the poeple here. It's time for me to get ready for another hard day at work. Hard in that I just am having a hard time concentrating at work and being that I work on the train and am resposnble for others safety it makes it difficult.

Russ,

I'm so sorry to hear about your Toto. My heart goes out to you. But you have come to the right place where we always want to hear about Toto. This site has been really helpful/comforting to me when My Madison passed away. So many wonderful, loving ppl here that understand what your going thru.

Luv,
Madison's Mommy-Linda

Thanks Linda. I'm sorry about Madison.

It's funny that I seem to have strong moments and I get this feeling that maybe I am stronger than I think and will be able to march on. But then I get these sudden waves of emotion that overwhelm me and I feel like my heart is going to bust.

That's the nature of the grieving process, Russ. It catches us unawares, at unexpected moments. The bad news is that this can go on for quite some time, but the good news is that it doesn't last forever. Right now, you are in the thick of the grieving process, and you are truly traumatized. I can testify from my own experience that time WILL help heal, but I know that it's hard to believe that right now.

I wish I was in Northern Illinois and could give you a REAL hug!

While you're working, there's a little trick I learned when training to be a psychotherapist. I learned to tell my problems and worries and grief, "Thank you for sharing. I can't deal with you right now, but I'll get back to you at, say, 5:00. Then I will give you all the attention you deserve." And then any time a painful issue would raise its head, I would say, "I have time set aside for you later." And then later, right on schedule, I would sob, or scream, or whatever the situation called for. This trick has really really worked for me when I need to keep my concentration--perhaps it could work for you too...

I'm so sorry for your loss of Toto!

Big Hugs from Margi and Ladywolf

Russ,

Sorry for the lost of your loved Toto. Sounds like in the end, we were both holding up our loved one so they could eat and drink. Yeah, the waves of emotion are like tidal waves and riptides. Just know that you didn't just choose Toto, Toto also chose you to have a life with. The pain sucks. Thinking of you and how much you are hurting...it gets pretty unbearable...I know...I'm going thru it too.

Dennis

Hi, Russ, yes, this grief journey is very unpredictable, particularly in the early stages, during the deep grief. Margi is right on the money when she told you that what you are experiencing is very normal. There is no easy way through this grief journey, unfortunately, - - it's a one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, journey.

In catching up with your posts, I see that you live around the Chicago area. One of my cousins lives, or used to live, in Des Plaines, and my aunts lived in Galva, which is where my mom also lived before moving to the DC area so that my father could obtain work during WWII. Many years ago when my mom was alive she and I went back to Illinois for a visit - - my first time there. We flew into O'Hare and took the train from Chicago down to Ga**urg. The "highlight" of the trip was seeing Joliet Prison as we passed by. But it was exciting going through Cicero and some of the other boroughs made famous in "The Untouchables" episodes with Robet Stack as Eliott Ness. So, when you blow the whistle, blow one for me, okay?

Russ, again please accept my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Toto. Expressing your emotions, Russ, is really a sign of great strength even though right now you may not feel strong at all. And that is one of the many reasons why we are here for you - - to help you feel strong as you work your way through this grief journey. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Russ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all for your help and precious thoughts. I feel like i did alot wrong with toto like could have held her more or longer walks etc. but one thing that i did kind of right has helped. On her last day she was talking up a storm as usual and I decided to tape her on video on my phone. Unfortunately it is a small clip and the quality/lighting isn't good. I eamiled this to myself so I could save it on computer. I watch and listen to this little clip many times throughtout the day and it definitely helps. I wish I had thought of this sooner and bought a big expensive video camera and had hours taped but I don't but that's ok I guess becasue at least I have something.

Hi, Russ, that is so wonderful that you have that recording of Toto. When my Oslo and Abbygayle joined the angels I made a DVD video / slide show of them set to music and that helped me a great deal in the healing process, too. I typed up narrative slides to go along with the pictures to literally be a "story" of their lives.

Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us about your precious Toto. I hope your travels are safe. Please know you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Russ: Just wanted to say so sorry. I too lost my dog on the 26th. It was mostly old age, the last day was bad and was thinking of bringing her in soon to be cked out again. She just had her yearly exam and seemed to be fine. She was dead when I found her in the morning when I got up. Horrible. She was15. The pain and crying seem to be inconsolable and unbearable, My heart feels broken physically. From one Chicagoan to another....we will get through this somehow. Seems losing her is different than losing a person. Miss the unconditional love and humor they brought into our lives. One day at a time as another poster said, more like one minute at a time. *Hugs*

Thanks Dihann and I'm so sorry about your loss. My toto slept in crook of my legs for many years but in the end she slept right next to me almost with her ehad on my pillow. I would feel her strugling and I knew what she had in mind which was to get closer to me so I would help her up near my pillow. about a week before she died I woke up and she didn't seem to breathing. I nudged her and she didn't move. My heart sank but then she woke up from a really deep and restful sleep. Someday we will go to sleep and when we awaken we will be in the place beyond and I'm sure that our special friends will be there waiting.

Back at you on the *Hug*