My heart is aching for my Toby, he was put to sleep on 4/16, we aren't exactly sure what happened, but on the 13th, when he got out of his potty, he was dragging his right leg and he seemed disoriented. I took him to the vet the next morning, and they said he might have had a stroke or there could have been something neuorlogic going on, they told me I could take him home and see if things improved, by Thursday, it moved to his other leg and he could only drag himself across the floor for a little ways and then he would have to stop and rest before moving again, he also kept trying to go in and out of his potty but nothing was happening, and then I noticed that he wet himself twice. Toby was 15 years old and he was my Dads cat, but when my Dad died four years ago I promised I would take care of him and I brought him to live with me.

I took him back to the vet on Friday and they said the kindest thing would be to put him to sleep. I have cried everyday since then and feel so quilty that I did the right thing for him, I miss him so and wish with all my heart that he was with me now. I feel so empty inside and don't know when this will ever feel like me again. I hope Toby forgives me, I thought I was doing the right thing for him, but now I just don't know. How do I ever forgive myself for what I have done.

Cathy

Cathy,

First let me say I am so sorry for your loss of Toby.

You are right now where many, many of us on here have been and some still are. We all want to do the right thing by our beautiful babies. They cannot tell us exactly how they feel or when it is time to let them go. If only they could it may make our decision clearer to us. That by no means makes it easier to let them go, but it may help with the guilt of was it too soon, could he have recovered, was it too late, did he suffer and on and on.

Over the years I've lost dogs to a car, another dog, natural dying and putting some to sleep. The most difficult as far as guilt was watching a cat die on the way to the vet.... not pleasant at all. I beat myself up for a very long time over that one. I cried over every single one of them, missed them terribly but she weighed very heavy on my mind for a long time. So I vowed never to allow that to happen again. The most difficult loss to me in my heart was my Flossie but I knew it had to be done. I could have struggled with & for her longer but she deserved better than what she was enduring. Good days, yes. But she had been through much in her long life and there was no longer treatments or surgeries that could reverse her decline.

You fulfilled your promise and took care of Toby. The final act of that care was what you did for him. You would no want to see him like that for the rest of his life which may have been only a few days or hours even. We all second guess ourselves I think. Although there are some very, very wise people here who have offered words that comfort all of us and have been through the same losses more than once who seem to have a better understanding of when it is time to let go. They mourn their loss as much as we all do but are wonderful mentors to have on this forum. Jon730 and Ken Albin have had some recent losses as well as John (xrayspex) who have really said some things that mave given me a better understanding of what our responsibility to these beatiful creatures is. Not that the comforting words of all the others has not helped and been appreciated so maybe the timing of these 3 guys just hit home. But read some of the recent posts of these 3 to possibly help you with your guilt struggle. Murphy's time, guilt fot life and Ken has several losses as he rescues cats in need.

You have nothing to forgive yourself for. You took good care of Toby including letting him go painslessly and peacefully.

Ginger

I am so sorry for your loss...I can't echo enough what Ginger just said so perfectly. Guilt is the hardest step of this whole grieving...we either feel we gave up to soon or we let them go too long...we all feel we failed at one point or another...but we haven't and neither have you. Toby and your Dad are together again and they are proud of you for giving Toby the best gift you could give him...peace.

Hugs,
Sonya

Cathy
I have the same emotions/questions. You are not alone. I just put my big boy Max down Friday,5/21. The vet said it was the best thing to do if we were not going to put him through anymore medical work. I am betting myself up all night and day. As much as I can't stop questioning and crying I know one thing for sure Max was not the cat he used to be he was in pain and suffering daily he no longer has to feel that anymore and in that I must have done right by him. From reading your post I feel you did right by your Dad's kitty as well.
I will pray for your baby and mine.
-Flo

Hi, Cathy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Toby. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last of act of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be healed to their former healthy bodies in the arms of the angels.

Several years ago I had to send a cat and a dog back to the agnels. Holly was my mom's cat. She came into our household at a time when it was very challenging financially. My mom was still recovering from her stroke induced by chemotherapy for cancer treatments. Holly adored my mom, and deeply grieved her when she died. My Samson was a gift to me from my mom. He was my first canine companion ever. He loved his grandmother very much, who taught him all the important things he needed to know - - how to catch a ball, how to jump on the sofa, etc., so that he could show me when I got home from work in the evening. I had to send them home to the angels within a year of each other, and it was as if I was not only losing them but my mom as well all over again. The grief I felt was very hard and very long.

Hopefully when the deep grief lessens, Cathy, you will come to know what the rest of us see in your post - - that you loved Toby with all your heart and kept your promise to your dad to take care of him. And as Sonya so eloquently said, your dad and Toby are now reunited and are eternally grateful to you for all your devotion.

Cathy, please know you are not alone in this grief journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cathy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peacea nd blessings,
moon_beam

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Hi Cathy
I am very sorry for your loss please find comfort in knowing your dad would be very proud of you for fullfilling
your promise and even more proud for the act of love you gave to Toby in the end. I am sure they are togther
looking down over you. Please try to think of Toby now in the arms of your dad happy and pain free. You have nothing to feel quilty about. Toby will always love you for loving him when he needed you the most. You didn't let him down you have gave him eternal life with your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you,your angel Toby and your dad.
Hugs
Anna and my angels

I would like to thank all of you who responded to my post. Your kind words mean so much to me. I still miss Toby so much and shed tears everyday for him. My biggest regret is I think I should have waited longer and hoped for a miracle that he would walk normally again and be like his old self. I think though that he hadn't been feeling well for a couple of days before this happened as I noticed that his tail would stay between his legs and wouldn't be like it used to be. I do know that he had a wonderful 15 years of life though and I told him I loved him everyday he was with me.

I miss his crazy antics though and the way he used to talk, I would give anything to go back in time and have him with me again. I know in my head that he couldn't live forever, but my heart wanted him to, and he will as he is in my heart forever until we meet again. Thanks again for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Cathy

hi cathy, i am working on a stroke ward for humans and really, one wishes those poor people could be put to sleep...
toby had a great age being 15. but i know one always wonders whether or not it was the right thing to do or if there was still an alternative...

i had to do the same thing monday to tuesday night. one of my little rescue kittens, spotty suffered from telescopic bowels.
i blame myself now that i underestimated his runny poo, maybe if i had given him AB earlier, the runny poo would have stopped earlier and the telescopic bowels would not have happened...??
i never thought i come back tuesday morning from the emergency vet with a dead little spotty. i thought they will put him on IV fluids and he will become better...
my poor little spotty, he was a special kitten, always looking so serious into my eyes, climbing up my leg like a little monkey...
i miss him!!!