I just put my Max down Friday morning. He had diabetes and was having sesures. I couldn't let him go on living the way he was and I didn't think it right to make him live with shots and blood tests. I did wht at the time seemed right by him but now I just wish I yelled stop before the needle went in. I miss him so much and I'd do anything to have him back.
He always was there butting his head against mine to cheer me up even on his last night when I was crying over what was going to happen in the morning. How could I do that to him? I hope he still loves his mommy and wants to give me a head rub and kiss when I get to see him again. How do you know if you did right by them. I keep feeling like I took his life away. But I was just thinking of the way he was living everyday water bowl to food bowl to litter box and then repeat. In between he would calapse and no energy. I just wanted to stop his pain and give him peace. I hope he understands and is in peace. God it hurts more then anything and I miss him so very much.
Full Version: I Hope He Still Loves Me
Hi Flo--
I am so so sorry for your loss of your precious little Max. There is *nothing* as painful as the passing of our fur-kids. I've lost everyone else in my entire family, many years ago, and nothing has hurt as badly as the loss of a beloved cat or dog. So I do understand how you are feeling, because I've felt it myself.
You said:I just wanted to stop his pain and give him peace. I hope he understands and is in peace...
He IS in peace now; you did stop his pain, and that was the most important thing. It sounds as if he didn't have much quality of life left anymore, and you wisely and gently decided to assist him to a more peaceful place. That decision is a terrible one that so many of us have had to make; our pets can't make the decision for themselves, so we have to do it for them. Believe me, your Max is grateful for what you decided to do...
But the loss is dreadful and I really feel for you. My Ladywolf was just diagnosed with diabetes a week ago, and insulin is saving her life right now. But since she has cancer too, that won't go on forever, and who knows which disease will start to "get her" first? I will NOT let her suffer, I absolutely will not, even if the ending of her life costs me awful suffering.
You did the right thing, but I know that it's really hard to feel that right now. In time, I hope you can come to accept it for what it was: an act of true mercy.
Much love from Margi and Ladywolf
I am so so sorry for your loss of your precious little Max. There is *nothing* as painful as the passing of our fur-kids. I've lost everyone else in my entire family, many years ago, and nothing has hurt as badly as the loss of a beloved cat or dog. So I do understand how you are feeling, because I've felt it myself.
You said:I just wanted to stop his pain and give him peace. I hope he understands and is in peace...
He IS in peace now; you did stop his pain, and that was the most important thing. It sounds as if he didn't have much quality of life left anymore, and you wisely and gently decided to assist him to a more peaceful place. That decision is a terrible one that so many of us have had to make; our pets can't make the decision for themselves, so we have to do it for them. Believe me, your Max is grateful for what you decided to do...
But the loss is dreadful and I really feel for you. My Ladywolf was just diagnosed with diabetes a week ago, and insulin is saving her life right now. But since she has cancer too, that won't go on forever, and who knows which disease will start to "get her" first? I will NOT let her suffer, I absolutely will not, even if the ending of her life costs me awful suffering.
You did the right thing, but I know that it's really hard to feel that right now. In time, I hope you can come to accept it for what it was: an act of true mercy.
Much love from Margi and Ladywolf
[font="Comic Sans MS"][/font]Thankyou Margi for your kind words. I just am having a hard time dealing with my decision. He gave me 12 years of love and devotion I just didn't want to see him so weak and frail anymore. He was just not the Max he used to be. The vet said the insulin, blood tests and special food would help but he made no promises and he wouldn't say if Max would get back to a normal life. He did say Max would have to endure all this for the rest of his life I loved him(I still love him) too much to make him go through all that from now until the day he passes from a seisure. Inwhich the vet said he will still have but we would try to lesson them with the insulin. Th seisures were the worst to watch I just held him and remembered when he was young and healthy and cryed until he came back around to me. I want to beleive I did right by him. I really do love my little Boo!!! I really miss my little Boo!!!!
Flo, I know you will ask how I could know this but I know you did the right thing. You were Max's mommy and you would never do anything to hurt him. Everything you're feeling now (and I've been there) is what we take on to feel to avoid our babies feeling anything bad. It's the burden we bear to protect them from getting in desperate situations.
I know so well the feeling you had about yelling to stop before the needle. I felt the same way back in August when we had to put our Frasier to sleep. He was purring and drinking and trying to talk to me just moments before the vet got here to do it. But I was assured by our vet that he was hours away from seizuring and having problems we couldn't stop. I made the best decision I could given the information I had at the time. And so did you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love for Max shows through your words so I'm sure that Max felt it too. You said you just wanted to end his pain. And that's what you did. You didn't wait until he had no dignity. You let him go for him and didn't make him stay just for you. You did the most unselfish thing we can do for our pets. And the hardest.
When we lost Frasier's brother, Niles 2 months ago, I didn't get to put him to sleep. He couldn't hold on until the vet could get here and it wasn't pleasant. I will never forget what I and he went through that last night. I will never forget the sounds. I hope your mind can rest easy eventually knowing that you will not have those memories.
My thoughts are with you as you move through these awful days/weeks/months. Please let us know how you are doing.
-Donna
I know so well the feeling you had about yelling to stop before the needle. I felt the same way back in August when we had to put our Frasier to sleep. He was purring and drinking and trying to talk to me just moments before the vet got here to do it. But I was assured by our vet that he was hours away from seizuring and having problems we couldn't stop. I made the best decision I could given the information I had at the time. And so did you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love for Max shows through your words so I'm sure that Max felt it too. You said you just wanted to end his pain. And that's what you did. You didn't wait until he had no dignity. You let him go for him and didn't make him stay just for you. You did the most unselfish thing we can do for our pets. And the hardest.
When we lost Frasier's brother, Niles 2 months ago, I didn't get to put him to sleep. He couldn't hold on until the vet could get here and it wasn't pleasant. I will never forget what I and he went through that last night. I will never forget the sounds. I hope your mind can rest easy eventually knowing that you will not have those memories.
My thoughts are with you as you move through these awful days/weeks/months. Please let us know how you are doing.
-Donna
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Hi Flo
I am so sorry for your loss. Your Angel Max will always love you. I know exactly how you are feeling I put my angel max to sleep in Dec. We must beleive we did it out of love. We were putting our selfishness aside and only thinking of them. I know now it doesnt seem we did the best in our heart but if we hadnt felt that way at the time we would have never been able to make that choice. Its only afterwards that we have all these terrible feelings of guilt. We couldn't bare the thought of them suffering, and now its we cant bare to be without them. I try to tell my self would I rather see him suffer just to have him here with me or would I rather feel the pain in my heart because he is no longer with me and I would rather suffer then see him suffer. Your words sounds exactly how I felt. I also wanted to scream out to stop with the needle but there was also my heart telling me my baby will no longer suffer. Please dont be hard on yourself for your decission. You did what you felt was best for your angel Max. He will be waiting right there at the Rainbow Bridge for you with lots of kisses. Remember you did nothing to hurt him you did everything to help him.
Hugs
Anna and My Angels Max and Dozer
xoxoxo
Hi Flo
I am so sorry for your loss. Your Angel Max will always love you. I know exactly how you are feeling I put my angel max to sleep in Dec. We must beleive we did it out of love. We were putting our selfishness aside and only thinking of them. I know now it doesnt seem we did the best in our heart but if we hadnt felt that way at the time we would have never been able to make that choice. Its only afterwards that we have all these terrible feelings of guilt. We couldn't bare the thought of them suffering, and now its we cant bare to be without them. I try to tell my self would I rather see him suffer just to have him here with me or would I rather feel the pain in my heart because he is no longer with me and I would rather suffer then see him suffer. Your words sounds exactly how I felt. I also wanted to scream out to stop with the needle but there was also my heart telling me my baby will no longer suffer. Please dont be hard on yourself for your decission. You did what you felt was best for your angel Max. He will be waiting right there at the Rainbow Bridge for you with lots of kisses. Remember you did nothing to hurt him you did everything to help him.
Hugs
Anna and My Angels Max and Dozer
xoxoxo
Yes, you did the right thing, even though I know the guilt is still fresh. I put down my dog, Kota, almost 17 years old, just two weeks ago and now have her ashes. I too feel like I'd gladly give my life for one more day with her, and as you said, to rub her sweet little head. I don't know how to comfort myself so I don't know how to comfort you. When I come into my empty home I feel as if someone kicked me in the stomach. I was told in near the end, seeing my dog in pain but having a hard time making the final decision, "Do you want to be her nurse or her friend?" You became her friend and did the most loving, devoted and caring thing that had to be done. My doctor (whose son committed suicide), plainly put it as the cycle of life. I put a quote on the emails that I had written to my friends, a quote from the movie Avatar, "Everything is made up of energy. All energy is borrowed and at some point you have to give it back."
The energy, just not the body, of the one you so cherished is still in every cell of your body. Have you been to the Rainbow Bridge site and read the little passage that someone wrote. They also have a weekly candlelight ceremony, which goes on all around the world for those whom have lost their pets. I hope you can get some rest, though I know that waking up brings reality crashing back down on you. Again, you did the ultimate act of love and unconditional compassion.
Tahoeden (Dennis)
The energy, just not the body, of the one you so cherished is still in every cell of your body. Have you been to the Rainbow Bridge site and read the little passage that someone wrote. They also have a weekly candlelight ceremony, which goes on all around the world for those whom have lost their pets. I hope you can get some rest, though I know that waking up brings reality crashing back down on you. Again, you did the ultimate act of love and unconditional compassion.
Tahoeden (Dennis)
Dear Flo,
Of course your darling Max still loves you and always will. He knows that you had to decide to let him go from pain and suffering because you love him so much. You did what a truly caring and loving fur baby mum should do, even though it seems such a dreadful decision to have to make.
As (Dennis) Tahoeden, said in his reply , Max's 'spirit' or 'energy' will be with you forever, always part of you, always part of this Universe. He'll be with you in everything you do. The sad part for us is that we can no longer 'see' or 'touch' them physically.
Sometimes we are lucky enough for them to visit us in dreams, or when our eyes are closed, and we can see their image as clearly as if they were right here.This happens to me so much, and I believe that other people here experience similar things, maybe a sound or a smell, that lets us know that 'yes, we are still here, just in a different state of being, where we are well and young again, and in no more pain'.
Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a big HUG of sympathy and comfort at this very sad time.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
Of course your darling Max still loves you and always will. He knows that you had to decide to let him go from pain and suffering because you love him so much. You did what a truly caring and loving fur baby mum should do, even though it seems such a dreadful decision to have to make.
As (Dennis) Tahoeden, said in his reply , Max's 'spirit' or 'energy' will be with you forever, always part of you, always part of this Universe. He'll be with you in everything you do. The sad part for us is that we can no longer 'see' or 'touch' them physically.
Sometimes we are lucky enough for them to visit us in dreams, or when our eyes are closed, and we can see their image as clearly as if they were right here.This happens to me so much, and I believe that other people here experience similar things, maybe a sound or a smell, that lets us know that 'yes, we are still here, just in a different state of being, where we are well and young again, and in no more pain'.
Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a big HUG of sympathy and comfort at this very sad time.
Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie x
You are all so kind. Donna that's exactly what I was thinking I want him to go peacfully not during a seisure and in pain which is what the vet said would happen. And I thought it selfish to make him live out his life on shots and blood tests and still he would have seisures and symtoms. I did what I felt he would want and need and I ignored my needs. I hope he understands.
Again thank you all for your words I can't tell you how comforting they are. Now I have to somehow get myself out the door without falling apart. It's the first work morning without him saying goodbye @ the front door.
Again thank you all for your words I can't tell you how comforting they are. Now I have to somehow get myself out the door without falling apart. It's the first work morning without him saying goodbye @ the front door.
Dear Flo,
I am so sorry for your loss. I know in my heart you did the right thing. I had to make the same decision for my Shelby on April 29th. She was suffering from CRF and unexpectedly developed fluid in her chest, we did not want her to suffer and possibly have a heart attack, so we set her free. The vet told me she went peacefully and that is what I wanted for her. I know your Max still loves you, as you made the most difficult decision out of the deep love you have for your precious little buddy. I know the feeling of guilt, the "what if's" and the extreme desire to just have your Max back, as I have had all those feelings myself (and still do). It does get better with time and as you have said we will be reunited again with our beloved pets one day. At that time you with your Max and me with my Shelby with enjoy those head butts once again.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Karen
I am so sorry for your loss. I know in my heart you did the right thing. I had to make the same decision for my Shelby on April 29th. She was suffering from CRF and unexpectedly developed fluid in her chest, we did not want her to suffer and possibly have a heart attack, so we set her free. The vet told me she went peacefully and that is what I wanted for her. I know your Max still loves you, as you made the most difficult decision out of the deep love you have for your precious little buddy. I know the feeling of guilt, the "what if's" and the extreme desire to just have your Max back, as I have had all those feelings myself (and still do). It does get better with time and as you have said we will be reunited again with our beloved pets one day. At that time you with your Max and me with my Shelby with enjoy those head butts once again.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Take care,
Karen
Hi, Flo, please permit me to offer my sympathies in the loss of your beloved Max. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Flo, we can only do what we believe is in the best interests of our beloved companions at the time as the circumstances present themselves. Once seizures begin there is neurological involvement which does not respond very well to treatments. You truly did the very best for your Max by releasing him from the stress of his physical body, and please believe that Max is reaching out to you from heaven's perfect garden to let you know that he loves you very much for your greatest sacrifice of love on his behalf. He wants you to know that his sweet loving Spirit is forever with you in your heart and memories, and he is still very much a part of your life wherever you go and whatever you do.
Oh how well I know the struggle to go to work after a loss - - to put on that "public face" with a heart that is shattered into pieces that you just don't know will ever fit right again. Thank goodness for the restroom - - where there is some semblance of privacy to help release the built up emotions long enough to go back to work. And then of course there are the drives to and from work with gut wrenching sobbing.
But Flo, it is important to release this grief and allow yourself to cry those "healing tears." Unfortunately there is just no easy way through this grief journey - - no fast forward button to press to get through it without feeling every bit of it along the way. But you are not alone, Flo. Please know we are here for you, walking beside you each step of the way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Flo, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Oh how well I know the struggle to go to work after a loss - - to put on that "public face" with a heart that is shattered into pieces that you just don't know will ever fit right again. Thank goodness for the restroom - - where there is some semblance of privacy to help release the built up emotions long enough to go back to work. And then of course there are the drives to and from work with gut wrenching sobbing.
But Flo, it is important to release this grief and allow yourself to cry those "healing tears." Unfortunately there is just no easy way through this grief journey - - no fast forward button to press to get through it without feeling every bit of it along the way. But you are not alone, Flo. Please know we are here for you, walking beside you each step of the way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Flo, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Flo, I am so sorry about your loss of Max. Please know, yes, he will always love you, you gave him peace. It's one of the most unselfish things you could have done for him. We all question our decisions when we look back and feel we haven't done enough, or maybe we held on too long and tried to do too much. Max will always love you....always. I do know how you are feeling, when we put Brutus down, I laid on the floor at the vets hugging him, crying hysterically, saying "I'm so sorry"...my vet said why are you sorry, Brutus is thanking you now. I still have times of doubt and guilt after 6 months, deep down I know I did what was best for Brutus, but sometimes it's hard for me to believe it. You are not alone. We all understand that feeling. Remember...Max will always love you and you will meet again someday and it will be a joyous reunion.
Hugs,
Brutus' Mom
Hugs,
Brutus' Mom
Love never dies Flo, so Max will always love you and you him. You are the only one who could give Max peace and you did that for him and that takes so much courage, you stopped the pain and for that he will love you forever. We always second guess our decisions, all of us do, because we miss them so much we want to go back and fix things somehow to make it better, it's part of the grieving process and it hurts. Hugs xx
madi xx
madi xx
I want you all to know how much you are helping me. It makes me feel better to know others share what I am going through. It hurts more then I can explain to anyone. The pain is on a different level then when we loose a human loved one. The guilt is tearing me up. But no matter how much I go over it I still keep coming down to the same conclusion he was suffering and it was not right to make him go on even with medication to lesson the siezures, which he would still have. I am just trying to move on and find peace that he is now playing with my Lady waiting for me.
Hi Flo
I wish we all could take a wand and just take away each others pain. You did the right decision for not letting your angel go on suffering unfortunetly thats when our suffering begins. It is just so hard to h ave to live with our decision and to live with out them. But hopefully somehow we will get through it. One day our hearts will find away to mend. Then maybe we will find the peace in our heart that we deserve. We just loved them so much to let them go even though our heart is now broken. Our angels will always love us because they know how much we loved them to set them free from pain. Thinking of you and your Angels. I too have an angel Lady waiting for me.
Hugs
Anna and my forever angels Max,Dozer, Smokey and Lady
xoxoxo
I wish we all could take a wand and just take away each others pain. You did the right decision for not letting your angel go on suffering unfortunetly thats when our suffering begins. It is just so hard to h ave to live with our decision and to live with out them. But hopefully somehow we will get through it. One day our hearts will find away to mend. Then maybe we will find the peace in our heart that we deserve. We just loved them so much to let them go even though our heart is now broken. Our angels will always love us because they know how much we loved them to set them free from pain. Thinking of you and your Angels. I too have an angel Lady waiting for me.
Hugs
Anna and my forever angels Max,Dozer, Smokey and Lady
xoxoxo
Dear (((((((Flo)))))))
I am so very sorry to hear about your precious boy, Max
.
Making the decision to have our beloved furchildren put to sleep is an extremely difficult & gut wrenching decision to make, but when we see that their quality of life isn't what it used to be, when their illness(es) has/have taken a toll on their beautiful bodies, then it is up to us to help make their transition from this life to the next as easy for them as possible. I believe that our precious furkids trust us fully and completely to do what is best for them.
In my heart, I feel that euthanasia is the last loving gift that we can give to them.
Your beloved Max WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, Flo. You found the courage to give Max the "gift of peace", and I truly believe that he is very grateful to you for that. He will always live on right inside your heart .
Right now I'm reading, "Saying Goodbye to your Angel Animals", (Finding comfort after losing your pet), by Allen & Linda Anderson, and it's a book that I highly recommend.
I am finding it very helpful because my sweet girl, Ms. Lucy was put to sleep on April 23, 2010. I'm still feeling numb and I miss her more than words can say.
There are lots of wonderful people here at LS who are going through different phases in their grief journeys. You will never be alone.
Wishing you much peace & love,
Denise
I am so very sorry to hear about your precious boy, Max
. Making the decision to have our beloved furchildren put to sleep is an extremely difficult & gut wrenching decision to make, but when we see that their quality of life isn't what it used to be, when their illness(es) has/have taken a toll on their beautiful bodies, then it is up to us to help make their transition from this life to the next as easy for them as possible. I believe that our precious furkids trust us fully and completely to do what is best for them.
In my heart, I feel that euthanasia is the last loving gift that we can give to them.
Your beloved Max
WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, Flo. You found the courage to give Max the "gift of peace", and I truly believe that he is very grateful to you for that. He will always live on right inside your heart . Right now I'm reading, "Saying Goodbye to your Angel Animals", (Finding comfort after losing your pet), by Allen & Linda Anderson, and it's a book that I highly recommend.
I am finding it very helpful because my sweet girl, Ms. Lucy
was put to sleep on April 23, 2010. I'm still feeling numb and I miss her more than words can say.There are lots of wonderful people here at LS who are going through different phases in their grief journeys. You will never be alone.
Wishing you much peace & love,
Denise
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