We live in upstate NY and lost our first dog 11 years ago this month. After 4 months we decided to rescue two dogs from the shelter, a black lab/shepherd mix named Shadow and a Rottweiler mix named Jonah. They were both about 3-4 years old then, and right as we were adopting Jonah, they determined he had heartworms. Since my husband had already met him, we decided to save his life, and it's the best decision we ever made.

Jonah and Shadow have lived wonderful lives with us and together. We have been more concerned about Shadow with her hip issues, but both of them were responding well to acupuncture at the vet...first Shadow, and then more recently Jonah as he seemed to develop a bad back, and in the past couple months a limp on his right front leg. We also had them on medication for arthritis (we figure they're both 14-15 years old now).

Last weekend everything was fine. Jonah loved to sit out in the yard (while Shadow is happier indoors) and they both got to take our first trip this year on our boat on the lake we live on. On Monday night, my husband was walking Jonah, and he cried out and couldn't walk. We rushed him to the emergency vet and they took x-rays, and he had fractured his right elbow.

We took him home and followed up with our vet the next day. The radiologist determined he had advanced bone cancer. But our vet thought he might be able to learn to walk on three legs, and we would try advance herbal pain remedies, as well as the pain medication he was on. However, my husband had to pick him up to take him out, and the vet showed him how.

By day two it really hurt Jonah to be picked up and he would cry out. When we took him outside - where he used to love it - he would shake and it hurt him to go to the bathroom. After 3 days of suffering and more consult with the vet, today she came out to our house and put him to sleep on his bed here. I had asked her to give him some valium first (which I did with my last dog) and that was stressful because she couldn't get a vein easily in his back leg. He cried and shook and that was so awful.

But then he did calm a bit and she found a vein easier in his front leg, and he laid his head down in about 5-7 seconds, very peacefully. She took him away and he's being cremated.

I keep telling myself we saved him from the most severe pain that the cancer would have brought him, and I don't believe we could have dealt with all the painful days waiting to see if the herbs would kick in to allow him to walk on three legs. I know what we did was right, but I am shocked that in just a couple days this active dog is gone. In fact, he loved food so much and it continued to be his favorite part of the last three days. He seemed normal in every way, except for his bones.

I forgot how much this hurts, maybe having gone through it only once before. It's a horrible, physical pain in my chest, and I keep crying......it's nice to know that others understand. Our house is small and I see him everywhere...his bed, his bowls, his toys, pictures.....I don't know how I will ever get over this severe hurt again. I miss my beautiful boy so very much. Poor Shadow I think is also in mourning.

I wrote most of this the day after he died......and here it is Saturday and my grief is still unbearable. I'm looking everywhere for him. Shadow is smelling his bed. Thanks for any support you can lend.

Ah, your beloved Jonah--how sad!!

Don't torture yourself with the "what if's" and "if only's" if you can help it. Herbs might eventually have helped him--but cancer is often much stronger than herbs are. "Learning to walk on three legs" is ignoring the fact that the cancer was probably systemic and metastacized to other parts of his body. Bone cancer is devious and determined, and, sadly, takes our loved ones much before their time.

I and everyone here know that pain you are experiencing. We find this wonderful place BECAUSE we are experiencing that pain. A member here just gave me $500 for care of my Ladywolf--see my thread "Ladywolf is Failing"--and I am blown away by the kindness of the people who "live" here.

I send much love to you and to your fabulous Jonah--

Big hugs from Margi and Wonder Wolf

Thanks for your thoughts and it's helpful to know that about the bone cancer. It didn't seem right to make him learn to walk on three legs at age 15-ish, only to save him for bone cancer. I do feel we did the right thing, but the end is never perfect. Those last three days are in my mind, and I'm trying to think back on 10 1/2 years instead. Just a week ago he was happy and playful.

I'll read your thread, and my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

Hi again, Marcia--

One of our members, Jon I think, made a great comment the other day: he said, "15 years, that's about Warranty..."

And it IS, but that doesn't take away the pain. I am so sorry you are having to endure it now.

It's usually pretty quiet around here on weekends, so be prepared--but watch...17 people will post after me!

Much Love and Sadness--

Margi and Wonder Wolf

Marcia--

The ending of most PEOPLE'S lives is far from "perfect.' So is the case with our beloved pets...

Big Hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf

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Hugs
Anna & My Angels
xoxo

I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. When I read your words the tears started to flow once again. I lost my baby one week ago, he was nearly sixteen years old, it's so very hard. That pain in your chest, sounds like the very same one I've had all this week. It's only now beginning to loosen and I can breathe a little better. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You gave Jonah a wonderful life as he gave you. You both were so very blessed.

Marcia, I'm so very sorry for your loss, I can completely relate because we lost our 3 year old GSD Foxy in March to osteosarcoma. Your beloved Jonah is in no more pain now. (((((hugs)))

Irene.

Dear Marcia

I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Jonah. I send my heartfelt condolences to you and your family and your darling Shadow. My thoughts are with you all.

HUGS

Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Awwwww Marcia, I am so sorry to hear about your loss, especially when it was so sudden. My Cleo, who passed 3 weeks ago, was diagnosed with IMHA and it was really sudden and a shock to us all, especially when she was TOTALLY fine the day before she was rushed to the vet and diagnosed. She was only 9, well actually we put her down on her 9th birthday. She lasted 3 months after diagnosis, but crashed several times. I often look back and think that she really did suffer for 3 months. I know it must have been shocking to lose your Jonah so suddenly, but at least he didn't suffer for months and months of pain and agony. Allow yourself to grieve and cry. It's been 3 weeks for me, but I still feel like it was yesterday and I grieve for her every day and I miss her so. But what helped me to get through the initial shock of the pain and loss, was to talk to my husband about all the wonderful memories I hold so dear. I see Cleo everywhere too, but find comfort in the fact that when you see Jonah everywhere it is because he IS still with you. What I am trying to convey is not to dwell on the horrible images of seeing your baby suffer and putting him down, but rather celebrate the greatness and the love he brought to you. He is there in spirit. He is watching over you. When guilt consumes me or the grief is too much to bear, I hold a picture of Cleo and I "feel" her all around me. I hope you find some kind of comfort today. I know how very hard it is and I pray that you look beyond the tough times you have just endured and embrace Jonah's spirit!

Much love and peace,
Christine

Christine, what kind of dog is that in the picture? It looks like Jonah to me! Except Jonah was so much older his face had turned from brown to white. Can anyone tell me if there is a place to host a link for pictures? I'd like to post a couple of Jonah.

Thanks for all your support. It's going to be hard going back to work tomorrow. I am going to keep all the reminders of Jonah around. From what everyone said, I think we did the right thing....he probably would have suffered more. But I keep looking at the beautiful sunshine and think about how much he would have enjoyed it today. I feel that with his joyous personality that the world misses him too.

I was able to post Jonah on my avatar.

Hi, Marcia, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Jonah. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Like Donna and some of the other wonderful posters on this forum I have lost two of my furkids in a short period of time (see my threads on "Abbygayle's Journey" and "Oslo" for reference when you're up to it, if you want to).

Unfortunately our furkids' physical bodies are identical to ours and are therefore subject to the same physical challenges that we have. You did the very best by your precious Jonah, and hopefully someday when the deep grief lessens you will be able to embrace the good memories of the years you had with him. It doesn't matter if it's a first loss or 400th loss, Marcia, the grief journey is the same painful journey each and every time, and unfortunately there is no easy way through it - - no fast forward button to press to get to the place where it doesn't hurt quite so bad, where the empty ache in your heart isn't quite so painful.

Our furkids also grieve for their lost companions, so as you already know, it is important to give him lots of hugs and extra attention. Helping him through his grief will also help you. My little kitty son, Noah, is now the sole furchild survivor in a household that used to have 4 furkids. I tell him all the time how much I love him and how proud of him I am for taking such good care of his sister and his two older adopted siblings, Eli and oslo. When his big older "adopted" brother Eli died in 2006 Noah slept on his comforter for close to two years. I didn't wash it until I knew for certain that Noah had finally "abandoned" it. I still have Abbygayle's comforter and towel that she layed on available for him to visit, and he does still go over to them and settle down on them from time to time, so I will not wash them either until he shows me it's okay.

Marcia, please know you are among friends here who do understand what you're going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Marcia!
Our Cleo was an Australian Kelpie. Your Jonah does look a lot like Cleo. He was just beautiful!!!!!

I went back to work 4 days after Cleo passed and it actually helped that i got out of the house. Of course I lost it a couple times at work (just ran to the bathroom and cried), but it helped to get my mind off things and kept myself busy with work instead. Never question if you did the right thing.....sounds like you were the most wonderful mommy to your boy and THAT is what you need to take with you now.

A week or two, I had the most VIVID dream of Cleo. She was happy, healthy, running around and nudging me and cuddling with me. When I awoke, I swore I felt her presence. It was incredible. It proves to me that our babies are still with us, maybe not physically, but they are with us. And they will be waiting for us.