My little Madison (pugapoo) came into my life on November 18th, 2009. She was barely 12 weeks old. I fell in love with her the minute I laid eyes on her. The most precious thing u can ever imagine. She brought SOOO much joy and happiness into my life that I can't even describe it. She was my little baby. Madi had the best personality. She loved people, I think more then animals. She would do such funny little things that I miss sooo much. I'm still in shock that she is not with me today. I feel very numb. All I can think about is her. Her little toys, the quirky things she used to do, how we used to play together,how she used to like banana's and ginger snaps, the list can go on forever. I just can't believe it. On 5/6/10 I lost my little Madi. It's SOOO unfair!!!! I just can't figure how it happened. One minute she was there and the next gone. She was hit by a car and I just can't imagine how it happened. I'm in such disbelief. I don't know what to do with out her! I'm always thinking now, the what-if's over and over I go thru them in my head. It's not fair. My little pumpkin pie is not here with me anymore. She has little nicknames that I gave her-Pumpkin Pie, Choncha (Spanish for chunky), Madi and she was answer to all her names. Such a smart puppy. My baby only lived 8 short months and then she was gone, it was sooo unexpected.I had no time to even think about not ever having her with me. When I saw her lying there, I knew right away. I started screaming and crying hysterically. I haven't been eating since she died and I sob all the time. I wish I could have her back. Madison was the first dog that I was ever really attached to and I think I ever will. Since I don't have kids my motherly instincts kicked in with her, she was all I needed. No other dog can compare. She was just her own little self and all her cuteness. I miss her sooo much. I'm glad to know there are pple that understand, bc I feel many ppl just don't get it. They say their sorry but unless you have an animal that you truly love that's like your family, then I'm sorry it's impossible to understand. I wish I could just see her/play with her again. I will always miss my little pumpkin pie!!! (i wish i could have posted a pic of my love but i'm not really computer savy)

Dear MyMadi

Oh what can I say. I feel so , very, very sad for you. Your story has made me weep as yes it all seems so unfair. Your darling little Pumpkin Pie sure has such a wonderful Mummy who loves her so much. She was meant to come into your life to show you that wonderful and unconditional that only our fur babies can give, I am just so sorry that she didn't get to stay with you longer. Please know that I am thinking of you and sending love and hugs to try to bring you some comfort at this dreadful time.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dear Mymadi--

Oh, I am so so sorry for you. What a terrible thing to have happen, and to such a young pup. Life IS unfair, and this is one horrible example. You should have had your Madi until she was 14 or 15, not for just 8 months!

Come here all you want to--we all understand, as we have gone through it, or are going through it, and we are (obviously) the ultimate in animal lovers. This is a place where you can let it all hang out and say whatever you need to say and no one will judge you for it. Your grieving process is likely to be long and complicated, so share it with us--these wonderful people really can help.

Again, I am so so sorry for your shocking loss. It's so different to lose our fur-babies suddenly like that--we are thrown into a vortex of grief, having no preparation for it. My heart goes out to you--

Big hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf (who is slowly dying of cancer right now)

Hi Mymadi,

I just wanted to come on here and let you know that I too am thinking of you and feel your pain at this time of loss! Our special furkids leave such big pawprints on our heart and when they are no longer with us - those pawprints never go!!

Please allow yourself time to grief and to go through the emotions as we are all travelling through them ourselves, just at different stages! This is a great forum for support!

Love and hugs

Kristy

Thank you for your kind and sweet words! It really means alot. I'm sooo glad I found you all in helping me deal with my terrible loss. Truly a blessing!!! I miss you Pumpkin Pie!!

Luv,
Madison's Mommy (a.k.a Linda)

Hi Mymadi,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you must feel that life is unfair, sometimes it feels that way to me too. Madison was lucky to have you as a mommy. I know how devastated you feel, as I am feeling the same way right now. Give yourself time to grieve, it does take time. Your memories of your little Pumpkin will be with you for the rest of your life - to cherish. It is difficult and my heart goes out to you. Just remember you are not alone in this, we are all here for you.

Take care of yourself

Karen - Angel Shelby and Casey

Dear Linda,

I just read your story and it hurt my heart. I didn't realize the nearness of your loss, one day before I had to put Kota down. I think that Madi was the one to choose you. I'm so sorry for your loss and feel like what you are going thru is a mirror image to me. I stayed at my sister's house for 4 days and just returned home to an empty and lonely house. Like you, I've no kids or my own family. I've even been out of work for the last year. I too, cry all the time. All I could get in my stomach tonite was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. And I know exactly what you mean when you say you miss your little pumpkin so much. I picture Kota everywhere...in the car, the bedroom, outside. During the last few months I had to stand behind her and hold up her back legs. I had her on prednisone, other meds, herbs, gave her chiropractic and accupuncture and cooked her fresh chicken or fish every night. I don't even care now about having a human relationship. Like you I long to hold Kota again and tell her I love her. I too miss her sooooooo much that it gets hard to breathe. I'm sorry that your time together was cut short, way too short. It took me awhile also to figure out how to upload a picture. I'll try to rethink how I did it and let you know cuz I and others would like to see a pic of Madi. Write anytime cuz, like you, we need the support of each other, even it it's just a momentary diversion. I live in a small mountain town in the Sierras of California. Everything I did with Kota was outdoors...hiking, swimming (her favorite), kayaking. Now it's hard for me to think about going out on a hike again. I feel like I need to be back at my house (just a rental), yet now that I'm here alone it no longer feels like home. I feel that you loved Madi cuz it was the obvious thing to do. In my 20s and 30's I lived in Lake Tahoe and had two dogs, a mother (Oreo) and her son (Yama). That was a long time ago. It took me a couple of years before I got Kota, mainly due to the prodding of my friends. Due to my life's circumstances, I was more connected with Kota than anyone or anything else. I too can't imagine another dog. I'm truly sorry for the severity of your loss. Maybe Kota, whom was almost 17, will connect with Madi and share some of her experience with Madi. Take care
Dennis

Dennis,

I'm sure Madi and Kota would have had lots of fun together, she could have taught my lil whipper snapper a thing or two!! It has been 2 weeks today and I have up's but lots of downs. Everything reminds me of her, any little thing. Yesterday I was @ the store and I saw some flowers and I think they were Aster's (very pretty-pink and some green in the middle) and they reminded me of her, bc the flowers were so happy looking and that was Madison, just a bundle of joy, a happy go lucky puppy. So I purchased them and put them in a lovely arrangement. It's so weird even songs remind me of her, I could be listening to the radio and then a song comes on and I get very sad. When I think about all the fun times, they don't bring me happiness yet, I just get sadder. I was doing better before but now I'm regressing. It's hard to mask the fact that I'm upset when I work in an office and have to deal with the public and answer phones. Anytime I see the date 5/6 (and I notice it all the time), I know what happened that day. It was the day my life changed forever. I just don't see another dog being that close to me ever again. I would love to have another fur baby but I'm afraid I won't love him like he deserves bc he or she is not my Madison. I think about that day constantly, over and over in my head then all this guilt comes up. It's a horrible cycle. I wish May 6th never happened. I agree with what others say about they grieved more with their pet then a family member or friend. The same is happening to me, I'm more upset, bent out of shape now then I was when my grandpa died. I guess I was a lot closer to Madi then I was my g-pa. How are you doing/feeling?

Luv,
Madi's mommy

Linda,

I am here with you, in friendship and grief and understanding, my friend. I had to put my 15-year-old cat, Bruce, down 10 days ago on 05.10.10 and I, too, hate that date like you do yours. I can't stand walking around this house -- I see him by the fridge, in the backyard, in the computer room, in the driveway.

I knew Bruce was sick, but the morning I brought him to the vet I thought she was going to keep him for the day and force-feed him and give him fluids and medicine. I never knew that was to be the last time he'd be in my arms, and that he'd be gone in an hour. If only I'd have known! I would have kissed him a million times on the ride over and told him I loved him until I was hoarse......

A few days ago I felt the first stirrings of letting go just a little, and for a while I could think of Bruce in happier times, and not with so much sorrow. But the last few days have been hell as I, too, feel like I've been regressing badly. I think others are starting to get tired of hearing me cry and grieve over him. Except on here, where I can be myself.

And, like you with your adorable furbaby-puppy Madi, everything reminds me of him: guys with his same name, Kentucky Fried Chicken (his favorite), stuffed animals (he loved to cuddle with them), our car (he loved going for rides), even darn cat food I see in the aisles ~ *sigh* I cried today when I vacuumed the rug where a lot of his fur still was. I couldn't bring myself to do it since his passing.

I know the hurt you're carrying inside, I understand the sorrow you bear from the minute you wake up, and I deeply sense and experience the feeling of despair and depression this has caused. Not a minute of every day goes by that Bruce doesn't come to my mind, and believe me, it hurts me all over again to think of him and the loss I have to now endure. I don't want my boy in an urn in the living room, I want him back in his fat grey and white fur suit, meowing at me, swaggering around and flying into the kitchen for treats at every turn, and then rushing out to go fishing at the end of our pier (when we lived in Louisiana we lived on the water, and Bruce used to LOVE to go fishing, goofy kid that he was).

I just want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE, LINDA DEAR. We are all going thru this, or have gone thru it at one time or another, and we are all hurting, hurting, hurting, and we understand --- totally.

We are here for you --- always.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

Maggie
Bruce's Mom Forever

Maggie,

Thank you for being here and understanding! I (can but) can't imagine how you feel and what you went thru.So Sorry!

I do find much comfort on here but then I remember all of the sudden (oddly enough) why I'm on here, it's bc I don't have Madison anymore and then I get sad all over again. I really don't talk about Madison much except on here bc It's too painful still. Madison, like Bruce had a cute personality, she did so many funny, cute, smart things. I will always miss her!

Luv,
Madison's Mommy-Linda

Dear Linda,

I lost my beautiful little boy Cooper two weeks ago today. He was only five years old and died due to a vet mistake. I completely understand how you feel. I loved him so much and did everything I could to protect him. It kind of feels like this could not possibly happen to him. There is no way it could. But it did. I miss him more than words can say. He was my love. I was feeling better last week, but like you, I feel as though I am now regressing. Maybe this is a normal part of the process. I also relive that day over and over again in my mind and feel so much guilt that I took him there and this happened to him. I can just see his little face as I walked out of the vet office, thinking I would pick him up at the end of that day. The phone call from the vet replays in my mind constantly. When I read your story, I feel like it is mine. I see him everywhere and he had so many cute nicknames.

The one thing that gives me some solace is knowing that I loved Cooper 100% every day of his life and I showed him that I loved him 100% every day. There was not a day that he felt unloved. I know that he knew every minute how much he was loved. That does help me a little. It's also taught me really cherish and not take for granted what we have because it can be gone so quickly and unexpectedly.

You are not alone. I can only pray that with time, it will get better.

Oh Linda, I'm SO sorry. Your story is so awful and I know how badly you hurt right now. I lost my bunny yesterday and I, too, am in terrible pain, but I know how much worse it is when your pet lived such a short life. Yes it's quality over quantity but come on, that is SO unfair and hard to reconcile.

I wish I could give Madison back to you. I feel like I would have sacrificed even another year of my bunny's life so you could have another year with your dog. I'm so sorry Linda.

Katie