Our sweet beloved little girl, Lucy was put to sleep on Friday, April 23, 2010 at approximately 10:10 pm. I've sat here at our computer attempting to start a new topic at Lightning-Strike, but haven't been able to write out more than a couple of sentences.

Our precious girl, Ms. Lucy did have some medical problems (diabetes & hyperthyroidism), which were very well controlled. She also had a diagnosis of asthma, but thankfully we only had to use Prednisone once or twice.

In the beginning of April, we began to notice some difference in her breathing. It didn't stop her from running around & playing - she loved to chase our little guy, Mr. Yoster .

On Thursday, April 15, we went to her regular vet's office, but since our vet wasn't there, (they have two offices), we saw someone else.
A chest x-ray was done which revealed a pleural effusion. He did a tap (thoracocentesis) and removed 100 ml of milky white fluid. He sent the fluid to the lab for &%^ysis, but told me that she could have cancer or heart disease or a chylothorax. He prescribed Lasix to be given twice/day.
That evening her respiratory rate was 39 -- much improved from 60. She had a fantastic Friday & Saturday ! We were feeling very relieved knowing that she was feeling better.

We got a call on Saturday (from the tech/receptionist) and were told that the lab results showed this was a "chylous effusion". No cancerous cells were present in the fluid, but that didn't rule out a tumor or cancer.

In the very early morning of 4/18 she came to me with some difficult breathing. When I had taken her to the vet on 4/15, her respirations were only at the very top of her chest -- indicating that the fluid had pushed her lungs to the top of her chest. On this early morning, I noted that her respirations were occupying her chest and now included belly breathing.

We returned for a follow-up x-ray on 4/22. I said, "she's still having some trouble breathing, some days are better than others", and he replied, "the x-ray looks better, I can see her heart now!" He increased her Lasix just a bit. He didn't say whether or not there was any more fluid -- looking back, I didn't ask.

During her last week on earth, she would eat - but then, there were times that she didn't want to eat. Mr. Yoster would stay near her, as if keeping vigil. When she would come out to the living room, I felt as if my heart would truly burst. If we were watching a movie, she jump up on the couch/recliner, and sit behind my head. I put my hands up and gave her all the love she wanted.
It was ALWAYS music to my ears just to hear her -- whether purring or breathing or snoring, I loved all of her .

She always knew when it was medication time -- whether it was her insulin & tapazole (twice/daily), often times she'd come to me when I was late. I'd mix her methimazole in some beech nut baby food turkey w/water, and she'd get her insulin at the same time. We would always call her, "Our little alarm clock".
In the last couple of days, when her eating declined, it was most important for her to get the lasix and methimazole. Earlier in the week, she LOVED the pill pockets (chicken), but the last 24+ hours, she'd just turn her head away . She even turned away her much loved baby food.

On April 23rd at 12:30pm I made a call to the vet's office and said that he was having more difficulty and could we please come in. She said that our regular vet was at lunch and would call back in 45 minutes. The phone rang within 15 minutes and the secretary said that Dr. B (saw him the day before) wanted us to wait 24 hours for the Lasix to "kick in", and to call back first thing Saturday morning. I really doubted that any amount of Lasix was going to be beneficial to her. I felt that she might have needed another tap - the tech said, "we have to save those for when they're really needed".

When Ben came home from work, I said that we needed to bring her to the emergency vet. The nurse came out and brought her right back to the treatment area.
I signed a paper so they could put her in oxygen incubator. After about 1/2 hour, we were brought into a room where the vet was going to speak with us. When she first came into the room, after she introduced herself, I told her that we would do anything for Lucy.

She told us that she was given a sedative to help relax her along with Lasix. She said that she did a thoracocentesis and got 200ml of chylous fluid, but also got some air as well. She explained that it didn't look good to have had 100ml removed on 4/15 and then another 200ml removed 8 days later. I told her that an x-ray was taken the day before, and the vet told me that he could see her heart. She said if that were true, then a good portion of this fluid developed in just under 30 hours.

She painted a very bleak & hopeless picture for our little girl. We went back to see her and there she was in the small incubator. Her pupils were so dilated, but that was because of the sedative. She was very happy to see us, as we were to see her! She was a lot more comfortable without all that fluid in her chest. We just wanted to bundle her up and take her home right then and there. But, we knew that that would have been very selfish of us. She had also lost roughly one pound in a weeks time.

I posed a question to the vet, "what would you do if this was your cat"? Her reply was that she would let her go. I knew that having difficulty breathing was an awful way to live, and also scary. We didn't want to be heroic with our precious girl. But, when we were traveling to the emergency hospital two hours earlier, in no way did we ever think that we might have to make that decision. But, we did.

She said she was going to place a catheter in her front paw and then bring her to us. The door opened and our eyes met...... I really would give anything just to feel my sweet girl in my arms again. We shared a bond that was stronger than any other bond I've ever had. The vet gave her to me and I gently held her; Ben and I gave her kisses and loves. I had a jar of Beech Nut turkey baby food and asked if I could try and give her some. She watched me open the jar and I started feeding her with my finger. She lapped it up and loved it . It made us very happy to see her enjoy it.

The vet administered the sedative first and said we could spend time with her - but, I knew that hearing is the last sense to go. We both told her how much we loved her and how truly happy she made our lives. I held her sweet precious little face and gave her a kiss, then said, "Always & forever". She was gone.

It has taken me pretty much all day to finally finish this post. I know that I'm still in shock. I know that our little guy, Mr. Yoster is grieving a lot for his lifelong housemate, so I don't want to cry in front of him. We adopted the both of them in March, 2004. If anyone has advice on how we can help him, I would surely appreciate it. Thank you.

Much peace & love to all of you,

Denise

Denise, I'm so very sorry about Lucy. She was a beautiful lady. (I hate saying "was" when someone posts a picture because I know how hurtful it is to read that word instead of "is") My story isn't important right now but just so you know I lost two kitties in 7 months who were littermates. Though I loved them both with every fiber of my being, one of them was my soulmate kitty. I understand the loss you're feeling. The incredible empty chasm that sucks all the air out of you.
It sounds like you did everything possible to care for your little girl all through her sweet life with you. She had amazing parents, it sounds like. I hope you find some comfort in knowing that you were a good mommy! I know how badly I needed to hear that when our first died and then when his brother passed.
As for how to make things easier for Mr. Yoster, I really don't know. When our first one, Frasier, died, I did do some research on the internet to see what I should watch for in his brother, Niles. It was helpful. They had been together all of their 15 years. I believe there is a link to a really good article on the felinecrf.org website. Maybe it will help you. Niles didn't start showing signs of missing his brother until 2-3 weeks after his death. He became more needy and clingy (which he never was before). He also went searching for Frasier through the house and insisted we open cabinets that Frasier sometimes went in. Sometimes he was content if we would just leave the cabinet doors open. It broke our hearts.
Again, I'm so sorry about your Lucy. Your story showed true devotion. I know what you mean about music to your ears. I feel the same way. It may sound a little sick but I happened to record Niles purring on my cellphone back before he got sick and I sometimes listen to it with my eyes closed, just drinking it in. (I promise, I'm not a crazy person )
I didn't get the feeling that you were new to the forum so I think you already know you came to the right place. Post all you want. Lots and lots of hearts on here will hurt along with you.
-Donna

Dear Donna:

Thank you SO much for replying to my post. It really does mean a lot to me. Lightning-Strike has always been the #1 place to come to for so many things, but mainly the "Death and Dying pet support forum" was/is the most active. It was inevitable that one day I would be back. I do thank you for welcoming me back.

I am very, very sorry for your double loss . I will surely read back to your beginning so that I can get to know you. Always remember that your story is very important too. I would love to hear about Niles & Frasier , too.



Believe me......you don't sound sick at all, nor a crazy person. I know EXACTLY what you mean. With regard to the heavenly purring from Niles on your cellphone, I would tape it elsewhere, just in case it gets erased. (maybe you already thought of that .

We have a small Kodak zi6 camcorder and over the past month I made some "home movies" starring our children - Ms. Lucy & Mr. Yoster . We put them in the computer a couple of nights ago and I made sure to keep the volume down - I didn't want to upset our boy. But, he came right out to the living room and began looking around for her ......
The movies to me are beautiful, and I can't wait to watch them later. Just looking at her sweet little face....my heart really does ACHE FOR HER.

Thank you for the link to Feline CRF . I will definitely look for that article on pets who are grieving too. He is eating, so I am very grateful for that. I am spending a lot of time with him - it's good for both of us.

I have to make a decision on what to do with her body. I've never had a "pet" cremated before..... I feel in my heart that after someone passes, the body is just a shell - or, a vessel. It's something that I'm struggling a bit with this time.

And thank you for saying that I was a good mommy -- it really does help me to hear that!
My beloved baby girl, Lucy was really the biggest JOY in my life -- we were bonded together like glue.

Have a beautiful & peaceful evening,

Denise

Denise, your story is so incredibly sad, it was difficult for me to read about the loss of your precious girl Lucy without crying myself. What a beautiful and unusual colour she was, so very pretty. I know how you feel, I know how devastating that awful pain of loss is and the heartache you are going through right now and I feel so sorry for you. As you say, Mr Yoster is feeling the loss of his life time friend too, my cat Zelda felt that loss when my boy and her mouse hunting mate died. She sat beside him after he had died and she used to lay on his grave and walk around the house looking in all the rooms for him for some time after. Zelda did get past it though, a lot quicker than I did, believe me. Just want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers xx

madi xx

Thinking of you Denise and your darling Miss Lucy. You truly are a wonderful, Mum.

Love and hugs to you and Ben and a special BIG HUG for Mr Yoster


Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hi Denise
I am so sorry to hear about your beautiful Miss Lucy. Reading your story brings back so many memories of the day we put our dog Sammy to sleep. Even though you know it's the right thing to do - it's still so very hard to accept. I hope you can find peace and that your other kitty finds peace too.
take care
Sharon

Denise,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of Lucy. What a beautiful girl. I too suffered a loss this week in having to say goodbye to my precious Shelby. She was suffering with CRF and developed fluid in her chest within two days of our last vet visit. If we treated for the fluid her Kidneys would not have been able to handle the medication. My vet said we would be back and forth to the office every other day. We just could not do that our Shelby girl. I know Donna mentioned the CRF site, I has been a wonderful site for me during our short battle with CRF and after our battle was lost. I feel your pain, as I am feeling the same. You did all you could do for your precious Lucy. You are not alone.

Hugs
Karen

Hi, Denise, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your precious Ms. Lucy. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. I can so relate to what you say about Mr. Yoster staying close to Ms. Lucy. If you read "Abbygayle's Journey" you will see the same relationship between my Abbygayle and her sweet sibling brother, Noah.

In the last days of my Abbygayle's journey she, too, refused her most favorite foods and treats, and she had begun refusing even oral syringe feeding.

Noah is my "only furchild" now. Within a 39 month time frame he has lost two of his adopted fur siblings and now his littermate, Abbygayle. It has been hard on him because he had taken on the role of "nurturer" with each of his housemates, including his adopted big doggy brother, Oslo. Now, we are trying to comfort each other. I give Noah as many hugs and kisses as he can stand at any given moment - - after all he is a boy and doesn't always appreciate mommy's "mushy" stuff at the time - - but that doesn't stop him from coming to me and rubbing and wanting to be rubbed and talked to and told how much he is loved and admired and how proud I am of him. He sleeps with me every night, and he doesn't like me out of his sight for too long a period when I get home to him after work. And the best very good news is that he is still eating, which is very good - - which hopefully means that I am in some way helping him in his grief journey. Some companions become so distraught over the loss of their housemates that they literally grieve themselves to death, and I was so afraid that Noah would slip into that but so far so good.

I am so sorry that you had to go to the emergency vet instead of your regular vet, but I am so very glad you had that "safety net" to fall back onto in your area. And I am so very glad that the ER vet was so compassionate for you and Ms. Lucy. Perhaps in time you will be able to go talk to your regular vet about what happened, and hopefully he will be able to give you some answers, too, that might - - eventually will - - help in your healing grief journey.

All of my companions that I have had in my adult life I have had cremated, and I have their ashes with me. It is whatever you feel the most comfortable doing, Denise, that will bring peace and comfort to your heart. Ms. Lucy's sweet Living Spirit is always with you in your heart and memories.

Denise, thank you so much for sharing pictures of your precious girl with us. Please know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Denise, and I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Denise-

I am so so sorry for your loss of your beloved Ms. Lucy. You fought a valiant battle all along, and then you made the right decision in the end. I have been very lucky up 'til now--I have never had a pet, and there have been many, who had a chronic illness until now, when my Ladywolf is slowly dying from a cancerous tumor on her leg. We are making the best of a difficult situation, but I know that that day is coming...

I can't imagine anyone taking better care of Ms. Lucy than you did. You should not suffer one minute of doubt that you made all the right decisions, because obviously you did, right up til the end. She would not want you to be in agony over her death--she would want you to celebrate her LIFE!! But I know, the grieving process is slow and painful and there's no way around it.

I don't know much about CRF so can't chime in with anything useful , but it sure seems to "get" a lot of our beloveds. I am so so sorry.

Big Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

I want to thank every single one of you for taking the time to reply to my post. It really does mean A LOT TO ME.

Right now, I'm spending a lot of time with Mr. Yoster . I can tell that he really misses her . Whenever he wants to cuddle or play, I'm right there for him. At night, if/when we're watching TV or a movie, we "set up" the middle cushion for him, (just like we always did), and he seems to enjoy that - I know that Ben and I do.

Our little girl occupied so many places in this house - whether it was the top of a bookcase, or the end tables in our living room, or the kitchen table......it's very strange and very sad not to see her.
I'm really not sure that it has truly hit me that she is gone. I know that she will ALWAYS be in my heart and that her beautiful spirit is all over this house.
Every morning and every evening, I'd give her both her insulin and her tapazole. Because of her diabetes and hyperthyroidism, she'd be ravenous and would wake me up all throughout the night to eat. She couldn't help it and I didn't mind doing it. I miss her so much

Much peace & love to all of you,

Denise

attached is a photo of Mr. Yoster showing us "how to relax"!

Hi Denise, I'm so sorry for your loss of Lucy. You're a great mom, and she knew it. She's no longer in pain, and that' s how you have to think about it. Mr. Yoster reminds me of my faux Russian Blue, he used to stretch out like that too, only he would open his legs also. He looked like a big furry boat laying on his back, lol.

Anyways, when I cam home from the vet with Bue the night he passed, I let my other 3 cats sniff him, but not bother him. I wanted them to have closure by knowing he was going to pass. After it happened, they all gathered around, and my gut feeling is that they totally knew he was no longer with us.

Since you had to put her down at the vet, I would just put things that she laid on where he hangs out, it may comfort him on some level. If your cats watch tv like mine do, put a video of her on. I know it sounds crazy, but my cats comprehend whats going on.

I hope this helps, hang in there. Blue

Dear Blue:

Thank you so much for coming by my thread -- it really means a lot to me.



Thank you very much for the tips as well. I've put a couple of videos on of both kids a couple of times so that Mr. Yoster could watch (and hear me talking to both kids), and his ears DEFINITELY perked up. He certainly watches with interest, but it's also hearing my voice and the special way I talked to them that he reacts to.

I can't tell you how GRATEFUL I am to have made videos of both of them so I can watch them now. I miss my sweet Lucy so much--it's difficult to put into words how I'm feeling. My heart craves her....

Thanks again, Blue.

Much peace & love to you and yours,

Denise

Hi Denise--

I saw your post, remembered, and wanted to ask how you are doing these days since losing Lucy?

It's a long, hard trail that we animal-lovers have to walk. I hope you are okay in your grieving process?

Much love from Margi, Ladywolf, and Sweet Pea

Dear Margi:

Thank you very much for coming by to see how I'm getting along. I'm sorry that it has taken me such a long time to respond.

I am soooooooooo happy that your very beautiful, Ladywolf , is responding nicely to the insulin!! Thank you God. I came across a website which might be helpful to you: http://www.caninediabetes.org/ . There is a link on the right "Blood glucose tutorials", which will show you how to take blood samples to check her glucose levels. You posted a photo of your sweet girl on May 24 2010, 08:57 PM. Ladywolf has the most incredible eyes -- like you can see right into her soul.

Poor SweetPea ! I cannot imagine the pain that she is enduring . I hope that the vet gave her owner sufficient pain medication for such a painful problem. I pray that she'll be feeling better before long.

I truly miss my precious girl, Lucy . She was the biggest joy in my life, and I miss her more than words can say. I still feel as if I'm numb - perhaps still in shock, I don't know. I'm just going through the motions. I talk to her a lot when I'm out driving. I started a journal, but only have one page so far. Her beautiful "Earthly" body isn't here anymore.
Our little guy, Mr. Yoster , (they had been life-long housemates), misses her a lot. He needs me, so I spend lots of time with him.
He has been having a couple of problems so we'll be seeing the vet within the next week. I pray that he'll be alright.



You're right Margi, yes it is. My thoughts and prayers are ALWAYS with everyone here at LS - with those members that are new and just beginning their grief journey, as well as those members who have been here awhile, and are further along in their journey.

Thanks again Margi for coming by my thread. Your thoughtfulness is sincerely appreciated.

Much Peace & Love to you and Ladywolf,

Denise

Denise!

I have not been here lately and hadn't known about Lucy's passing. How are you and Ben and Mr. Yoster doing??

Lucy is with Ernie-Bird, playing and purring together.

I'm so sorry I didn't know at the time.

Lots of love and comfort being sent your way,

Kathy