Well I discovered this site by chance and after viewing the different posts thought I would register as its a comfort and relief to no I am not alone.
I had Rufus for almost 16 years, he had been everywhere with me and my husband and was also a GREAT companian for me as my husband works away alot. We were rather lucky with him as he never really got ill. As he was getting older we noticed a change and gave him Devils Claw, Glucosomine & Chrondrontin for his joints, these helped him a great deal. However since Christmas he had become very unsettled and disorientated so we took him to the vets in Jan and they told us to try Activat for brain aging in dogs but after trying them he didn`t change.
A few times I came home from work and found him on the floor not being able to get up and he had weed. I even went as far as buying dog shoes so he could grip the tiles and laminate and this never seemed to happen again.
Last week Tues 16th March I came home and took him for his walk (he always wanted to go out)when I got to the end of the road he went to have a poo and then collapsed. I was hysterical and managed to get him home, I phoned my husband who said to phone the vets, I told the vet on the phone I thought it was his time and they fitted him in. When we got there the vet said it wasn`t his legs that were bad but his spine and to try these painkillers. I wasn`t too sure as I myself had resigned to the fact that it was his time, but the vet said try them. So thats what we did, thinking there was hope for our "baby". We gave him half a tablet and within a a couple of hours saw his back lift and he perked up. The following day(Wed) I was sad as my husband had to go away for 2 weeks but I thought at least I had Rufus. I got home from work the same day and Rufus was collapsed on the floor having pood and weed and was shaking, this broke my heart. I got him up and got him outside, I bathed him and he perked up so the following morning (Thur) I went to work again but something in my mind told me things weren`t right. My boss told me to go home and be with him as I was really upset. I got home and he was asleep were I had left him and then when I woke him he went outside for a wee but didn`t seem himself so I phoned the vets who said take him in. On arrival at the vets he collapsed in the waiting room and pood, when we were called through he collapsed again and that is when the vet said he thought it was time. OMG I have never been so upset in my life, I felt so alone (as hubby was away)I lay on the floor with Rufus stroking him, kissing him telling him how much me and his dad loved him, telling him he was off to a better place and he wouldn`t be in pain anymore. He never even put up a fight he just lay there then let out a sigh as if of relief and then he was gone. The vet left me with him for about 10mins and I fixed his ears and eyes then told the vet he was clean as I had bathed him. As I got to the door I turned back and saw him lying on the floor so went back to him for one more stroke. I really don`t know how I have got through the last week. I think of him constantly.
Today I have picked up his ashes and brought him home to be back were he belongs, I feel a sense of relief him being back here with me. But I still question as to why the vet didn`t end his suffering on the Tuesday and then I get to thinking if only I had had him for one more day. All kinds of things are going through my mind. I never thought I would feel so bad.
I`m sorry for rambling on but just feel I need to write it all down
RIP Rufus we`ll never ever forget you love mum and dad ************

Debboop, I am so sorry for you and your Rufus. I'm especially sorry that you had to go through it alone without your husband. You may not realize it but your story speaks volumes about your love and care for Rufus. Many people would have given up long before you did and I'm certain that he knew you loved him. I know all too well the doubts and guilt you're wrestling with. My two beloved cats left me within a 7 month period - one we put to sleep and one died at home. I had immense regrets each time. It's like no matter how it happens, you feel like you did the wrong thing. My vet also told us to hang on even on my Niles' last day when I knew it was time. People on this site have comforted me in my doubts by saying that it happens how it's supposed to. Whether we believe it or not. You did everything you possibly could - you made the best decisions for him with the information you had at that time. I really believe that, based on your story. I know your loneliness is immeasurable right now. Niles died just last Friday so I, too, am just trying to keep breathing and that's what you should do right now. That's all you need to accomplish on those hard days. Keep posting, you'll find alot of comfort here. My thoughts are with you.
-Donna

Hi Debboop
I am so sorry about the loss of your dog Rufus. What breed was he? Please keep coming back here and posting as often as you need. I have "met" so many wonderful caring people who have helped me when we lost our Westie - Sammy this past December. Those first few days and weeks are so awful -- but as everyone here told me - it will get better with time. You sound like you were a wonderful mom to Rufus and gave him every chance to live a long, wonderful life -- though I know no matter how old they are -- it's never enough -- we will always want one more day. Take care of yourself.

Sharon

Thanks for you comments as it does mean alot.
He was a crossbreed but lots of people thought he looked like a Labradoodle, he had such a brilliant temprement. I don`t think he had a bad bone in his body, cheeky maybe but not bad. Today is the first day in a week that I haven`t cried although I could, I just feel like I will never get over this loss. We have no kids and Rufus was our baby. My husband gets back from working away on Wed and he has said it will hit him then as he has always been here when he returned home.
I have been putting fresh water in his bowl each morning and talking to him. I wasn`t sure when I brought his ashes home yesterday what I would do but I took him upstairs last night and put him on the bedside cabinet just because he always slept in our bedroom, then I carried him downstairs this morning as thats were he stayed whilst I was in work. People will probably think I`m stupid but its just so hard when these beautiful animals have been a part of your lives for so long.

Thanks again
Debbie xx

Debbie,

You are not stupid at all.............. I have taken our Flossie's ashes with us in the car on 2 long trips because for the last 7 years she traveled with us on our summer vacations. We fixed her a place between the seats of the van where she rode all the time. So I took her along in the console that is just in front of where she rode. I also put her ashes on my headboard since she always slept with me.

My neice gave me one of those pets that look like they are breathing while sleeping in a bed that looks like her so I have her ashes next to it with some pictures & her favorite toy, collar & tags.

Do whatever feels right. Especially now. I am not quite as sad but for me it has now been 17 months. You'll never forget Rufus and he absolutely had a wonderful life with you & your husband. They are our children and we will miss them forever. I had Flossie for over 17-1/2 years and we had several medical scares over 14 of those years so I know how difficult it is when they have been part of your life for so long.

This group is a wonderful support source. Come here as often as you need to. It has helped to know how many others are in the same place or have been and survived.

Ginger

Well its 10 days today since Rufus went to "doggie heaven" I thought I had been doing well until I have just gone into the garden and found a big ball of his fur stuck amongst the plants. OMG I don`t think I have ever cried so much. I miss him like crazy and feel like I`m never going to get over this.
As I have said previously my husband is working away and won`t be back until Wed. I speak to him and he tells me to try and remember the good times but then this sets me off again. A great part of our lives is missing. I am thinking about getting another dog maybe even two as I know Rufus wouldn`t want me to be alone. I just miss him coming resting his head on my knee when I`m watching tv, miss him looking up at me with a wagging tail when I go on a walk, I have still been going out for walks on my own. He knew when I was down and upset and always came for cuddles.
We are off up to the Lake District on Friday, the last time we went we had him with us and he is going with us this time too.
I just hope like you all say it does get easier and I can think of him without crying xx

Dear Debbie

I am so sorry for the sad loss of your dear Rufus. I have only just read your posting on here please so forgive me for not replying earlier. I'm glad that your husband will be back with you soon and that you will be having your trip to the Lake District. We had our honeymoon there 38 years ago this June. What a beautiful place which will be bittersweet for you as you will have all your memories. Rufus will want you to remember those 'happy' times, he wouldn't want his mum and dad to be sad. When Noushka left us in September last year my husband and my parents took me up to Yorkshire(my birth place) for a few days to help me get over my loss. It did help, but I found that I was talking to everyone with dogs and pouring out all about my Noushka, luckily they were doggy people, they understood and didn't think I was 'mad'.
It's been 7 months almost and I still have days like today when I have a good cry. I still miss her like crazy, but the pain has eased so that I can function again and think of her without always crying. Time is a healer, cliched , but true.
Rufus has been your loving companion and fur baby for so many years, he sounds to have been quite a character who brought so much to your life. Do you have any photos that you could upload onto here. It helped me to share photos of my Angels with the caring people on this forum.
Please let us know how you are, and know that I am thinking of you.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie (We rescued her 4 weeks ago and she has made us smile again)x

Well OMG its been over 3 weeks since Rufus passed and I have cried everyday. I feel like I will never ever get over this, people say I did the right thing and deep down I know I did but I really didn`t think I would feel this bad. Hubby came home and we had our trip to The Lakes which was beautiful but we saw so many dogs it just made me think of Rufus more. We are going to get another dog in a few weeks time and I know he will never replace Rufus but I am hoping it will go along way to helping us to be happy again.

Hi Debboop
I don't think 3 weeks is that long at all - no wonder you're still crying everyday -- I'm going on over 4 months -and while I don't cry everyday -- it's mostly every other day for certain. I'm glad to hear you're getting another dog- from what others say -it really is a help with healing. I'm still on the fence as to WHEN to get one -- at first I said never ever ever again and can hardly believe I'm actually going to get another dog -- but life is to empty without their love. I'm sending good thoughts your way and hope you heal from this tremendous loss.
Take care
Sharon

Thanks Sharon,
I feel like I will cry forever, its a month today since he went. I just don`t want to ever forget him, I talk to him all the time. My friends say I will never for get him but I think if I do get another dog I will but then people say to me it really helps to heal the pain. We are off to the dogs home this weekend for a look, I`ll probably cry then too.
Your right in saying life is empty without them, my husband misses him but doesn`t seem to feel it the same as me as when he comes home from work I am here but when I get home its empty. I`m used to hearing Rufus feet clattering on the tiles. Everything changes too in that I don`t seem to be cleaning up as much, silly I know. I still haven`t been able to move his beds and dishes etc but I suppose that takes time too as it will feel like I am getting rid of him.
I hope you too find it in your heart sometime soon to get another dog as you too have lots of love to give.
Thanks again
Debbie xx

Well its now 5weeks since Rufus died and I still have a gaping hole in my heart. We visited the dogs homes last weekend as hubby and I are really not liking the emptiness in our home. We didn`t find anything suitable in the homes but today we pick up a beautiful 8week old Border Terrier who we have named Ralph. I just hope that Rufus will be looking down and be pleased with our new arrival. But I do have massive feelings of guilt, we are not replacing Rufus and I have to say that although I still cry all the time I feel a slight sense of relief in that we still have so much love to give a new pooch.
At first I myself wasn`t sure when it would be the right time to get another dog but in my heart I no that time has come.
I still take Rufus upstairs when I go to bed and still bring him down in the morning, I talk to him everyday, I just hope having Ralph won`t make me forget him.
I have finally managed to stop putting fresh water out for him everyday and also been able to move his beds. We are off to the Dogs homes again this weekend to take some of Rufus things, after seeing the dogs there and how they are. At least we will be helping some poor souls.
I still have other thin gs of Rufus but think I will have them for as long as I live.

I would like to thank you all for your comments on here as they have really helped me get through this terrible sad time.
I`ll still be popping on

God bless you all and you fur babies too ***xx

|Hi there, just wanted to say congratulations on your new doggy, I know how hard it is to get another dog, we did the same thing at Easter and I do feel a bit guilty for getting a new dog. My guy Stormy passed away in February, and it did seem too soon to get another dog, but we fell in love with Bailey the minute we saw him. I thought by the end of the summer it would feel 'right' to try to get another dog, but well, here he is! He is a rescued dog, so he's not a puppy and he was neglected by his previous owner (left outside tied up to a chain 24/7 - can you imagine???).

Anyway, I know it will never 'replace' your other doggy, so don't think that - you are just opening your home and heart to create new memories with your new friend! Congratulations again and all the best with your new pup.

PS - I have kept all of Stormy's things too - his collar, toys etc.!

Moira

Well a year has passed since I lay with Rufus as he left for "doggie heaven" There isn`t a day that goes by when I don`t think of him. ALthough some may think its morbid but I have his little box of ashes at the side of my bed, I kiss him every morning and night, we even take him away with us. I know we now have Ralph, who I can`t believe has just turned one, the time is flying back but I don`t think I can ever forget Rufus.
R.IP my baby, Love you loads, mum and dad. ************************x

Well a year has passed since I lay with Rufus as he left for "doggie heaven" There isn`t a day that goes by when I don`t think of him. ALthough some may think its morbid but I have his little box of ashes at the side of my bed, I kiss him every morning and night, we even take him away with us. I know we now have Ralph, who I can`t believe has just turned one, the time is flying back but I don`t think I can ever forget Rufus.
R.IP my baby, Love you loads, mum and dad. ************************x

Hi, Debboop, the anniversaries are always a challenge, including the one year anniversary. When it arrives it seems so hard to believe that a year has gone by - - that we have "survived" a year - - "survived" the deep sorrow that entrenched our hearts - - "survived" the deepest pain that we can ever know on this side of eternity.

It doesn't matter if it's been one minute, one hour, one day, one month, one year - - or fifty years - - our beloved companions are forever in our hearts and memories, for the love bond we have with them is eternal - - they are always a heartbeat close to us.

Debboop, thank you so much for sharing your "Angelversary" of Rufus with us. Even when we have other beloved companions in our homes this does not diminish the love in our hearts for our beloved companions who are with the angels. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Debboop, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you very much it means alot.
The day wasn`t as bad as I thought it would be, I cried a few times through the day but I have done everyday since has gone. It is very hard but it does help to know that we are not alone. God Bless x