Rafer was born on St. Patty Day 2003 and died on March 23 2010. He was a majestic handsom Doberman. His name is Celtic meaning Rich and prosperous. I loved this dog more than any other, whether this was right or wrong it was what it was. I can't believe I will never feel his head on my lap again or look into his trusting eyes. He was taken much to early. Two weeks ago he had his yearly checkup and was pronounced healthy. After he was given all his shots we returned home and within hours he started to have problems breathing. When i took him to the vets x-rays and an EKG showed he had cardiomyopathy. What a shock. I was told with medications he may live for 6 months to a year. He only made it two weeks. We were back at the vets every 3rd day or so as he would fill up with fluid and unable to breath again. He stopped eating and with all the medications he was taking it became so futile. Last night after a day of not breathing well, increased lasix and no eating I went back to vets. His gums were white, is heart was in such a severe arrhytmia that he suggested putting him to sleep. I was just so devasted. I lay on the floor at the vets with him as they gave him the injection. I just kept telling him how much I loved him and what a wonderful boy he was, until he quietly crossed over the bridge. I am 67 and know that the pain I feel will be with me until my end. I will hold him in my heat forever.

Idajean, I am so very very sorry for your loss. Rafer sounds like a wonderful friend to you and I know you will miss him dearly. My heart goes out to you as you begin this awful journey we have in common. My sweet baby, Niles (a cat) passed away in my husband's arms last Friday after a battle similar to you Rafer's. We just lost his brother, Frasier last August so I know the emptiness and pain you feel. My thoughts are with you and it really helps to post your thoughts here on this forum. Everyone is so supportive. I couldn't have survived my losses without the help of people on this site.
Again, my heart goes out to you. Just keep trying to breathe. That's your only goal right now.
-Donna

Idajean
I am so very sorry for the loss of your dog Rafer. I know all too well - as do all of on this forum how much it hurts to lose a beloved pet. I wish there was something more that I could say to help you or to even take the hurt and pain away from you. Please come back and talk to us as much as you need to. I have found so many helpful people here since we lost our dog on December 7th.
Sharon

Hi, Idajean, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Rafer. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is never an easy decision to make but it is the last gift of love that we can give to our beloved companions - - at great sacrifice to us - - so that they can be healed in the presence of our Loving Father Creator. It has been just 9 days since I had to euthanize my beautiful 6 year and 10 month old kitty daughter, Abbygayle, due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. So, I do understand how you're feeling, Idajean. Four months ago I had to euthanize my 15 year old Black Lab, Oslo, due to a sudden stroke. Within a 39 month time frame I have lost 3 of my 4 furchild companions, so I can relate to the trauma you are feeling.

Idajean, this grief journey is very painful, particularly in the beginning. It doesn't matter if it's your 400th loss or your first, the grief is excruciatingly painful - - both physically and emotionally. Hopefully in time the painful deep grief will lessen so that you can remember your wonderful Rafer and embrace the joy of his sweet Living Spirit that will always be with you in your heart and memories. And one of the many important things for you to remember right now, Idajean, is that you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Each of us have traveled, and are traveling, our own healing journey, and I know first-hand the wonderful compassionate-hearted people in this forum. So, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Idajean, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Idajean, I am so sorry for the loss of your Rafer. Less than two weeks ago, I my beloved Westie, Charlie, just a week and a day before his 9th birthday. Since Westies generally live to be 12-15, he also died much too young and like Rafer he seemed quite healthy until just a few weeks before he died. In Charlie's case, it was his kidneys that failed, but I'm very familiar with cardiomyopathy as it's a condition I've been living with myself for the past 7 years. Charlie, in fact, was the one who diagnosed it. My doctors were treating me for what they thought were complications of another medical condition and probably would have killed me had Charlie not pinpointed the real source of my symptoms. Afterward, he learned to warn me of irregular heartbeats that often led to dizziness and even blackouts and twice warned another family member of oncoming asthma attacks. Charlie was very special to me and I will always miss him, but over time the pain of such a loss does grow easier to bear. Feel free to vent as much as you need to. Everyone here understands. Believe me, we do!

Blessings,

Barbara

Dear Idajean

I was so sorry to hear of the sad loss of your dearest Rafer. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you at this dreadful time. It's been 7 months now since my darling Noushka left me and I still miss her like crazy. As you say , we will carry our precious fur babies with us in our hearts and souls forever.

Please let us know how you are doing , and if you can please post a photo of Rafer. He sounds to have been the most wonderful companion. He will be watching over you now , always close, and free from any pain and suffering.

Thinking of you.

Jan x

Dear Idajean,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I, too, found this site 11 months ago when my precious baby boy Austin, a gorgeously handsome and sweet Doberman, died suddenly from cardiomyopathy. He was just 7 1/2 years old. I felt so cheated that he had been taken from us so young - especially since we had no indication he had any health problems. He was playing ball with my husband, laid down, made a funny noise and he was gone. I have lost other pets that I loved, but nothing devastated me like losing him. He was the sweetest, gentlest dog I've ever known. Everyone loved him. So please believe me when I tell you that I know how you feel - the emptiness, the hole it leaves in your heart. I was physically ill for at least the first coupple of weeks. The doctor had to prescribe anxiety medicine for me to help me sleep and to cope. What I can tell you honestly is that the pain DOES lessen - slowly but surely. It helps to have a place like this where people know and understand and really care about what you're feeling and going through. We are here to support each other for as long as it takes. Sadly, though, you probably will never stop missing him or loving him - I know I wouldn't want to not miss Austin anymore. He was my baby, my heart and he will always be a part of me. I will pray that you find some peace and comfort to help you through. My heart aches for your loss. Please continue to write and let us know how you're doing. Maybe Rafer is busy playing ball with Austin just on the other side of that bridge.

Many hugs,
Carol, Austin's Mom

Idajean,

Oh, how utterly horrible and for you, your post made me so sad. I cannot imagine going for shots and having everything tip top and within hours having a desperately ill dog, I am so very sad for you.

Everyone here is wonderful, please post as I found it was very therapeutic after my doggy died at the ripe old age of 14 - it was still devastating despite his age and I still look for him even though it's been a month now since he died. It's so very hard, and everyone here understands.

I am so sad for you.

Moira

Hi Idajean
My heart goes out to you. I just lost our beautiful bullmastiff and we too think it was his heart he had just turned 7. He died very sudden my husband found him on our bathroom floor. He was very healthy never sick aday. So I know how shocking it is for you. And yes I know they have left us way to soon. I had just lost my other baby Max at the age of 7 also just back in December. So I am trying to recover of losing 2 within 3 months of each other and both the age of 7. I havent even been able to come here to often since the loss of our Bullie Baby its almost to much to even bare. But I read your story and it touched my heart because your story sounds like what happened to our dozer. Please know you are not alone and there are so many wonderful people here that will be here for you. I wish I could visit this site as much as I use to but my pain right now is just to much. Please take care.

Will be thinking of you
Anna

Hi Idajean,

I am so sorry for your loss and really can understand how you are feeling, I lost my beloved Rufus 18/03/10 and the pain has been unbearable. I think only other dog lovers can understand the pain your going through. I had been to the vets two days before thinking it was his time but the vet said to try painkillers, he had been on walk etc and I can`t believe that 2 days later I too was lay on the vets floor with him telling him how much I loved him whilst they put him to sleep. You go through all kinds of emotions.
I collected his ashes yesterday and found out that they cremated him on the 22/03/10 which was the day before my birthday. I have to say that today is the first day I haven`t cried although I am not saying I couldn`t.
Although its easy to say you have to think of the good times you had with your "baby" I just think of when I took the last look of him when I was leaving vets room so I do know how hard it is for you.
Hopefully all our babes are running around together up there in "doggie heaven" not suffering any pain, just happy about the times they had spent with us all. xx

Hi IdaJean--

I too am so so sorry about the loss of your beloved Rafer--and so suddenly, in such a shocking way. I've had that experience too several times, most notably when my pit-bull mix, Katy, was either poisoned or got the plague and went within two days, after being a happy, healthy, bouncy girl. It was so unexpected that I could hardly stand it. I was a wreck for a long time after that, until slowly, I finally began to recover.

Other of my dogs have had much more gentle and "elegant" deaths, and while I have grieved very deeply for them too, it hasn't been as bad as when a couple of them went so suddenly, at an early age.

I don't have much time to write today--I just wanted to let you know that I too am thinking of you, and the long grieving process that lies before you. I'll be 60 myself in a month, and I think sometimes that we take these things even harder as we get older, because we know we don't have a lot of time left to connect up with new four-leggeds in our lives. My Ladywolf is slowly dying of cancer, and I am seriously considering not getting another wolf or dog again in my life, because I have been bound to doggie and cat-care for 45 years now, and might choose to be free of it for the first time, hard as that is to imagine. I'm also not sure that I can stand to go through this kind of pain again...

My heart is with you--

Big big hugs-- Margi and Ladywolf

Carol, thank you so much for sharing with me. I know you understand my pain. There is nothing like the love of a Doberman. My Rafer seemed healthly and happy 2 1/2 weeks ago. Now I just cry myself to sleep and wake up knowing he will not greet the morning with me. He was born in March and died in March. We were looking forward to the spring. Last weekend was very warm and he was laying on the grass in the sunshine just enjoying the day. As I was watching him looking so handsome and with a shinny coat thinking what a handsome boy he was. Little did I know that would be the last time he would enjoy the sun. I know pain in losing a pet is personal. We all feel differently. I could never replace him. I can't put his things away. I guess this will just take time. This site has helped me to cope. I can see other people feel as deeply as I do about there own pets loss. I know I am not alone. Hugs to you too, Jeanne (Rafer's mom)

Idajean,

Just reading your posts breaks my heart. It was weeks before I could even think about gathering up Austin's things. Actually - and I guess this may sound childish to some people - for weeks I slept snuggling with the stuffed bunny I had given Austin for Easter. It felt like my last link to him. He slept in bed between my husband and myself every night so when he was gone, this king-sized bed felt so empty without him. So the bunny helped. Once I was able to stand it I got a beautiful, large, hatbox and put all of Austins things in it - his collar, his favorite toys, his tote bag from daycare, etc. Everything went in except his nametag from his collar which now hangs on my keychain. The box is tied with ribbon and stored safely on a shelf in my closet. I couldn't bear to throw his things away as if he had never been here. We all handle this differently and in whatever way gets us through. As you can see, there are many people in this world that loved their fur babies as much as we did. It does help to know we support each other. I agree with you, there is nothing as special as being loved by a Doberman. When a dog NEEDS to be with his people as much and as closely as a Dobe does, it truly leaves a void when they're gone. And even though a piece of me went with Austin, I wouldn't trade the time I had with him for anything. He was a gift I didn't get to keep for as long as I would have liked. Maybe because Dobes are so special God only lends them to us for a short while and then he wants them back. I feel blessed to have been owned by one and priviledged to know their true personalities are nothing like the "Devil Dogs" so many people believe them to be!

I know these first weeks are going to be the hardest and I wish I could ease that for you. Give yourself the time you need to grieve and don't let anyone ever rush you or tell you you're over-reacting. And please stay in touch here and let us help you by being a virtual shoulder for you to cry on.

Hugs,
Carol

Margi, Thank you for your kind words. I have always had a pet in my life from the time I was a little girl of 3 0r 4 when I brought home a stay cat. My whole married life has always been with pets. Now I am 67 but I can't imagine my life with having the unconditional love and companionship of a dog or cat. Its to soon for me to think about this but who knows what the future may hold. It has been 4 days since my Rafer is gone. Its the daily routines that he always did with me. Getting the paper, feeding the birds, getting his chewy when we came in. I still have his bowls out can't seem to put them away. I have never felt such pain and loss, even when both my parents passed away. Rafer was my protector and loving companion. My husband always said to me that if he comes back to this world it would be to come back as my pet. (sometimes I think he was jealous).

Hi, Idajean, I do so understand what you're feeling right now, as you may know from my posts about my Oslo and my Abbygayle. I, too, am an "older" woman and the only "human" in my household. My little Noah is the sole surviving furchild in a household that has gone from 4 furkids to just Noah in a 39 month time frame. Noah will be 7 years old in May, and if he stays healthy for another 6 to 8 or 9 years - - which I hope and pray with all my heart he does - - I will be well into my senior years, and I am already wondering if it would be appropriate for me to adopt another precious furchild - - seriously concerned that I may not be able to properly take care of him or her - - physically or financially.

I still have Oslo's toys out, and it has only been in the last couple of weeks or so that I set aside his raised feeding table. Several years ago I got a life-size stuffed toy Black Lab which has been standing in the corner next to a low table of knick knacks. I couldn't bear to put away his walking / seatbelt harness or his collar, so I put them on the stuffed Black Lab. So, now every time I look at it I smile - - it sort of is helping to keep Oslo's memory alive for me and Noah - - at a time we need it. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to grieve, Idajean - - as long as it doesn't become self-destructive. It is up to your heart to decide what you will do with Rafer's things whenever you are ready to make those decisions. There is no hurry. Some things of Oslo's - - like his meds, etc., I gave to the vet so that she could use them for other patients. But his coats and leashes, etc., I am keeping and will be putting them away in a storage chest of treasures, along with treasures I have from previous furkids.

And I can so relate to your feelings about not having your precious Rafer to help you greet the mornings. It's like a knife in the heart, and the pain is just searing. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Idajean, and I am so glad you have found this wonderful forum to share your heart and memories of your precious Rafer with us. Idadjean, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Ida Jean, Moon Beam and everyone--

I feel so badly for you, IdaJean. What a sad situation. Doberman's are such magnificent, companion-oriented dogs, aren't they? I used to raise Great Danes, and I think that Danes and Dobies are similar in temperament. So are wolves. Wolves have a one and only--in my case, that's ME, and always has been. Anyone could be jealous of my relationship with Ladywolf--it's so intense. I don't know what I'll do, how I'll feel when she finally passes. Unlike you, I'm having a good long time to get used to the idea that she WILL leave me, but no matter how much preparation I'm trying to make in my mind and soul in advance, it'll never eliminate the grief that I'll feel when the end finally does come.

Her illness is also reminding me of my mortality, and the mortality of everything. I guess we just naturally think a bit more about it when we reached our alleged "golden years." (I'm an old hippie, so I won't let myself become a "senior citizen" without putting up a fight!) Golden years heck--I'm visibly older, so where's the GOLD? I'm flat broke all the time!

Anyway, I just wanted to check in on you again and say hi, since I don't have a lot of helpful words of wisdom. As others have said, you'll find your own way of grieving, on your own time-schedule. There's no right or wrong way, no time that the universe says you have to put Rafer's things away or anything like that. Take your time--you're in enough pain as it is.

I'm truly sorry for that pain and wish I could be of more help!

Big hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf

Its 12 days since my beloved Rufus passed and I can really understand about the loneliness, I like you miss his routine, I have still been going on daily walks but on my own, I have been walking around the garden which is what he did on getting up in the mornings. I am even goin as far as putting clean water in his bowl each day. I`m not sure how long it`ll be before I can move his things, so I really do understand. Its really hard I sleep with his blanket and keep smelling his bed etc but I feel sad that the smells see to be going. I get a bit of comfort from having his ashes back with me and he is here with me now as I write this. I have been looking at the posts each day on here as I do think it helps to know that other people are having exactly the same feelings and really do understand. I hope your pain eases soon.
Debbie xx

Hello Debbie, Rafer is gone a week now. Every night I still say goodnight to him and in the morning I wake with that empty feeling. I finally put his bowls away with his leashes. As I held every thing I was trying to remember good times but all I could see was him lying on the vet floor on a blue blanket. My friends ask how I am doing and I can't keep saying not good. I just put my head down and mumble ok. Some people have asked me whether I will get another dog. I can't even think straight now and what a dumb question. I need to feel at peach with losing him before I could even think about getting another dog. I am older now and thats also a factor. Last night I woke with a start my heart pounding, I heard him bark. He had such a deep bark, it was so real. I lay there thinking was he calling me. I could not sleep for a long time just thinking of him. My eyes are like sandpaper from crying. I am so glad I found this site, it helps to talk about my feelings. Thank you every one for being so kind. And may you all find some peace in the days to come. Fondly Rafer's mom, Ida Jean

Ida Jean,
It makes me wonder if everyone who has had to end their beloved babes life goes through the same feelings of emotion. I too find it hard to remember the good times as all I see if Rufus lay also on the vets floor. I have questioned myself again today, did I make the right decision? I wonder if maybe I hadn`t given him the painkillers would I still have him. OMG I really hand on heart feel your pain and am crying again now writing this. I don`t think I have shed as many tears when I human being has died. I hope you will find it in your heart to rehome another dog which is what I am looking to do. I know it will never ever replace your Rafer and my Rufus but think would he have wanted you to be on your own, I know Rufus wouldn`t, he knew when I was sad and down and always came to me and thats what I miss.
I also heard Rufus last week, I heard him breathing and I also heard him on the laminate floor, maybe this is part of the grieving process but we live in hope.
For a week before Rufus passed I had a toad on the step near the back door every single night, the night before he went it was in the distance watching, since Rufus went the toad hasn`t been back. My husband said this was an omen and I have NEVER believed things like this, however I googled it and found that seeing the toad the way I had meant there was going to be a major change in my life and it was also the sign of an ampending death. How weird is that? I have looked everynight for this toad since he passed but its nowhere.
Anyway God Bless you and everyone and lets hope our memories never ever fade
Debbie xx

Dear Debbie and Idajean

I wish I could help to ease that awful pain you are both feeling . This time 61/2 months ago I was right where you are now. Doing just the same things with the blankets and water bowls, waking up every morning with that awful sinking feeling, that's if I was able to sleep in the first place. Dreading going to bed every night. You will feel that things seem too impossible to bear right now. Believe me the sadness will never completely leave you, but the capability to think of your dear fur babies in a happy way will come back. To remember how much they have enriched your lives as you did theirs, to think about the funny little things they did without it hurting so much. It is very raw still for you and you have a way to go, I still have a cry now and again but the smiles and happiness do come back just as your dear Rafer and Rufus would want them to. No way would they want their moms to suffer and be sad. You have to grieve and honour them as you are doing, they know how much they are loved and they will always be with you, in your hearts and souls.

I am thinking of you and send you a big HUG

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie