I came here in '08 when my dog Kodiak died. In October '09 out of the blue my 7 year old cat died during the night.

Now, my German Shep is in her final days, I am heart broken.

Ladywolf's post reminds me of me. I walk her and watch her every move, she gets weak quickly and her rear starts to drop down. My life is dedicated to her and I am grieving all the time.

Xena has lived a long life, she is 12, but it is NEVER enough time. She started showing weakness in her hind legs in November. Suddenly a few weeks ago we thought she had a stroke, but it turned out they believe to be "Old dog Vestibular Disease". She has fallen many times, but the spirit of this dog is to win, she gets up and continues on. She eventually declined to not eating. I resigned myself to keep her nourished by syringe feeding her daily. Which helped her begin eating a little on her own. This is a full time job caring for her right now, she can't be alone in case of another fall.

I am not well myself, with a chronic painful disease that stress makes SO much worse. And w/the disease I have, emotions run higher than a healthy person it seems and causes my symptoms of brutal pain to get worse.

Watching her decline is gut wrenching. This dog literally helped me raise my son. She was Danny's-Nanny....really an amazing thing to see. He is now 20 and big enough and strong enough to carry her when needed. I find it ironic she had her way of disciplining him and loving him her whole life and now in heading toward the final days, he takes care of her.

I knew to come here, because everyone here understands the sickening heartache. I have been through so much, too much and the loss of 2 animals in 9 months was mind-blowing and always set me back in treatment physically and took months to get back to where I was in my treatment, which isn't a great place anyway.

I know the day is coming when Xena will likely take her final fall and not be able to get up. I have been blessed to have long talks w/her to tell her how much I love her and how she raised a great son of mine...she really did. I know she is tired, so many medications shoved down her throat, she looks tired.

She has been so protective of me, such a wonderful "body-guard". Sleeping by me since she was a puppy, she never would allow anyone near me she felt was a threat. What will I do without her? She is a gift.

I worry about my last dog. She is a real dogs- dog, so dependent on what the other two did, they guided her and loved her so. When we lost Kodiak, Angel ( the youngest and last) looked for her for months. I can't imagine how she'll live without Xena.

So sad. I think I love my animals too much, if that is possible. I can't ever go through this again and won't get anymore when they are all gone, I can't stand "this part" - the end.

Thanks for listening. I hope you are all holding strong in your sadness.