This is the first time I've been alone in the house since Foxy passed last Monday. My DH has taken our children to his mother's like he does every Saturday, but I usually have Foxy following me around keeping me company. I really didn't want to go and see my MIL because she's not an animal person so she doesn't get it at all, but I feel so alone in this house without my girl. I can definitely feel her presence but it's not the same.

Hi Eileen

I know how hard it must be for you. The house seems so empty and quiet doesn't it, but I can see why you don't feel like visiting people who don't understand at the moment. I was just the same. Do what you feel , you must do, be it cry, or look at photos, or write on here,or even maybe post some more pictures for us to see, if you feel up to it. I've spent a lot of time on here these last 6 months, but it's been my place to come to where I know everyone is here for us and they all understand what each one of us is going through.
The time zone difference means that I seem to be the only one on here until US gets up, or our Australian friends appear, but I see we are both from Uk.
Please know that I am thinking of you.

Hugs
Jan x

Thanks Jan, I was trying to upload some pictures earlier but I couldn't figure out how to do it, I'll have another play about later. My DH and the kids are back now. As soon as they got home my DD who's 2 ran straight into the kitchen and said, "where's doggy?" It's the first time she's noticed because we've been out a lot this week as we can't bear to spend time at home.

Thanks again for your kind words Jan, this site has been of so much help to me. xx

Hi Foxy's Mommy--

I too know just how you feel, and it's an awful feeling, isn't it? But, as Jan said, the only way "out" is through it, whatever form that takes. It's so painful to be alone in a house that used to be filled with exuberant energy...

I'm facing the eventual loss of my Ladywolf to cancer. She's is fairly good shape right now, but can't hold on forever, obviously. She's been with me for 11 or 12 years, and she's the ONLY thing that has stayed constant for those years, and life without her is unimaginable for me. This week, for example, I had skin cancer surgery on my face. It was horrible, and I realized that I couldn't even CRY because I had bandages all over my nose on one side, so I just grabbed the Wolf and held on for dear life when I felt like crying, and that worked!

I feel so sorry that you are having to go through this. Grief is constant and unrelenting in the beginning of the process, but it DOES get easier with time. I've had ten dogs, in three "cycles," throughout my life (I'm almost 60 now), and I remember most of them with pure pleasure now, not pain. But it took a long time to get there in each case.

Hang in, keep posting, we're always here for you. (Though I've been largely absent this week myself due to the surgery.)

Big big hugs--

Margi and Ladywolf

Hello Foxy's Mommy,

Just wanted to say hi to you and that I know that awful feeling of quiet and silence after your pet is gone. Taking the garbage out and nobody following me , rattling the pet dish and not hearing the rattle of his collar coming over was HORRIBLE for the first week after my doggy died! The first week was terrible after Storm was gone, I know exactly how you feel. I too have a two year old daughter and a four year old son and they keep telling me the 'Stormy is at the beach' because we have a great picture of him at the beach last summer, so they think he's at the beach! So innocent!

I am still planning on planting a nice flowering perennial so I can remember my first dog every spring, it will be Stormy's plant and we will use some of his ashes to fertilize the plant. That will be Stormy's plant.

Anyway, just wanted to say I know that horrible silence when you just want to hear your four legged friend following you around, I miss it so much too.

All the best.

Moira

Thanks for the replies, I don't feel like I'm coping very well at the moment at all. Everytime I go out all I keep seeing is people walking their dogs, and I just keep thinking "why has this happened to us"!

It's been over a week now so people are starting to run out of sympathy with us. I know I'm among friends here though. I am truly devastated.

Thanks, Irene.

I feel so badly for you, Irene, for your loss. It's so hard to know what to say to offer comfort without sounding like a broken record. Everyone here DOES understand--that's why this Forum is so so helpful to so many people. The "empty house" aspect to it all is awful, I know--I've been there several times, and it's always just been me alone, with no husband or children to attend to. Just me...and the empty house. I've truly thought that I might go insane. I've had no one to talk to, play with--just...no one, but well-meaning friends, and other friends who didn't really understand the depth of my agony.

But I never have goe insane, not completely, anyway. I've somehow just kept on truckin', and ever so slowly, the grieving has lessened over time, as it will for you, I'm sure. Just keep the faith and hang in there. Your family needs you right now too.

But, oh, the pain of it...

Big Hugs--Margi and Ladywolf

Oh Irene. I so feel just what you are feeling, read my posts about my being known as 'dog stalker'. We would go out walking , dogless for the first time in more than 20 years(apart from the 6 months between our black lab Sooty and Tasha) and I just had to stop and ask if I could hug all the dogs I met. Oh dear, not always welcome , but most owners understood, thank goodness. I was a wreck. I would hug and then walk on and burst out crying, oh dear. I did feel that my Angel dogs were running along at my side, but I so wanted their physical presence.
Things got better with time, and it got so that I could walk out and feel ok when I saw people with their dear pets, and leave them alone. Remembering the happy times we had with our fur babies.
It's early days for you and the pain will still be unbearable but Foxy had a wonderful life and she was loved and cherished.
She, for some reason has moved on, but she will be with you watching over you and your family.
If you are still having trouble posting your pics, I found that if I e-mailed the pics to myself, then saved them in 'My pictures', the size had reduced enough to be ok to upload on here.
Thinking of you.

Love Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Hello Irene,

I really do know how your feeling. I have never ever been on my own, I have my hubby and had Rufus, hubby works away alot andI had Rufus for almost 16yrs to keep me company. My husband went working away on the 17th March for 2 weeks and on 18th March I lay on the floor in the vets whilst they put Rufus to sleep. OMG the emptiness I feel is almost unbearable. For the latter part of Rufus life he slept a lot and was quiet but for some reason it feels even more quiet now. It is a horrible feeling and you feel so alone. I have found reading peoples posts on here quite helpful as it makes you realise you are not alone in the way you are feeling. I am contempleting getting another dog or even 2 to fill that emptiness but I`m not sure how I will know its the right thing to do as I don`t feel I could love another dog as I did Rufus.
Everywhere I go since he passed I have seen dogs I haven`t seen before, I even felt sad in the supermarket going near the pet food aisle. I have RUfus back now and I feel so silly as I have been talking to him, I have even been putting clean water in his dish everyday as I can`t bring myself to put things away. I am just hoping that when my husband comes home I`ll be able to do this.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
Debbie xx

Irene,

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's not fair at all. I do know what it's like coming home to an empty house/Apt. The first time I came back to my apt when Madison died, it was the most horrible feeling in the world just so lonely.Without her my apt now feels just so life-less, no zest, no action, nothing! Madi truly brought life, happiness, joy to my apt and to me. It won't be the same without her. I miss everything about her!! I can't stand to see anything of her's, brings back to many memories, pain. I even had to cover a mirror that she used to look at herself in that's sitting on the floor. Please know that you will always have people here that care and want to listen.

Luv,
Madison's Mommy (a.k.a Linda)

Thanks Linda, it's been over two months now and I still forget sometimes and expect to see her running around in our garden while I'm cooking the dinner, or fast asleep on her back with her legs in the air - I've never had a dog that's done that before it was hilarious!

I'm so sorry for your loss too, and I'm so thankful I found this site because nobody in real life gets it.

Irene,
you are sooo very welcome! You are absolutely right!! No one really gets it. They mean well when they say their sorry or understand, BUT unless you've been in a similar situation, then they can't really know. Yesterday was the first time I stepped into my kitchen to put together something since Madison died but I just couldn't bear to do it before, bc I would made Madison treats, so ANYTIME my lil baby see me in the kitchen she thought I was making her treats. She would be right there like white on rice. and she would eat any little crumbs on my kitchen floor, I miss my little vacuum! It has definitely helped talking about her! Thank you for your listening ear. I would love to hear more about Foxy!

Luv,
Madison's Mommy-Linda

Linda I'm the same, I hate going into the kitchen these days, because Foxy would lie with while I cooked and cleaned. Bless you for asking about Foxy. She was a beautiful long haired GSD, and she was only three years old when she passed. She was fit and healthy, and then in January she started limping slightly, but we'd had a lot of snow here so we really thought that her paw was just sore at first. The limping would clear up for a week and then come back for a day, and during this time she was absolutley fine in herself, she just had this occasional limp.

We took her to the vets who immediately booked her in for x-rays, at this point the vet suspected osteosarcoma, but didn't share that with us. So you can imagine the shock when the x-rays showed up a tumor, I was expecting the vet to say she had arthritis. We sought a second opinion, who disagreed with the first vet, so we did a biopsy. All through this process Foxy seemed fine until after the biopsy. She was never the same after that. We had to wait 10 days for the results and during that time she lost so much weight and her breathing had become laboured because the cancer had more than likely spread to her lungs. So when the results came in, we decided to end her suffering sooner rather than later.

I've had animals all my life, and it's always devastating when you lose one, but I'm really struggling to with Foxy. I think it's because she was so young, she only turned 3 in January and we hadn't even had her for 3 years when she died. It's so heartbreaking.

Thanks Linda, tell me about your Madison. xx

Irene.

Hi Irene--

Your story IS absolutely heartbreaking. Three years old--NOT fair! Ladywolf probably has a Sarcoma, but she is 15, which is, as Jon said in one of his posts, "about warranty..." Foxy was WAY under warranty! And German Shepards are such magnificent beings--they are such MAJOR dogs--they are so smart and so loving and so...just so MUCH!!! Just like Wolves are...

(I'm not suggesting that small dogs aren't so MUCH too--of course they are!)

I feel so badly for you, and wish there was a magic wand that we could wave to make the pain go away. Obviously, there is not--there are only time, and the willing ears and eyes of people like us who really understand...

Big Hugs from Margi and Ladywolf

Irene, she was a lot of beautiful dog... no surprise that her presence is so very missed. It is so foreign to not have a dog underfoot or shadowing every move, or just *somewhere* nearby! And like Linda's, my dogs were four-legged Hoovers, constantly watching from the kitchen doorways for anything dropped/tossed their way. :]

Been through this three times now, and the pain does lessen over time... sometimes it takes a really long time to get through, and sometimes the waterworks pop up unexpectedly way down the road, but it will get better.

Foxy's Mummy--
I'm so sorry that you were only able to share short of 3 years with Foxy. That is truly tragic. I feel a little selfish being so sad when I was able to have my boy for almost 11. That's good though, I need a little perspective.
I'm thinking of you.
Take care,
Kelly

Foxysmummy:

I am so very very sorry for your loss. I wish I could be a positive blanket for you, yet I also hurt so bad right now. I can relate to what you are going through yet in different ways. May God comfort you and bless your heart. Again, I am tremendously sorry for your great loss.

-Donna.

Thanks for all the lovely comments ladies. Kelly don't feel selfish, I've lost animals who were aged 15+ and still been devastated by it. It's never easy no matter what the circumstances are. It's lovely to know that bereaved animals lovers like us have a place to come and chat with people who understand. Thanks again to all the lovely people on ths site!

Best wishes, Irene AKA Foxy's mummy.

Hi Irene--

Yes, it's true, Kelly--Ladywolf is about 15 and part of the anticipatory grieving process is recognizing that I will be losing a soulmate I've had with me for more than a decade of my very turbulent life. Throughout all of it--almost dying, losing everything I owned, etc.--Ladywolf has been the only constant, except for Poppers, who died in December. So Ladywolf is IT now--my one and only family member, and the pain is terrific.

However, I don't feel *cheated* like people can feel when their animals are taken was before their time, as your's was, Irene. We have to spend some time in anger in the course of our grieving process, and you can feel justifiably angry about such a premature loss (although you haven't expressed anger to us.)

I still think that it is terribly sad that Foxy got sick so young--not even yet in her prime.

Be gentle with yourself and take good care!

Big Hugs from Margi and the Wonder Wolf

Thanks Margi. I do feel an incredible sense of injustice about losing Foxy so young. I see people walking their dogs and think, "why isn't that me?" Although I wouldn't wish what we've been through on anyone, I can't help feeling wronged by it all. Foxy was the most gentle dog you could ever meet, and when I remember that, it seems even more unfair.

Gosh, I know how you feel!!!! I always see people with their dogs and I want to scream "enjoy every second you get with them because you never know when it will be your last." It seems unfair and unjust......what we would give to have our babies back in our arms.

Cleo was the kindest, most loving dog too. I see so many unruly dogs around our new house and it makes me proud of our baby, knowing how well behaved and loyal she was. Try finding comfort in knowing your dog was one of those one of a kind dogs. I have tried to change my way of thinking and now when I see dogs with their owners, instead of thinking, how unfair that you still have your dog.....I now think.....what a blessing to have had such a sweet kind and loving animal to come into my life. Although it wasn't as long as I had hoped, at least I know in my heart that no other dog can, or ever will, compare.