I have a hard time talking to people about my issues and recently the loss of my cat has made things exceptionally hard.

Nonami was a beautiful smokey grey Mainecoon mix with bright green eyes. He always seemed to get into some sort of trouble, at about 4 years old he got herpes in his eye, or so the doctor thought. He lost a tooth around 6 years old and finally at about 8 years old he was diagnosed with diabetes. We noticed something was wrong when he lost more than the normal amount of winter fat, his hair started falling out in clumps and his eyes remained extremely clouded despite putting eye medication in. We found the diabetes with insulin, two times a day increasing the dose every week to combat his high blood glucose levels. He got better for about a year and a half and luckily his eye cloudiness went away with it (perhaps the eye cloudiness was a begining stage of diabetes and I missed it all these years). He had regular testing and many blood tests, urine test and even a few ultrasounds to see what could be causing such high BG levels. No tumor, all his tests were coming out normal, nothing. My vet summed up that perhaps he had a very rare condition where high insulin shots wouldnt hurt him (since it can hurt the body even if its not helping much) but the test to actually find that out was too expensive. He seemed fine for a while until he started getting extremely matted due to not grooming himself, he would laze around the house, his stomach was always bloated and hard despite a high protein diet and he began peeing in odd locations. The peeing was resolved with antibiotics as he had a UTI but everything else stayed the same. The vet had little answer to it as everything checked out fine besides his high BG levels. About a month or two later he began peeing in weird places again, he was getting slow, not caring to go outside anymore, we finally put him down.

I feel guilt for putting my cat to sleep, we fought his diabetes for two years and it was unrelenting on his body... I wonder if perhaps if I could do the expensive testing maybe something would have been found out to help him?... Was I being selfish for keeping him alive for as long as I did because I fought so hard to keep him alive? A lot of what-ifs have been running through my mind since that day.. he was put down on his birthday which I also feel guilty for but he was going down hill, the only time he was excited was when he was fed or given extra long scratches.. Every little thought of the rainbow bridge, talking of others cats, seeing sad pet images, being alone or hearing a sad song makes me tear up because I wonder could things have been different. I dont know if I should feel guilty or not...

Dear Umber-K

I am so sorry for the what happened to your wonderful kitty,Nonami- (what a beautiful name). It Looks like he was given a raw deal health-wise, as was my Tasha (Samoyed) who had Diabetes for the last 7 years of her life. Our vet was so slow in diagnosing this condition, that we had suspected for some time, but unfortunately trusted our vet to know better than us, that our baby lost her sight and was blind for almost 7 years. We saw a different vet at the surgery who helped us on the sometimes very difficult journey of looking after a diabetic fur baby. As you say getting the blood sugar levels stable by constant testing and injecting twice daily can be very difficult, we found that Tasha's were constantly changing from very high to more or less normal and then back up again. We were lucky as she remained quite healthy through all of this and coped so well without her sight. She did have a 'good' life until just the last few months. I kept putting of the dreaded day when I had to get the vet to give her her final long sleep. I think in a way I was selfish as I maybe should have done it earlier, but I just couldn't bear the thought of losing her. She didn't seem to be in pain, but she really had no 'quality' of life. Bless her, she deserved not to suffer, none of our darling fur babies do.

We feel so guilty no matter what decision we make for them, as we love them so much and feel so responsible for them , as we have to be the ones to decide their fate. You really love and care for your Nonami and I know you will have done your utmost for him, to give him that 'quality' life, an enjoyable life, which I'm sure he had until near the end.

Please let us know how you are getting on and maybe show us some photos of Nonami, he sure sounds beautiful. It did help me , but I waited a while before I could even post anything on here after losing Noushka, six months ago , today. I kept coming here and reading peoples stories, then I tried to reply to a couple and then I told Noushka and Tasha's story. The people on here have helped me through my grieving. We all share the love of our fur/feather babies, and understand how devastating it is when they leave us.
I am thinking of you and sending love to you and your Angel boy Nonami.
Jan , Pixie and my Angels xx

You have my deepest sympathy Umber-K, what a sad loss for you. It's seems obvious to me you did everything you could do and afford to do for Nomani. Please don't feel guilty, we all seem to for some reason no matter what we choose to do. You kept him alive and with you for as long as possible and he would love you for that and you had the courage to end his suffering when you knew instictively that the time was right and he would love you for that too. Give yourself time and grieve as much and as long as you need to, I've been there and I know how devastating it is to lose a much loved cat. Hugs xx


madi xx

Hi, Umber-K, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Nonami. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. Diabetes is a very difficult illness to treat. It does take its toll on the physical body eventually, and it sounds to me like you did the very best you could for your beloved Nonami. Even though there are tests and treatments available now with the advancements in veterinary medicine, this doesn't mean that it always in the best interest of our beloved companions to subject them to the tests or treatments. A case in point: My beloved beautiful 6.5 year old kitty daughter, Abbygayle, has Stage III Fibrosarcoma. She was diagnosed in July 2009 and in December 2009 she underwent her third major surgery to remove recurring tumor nodules. This was her last surgery. Within 8 weeks post-December surgery new tumor nodules began surfacing again, and there is nothing else the vet can do for her surgically. Yes, I could have taken her to North Carolina which would have been at least a 4 hour drive one way to leave her at the veterinary school for further evaulation and perhaps intensive treatment involving both chemo and radiation treatments. I would have gladly taken the financial expense to do this for her, EXCEPT - - the trauma involved with the travel, the fact that I would have to leave her among strangers, and the physical and emotional trauma of the medical tests and perhaps treatments were not an option for me to subject her to all of that. So, now I am preparing my beautiful baby girl emotionally for her journey home to the angels. Her appetite is waning more quickly than I anticipated it would, but the good news is that she is not in any apparent pain - - at least not yet. But with her appetite waning I know the cancer is spreading, and doing so quickly.

So, you see, Umber-K, there is no "wrong" decision in how we choose to take care of our beloved companions. We do not have the privilege of foresight only the benefit of "hindsight" - - and it is the "hindsight" that burdens our hearts and minds with the "what ifs" and "if I had onlys" and "why didn't Is" or the "why did Is", etc.. Guilt is a very difficult part of the grief journey. One of the most important thing to help ease this is to remember the good times you had with your precious Nonami and to try to remember him in his "prime" - - because that's how he wants you to remember him.

I can so relate to your feelings of a very hard burden in your heart losing your beloved Nonami while you are struggling with other events / issues in your life. Our beloved companions give to us their undivided attention and unconditional love, and we in return surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. They can be implicitly trusted with our secrets and our concerns and our sorrows knowing that they will never betray our confidences or abandon us. And these are just some of the many reasons why it is so painful - - both physically and emotionally - - when we lose our beloved companions because they take with them the very best part of ourselves that we have surrendered only to them.

Umber-K, I am so glad you have found this forum to share with us your story of Nonami. Please know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through and how you're feeling. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Umber-K, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Its been hard especially because hes been the cat that I've had the longest. I've never had the greatest luck in having cats.. many have dissapeared before the age of 5 and my first cat passed when he was 5 of unknown causes. Nonami (No-nam-ee) was oddly named No-name for lack of a better name at first. I wish I spent more time with him, I was in highschool for a good part of his life and due to that I was caught up more in friends and work than paying much attention to my cat until the diabetes was diagnosed. He was the "wrong-time" cat for the longest time because he seemed to only want my attention when I was leaving for school or going to work or right before I went to bed. He never seemed to want my attention when I could give it, when I was home bored, doing homework, or playing video games. I never got so close to a cat until the last couple of years, he became my child that needed my love and attention to stay alive. All the high quality expensive food and insulin couldnt make his body feel better. He peed so much despite 20 units of insulin twice a day. My vet didnt want to go higher yet due the possibility of it damaging his blood vessels and organs. His BG levels where almost always 350-500 rather than being in the 100 range that is should have been. Part of the blame for diabetes is due to the food being fed to him, though none of the other cats got it. Friskies Feline Favorites at the time had, I beleive, only 20% protein, its been changed since.

I still tear up a lot, his ashes came back to the vets today and it makes me miss him more. I've kept his collar, insulin bottle(I know ironic but it became a major part of him), a tuft of fur, and his favorite toy. Im going to put most of those in his box which will rest on my dresser. I never thought I could miss a pet so much until I poured my heart into keeping one alive and then making the decision to let him go. I waited till his last bottle of insulin was almost up to give him up. I was half ready to give him up, meaning I was ready to give him up, but I didnt want to do it myself. I decided in my head a couple of months prior that his quality of life wasnt the greatest, I just didnt want to make the decision to put him down.