Just wanted to tell you about my cat Rocky, he had undiagnosed heart disease and suffered a blood clot(Saddle Thrombus).
He was 13.
He suddenly dragged his back legs around and was in a lot of pain. We elected to have treatment at the vets to see if he could recover. He was in the vets for 2 days but died there.
He had a tooth extracted when he was 11, he had blood tests and follow up but nothing was found.
He missed his last annual check up, he used to get very stressed travelling and i thought he was fine after the previous blood tests xrays etc. He seemed healthy and happy.
I know now that this was a devastating mistake and one that will live with me forever.
I can't get over it though, it's a thought that never leaves my brain. Why didn't I take him to be checked? They may have found a murmur and we would have then had him scanned and medicated.
Maybe he would still be here? At least we would have known.
He showed a subtle change the night before he had the clot when he wouldn't initially come in for dinner, but he came in and ate as normal. He didn't display any symptoms as far as I could tell.
His brother Ziggy was scanned because of the genetic link to the disease, but thankfully was clear.
The vet said that HCM is tough to treat in cats and has variable outcomes. I wonder how he would have dealt with the multiple vet visits and the meds and the stress that would have meant for him. He got lots of treats as well and would have had to give them up.
The thing is, this happened on 25th July, 6 and a half months ago. I am disabled so I have long days of thinking, crying and regret. I spend way too much time on the internet researching what we could have done.
Two months after his passing, my girlfriend's brother had to give up his cat as he was moving and cats protection wouldn't take her, she is 5. We took her in and I believe her life will be much better with us as she was underweight and had had a tough start to life.(She even got her first ever scratch post!)
My girlfriend has a busy job and I think has found it easier to deal with being busy.
He was such a HUGE part of my life, and I'm still struggling to cope. He was my guy and I let him down.
If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept(probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much.
I think my girlfriend is concerned that I haven't moved on at all(although some days are better than others), and maybe is a bit worried that I'm getting a little depressed. I try to pretend that today was a good day when she comes home but sometimes the eyes give you away.
It was suggested that it might help to write things down and maybe have some counselling.
I am a little embarrassed to post this as I find it hard to put out my feelings.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
Full Version: Rocky
Hi, Dave. Please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Rocky. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. This grief journey is never an easy one. It is filled with so many highs and lows, twists and turns, ups and downs. Just when you think you've come through the "hardest" part and are feeling some kind of healing taking place something will happen - - you'll see something or hear something or remember something - - and you feel like you're right back to the very moment of when you just lost the physical presence of your beloved companion. Guilt is a very difficult part of the grief journey. Some folks do become "stuck" in this emotion and it can interfere with the healing journey to where you can remember your beloved Rocky and be focused on the good times that you shared.
We can only do what we think is the best thing to do for our beloved companions with the information and resources that we have at the time. None of us has a "crystal ball" that can forewarn us of "what will happen if". I know a part of you will "always wonder" how your precious Rocky would have done on treatments, but there comes a time when medical intervention is not always the best but rather to enhance the quality of life as best as possible, and it seems to me that the latter is precisely what you did for your precious Rocky. You see, Dave, I'm facing a very difficult decision with my beloved 6.5 year old kitty daughter, Abbygayle, who has Stage III Fibrosarcoma which manifested in her left hip last July 2009. December 2009 was her third surgery for tumor removal, and now just barely 8 weeks post-December surgery new multiple tumors are surfacing. She had a difficult recovery emotionally from the December surgery, and I don't want her so traumatized by the only treatment available to her that she feels that her quality of life is worthless. What is even worse is that her kitty brother, Noah, is now facing the prospect of losing his third fur family member within a 4 year time frame: In December 2006 his adopted 6 year old kitty brother joined the angels due to end stage Lymphoma, and on Thanksgiving weekend 2009 his 15 year old big Black Lab brother, Oslo, joined the angels due to a stroke. Noah and Abbygayle are so emotionally attached to one another - - have been since birth - - that when he loses his sister I am very concerned that he will succomb to a broken heart from grief.
So, you see, Dave, the "what if" journey takes many different shapes and sizes and circumstances. Your vet is a very wise person. Yes, vets are trained to save the lives of our beloved companions - - just as human doctors are. But there are times when quality of life far exceeds quantity of life, and our beloved companions will always chose quality over quantity. And part of that quality of life is sharing whatever time they have as best as possible with their loving caregivers and guardians, and it sounds to me like Rocky was blessed to have you as his dad.
I am so glad that you have written to us, and hope that you will find support, encouragement, and comfort from each of us who write to you. The most important thing for you to know is that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Dave. Thank you so much for sharing with us about Rocky, and please let us know how you're doing. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
We can only do what we think is the best thing to do for our beloved companions with the information and resources that we have at the time. None of us has a "crystal ball" that can forewarn us of "what will happen if". I know a part of you will "always wonder" how your precious Rocky would have done on treatments, but there comes a time when medical intervention is not always the best but rather to enhance the quality of life as best as possible, and it seems to me that the latter is precisely what you did for your precious Rocky. You see, Dave, I'm facing a very difficult decision with my beloved 6.5 year old kitty daughter, Abbygayle, who has Stage III Fibrosarcoma which manifested in her left hip last July 2009. December 2009 was her third surgery for tumor removal, and now just barely 8 weeks post-December surgery new multiple tumors are surfacing. She had a difficult recovery emotionally from the December surgery, and I don't want her so traumatized by the only treatment available to her that she feels that her quality of life is worthless. What is even worse is that her kitty brother, Noah, is now facing the prospect of losing his third fur family member within a 4 year time frame: In December 2006 his adopted 6 year old kitty brother joined the angels due to end stage Lymphoma, and on Thanksgiving weekend 2009 his 15 year old big Black Lab brother, Oslo, joined the angels due to a stroke. Noah and Abbygayle are so emotionally attached to one another - - have been since birth - - that when he loses his sister I am very concerned that he will succomb to a broken heart from grief.
So, you see, Dave, the "what if" journey takes many different shapes and sizes and circumstances. Your vet is a very wise person. Yes, vets are trained to save the lives of our beloved companions - - just as human doctors are. But there are times when quality of life far exceeds quantity of life, and our beloved companions will always chose quality over quantity. And part of that quality of life is sharing whatever time they have as best as possible with their loving caregivers and guardians, and it sounds to me like Rocky was blessed to have you as his dad.
I am so glad that you have written to us, and hope that you will find support, encouragement, and comfort from each of us who write to you. The most important thing for you to know is that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. This grief journey is a one day at a time journey, Dave. Thank you so much for sharing with us about Rocky, and please let us know how you're doing. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (Dave @ Feb 9 2010, 01:02 PM) 
Just wanted to tell you about my cat Rocky, he had undiagnosed heart disease and suffered a blood clot(Saddle Thrombus).
He was 13.
He suddenly dragged his back legs around and was in a lot of pain. We elected to have treatment at the vets to see if he could recover. He was in the vets for 2 days but died there.
He had a tooth extracted when he was 11, he had blood tests and follow up but nothing was found.
He missed his last annual check up, he used to get very stressed travelling and i thought he was fine after the previous blood tests xrays etc. He seemed healthy and happy.
I know now that this was a devastating mistake and one that will live with me forever.
I can't get over it though, it's a thought that never leaves my brain. Why didn't I take him to be checked? They may have found a murmur and we would have then had him scanned and medicated.
Maybe he would still be here? At least we would have known.
He showed a subtle change the night before he had the clot when he wouldn't initially come in for dinner, but he came in and ate as normal. He didn't display any symptoms as far as I could tell.
His brother Ziggy was scanned because of the genetic link to the disease, but thankfully was clear.
The vet said that HCM is tough to treat in cats and has variable outcomes. I wonder how he would have dealt with the multiple vet visits and the meds and the stress that would have meant for him. He got lots of treats as well and would have had to give them up.
The thing is, this happened on 25th July, 6 and a half months ago. I am disabled so I have long days of thinking, crying and regret. I spend way too much time on the internet researching what we could have done.
Two months after his passing, my girlfriend's brother had to give up his cat as he was moving and cats protection wouldn't take her, she is 5. We took her in and I believe her life will be much better with us as she was underweight and had had a tough start to life.(She even got her first ever scratch post!)
My girlfriend has a busy job and I think has found it easier to deal with being busy.
He was such a HUGE part of my life, and I'm still struggling to cope. He was my guy and I let him down.
If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept(probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much.
I think my girlfriend is concerned that I haven't moved on at all(although some days are better than others), and maybe is a bit worried that I'm getting a little depressed. I try to pretend that today was a good day when she comes home but sometimes the eyes give you away.
It was suggested that it might help to write things down and maybe have some counselling.
I am a little embarrassed to post this as I find it hard to put out my feelings.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
He was 13.
He suddenly dragged his back legs around and was in a lot of pain. We elected to have treatment at the vets to see if he could recover. He was in the vets for 2 days but died there.
He had a tooth extracted when he was 11, he had blood tests and follow up but nothing was found.
He missed his last annual check up, he used to get very stressed travelling and i thought he was fine after the previous blood tests xrays etc. He seemed healthy and happy.
I know now that this was a devastating mistake and one that will live with me forever.
I can't get over it though, it's a thought that never leaves my brain. Why didn't I take him to be checked? They may have found a murmur and we would have then had him scanned and medicated.
Maybe he would still be here? At least we would have known.
He showed a subtle change the night before he had the clot when he wouldn't initially come in for dinner, but he came in and ate as normal. He didn't display any symptoms as far as I could tell.
His brother Ziggy was scanned because of the genetic link to the disease, but thankfully was clear.
The vet said that HCM is tough to treat in cats and has variable outcomes. I wonder how he would have dealt with the multiple vet visits and the meds and the stress that would have meant for him. He got lots of treats as well and would have had to give them up.
The thing is, this happened on 25th July, 6 and a half months ago. I am disabled so I have long days of thinking, crying and regret. I spend way too much time on the internet researching what we could have done.
Two months after his passing, my girlfriend's brother had to give up his cat as he was moving and cats protection wouldn't take her, she is 5. We took her in and I believe her life will be much better with us as she was underweight and had had a tough start to life.(She even got her first ever scratch post!)
My girlfriend has a busy job and I think has found it easier to deal with being busy.
He was such a HUGE part of my life, and I'm still struggling to cope. He was my guy and I let him down.
If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept(probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much.
I think my girlfriend is concerned that I haven't moved on at all(although some days are better than others), and maybe is a bit worried that I'm getting a little depressed. I try to pretend that today was a good day when she comes home but sometimes the eyes give you away.
It was suggested that it might help to write things down and maybe have some counselling.
I am a little embarrassed to post this as I find it hard to put out my feelings.
Thanks for reading and understanding.
Hi Dave,
I am so sorry that you lost your precious cat Rocky. It is such a gift to have such a strong bond with an animal but so hard to lose them.
You didn't take Rocky to be checked because he disliked the drive to the vet so much. Just like I decided against chemo treatments for my dog Callaway because he absolutely hated going to the vet. We made these decisions in their best interest. So lets say you took him to the vet and they found HCM, just like you said there would have been multiple vet visits, medication which he could have reacted to badly, and the worst NO TREATS! Just the traveling to the vet would have made him unhappy. And sometimes putting them on medication can kill them quicker than doing nothing at all.
I did exactly what you are doing... checked on the Internet constantly to read about the things I could have done. I had to make myself stop because it wasn't doing me any good. I was VERY, VERY depressed and thought I was losing my mind. I started going to a pet loss support group weekly and started seeing a grief counselor. I also talked to anyone that would listen. I was hurting so bad that I had no choice but to get all of my feelings out. This is not typical for me because I always feel like I should be strong but losing Callaway just ripped my heart out.
I really suggest that you start letting out your feelings whenever you can. I lost Callaway almost 5 months ago and I am doing better, my heart is still broken and I miss him like crazy, but I am functioning better and I think that's because I poured out my heart and soul.
I really hope that you will find peace soon. Please know that you can come here as often as you need to, we all know the pain of losing an animal and we will all help you as best we can.
Take care,
Rhapsedy
Dave,
It is very sad to hear about your friend Rocky. I am not sure that I can offer anything except my understanding of what you are going through. Just like Moonbeam said, the "what if" may haunt you for a while. But with research, you may come to an understanding of the condition that Rocky had, and the prognosis for this condition. Tragically, many of those with saddle thrombus, don't ever recover. You said, "If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept (probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much." My view is that you could not have ever anticipated what happened. Try to forgive yourself.
I have a close friend who lost her cat with undiagnosed heart failure at the vet, similar to Rocky, and he had had lab tests the month before. My own kitty had a blood clot but it was in the front leg, which had to be amputated. (story posted in Dec 2008). Both were about 12 years old.
I really think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you were so fortunate to have that wonderful cat for 12 years, and he was lucky to have you! The love thy have for us is just as precious as any we receive from humans.
I can tell you that after over a year, I still think about my Felix every day, and I am sorry he is gone, but glad that he suffers no more. Take care, and keep reading and writing-it will help.
It is very sad to hear about your friend Rocky. I am not sure that I can offer anything except my understanding of what you are going through. Just like Moonbeam said, the "what if" may haunt you for a while. But with research, you may come to an understanding of the condition that Rocky had, and the prognosis for this condition. Tragically, many of those with saddle thrombus, don't ever recover. You said, "If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept (probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much." My view is that you could not have ever anticipated what happened. Try to forgive yourself.
I have a close friend who lost her cat with undiagnosed heart failure at the vet, similar to Rocky, and he had had lab tests the month before. My own kitty had a blood clot but it was in the front leg, which had to be amputated. (story posted in Dec 2008). Both were about 12 years old.
I really think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you were so fortunate to have that wonderful cat for 12 years, and he was lucky to have you! The love thy have for us is just as precious as any we receive from humans.
I can tell you that after over a year, I still think about my Felix every day, and I am sorry he is gone, but glad that he suffers no more. Take care, and keep reading and writing-it will help.
QUOTE (phoebekitty @ Feb 9 2010, 04:14 PM)
Dave,
It is very sad to hear about your friend Rocky. I am not sure that I can offer anything except my understanding of what you are going through. Just like Moonbeam said, the "what if" may haunt you for a while. But with research, you may come to an understanding of the condition that Rocky had, and the prognosis for this condition. Tragically, many of those with saddle thrombus, don't ever recover. You said, "If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept (probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much." My view is that you could not have ever anticipated what happened. Try to forgive yourself.
I have a close friend who lost her cat with undiagnosed heart failure at the vet, similar to Rocky, and he had had lab tests the month before. My own kitty had a blood clot but it was in the front leg, which had to be amputated. (story posted in Dec 2008). Both were about 12 years old.
I really think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you were so fortunate to have that wonderful cat for 12 years, and he was lucky to have you! The love thy have for us is just as precious as any we receive from humans.
I can tell you that after over a year, I still think about my Felix every day, and I am sorry he is gone, but glad that he suffers no more. Take care, and keep reading and writing-it will help.
It is very sad to hear about your friend Rocky. I am not sure that I can offer anything except my understanding of what you are going through. Just like Moonbeam said, the "what if" may haunt you for a while. But with research, you may come to an understanding of the condition that Rocky had, and the prognosis for this condition. Tragically, many of those with saddle thrombus, don't ever recover. You said, "If we had done everything for him and he had died I think it would have been easier to accept (probably not but it feels that way), but it's the regret and the guilt that still hurts so much." My view is that you could not have ever anticipated what happened. Try to forgive yourself.
I have a close friend who lost her cat with undiagnosed heart failure at the vet, similar to Rocky, and he had had lab tests the month before. My own kitty had a blood clot but it was in the front leg, which had to be amputated. (story posted in Dec 2008). Both were about 12 years old.
I really think the most important thing to keep in mind is that you were so fortunate to have that wonderful cat for 12 years, and he was lucky to have you! The love thy have for us is just as precious as any we receive from humans.
I can tell you that after over a year, I still think about my Felix every day, and I am sorry he is gone, but glad that he suffers no more. Take care, and keep reading and writing-it will help.
Hi Dave--
I too am very very sorry about your loss of Rocky. I don't know that I can add a lot that is helpful, but I agree with what everyone else has said. It also sounds to me like you are in a clinical depression, and perhaps ought to get some help with that. (I'm an ex-therapist, so I can't help but tell you what I "hear" in your writing.) Six months is not too long to grieve--heavens, no--but torturing yourself for six months IS a sign of depression.
Or maybe you do just need some more talking out about it all. This forum is wonderfully helpful in that way, since all of us understand the kind of pain you are suffering--we've all been there and are in one stage or another of grief ourselves.
Rocky was lucky to have you as an at-home daddy--I'm sure he got tons of attention from you during the days and nights. 13 is a decent length of life for a kitty with a compromised system, although no amount of years is ever enough, is it?
My heart is with you, and keep on talking!
Hugs from--
Margi and Ladywolf, who has serious cancer
Dear Dave
Your darling Rocky was Happy and loved and had a wonderful life without all the pain and suffering of vets visits and medication. If he had been diagnosed thats what it would have been for him and you. You say that he was checked and all clear just 2 years ago, so the condition was fairly recent. I know how you feel as I didn't take Noushka for her checkups for the last two years. She seemed fine and hated her 'vets' visits. She would shake and was so distressed that I thought it better to not go. Maybe if I had she would still be here with me, but she would have had to suffer, vets visits, maybe surgery and medication. As it was we were together and she appeared to be Happy and enjoying life right up to a week before she left us. I think in our hearts we know our darling soul mates so well that we do what we think is best for them. When they're gone we start to doubt ourselves and question if we did the right thing.
Please be kind to yourself, it is so clear that you were such a good 'dad' to Rocky. He would not want you to be hurting and sad. Remember how much he brought to your life, how he enriched it, don't let that be in vain. The missing them is so hard, I know that only too well ,and I feel for you as I too feel lost without Noushka, and its almost 6 months since she left me, and Tasha, and it's 4 years. I will never , ever get over losing them, but life must go on and be all the better for knowing them.
Please tell us more about Rocky when you can and maybe post some pictures. I find that really helps.
Thinking of you.
Love and hugs
Jan and my Angels xx
Your darling Rocky was Happy and loved and had a wonderful life without all the pain and suffering of vets visits and medication. If he had been diagnosed thats what it would have been for him and you. You say that he was checked and all clear just 2 years ago, so the condition was fairly recent. I know how you feel as I didn't take Noushka for her checkups for the last two years. She seemed fine and hated her 'vets' visits. She would shake and was so distressed that I thought it better to not go. Maybe if I had she would still be here with me, but she would have had to suffer, vets visits, maybe surgery and medication. As it was we were together and she appeared to be Happy and enjoying life right up to a week before she left us. I think in our hearts we know our darling soul mates so well that we do what we think is best for them. When they're gone we start to doubt ourselves and question if we did the right thing.
Please be kind to yourself, it is so clear that you were such a good 'dad' to Rocky. He would not want you to be hurting and sad. Remember how much he brought to your life, how he enriched it, don't let that be in vain. The missing them is so hard, I know that only too well ,and I feel for you as I too feel lost without Noushka, and its almost 6 months since she left me, and Tasha, and it's 4 years. I will never , ever get over losing them, but life must go on and be all the better for knowing them.
Please tell us more about Rocky when you can and maybe post some pictures. I find that really helps.
Thinking of you.
Love and hugs
Jan and my Angels xx
Hi Dave, I am so sorry for your loss of Rocky, I understand how you are feeling because I went through the same thing. I sought treatment and was seemingly getting on with life, but at the 6 month stage of my recovery I had a relapse that nearly finished me. I didn't know what to do because I was already receiving treatment and I thought, where do I go from here? I found this site with all these understanding people on it, who had already walked that dreadful mile in my shoes, so I posted and received not only the help I needed, but I also met some of the most wonderful people in the world who I am now proud to have as friends.
We ALL seem to possess this awful feeling of guilt and regret that hinders our recovery, it lurks in the background like an unwelcome guest, it's destructive and it is one of the hardest things in my opinion to deal with. Just by reading your story, I can see you are a dedicated pet lover who really loved and took care of your darling Rocky so very well, just like I loved and took care of my most precious Ulriich to the best of my ability.
Your Rocky looks like my cat Zelda, all black and quite fluffy, she is really my grand daughters cat, but has been here for 14 months now and I don't think I could part with her, even though she does say she wants her back. Ulriich and Zelda were great mates. I'm glad you have taken in your girlfriend's brother's cat, sounds like that lucky cat has landed on it's feet. I hope you stay here and talk with us often, it is healing to talk to people who truly understand where you're coming from I think. Sending love and hugs to you Dave xx
madi xx
We ALL seem to possess this awful feeling of guilt and regret that hinders our recovery, it lurks in the background like an unwelcome guest, it's destructive and it is one of the hardest things in my opinion to deal with. Just by reading your story, I can see you are a dedicated pet lover who really loved and took care of your darling Rocky so very well, just like I loved and took care of my most precious Ulriich to the best of my ability.
Your Rocky looks like my cat Zelda, all black and quite fluffy, she is really my grand daughters cat, but has been here for 14 months now and I don't think I could part with her, even though she does say she wants her back. Ulriich and Zelda were great mates. I'm glad you have taken in your girlfriend's brother's cat, sounds like that lucky cat has landed on it's feet. I hope you stay here and talk with us often, it is healing to talk to people who truly understand where you're coming from I think. Sending love and hugs to you Dave xx
madi xx
I want to say my heart goes out to you all. To those that have lost your best friends or are going through very tough decisions.
If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.
I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.
I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.
Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"
So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.
So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!
Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)
Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?
I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.
Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.
Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.
Rocky
Click to view attachment
Ziggy
Click to view attachment
Nala
Click to view attachment
Bella
Click to view attachment
If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.
I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.
I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.
Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"
So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.
So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!
Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)
Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?
I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.
Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.
Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.
Rocky
Click to view attachment
Ziggy
Click to view attachment
Nala
Click to view attachment
Bella
Click to view attachment
Hi Dave--
What fabulous-looking kitties--all of them! You are indeed lucky that you have two fur-friends left, who need your love and attention. But I also know the gnawing pain of loss and guilt.
Remember that you operated on THE BEST INFORMATION YOU HAD AT THE TIME. We all do, and then a lot of us try to second-guess ourselves after the fact. We are trying to find a way to end our pet's suffering, we make some decisions, and then WE suffer so much from their loss that we go back over the circumstances again and again, looking for what we did "wrong." It's not being fair to ourselves to do that--it's kind of crazy, really. But so many of us do it anyway. Make ourselves wrong, when we were only trying to help.
I suggest you read the thread called "Blindsided too--please post some more." In that thread, Blindsided speaks words of great wisdom re/the ending of our animal's lives. I find her so helpful and inspiring whenever she posts...
I'm so sorry for your pain, but maybe posting on here will be of increasing help to you as time goes by. I know that it helps me to try to comfort others here even as I'm in a holding pattern with my Ladywolf's cancerous tumors and what the outcome will be.
My thoughts are with you--Rocky was a great-looking guy, as are your others!!
Margi and the Wolf
What fabulous-looking kitties--all of them! You are indeed lucky that you have two fur-friends left, who need your love and attention. But I also know the gnawing pain of loss and guilt.
Remember that you operated on THE BEST INFORMATION YOU HAD AT THE TIME. We all do, and then a lot of us try to second-guess ourselves after the fact. We are trying to find a way to end our pet's suffering, we make some decisions, and then WE suffer so much from their loss that we go back over the circumstances again and again, looking for what we did "wrong." It's not being fair to ourselves to do that--it's kind of crazy, really. But so many of us do it anyway. Make ourselves wrong, when we were only trying to help.
I suggest you read the thread called "Blindsided too--please post some more." In that thread, Blindsided speaks words of great wisdom re/the ending of our animal's lives. I find her so helpful and inspiring whenever she posts...
I'm so sorry for your pain, but maybe posting on here will be of increasing help to you as time goes by. I know that it helps me to try to comfort others here even as I'm in a holding pattern with my Ladywolf's cancerous tumors and what the outcome will be.
My thoughts are with you--Rocky was a great-looking guy, as are your others!!
Margi and the Wolf
QUOTE (Dave @ Feb 10 2010, 01:21 PM)
I want to say my heart goes out to you all. To those that have lost your best friends or are going through very tough decisions.
If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.
I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.
I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.
Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"
So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.
So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!
Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)
Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?
I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.
Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.
Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.
Rocky
Click to view attachment
Ziggy
Click to view attachment
Nala
Click to view attachment
Bella
Click to view attachment
If I was a pet I would want an Mummy/Daddy that loved me so much and I know from reading all your posts that your furry friends all have that.
I want to thank you for all your responses, I really thought that everyone would think I was an awful parent because I didn't take Rocky to the vets and that no one would respond.
It's remarkable how much it helps that someone understands how I am feeling.
I always knew it would be hard to lose any of them, but for it to happen so suddenly is so hard.
Unfortunately we were out shopping when it happened and got in about 20mins later. My girlfriends father was doing some work in the house and he tried to phone us several times but we had no signal. He met us at the front door and said there was a problem with the cat.
Well, we had Rocky, Ziggy and Nala. I had no idea which one(longest walk of my life to the house) but I guessed at Rocky because of his behaviour the night before.
He was at the bottom of the stairs crying, he had crawled in from the garden crying, he made it to his bed but found no comfort there and then headed for the stairs.
He stopped crying when he saw me and stared at me as if to say "Help me!"
So so hard.
I lightly touched his back paw, so cold, he moaned.
No time for anything other than a mad dash to the vets.
We had a choice at the vets, euphonize or they could keep him there and try to help him. Wow, what a choice. 90% chance of no recovery, prognosis poor as both legs were affected and had no pulses.
So quick.
"Take a minute with him" Unbelievable really, he was in such pain and kept trying to get away from the table, just looking for somewhere that held no pain for him.
I couldn't say goodbye to him, I said I love you Rock, I'll see you soon.
He made it through the night. By now of course I had a lot more knowledge of what had happened and maybe what I could have done earlier. That was when guilt turned up of course. I vowed I couldn't let him go, no way Rock.
He was coming home with me. I would nurse him and we would try. The vet explained it would be very hard as he wouldn't be able to go the toilet himself, clean himself properly or go where he wants. It would be distressing for him, and there was a very good chance he would throw another clot.
This was the Sunday, we were due up on the Monday to see him and to make a decision on what to do. I had read of some cats that do recover and live for some time after.
He died Sunday night/Monday morning at some point, all alone in a vets cage. Another clot claimed him.
If I had known his outcome I would have taken a different choice at the vets , but there was no time to think. I just had to try.
We had him cremated and he was back with us two weeks later.
I still can't even touch his urn.
So sorry Rock!
Whenever he saw me, eye contact, meow meow meow, love.
All three were like that, it was hard to give them all the attention they all wanted, I regret I didn't give Rocky more(although my girlfriend says I gave him loads of love and that guilt is trying to play with my mind)
Its true I don't know how he would have coped with vets, cardiologists, scans and meds. My guess is he wouldn't have liked it much. I remember trying to give him antibiotics for a few days what a nightmare it was, first day = hmm tasty, second day = you've hidden something nasty in this treat haven't you? I think I would have had to force him to take the meds and with a cat with HCM who knows how that would have affected him?
I will try to focus on the knowledge that I couldn't have known what was going to happen and couldn't foresee it, rather than drive myself crazy with it. It's hard though as many cats can live a long life as long as it's caught early. The vet did say that sometimes meds will make an animal worse or make no difference .
I know I was blessed with Rocky as many cats succumb to this disease much earlier in their life and Ziggy had a 50/50 of having it as well.
Luckily, I have 3 cats that still need love and give me a reason to get up in the morning.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to respond. My prayers are with you all.
Not sure how to get these to show up, but a pic of my babies.
Rocky
Click to view attachment
Ziggy
Click to view attachment
Nala
Click to view attachment
Bella
Click to view attachment
You obviously loved Rocky with all your heart. I'm sure he has that in his heart, in spirit. All your babies look much loved.
It's so easy to second guess ourselves. And you know, sometimes I think we want to take the blame for whatever happened to our babies because maybe that seems easier in some way than accepting the fact that the universe is not fair and bad things happen to precious babies for no reason. If you'd taken him to the vet, would they have even caught the problem? Maybe, maybe not. Would you have taken him if you'd any clue something was wrong? Of course. But how could you know? And if you had taken him and they had caught it, how would he have done with the treatment? There's no way to know. Sure, maybe he would have responded well and lived many more happy years. Maybe not. Maybe he would have had to make multiple trips to the vet and that would have frightened and upset him. Who knows?
What we do know is that you would have saved him if you could. But you couldn't.
I am also disabled and I know how much you can come to love and depend on your furbaby. When I first became disabled, I had two cats, Eileen and Cayenne. And I loved them both, but Eileen was my baby. I had many days that I was too ill to get out of bed and she stayed right there on that bed beside me. When I did get up, she followed me around the house. She was my constant companion. I lived alone and I was very sick and very scared. Both of the cats were a great comfort to me in that time but Eileen was like... she saved me. I really don't think I would have lived if it hadn't been for her. She was my best friend at a time when I desperately needed a friend and there were no others to be found.
She died three years later and I was in better health then and living with someone and life was better... but part of me died with Eileen. She was still my best friend. I didn't "just lose a pet." She wasn't "just a cat." She was my best friend. She was my soul mate. Two years to the day that she died, my grandmother passed away. I loved my grandmother. And I cried for her. But you know what? Honestly, I cried more for Eileen on that day.
Your baby's only been gone six months. Of course you're still grieving. Unfortunately, it takes a long time.
Magalene
What we do know is that you would have saved him if you could. But you couldn't.
I am also disabled and I know how much you can come to love and depend on your furbaby. When I first became disabled, I had two cats, Eileen and Cayenne. And I loved them both, but Eileen was my baby. I had many days that I was too ill to get out of bed and she stayed right there on that bed beside me. When I did get up, she followed me around the house. She was my constant companion. I lived alone and I was very sick and very scared. Both of the cats were a great comfort to me in that time but Eileen was like... she saved me. I really don't think I would have lived if it hadn't been for her. She was my best friend at a time when I desperately needed a friend and there were no others to be found.
She died three years later and I was in better health then and living with someone and life was better... but part of me died with Eileen. She was still my best friend. I didn't "just lose a pet." She wasn't "just a cat." She was my best friend. She was my soul mate. Two years to the day that she died, my grandmother passed away. I loved my grandmother. And I cried for her. But you know what? Honestly, I cried more for Eileen on that day.
Your baby's only been gone six months. Of course you're still grieving. Unfortunately, it takes a long time.
Magalene
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