This cat was so much more than "just a cat" to me. He was my soul mate in feline form--my best friend and my family. He was my heart, and knew my soul better than anyone. I swear, he could see ME and loved me anyway. When there was nobody else who seemed to think me worth their time, he was there with eager gold eyes and a loud, comforting purr. My buddy, my black and white tuxedo-wearing gentleman cat. I am so grateful for the years we had together, but I want more. I've begged the skies to get just one more measly hour with a healthy Vinnie, but of course, that yields nothing but more tears. It seems impossible that he's gone and I see him out of the corner of my eye at least twenty times a day. I have to endure every morning's realization that he's gone, and it hurts all over again when it comes. I broke down tonight while reading my daughter her bedtime story, remembering the times she read to Vinnie, who adored her. I broke down at Whole Foods when a sad song came on, and fell apart upon finding an old photo of him as a kitten. It's been three weeks since he died in my arms at the vet's office (stomach cancer) and it feels like it's been eons since I held him. I have his ashes back, but they are put away for now. I can't bear to have them out yet. I'm in absolute agony, even though I thought I was doing so much better. I thought I was handling this a lot better than I ever expected. Every single corner of my house sparks a memory of Vinnie in that exact spot and that memory reduces me to tears. My other cats seem confused and are fighting more than ever before. The whole house seems to sag with the weight of sadness--a collective mourning and breaking of hearts.

I cannot believe that a bond as strong as the one we had could ever be broken. I have to believe that I'll be with him again one day.

Dear Stephanie

I am so sorry that your darling Vinnie has had to leave you for the Rainbow Bridge. I can feel your heartache so much and just wish that I could help you. It's 5 months since my Noushka left me, and I still look for her in all her little places round the house and garden. Still miss so much the greeting she gave us every time we came into the house, every morning on waking.As you say , they are so much more than 'just a dog, or cat'. We share such a 'bond' with them, that its so hard to bear it when they no longer have a 'physical' presence with us. I do strongly believe that their souls never leave us, spiritually they are always with us, watching over us. Watch out for little 'signs'. I have had so many from all my darling Angels who are waiting, patiently, as time means nothing to them where they are, until we are all together again.
Your little daughter, will understand why you are sad and are crying, don't feel bad, just tell her that you miss Vinnie, but that he's gone to somewhere special with all the other 'Angel fur and feather babies'. I don't know how old she is , but my 6 year old grandson has seem me cry and he is so sweet, he says 'Don't worry Nana, Noushka is playing with Tasha in Heaven and she is fine now'. Quite amazing it's as if he can see them. He says he misses them, but that he knows they are ok now. Children are very resilient, but are sensitive to our behaviour and how we deal with our sadness. Don't be afraid to show your emotions, but remember that your Vinnie will want you to think of him in a 'happy' way. Your other dear fur babies will sense the emotion, as well as missing their mate, aren't our dear pets so perceptive to our every emotion. When Tasha left me I found so much comfort in all the love I got from my Noushka. We helped each other through our loss.
Your dear Vinnie looks very much like, Madi's, Ulriich, I don't know if you have read her postings/thread on here. He is a darling 'Tuxedo' cat, who is very much missed.
I am pleased that you have found this 'forum'. It has helped me so much by being able to talk about my 'Angels' with people who feel the same , and who understand our pain so well. Posting pictures and sharing stories gives me so much comfort and somehow keeps their 'presence ' alive.
When you feel able please tell us more of your Dear Vinnie , and other Angels, and all your kitties. You sure seem to be a fantastic Mum to so many fur babies, and to your little daughter, of course.
Thinking of you.
Jan and my Angels xx

I'm so very sorry for your loss of your special tuxedoe'd Vinnie. I'll bet he was really special, especially to you. My heart is with you.

There's so much pain with the loss of our fur and feather friends, it's almost unimaginable. I'm facing the eventual loss of Ladywolf to Cancer, now, just a couple of months after the loss of my beloved Poppers. I treasure every day I have with Lady, and pray for a peaceful resolution--one that does not require me to take any radical action.

Be at peace with your grieving--it will come and go, for a long time, at odd moments, in odd situations--that seems to be the nature of grieving. Enjoy your other fur-friends and especially your daughter.

Keep the faith, the pain WILL ease up--

Big hugs--Margi

Dear My Vinnie, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies to the loss of your beloved companion, Vinnie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. The grief journey isn't any easier if it's our thousandth - - each one is unique because of the unique and special relationship we have had with our individual companions through the years. Scientific studies have proven that when there is a loss of a household member - - for whatever reason - - a child going to college, and especially in the physical death of a loved family member whatever the life form - - there is a loss of physical energy within the house structure itself as well as the family group, including any additional companion animals. Your surviving companion animals were used to an heirarcy and now that is diminished, so part of the "fighting" you are witnessing is a natural way for a new "leader" to evolve among your cat "tribe". They will sort it out in time, and a new peaceful coexistence, hopefully, will resume. But this is upsettting nonetheless because it is just one more evidence of the loss of your precious Vinnie.

This grief journey, particularly in the beginning, is very hard. It is both physical and emotional, and unfortunately there is no easy way through it, no "fast forward" button to push to get to the other side without going through the heart wrenching sorrow first. Clinical studies show that children grieve differently from adults, and adult men and women grieve differently as well. It is very important that you allow yourselves to grieve openly according to your need. Some people think that suppressing the grief will "make it go away" but again, clinical studies show that this only makes the grief journey more prolonged and more painful to deal with in the long run. There are so many ups and downs, highs and lows, with this grief journey. One day you think everything is okay - - that you've gotten through the worst part of it - - and then you find yourself in a place - - wherever that may be - - and you'll see something or hear something that sparks a memory and you find yourself immersed in tears, and perhaps even gut-wrenching sobbing. This is all a part of the grief healing journey, particularly in the beginning. But there is good news - - eventually, in time, in our time of healing, we will find ourselves thinking about our precious companion and we'll find ourselves smiling. This is when we will know that we have begun to come through to the other side - - where we find ourselves sharing a part of them in their new home in heaven's perfect garden. And then we can begin to feel their sweet Living Spirit still with us - - wherever we go and whatever we do - - for they are still sharing our lives with us in our hearts and our memories. And please be rest assured with confidence that you will join your precious Vinnie and all of your beloved companions who are now and will be with the angels when it is your appropriate time to join them.

My Vinnie, it is my hope that in explaining some of the reasons why the grief journey is so painful, particularly in the beginning, you will understand that what you are going through is normal - - you are not losing your mind, and to let you and your family know you are not alone in this grief journey. And hopefully it will be a source of comfort and encouragement to you as you go through your days. But I also want you to know that "knowing" some of the clinical and scientific reasons as to why this grief journey is so painful does not diminish the total emptiness and heart ache that comes with the loss of a beloved companion. Each of us here does understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Stephanie, Jan told me about your post and I came over and read it last night, but was so upset for you I couldn't answer it right away. I know how horrible you feel and how devastated you are to lose a soul mate like Vinnie. Your words are like I could have written them myself because they mirror exactly how I felt when my Ulriich died. The disbelief and the agony you feel, the breaking down in public, the non stop crying, not being able to look at photos etc, reminders of him in every corner of the house, yep been there and it was sheer hell. Three weeks is such a short time for you Stephanie, allow yourself much more time to come to terms with your loss and let yourself grieve. As love never dies, neither does the bond we share with these most precious creatures that we were blessed to share a part of our lives with. How old is your little girl? The only thing that helped me was finding this forum, I really don't know what would have become of me if I hadn't found these lovely people who helped me through one of the worst times of my life. Your other cats are feeling your pain and sense your unhappiness, mine did too with me. I wish I could help you more, all I can do is send you all the love and hugs I can to you and your family, hang in there Stephanie xx

madi xx