This past Wednesday our sweet wonderful Brittany who was 15 1/2 years old passed away. She had been ill and recently diagniosed as being bypoglycemic. Since she was doing better the last few days we thought we had it under control. During the early morning hours I heard her give out a cry so I got out of bed and went to her and wrapped her in her fuzzy blanket and rocked her to sleep. She so loved to be rocked. When she woke up around 8:00 she ate her breakfast and went to take a nap. I left the house at 10:00am and my husband was home. When I returned around Noon he was standing by her with tears in his eys and said this is the way I found her I just went outside for a few minutes and came back in when Jake (our Aussie) was barking franticaly. Her little body lay twisted in her kennel and I said is she gone - he said yes. I went to her and hugged her as I felt her little body relax. She then looked so peaceful and it felt so natural. Which now is my problem - Brittany is the 3rd of my babies to have passed away suddenly this year. Krystal (a 15 yr old Yorkie) passed on March 13, 2004 and Benjamin (a 16 yr old Pekingese) passed on April 13, 2004. With both of their passing I totally lost control and cried for days I now am feeling guilty for not reacting the same way with Brittany. What is wrong with me? Jake our Aussie has been acting extremely sad with Brittany's passing he kept licking her and as I covered her he kept uncovering her and just layed by her. He didn't have this reaction with the others. So I am now so confused and full of emotions. I miss Brittany so much. It's hard not to hear her snoring (she had the best snore) and she loved to be held and rocked and would give you that wonderful Pekingese sneeze right in the face. Why did I take her passing so easily? Was that right?

Dear Donna,
You have been through alot--! and I am wondering if you are able to "handle" Brittany's passing having been through the other ordeals..so close together. Personally I think it is just flat out wonderful that you are so full of acceptance and love. Most of the time, what we have to learn here at lightning strikes is what you seem to be exhibiting by your reaction...that death is a reality and a completely natural part of the life cycle. Most of us rail against it--as if it goes against what is "normal". We know in our hearts that pets live a shorter time than us but we never really want to believe it! We want them to continue on with us in an endless song!...You have had three pets all reach a very nice age. You miss them, you love them, they have passed on and you are not "overwrought" by the 3rd one's passing. Really, it seems to me a blessing that you are not crying buckets this time! I would seriously doubt that "means" that you loved Brittany any less!! It seems more that you have solidly learned the lessons the prior losses taught you.
It has been a long road for me and to be quite honest I felt pretty sorry for myself due to a number of factors. I hear no such qualms in your post. You seem to be in a very great place emotionally, don't question it--because I think your reaction is ideal!
I am so sorry about your Brittany--but I know she is with our furry friends at the rainbow bridge..she is full of vim and vigor and 100% "well" just waiting for the day she re-unites with her people. You were lucky to have her and she was lucky to have you--and nothing separates those who love..not even death! Here is a hug for you!
{{{{{{{{{Donna}}}}}}}}}}}
with Love,
Patti

Dear Donna,

You are not cold or calloused. I don't know if you are really in a stage of "acceptance", either. Maybe you are; I don't know.

Last year, between May 28 and December 23, I lost all three of my elderly furbabies (and my grandmother). Electra was the last to go (December 23). I cried over it, don't get me wrong. But not constantly and for weeks as I did with the others. To be honest, I just don't think I had it in me anymore. I had so much sorrow in such a short time span, I just don't think I had the energy to grieve for Electra like I did the others. it's hard too explain, but I just couldn't take it anymore. Like God, or the powers that be or whatever blessed me with some numbness.

Please try not to feel guilty. Brittany knows you loved her. She would HATE to think of you crying (as would the others). It probably gives her some peace to know that you are not absolutely falling apart. She is with Krystal and Benjamin and they are so happy to be together again. Please try not to feel guilty...

Love,
Jennifer

You might still be a bit numb emotionally after your other losses. Grief takes such different paths for different souls. Of course you loved her and will miss her. Maybe the tears will come later; maybe you have cried so much for the others that there are no tears left. Either way is okay. You loved Brittany (and the others), gave them a lot of love and care. That is what matters - not the unshed or shed tears. It was the way you felt about her when she was alive that counts.

Please accept my condolences for your loss.

dee dee