Hello all.

First of all I want to thank all of you for how you have helped me here.

I've been starting to feel lots of new feelings which I guess are normal.

When my Ruby passed away on Dec.8 my in-laws including two SIL's didn't call
me nor send me a card. I at first thought it was okay but now I don't. These people have
claimed in the past that they cared for me but I don't believe it now.

When my husband told his mother she, apparently sounded teary which I felt was totally bogus
because this woman had never ever expressed an interest in my life with my dog at all. So I guess it's not
a big surprise I received no call.

Here's the thing though.....these people all knew my dog was important to me. They may have not been
very interested but they did know Ruby was very important to me. So knowing this I'm wondering why
none of them felt inclined to show me the most basic of kindnesses or courtesies by a phone call or a card.

My dog was my life in many ways and yet not one of them could find it in their hearts to think of what I might
be going through and extended a bit of human compassion to me.

I suppose I'm not greatly surprised but I have decided that I will not be extending myself for them in the future.

Any thoughts/experiences from others?

Thanks. Ruby

Hi Ruby

Them not sending you a card or not calling could really be one of two things. Either they dont want to upset you more because some people really dont know what to say, in fear of bringing it up will make you cry or they truely are not animal lovers themselves and have no clue what you are going through. I have a few friends and family or are the ladder. Most of mine friends are not pet lovers and dont own them themselves but when I had told them that I had lost my Max they had said why didnt you call me I would have come over. They are the true friends you have in life that show compasion to your pain no matter what. Remember one thing here at LS you have found those who know your loss and feel your pain.

Every Loss is our Loss
Anna

Ruby
You dont have to thank me for my poem it is all of ours to share.

Anna

Hi Anna,

Looks like we two are the only online here at the moment.
Thanks for your quick reply.

I actually agree with you. They don't know what to say and are scared of mentioning it
because they might be uncomfortable with my reaction. Or they aren't animal lovers
and are therefore clueless. (I admit I don't mind saying that!)

In this case they are not animal lovers and I'm certainly okay with that.
But I know if they suffered a loss of a family member they would wonder why I hadn't called
them (which is of course the total opposite of my nature so of course I would call).

That's why as you say...this forum and all the good, kind people who do understand are the folks
to talk with. Thank goodness for that!

At the moment the majority of my family/friends are animal lovers...I didn't plan it just happened
that way. My husband wasn't initially an animal lover but he is becoming more like that since we've been together!

Thanks.
Robin/Ruby

Sorry for your loss, Robin... I'm not a regular here but pop in and out as the grief ebbs and flows.

I'm going to be a little different here, not taking sides but give my perspective. :]

I've always had dogs, will always have dogs, *love* dogs. That being said, the first time I ever received a condolence card for the loss of one of my dogs was when I had Dutch put down in 03/2009, and it bothered me immensely. When I wanted to talk about her, I initiated it and it was okay. But was not expecting the card when I got it, and I fell apart.

I just wonder if it's something that some people do, and others just don't. My family, we just don't. We know each other's dogs, and sympathize when we lose one, but we don't call and we don't send cards. Maybe your in-laws just don't either? If they otherwise are okay people, would just suspect they don't know what to say, especially as it is so very painful for you. Just my .02 worth.

Hi Robin

Blindsided had one of the same thoughts that I mentioned some people dont know what to say or want to add to your pain. And I can tell you when I put my smokey down 3 years ago I did get one card and it was from my vets office and it was very nice but painful. This time with Max I had two vets office send me a card days apart and the card of the vet who actually but my baby to sleep thier card was the most painful thing I have ever read. I almost wished they had not sent the poem that they did it tore me to pieces even though I appreciated the thought. I had even said to my husband why do they send you things that are so sad and upset you more. If and when you are up to it search pet loss poems and look up the last battle that is what they sent me in a card. I still have a hard time reading it.

Anna

Hi Robin,

I'm sorry you feel hurt right now. I'm feeling the same as the others as far as why your relatives aren't acknowledging your loss. I personally have a hard time finding the right words to say to someone who has suffered such a great loss. It makes me feel bad, but I just can't ever think of anything to say that a bunch of other people have probably already said to them. Also I know in my heart that there's nothing I can say to make the pain go away. And I also get scared that it will upset the person more. When my dog passed away on Dec. 21st, word had spread quickly and I knew all my family was aware of what happened, I saw them all during the holidays 4 days later, no one said anything to me about it. At first I did feel kind of hurt, but then when people would ask me how I was doing, I replied honestly and said I was upset about losing my dog. That seemed to break the awkwardness of acknowledging his death for my relatives and once I brought it up, they were all very supportive and caring and sorry for me. Maybe if you approach them about it, they will open up. I hope that is the case and that they are not just cold people. Take care and keep your head up

Kateress

I'm sorry for your loss.

My father and sister were the only ones who acknowledged my loss as well. Nobody else seems to care all that much. I have friends who still have yet to offer condolences of any kind and my Vinnie died three weeks ago. It does hurt, especially since what I want more than anything is for the world to understand how much my baby means to me and how huge this loss is for me. I am hurting and it's like screaming into a vacuum.