It brings sadness to even write about my loss. My 3 year old french bulldog Baxter was my very best friend. It was 4 days ago that my fiance had let him out, he always goes in the back yard for his potty, she let her eye off him for just a few minutes, and he ran out to the road, where he was hit and killed. We live on a farm, and several hundred feet from the road. For the life of me i cant understand why he would go that way, for all those years he never went that way. I blame myself for not being there to protect him, due to the fact its my job to take him out. We have a fence but somehow he found a hole. This was the best friend ive ever had, he was there for me 24 hrs a day, slept with me, rode on the 4 wheeler with me, and generally was my great buddy. I had my son and friend bury him for me as I coundnt bear to see him. I sob frequently about my loss and hope that it will soon pass. I feel guilt and sadness with every passing day, and pray that if there is a place in heaven for animals he is watching down knowing that I love and miss him with all my heart.

Oh, Baxter1818, how tragic! I am SO sorry that this has happened! Loss by accident is much harder than loss by illness, because you have no time to prepare for it, to come to some kind of "completion" with your pet. They're just here one day and then...gone.

Let yourself feel all the grief you are feeling--it is normal and natural and essential to the healing process. Guilt and sadness are a normal part of the grieving process, painful as they are. If we hadn't loved them so much, and them us, we wouldn't feel so much pain. It sounds like Baxter was a very special boy--he was even your truck co-pilot! I know that the sense of loss must be horrifying, but it was NOT YOUR FAULT. You are bound to feel the guilt, but you weren't to blame--you had him fenced in, he did something very unusual and unexpected, and it was not your fault.

You've found your way to the right Forum to find wisdom and comfort and friendship and support, as I did a bit over a month ago when the first of my two dogs was dying (now the second one is...) The people here are kind and warm and compassionate and I know you will get lots of support here.

Again, I am so so sorry for your loss. When you feel you can, please consider posting a picture of Baxter for us to see--but meanwhile, I know it may be too painful to think of doing that. I believe that there's a marvelous animal heaven where everyone runs free and has unlimited goodies and no rules and can bark all they want to, if they want to, or be silent, or just generally do whatever they want...and we can be there with them anytime we want to. I'm sure your Baxter has met my Poppers and all the other heavenly dogs and cats and birds and others who have recently ascended, or ascended a long time ago, and he has lots of new friends and has a loving watchful eye on you all the time now! Hi IS still with you, regardless of your personal belief system, and he always will be.

My heart hurts for you and your fiance and Baxter--

Margi and Ladywolf

Mike,
Thank you for the kind words. It is nice to know I am not alone in my feelings. It is so hard losing a pet suddenly, and when they are still so young. I feel guilty too for not being there, for having that lunch bag, which is now in the trash can, within his reach. But how could I or you have known. Sometimes things just happen which there are no answers for.
I will remember all the good times. Our pets both knew they were loved very much. And I do believe they go to heaven. I have been imagining him there with a giant bone, big piece of steak and a big fluffy dog bed! Take it one day at a time and know that you are not alone.
Susan

It brings great sadness to me also, just to read your story. So similar to my own loss. I also live on a farm and lost my precious cat Ulriich the same way, he was only 3 too, a real waste of a precious young life just like your Baxter. I can really empathise with you and how you are feeling right now, it is such a shock and a damned awful way to lose your beloved pet, I feel so upset for you. Don't take up your time with feelings of guilt, for some reason we all do that, where in reality we are all people who have loved and cared for our darlings to the best of our ability. It's the "if only's" that haunt us after a tragic loss, that are so unbearable. Everyone here knows exactly how you are feeling, please know that and hang in there because in time it will become easier to cope, even though at the moment you think it's impossible. You and Baxter are in my prayers.

madi xx

Baxter (and Billy's Mom)--

It's very very quiet around here today--usually there are a lot more of us posting. Please hang in, I know you will get more input. Madi is absolutely right about the guilt--it's a terrible, toxic thing--totally natural, but so unnecessarily painful!

Keep the faith!

Margi and Ladywolf

I'm so sorry Baxter.

My heart is going out to you. Hang in there.

Ruby

Dear Mike- Baxters Dad

I was so sorry to read your very sad post about your darling Baxter. I send my heartfelt sympathies to you and your fiancee and family.
I know you will feel guilty, as will your Fiancee, but these awful things are so beyond our control, and happen all too often. Our darlings just don't have that sense of danger, needed to keep them safe. Please remember he will not blame any of you, and knows how much he is loved and missed.
Losing our pets is devastating, however they go, but when it is an'accident' or sudden, I think the first thing you have to deal with is the 'shock' and then disbelief. Work through all your emotions and hopefully in time you will come through this and be able to think of dear Baxter in just a 'Happy' way, as he will want you to. I know that is a tall order, I still cry every day at some time and its over 4months for me now, since losing my darling Samoyed, Noushka. Dear Baxter will be watching over you all.
Thinking of you.
Love Jan and my Angels xx

I am so sorry for your loss of Baxter. I don't think there is anything worse in this world than losing your soulmate animal...in someways it's more painful than the loss of a family member. Guilt is the worst part of it too...we all do it to ourselves...the what if's will drive you crazy. It's been 2 months for me and I still cry everyday, but it does get easier..time does help...I don't think it ever goes away, but with time, your sadness/guilt will be replaced with happy memories of Baxter...and absolutely Baxter is in heaven...no doubt.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom