I've had countless dreams about Luba since she died. The themes of the dreams have been mostly the same two:
1. That I am looking for her, or trying to save her from illness injury.
2. That she has died, but comes back to me so that I can say goodbye to her.
Last night I had a dream in which I was talking to my mother about Luba. We were talking and laughing in the dream. We were laughing and joking about Luba and her nicknames. Suddenly I stopped and felt this intense sadness and screamed at my mother: "Oh my God! Luba is dead!!"
I woke up feeling very sad, but also somehow I think that on some level I may have finally accepted that she is not coming back. Not in the way I dream of anyways.
Perhaps she is looking out for me from somewhere else, perhaps she is helping me reach closure with all of this.