Hi everyone ,

My name is Kathy and I am truely heart-broken right now. I lost my best friend and sweety-pie of almost 10 yrs. It was only she and I. Now it's just me. I am just devastated over her sudden and unexpected passing. After her routine exam, my "Sassy" was dignosed with Hypo-thyroidism and was prescribed some medication by a very young-looking vet, knowing that she had and enlarged heart and murmur. I took her home gave here a pill as precribed with here food. The next morning Sassy was very lathargic, cofused, and didn't seem to recognize me. I called the animal hospital where I had taken her and told them that They needed to see what was wrong with my baby right away. Within an hour, Sassy had taken a turn for the worst right in the hospital. She suddenly lost the use of her hind legs and started whailing with distress. They then started ruuning down a berage of charges to me (money seemed to be their only concern) which was not covered in her wellness plan, that I could not afford right then and there. So, since I didn't have money, they suggested putting her down without even knowing what was causing her distress. They told me that there was nothing they could do for her since I didn't have the money to pay (as I am on fixed income). The young vet that looked at her just left the room and sent back in an assistant to tell me to basically leave her there for euthanization or take her home to make some type of decision or come up with the money before they closed at 7:00pm. I stood the with my baby and bawled while they just watched.

I finally left with her and within an hour after I got home she became worse and whailed nad cried and drug her back legs. I picked her up put her in my lap and started to sing her favorite song to her...(the "BARNEY" theme song..."I LOVE YOU>>>YOU LOVE ME>>...THAT"S THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSE TO BE>>>!! she looked up at me as to say... MOMMY PLEASE HELP ME...she gurgled...lost conrol of her bladder and bowels...jerked a couple of times and expired in my arms!! I believed she had a heart attack and I do believe it was the Thyroid medication that caused it.

I am feeling a terrible since of guilt right now. One, because I was not financially able to leave her there; two, because i didn't realize that x-rays and ECG/EKG was covered in her plan...which may have helped save her or at least let me know what was happening to her; and three, for not being composed enough to demand an eprotopsy(spelling) or as we know it, an autopsy. Sassy has since been cremated and I will never know what really happened to my baby and I truely hope that she is not angry at me. There is no question whether she loved me and knew that her mommy loved her, because she heard it from me everyday of her 9 1/2 years, even as she lay dying in my arms.

I am humbled to know that there is some support in this forum and to all who have lost their babies...GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

I feel as if there is nothing inside of me right now...this is certainly not easy, especially now that I am in this empty house by myself without the presence of my sweet little girl.


APRIL 4, 2000 - DECEMBER 11, 2009

Hi Sassy's Mom I share your pain oh so much. Its the unknowing that is killing us inside. When you feel up to it fo to my post. It is two weeks today for me and the loss is almost unbarable. I just want another day with my boy. Everything in this world seems to be about money what about the love that should be worth so much more to anyone in the veternairn (spelling) business. I guess its the unkown that eats at us. I prey everynight for my boy to forgive me for ending his suffering and the suffering that I thought would get worse. If only at that moment we where comfronted with such devestation we had 20n 20 vision. But we cant see pass our tears and fears. In my case all I know I didnt want him to suffer not realizing the suffering of my on decission. All I wanted at that moment is to set him free of any pain and any future pain. My heart sincerely goes out to you. My house isnt a home now either without my max here. I have a husband and he has his dozer but I am still alone. I have stayed in a seperate room for the past 2 weeks. I wish I could give you a hug because I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. The quilt is far worse then the depression. Try to hang in there from one who understands all these emotions.

Hug from someone who understands your feelings
Anna

Dear Kathy

I am so sorry for the loss of your darling Sassy. Reading Sassy's story makes me think that you really did the right thing taking her home with you. You were treated in a very cold and unsympathetic way by your vet and clinic. I couldn't believe what I was reading. You will feel devastated I know, but your girl was home with you and she knew you were loving and caring for her , that would have meant so much to her.
I too didn't really know what caused my baby girl Noushka to leave me ,while she was in the vets for tests overnight. She had been off her food for a few days and her breathing was shallow and not her usual self. So we took her to the vet. They found some mammary tumours,(vet wasn't sure if benign or malignant without tests,) which we had never noticed. I used to check her while grooming her, but I missed them and I feel so bad about that.They called me that night and said her lungs were not cancerous but that she had pneumonia, which they could treat. Then they would test the growths once she was recovered from the pneumonia.They said to call in the morning to see when we could see her as she would be 'hospitalised' for about 5 -10 days. The vet called at 8 the next morning and told me that my darling girl hadn't made it through the night. I was too upset then to really ask what had happened. I felt so sad and guilty that we weren't with her.
I really do feel and understand what you are feeling right now. I'm glad that you found this website, it's been so comforting to me to share Noushka's story with others on here who understand. It certainly helps to talk to others who understand the terrible grief of losing our beloved animal companions.
Please take care of yourself for you and for your Sassy's sake. She wouldn't want you to be hurting.
PLease let us know how you are doing.
Thinking of you.
Jan xx

take a deep breath kathy. im so very sorry. your story just broke my heart. it was absolutely tragic. i know you loved your sassy with the same intensity and deep love that all of us here have for our furkids. you must release the guilt. you did all you could for sassy and unfortunately the heartless vets were only looking out for their pockets. sassy left our world with nothing but love for you. there was nothing she had to forgive you for.
for now hold on to the fact that shes your angel now, keep writing the grief out.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

Yes hope you manage to sleep ok Kathy. I slept really well for the first time in ages last night. Time for bed for me now as it's 1 a.m. here in Uk.
I will say a prayer for you and your Darling Sassy.
Night Night and God bless.

Hugs Jan xx

Dear Kathy,

I am so so sorry to hear about Sassy. I understand how you feel. If you go back and look through my old posts, you'll see that I had a really rough time after putting my dog Patsy to sleep. She'd been battling an auto immune illness for about 1 1/2 years, relapsed. There were always things popping up (infections) b/c of the immuno-suppressant drugs she was taking. It was hard for me to recognize what "normal" was for her anymore.

I was torn between getting an autopsy or not also. The thought of my girl being cut open was too much to bear at the time. I too had her cremated (the thought of her body being burned was overwhelming for me also; still is at times when I really stop to think about it).

I'd tortured myself for many months, convinced I had done her wrong, and was quite depressed. (If I let myself, I can still go down that path.) I've gotten much help though through going to both a personal counselor and a Pet Loss Support Group...you might want to see if there's one in your area. Try an online search.

I know you might get tired of hearing this (it didn't help me at the time), but you truly did the best you could, given the circumstances. You loved/Love Sassy (she KNEW it) and she loved/Loves you. Even though things didn't go the way you'd wished (and oh how I KNOW the feeling), she passed away in your loving arms--the best place she could have been. I'm so sorry you and she were such a cold environment. I had a somewhat negative experience the last day of Patsy's life too in an emergency hospital...

I will be thinking of and praying for you and Sassy. It's so hard when they leave; words can never express. I know the emptiness, the not wanting to be home and not knowing what to do with yourself. May God be with you and bring you comfort; He loves you too and how dearly you cared for His creature Sassy. I believe we will see them again...

You are welcome to write me if you'd like.

hope2heal/Nancy

I feel so very sorry for your loss Kathy, it's bad enough you had to lose your darling Sassy, but to be dismissed so cruelly by that so called vet "and I use the term vet loosely" is absolutely appalling, he is a disgrace to his profession. Your story has upset me to the core, it's a very sad world indeed when money talks louder than the well being and comfort of a beautiful creature. We are all God's creatures whether in human form or not and we all deserve to be treated with dignity, love and care.
Please believe me when I say this Kathy, "thank God you brought Sassy home with you and didn't leave her with such awful people in her final hours" I am soooo glad you did this.
I know only too well how you feel at the moment and I wish you all the peace and love I can send to you through this forum. Hugs

madi xx

Kathy
I am just so sorry to hear about what happened to Sassy. May you be deeply consoled in your grief.
Lynda

Hi Kathy please know my heart goes out to you. I know it is so rough. Please know you are not alone I try to tell myself how many other people who are hurting just as much as I am. I even try to bargain with myself I have maybe 1 or 2 hours out of a day that I have a dry eyes. I looked in the mirror today and god my eyes are actually swollen. It is almost 3 weeks and just cant shake it. I barely sleep or eat. I try to do my best which isnt to good. So just try to hang in there. I am really one to give advise. But even if I cant help myself maybe I can help someone else in thier time of pain.

Take Care
Anna

Hi Kathy--

What a painful story! I am so sorry that you had to go through that. That vet's office sounds like an insane asylum--NO vet should be that cold, even if profit-making IS their primary motive. That's just unforgiveable.

I too am glad that you took Sassy home to die in your arms. Chances are that she was dying anyway, and the vet just wanted to "get the job done." You didn't do anything wrong--you believed the "professionals," until you didn't, anymore--smartest move you could have made.

Sassy is free of pain now, although I know that you aren't. Our pain continues so much longer than our four-legged's pain did--ironic, isn't it?

I'll be thinking of you and Sassy and the smart choice that you did make, with heartfelt sorrow.

Margi and Ladywolf

Kathy..what a terrible story..I am so sorry for your loss of Sassy. You did everything you could for her so please try not to harbor guilt...I am so very sorry..your story brought tears to my eyes.

Hugs to you and your furangel Sassy,
Brutus' Mom

I am so sorry you had to go through this with your precious Sassy.

I can relate to being treated badly by a vet but my outcome was much better. At 3-1/2 years old my Flossie was paralized in her back legs when I got home from work. No telling how long she had been dragging herself around when I found her. I rushed her to the vet we had been using for just a short time due to a recent move. She had never been away overnight and was in pain & very distressed. The vet took her, put her in a kennel in the back room & when I asked if they were going to give her anything for pain or check her out I was told no, they would check her in the morning. Hearing her cry from the back room, I said "give me the dog back!" I decided I'd lay on the floor with her all night if I had to in order to comfort her. Needless to say I never returned to that vet again. Long story short, after searching around we found an all night vets office, got a fabulous, caring vet who took good care of her, called the vet school first thing the next morning & refered us so she had surgery that enabled her to walk again (only given a 45% chance).

The original vet was closing in 20 minutes so I guess that was the reasoning for not even looking at her. For the next 14 years we were lucky enough to had wonderful treatment for her so be encouraged that not all vets are like the one you encountered. I know it doesn't help really to know that but when you are ready for a new family member to join you do not be afraid of getting this treatment someplace else.

I too lost a beautiful cat in much the same manner at the very end as far as suffering and a diffucult passing and felt very guilty for a long time. But like you, I was holding her so she knew I was there for her just as I always had been. It is such an emotional time and a sad thing that you were treated this way.

I'm convinced there is no easy way to let go of a beloved pet/friend/family member. Sometimes it's not as traumatic but never easy.

Sending hugs & thoughts to you today..............

Ginger

I am so very sorry for your loss. I never realized how devasting the loss of a pet could be. My dog, a Yorkie named
Montgomery became very ill several weeks ago and I had to have him put to sleep. I understand the feeling of guilt
and deep saddness. Just know that we all share in this together. Kathy, my name is Allicia.

Kathy--

I just re-read your story all over again, and it hurt my heart. Most of us think of our vets as our "guiding lights," but your's was obviously looking at a different light at the time he "helped" you...

That is not your fault, and Sassy was evidently on her way out anyway, but that doesn't make it any easier to bear. Hats off to the vets who love us and our furry friends--and a pox on those who don't! You took her home--a brave move--and obviously the right thing to do.

My heart goes out to you...

Big Hugs--Margi