Let me start by saying, this is not like me to post my feelings on the web, but I know you will all understand what I am going through.

My name is Sonya and I was Brutus' Mom. Brutus passed last Monday by euthanasia, he would of being 13 yesterday. Brutus was a beautiful, huge (hence his name) black lab we've had since he was 3 months old. I've had just about any and every type of animal possible and I of course, loved them all...but Brutus was special in my heart. Brutus was what I hear alot refer to as your 'heart' dog...to me he was that and so much more, he was my 'soul' dog.

We had been through so much together..illnesses, sadness, troubled times and of course, tons of wonderful fun times. I knew this was coming, he was just so tired, and I thought I was prepared, but are you really ever prepared to lose a part of yourself? That's just what he was...a part of me...I feel empty, missing, and lost.

My husband had a very rough first couple days too, but he is improving...I however, feel like I'm getting worse. I know it's only been a week and time heels, but I miss him so much it is literally hard to breathe. I can't sleep, I barely eat, and I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.

I hope in the next few days, I can tell you more about Brutus and all our times together, but I just can't right now. I did however write a poem...my first poem ever since probably grade school...it is on the memorial/tribute section if you would like to read it...I really poured my heart into it and it felt good to write it..and it feels good to share it.

I know you all know how I'm feeling or you wouldn't be here. Please forgive me if I don't post on anyone's topics right now, I just can't bear to. Hugs to all who are hurting.

I feel so lonely with out my Brutus, gosh I miss him so much. I don't know if I want to move forward or reverse time...all I know is I want my soulmate back.

So, so sorry.

Yes, we've all been there. It hurts like crazy - we know exactly how you feel. I've lost two dogs since June 24 of last year. Lily, 8, died suddenly and unexpectedly, then we found out days later that Hunny had cancer. We let her go April 4 this year. It's been a really rough year and a half. Both of them were only 8.

Yep, so we know what you're feeling. This is a great place to come. I found it the day we had to make the call to the vet for Hunny's last moments. I wish I'd found it when I lost Lily.

It does get easier - just takes time.

Thinking of you.

Lynette.

Dearest Sonya,

Please accept my deepest condolences at the loss of your beloved Brutus. I do understand completely. Of all the many pets I've had since I was a child, Alex was my soul mate, too. Like you, it shattered my world when he didn't come home. I screamed and cried hysterically for months and was completely inconsolable. Like you, I would also forget to breathe.

I'm much better now, but I know that I'll never get over losing him. My present dog Buddy is part Labrador and predominantly black with white belly, paws and chin. He's getting up in age now, too. Oh, how I dread losing him. However, its a not so very funny cosmic joke that we are all destined to outlive our most cherished, beloved fur and feather kids by decades. I'm sure there's a reason for that yet I still don't know why.

I can feel your tears and hear you weep. The pain, grief and devastation is gosh awful! Writing poems is a very good way to honor your precious Angel Fur Kid. I do the same for Alex as well as post his favorite videos, post images that I know he loved as well as creating new images for him and I come here just to talk with him. All those things help a whole lot. You've found a safe haven with like minded people who have either been where you are now or they're there at this very moment.

Do take all the time you wish and need to grieve and don't listen to those who say it's time to get over it. You'll know when it's time. For some, it's days, weeks or months. For others it's years. Then there are those like in the song Mr. Bojangles who still grieve after twenty years. Please, be sure to come back and talk as often as you're able and at any time day or night. It's by sharing and caring that we get through this most difficult time in our lives and begin to find that Healing Path.

I hope you don't mind that I chose an artist's rendering of a black Labrador and enhanced it just a little in hopes of bringing you some small solace. Hopefully, you'll feel up to posting some of his photos later. Again, do take your time, Dear One. Remember, Brutus is that one, unique, brilliant star that keeps burning so brightly!




Do take all the time in the world. We'll still be here, Dear One. And, come back to talk about your Angel Fur Child Brutus as well as all your tears and fears whenever you're able.

I Wish You Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Sonya,
Please accept my heart felt condolences and a hug.

In November '08 we had to put our big girl (part Akita/Shep) Kodiak to sleep. She was one of 3 dogs we have, that eat with us, sleep with us and that we love beyond words. At the moment of euthanasia, I collapsed screaming. I have been battling a painful chronic disease for over 3 years and the "hit" of losing her hurt in more than one way, extremely, it really was too much. She was 2 months short of her 12th birthday. I too knew it was coming - but no we are never prepared to lose a part of ourselves. Every time I have lost a pet, I have always said, they took a piece of my heart.

About 6 weeks ago I woke up to find one of my cats dead, only 7 years old...we don't know why. I have had 2 of my babies die in less than a year and I sit here looking at my German Shep as I type this, she is 12 years old this week and I know more pain is ahead. The thought is unbearable.

I cried everyday for my dog for months, I'd wake up crying and go to bed crying. Then when a couple months passed, I noticed I wasn't crying as much, eventually the tears only came when we talked about her - we are still at that point really. I have thought of her every single day since she "went home". I miss her and even typing this I realize that even a year later the wound is not completely healed in me. I would have never believed that in less than a year I would be grieving another darling pet. Oh, it has been heart wrenching. In time, we somehow adjust, we never forget though.

I am such an animal lover and always jumped at the chance to save a life, that I neglected to think one day they would die and how much I'd suffer. Grieving is grieving, no matter if it is for our beloved pets or people.

I know nothing I can say could make you feel better right now. But please know how sorry I am and I know exactly how you feel all too well.

((((((gentle hugs))))))
Kodiak'smom

Hi Sonya. I'm so very sorry about Brutus. I have a golden/yellow lab who is 11 now. I fear his time will be within the year. We lost our cat, Frasier, 12 weeks ago. He was 14. I understand that hole in your heart. I know that you are suffocating right now. And when you breathe in, it feels like your breathing in water or something. I did not know that I could cry as much as I have over Frasier. My husband is much better now but I still cry a little each day for him. Sometimes it's because I've been on this forum, sometimes his picture will get me, and sometimes it's totally out of the blue and I'm left crippled for a moment. I miss him so much. I just don't understand how something with so much personality doesn't get to BE anymore.
I know you miss your Brutus beyond words. One time I wrote to Frasier and said that there should be words greater than "miss" and "love". I felt physical pain when he died. It literally felt as if he was being removed from my body. Most people don't understand what that means, but the people on this forum do. Please keep posting or at least just keep reading.
The other day I told my husband that I sometimes feel like I'm not getting better or going backwards. He just said that you don't erase 14 years in 12 weeks and you don't get over it that fast either. Don't feel bad about your grief, Sonya. You don't get over 13 years in 1 week's time. Brutus was much bigger than that. He was and is a part of you. You're in my thoughts as you begin this painful journey. I'm so sorry.
-Donna

( I miss him so much it is literally hard to breathe. I can't sleep, I barely eat, and I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life.)

I have highlighted these words because this was me 6 months ago. I feel so very sad for your loss, the pain is literally unbearable I know. You're not alone here, we're all like you, so hopelessly lost without our beautiful animal soul mates. I too, thought I could cope with anything life threw at me and usually I did, but that morning my baby was killed, I went from being a normal happy person to an absolute cot case. I ended up in a very deep depression and was put on antidepressants which I'm still on for now. I still miss my Ulriich baby and would give anything to have him back, but I am eating and sleeping and coping for now and that's certainly better than I was before. This forum and these wonderful angel animal lovers here saved my life, without them I don't know what would have happened to me. I'm sending hugs to you dear one, I feel your pain and you have my sincere condolences for your loss.

madi xx

Thankyou everyone for you kind words and stories, thank you Dotie for the image of Brutus, I love how his name sparkles.

The evening after I posted this was very rough. I went through the guilt of "maybe it wasn't time", questioning my decision to have Brutus euthanized, I was pretty much hysterical to say the least.

Brutus had many illnesses throughout his life...when he was young he had seizures, those stopped when he was 4. He had mast cell cancer twice, chronic infected bum glands that had to be removed, numerous large fatty tumors that were removed, he had IBS and was on prescrip food for the most of his life. Arthritis started about 5 years ago and was being controlled with Rimadyl and Glucosamine. Also the past year he was diagnosed with CHF and was on enalapril for that. Although he had all these problems, he never gave up in his mind...he was always so ready to go to the lake. He loved the water, he would wade up to his chest and look for fish/rocks/anything in the water and dive down and get them and bring them to shore. When he was younger, he could dive down in 5ft of water, hold his breathe and pick up a rock...all you would see is the tip of his tail sticking out of the water.

Originally a week before we had him euthanized, I took him to the vet because of a skin tumor (which had already been checked)...it was getting larger and was crusty..I was worried it might be infected. When we walked in the vet bent down to Brutus and looked at him, then he looked at me and said "you do realize his time is very near"...NO NO NO...I didn't realize, I knew there was decline, but I guess I didn't realize how much. About 4 months before when Brutus had his yearly shots, the vet said he looked good for his age, I was floored to say the least by the vet's new statement. He wanted to do it right there and I said no, I'm not ready. So a couple days later I made the appointment for a Monday. I knew Brutus was declining...he could not walk up steps and sometimes I had to help him get up from a sitting/laying position (which wasn't easy, Brutus was a very tall lab, not a husky one either, but tall and he weighed 88lbs at his death, in his prime he was 115lbs), he would fall alot and he had trouble pooping, sometimes I had to hold him up while he squated, but he still was able to control his bowels. His back end was totally gone, there was no meat on it what-so-ever, no muscle...he kinda walked sideways, and he could not run. He still ate good, but he did sleep alot. And when he wasn't sleeping he was "panting" from the pain and very anxious..pacing. I could also see a decline in his mind in the past couple months, he acted confused sometimes and was doing things he'd never done before...knocking pictures off of shelves on purpose, etc. He was getting mean with my other two dogs and would try to attack his buddy of nine years for no reason. Sometimes he would just lay and stare off into the air, not really looking at anything. Also, the prior two weeks, Brutus' bark become very shallow and sounded funny, almost like he had a sore throat, also the walking sideways became worse. Vet feels he had a stroke in the past couple weeks. I knew the time was coming, but I guess I was in denial...maybe still am.

After Brutus had gone, I started looking online (big mistake) about making the decision to euthanize...I was beginning to think that maybe I made the wrong decision. I have a wonderful, wonderful vet...who saved Brutus' life a few times. My vet is very much about letting an animal die with dignity and not waiting too long. I guess had I not went to the vet a week and half ago for the skin tumor, Brutus would still be here and I wouldn't be typing this...so yes, I guess I still haven't come to terms on the timing of my decision, is this normal? I mean in a way, I knew it was time, is my questioning just me being selfish because I want him here?

Brutus was my soulmate, where ever I went he was there...always. I do have two other dogs and I love them with all my heart, but they aren't Brutus...Brutus was the dog for me.

Yesterday was much better, I only cried once...If I keep busy it's not as bad and we just bought a 2nd house about a month ago that we have been working on, when we are at this house I don't seem to be as sad...Brutus never really had a chance for this to become his "home"...when I am at home, it is awful, I see him everywhere. When we left for the 2nd house on Monday evening, I again became hysterical...I wanted to bring Brutus' urn with me to this place...my husband talked me out of it...saying that Brutus should stay at "his home". Here at this 2nd house I do have a beautiful painting I had done of him hanging above the couch so I have a piece of him here.

I almost feel guilty too that I actually laughed yesterday...I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to laugh. Not without my best friend here...

Below are some pics of my Brutus (pooh-man was his nickname)

This pic is was taken this spring and is the pic I had the painting done of:


This pic was this summer, maybe mid-summer, he looks so happy here:


Here is Brutus with his buddies, also mid-summer, Tanga the rat terrier and Radar the mix:


Well thankyou for letting me share some of Brutus with you, I hope to be able to tell you about some of our adventures soon. And I hope soon I can be of comfort to so many others on this board who are hurting. Thanks again for everything.

Sonya

Good morning.

Brutus is gorgeous.


What you're feeling about the euthanasia is normal - I think. I went through exactly what you're feeling. Hunny's mind was still very good. She was still eating well, still getting around well. Tumours were starting to pop up all over her body. She was on pain killers for the last month of her life. We took her to a different vet early March - I couldn't give up without a second opinion. The cancer had spread to her lymph nodes then. The vet wanted to put her down then, but like you I wasn't ready and I couldn't let her go without her being able to say goodbye to my daughter and our other dogs. So we took her home. She lived another month. Or rather we let her live another month. I agonized for a very long time if we'd done the right thing. I knew in my heart and my head that we had to let her go. I reduced her painkillers one day (just to make them last - cheap I know and I feel really bad for doing that), and she did not do well. She obviously needed them more than I thought she did. She started coughing and started this obcessive licking (the tumour was on her foot). She didn't always lick her foot, but she was always licking something - either the floor or whatever she was laying on. So, my fear was that she was really sore. Needless to say I upped her pain meds quickly.

I've seen a dog die from cancer and I swore I would never let Hunny go through that. I wanted Hunny to die with her dignity. She was a very proud girl. Last year when she had to wear the e-collar, there were times when she would look at me as if to say "I hate this, just shoot me now." It broke my heart to see her struggle like that.

As bad as this sounds, I had hoped that she would slip away in her sleep. But she didn't. Everyday was extremely stressful too. We were living day by day. I would wake up wondering if she was still with us. I would be at work wondering if she had made it through the day. I don't know how much longer she would have lived. The tumour was wide open on her foot now and she didn't have the same patience with our pups anymore. I was afraid for them.

I wish that she was still with us - I really do. I miss her - and Lily, so very much. I don't cry everyday anymore, but there are times, when the tears just fall out of the blue. Something triggers a memory. I'm glad that Hunny and Lily are together again. They grew up together.

I'm sorry for rambling. I am crying as I write this.

Take care.

Lynette.

Hugs Lynette...Brutus did that too..would like his paws non-stop..he had arthritis there too. I was like you, afraid Brutus would hurt the other dogs..he couldn't move real fast but he had a ferocious snap. Brutus never ever growled or snapped at a person...never.

I too like you prayed that he would just fall asleep peacefully at night and not wake up the week prior. I didn't want to be the one to make the decision...as awful as it sounds..I feel like I killed him...I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do. Maybe he would of lived a few more months..I mean he was still happy occasionally..not much but at times.

I am crying with you believe me..we are on our way home to Brutus' house and I know it's going to be an awful day. When I say I only cried once yesterday I mean hysterical sobbing. I think about him and tears run down my cheeks numerous times a day..

Aren't animals just so wonderful? I do believe God sent Brutus to me to be my 'child' since I am unable to have kids..unfortunately, God wouldn't let me keep him

I wish I could be of more comfort to everyone...I just don't know what to say except I feel your pain and cry with you.

Hi Sonia

Brutus is adorable, thankyou for sharing his story and photos with us.

You are hurting so much and nothing I say can really help. I'm still hurting so badly and its just over 12 weeks since my darling Noushka left us, also 13.

As far as we're concerned the time would never be right for our beloved pet friends to leave us, but unfortunately that time does have to come. Brutus was so loved and cared for but like my Noushka his suffering would have been too much for him to endure.

It's good that you have the new house to keep you busy, and your other beloved pets who will also be wondering where their mate is. Give them a big hug from me. I feel so lost now that both of my girls are gone, even though I know they are still with me , I just can't see or hug them.
Thinking of you
Jan xx

Dear Brutus.

Hugs back to you.

Yes, animals are wonderful. I too believe they are my "kids". I have a 14-year-old daugther, and was pregnant twice after her, both ended in ectopics, and have been unable to have any more kids. So, I know exactly where you are coming from.

I have four dogs now. Yes, quite a houseful. Three of them are rescues. We got Izzy, a 4-year-old beagle just ten days after losing Lily. She was surrended by a puppy mill. She came with issues, obviously and Hunny was a great friend to her. Izzy bolted many times and there were many times when we thought we'd never see her again. Hunny tried her best to find her, but because of her foot she couldn't do much. But I know Hunny loved her. I know how much Hunny missed Lily. Watching a dog mourn for the loss of their sibling is just something awful. Then we got Barney, a beagle, he was 10 weeks old. Had a scare with him. Hunny snapped one Saturday evening and knicked a vein on his head. I thought we were going to lose him - there was so much blood. I was afraid he would go into shock. I know Hunny didn't mean to hurt him and thankfully he was alright, just has a scar on his head. I guess we should have known back then that maybe she wasn't feeling so well already. Then came Casey. She was six months old, a beagle cavalier cross. The people she lived with didn't want her anymore. So, we took her in and she is the most gorgeous thing ever. We had intended on breeding Barney and Casey, but changed our minds when George came along. By the way, we lost Hunny just two weeks after getting Casey. George showed up at my work three weeks after Hunny. He's a pure bred border collie. So, so sweet. It's hard to believe anyone could just dump him. That's what we think happened - he was abandoned. We even believe that Hunny sent him to watch over the beagles!

I must admit that I have developed some paranoia now with my dogs. Lily died so suddenly last year, that I am just so fearful that something will happen to these babies. Hopefully in time that will ease, especially as the pups get older. I forgot how much work puppies were!! What a handful!! But I love them to pieces. When we took Hunny to the vet with her foot last year, cancer had not even crossed my mind. I sure had my eyes opened!

I think I've come to terms with having to put Hunny to sleep. I fought with it for a long time after, but I knew we had no choice. There was just no way I was going to let her suffer. I think she wanted to be with Lily again. I just think she was holding on because of the pups. She wanted more time with them. I still have a hard time talking about them without tears filling my eyes. But this is a great place, cos I don't think I really have anyone to talk to about them. I felt their presence for many months after they left, but I think they've moved on now. I know they are still around, but I don't think they are watching us all the time now. I hope that they are happy and healthy and having a grand ole time wherever they are.

Sorry, rambling again. I still find I need to talk about my angels. And I still cry when I write about them.

Anyway, better go. Hugs again.

Take care.

Lynette.

I was feeling pretty good past day and a half and suddenly crashed today for no reason. I miss you so much Brutus. I heard this song today from a new cd I bought and it reminds me of you and the way I'm feeling right now. Hugs to you my pooh-man choo

below is a youtube link:
I need to know by Kris Allen

Life's been blinding me
From what I thought I'd see
Is there clarity in this insanity? (yeah)
What's she want from me? (yeah)

Roads in front of me
Taking me astray
Are you leaving me?
Or are you leading the way?
Can you hear what I'm saying?

I need to know
I need to know
I need to know
I need to know


Feel like I'm trying to breathe under water
Trying to climb but I keep falling farther
Will you take my hand?

Feels so far away
I want to see your face
Are you even there?
Can you show me?
Can you make me believe?

I need to know
I need to know
I need to know
I need to know
I need to know

Thankyou so much Dottie...I love the images. That song is fitting for Brutus and I...we went everywhere together. I am trying today to have a good day.

Hugs to you all,
Brutus' Mom

Hi Sonya. I'm very pleased you love the images, the video and that song is so fitting to you and Brutus.

Take baby steps, Sonya. Allow yourself to feel and express your feelings. Be kind to you!

It takes time. For some, it takes lots and lots of time. Hang in there, Dear One.

I Wish You Peace!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Missing you Brutus. Today is day 13, almost two weeks. I was thinking this morning on the way to work about the way you loved to roll in the sand at the beach. It is going to be hard going to Hardy Dam next year without you. We have been going there for over 9 years and I only remember one time you weren't there.

I'm looking on line for new flowers for your shelf..you know the silk kind and I'm working on a collaige (sp?) picture to put above the shelf, it will look awesome.

This weekend DD is coming to camp to stay overnight and we are going to put up the roof over the back deck, you would of really liked it there, I wish you could of enjoyed it more.

Anyhow, there are calling me to go work position. One my next break I will add a picture of you getting a sandbath.

Geez you were crazy and so much fun!


Love you always,
Your Mom

Sonya, I love the pictures of Brutus. He was a black version of my yellow lab, Buck! Buck loves the water too. Your pictures made me smile and then made me realize how close I could be with Buck. Many of the things you wrote about Brutus are true of Buck too. If he is to continue swimming, we will have to get him a life vest soon. I worry he will get distressed in the water and not be able to get back. The hard part, like you said, is that even though his body is failing him, his heart is still there. He would chase a golf ball all day if we'd let him or if his body would let him. He's all heart as I'm sure Brutus was too. There have been times like you and Lynette said that I've secretly hoped he would just go in his sleep. Even not being able to officially say goodbye is a risk worth taking sometimes given the pain I've been through with putting my Frasier to sleep. It's such a horrible decision to make. It's been 13 weeks for us and the other day I was consumed with guilt over it. His mind was still good and that makes me feel just awful. So, I'm scared to death of having to put Buck to sleep just because his hips can't go anymore. How do I do that looking at that face? Too often I go there in my mind and try to bring myself back by saying that we don't know the state he'll be in so don't try to imagine it now.
Anyway, I've rambled. I just wanted to say that I know how you feel with the guilt, the not feeling like you should laugh, and the bursting into tears. With Frasier, I felt for a long time that I shouldn't feel happiness with anything because he couldn't. He doesn't get to be here with us anymore, therefore, I shouldn't be happy. Or that maybe if I had a moment of happiness, then it meant he was further away. As long as I stayed in that early grief stage then it kept the last time I had him with me alive a little closer. It's weird and I'm probably not doing a good job of explaining it. Grief is an awful process. I'm sorry about Brutus. Don't rush yourself.
-Donna

Donna you are so right...the day we took Brutus for his last car ride, he was so excited...he fell of course getting to the door trying to run and Doug and I had to lift him the short distance from the ground to the backseat of the car...he could no longer even help us get him in there, he used to put his front feet up on the floor and we would hoist him, then he couldn't do that anymore so we would pick up his front paws, put them on the floor and hoist him up...we couldn't even do that anymore..his front legs could not hold him up while we hoisted him, but he still would try to do it on his own. Gosh he had a heart...one that never gave up and I feel so guilty, I feel like I gave up on him.

I read things about people hauling their animals around totally that can no longer walk, putting diapers on them, etc...and they say their animal is still happy, and that maybe true, however, I don't think Brutus would of been happy like that and I don't think Buck would be either....that's all I can keep telling myself to keep me sane.

While at the vets when he made the final injection...I screamed hysterically holding Brutus' head saying over and over again, "I'm so sorry", "I'm so sorry". It was just awful...I think I will always wonder if I did the right thing at the right time, always. People say oh you will know, but I'm not sure that I did or I ever will know. After, my vet hugged me and said "do not be sorry, Brutus is thanking you right now". It was nice of him to say, but I still have my doubts.

It's so hard, hard to look at those sweet, loving faces that are so loyal and look to you for security and then you have to make the decision to end it all...it's the first time I've ever had to do it and it was the most horrible moment of my life...and like you, I live it every day. I too feel like I shouldn't allowed to be happy, although I know that's not what Brutus would want and I know that's not what Frasier would want for you. Give Buck a huge hug from me.

Hugs Friend!

Dearest Sonya,

I read all your posts including your initial post. Regarding all you just shared above, those are called the "what ifs" and they will eat you up and spit you out. Word. It is a form of torture we inflict upon ourselves because we are very loving Fur Kid Moms and Dads. It may help you to know I'm a retired nurse in the human medical field of 27 plus years and worked in Animal Rescue and Rehabilitation actively for about 30 years. Since becoming disabled a few years ago, I still serve as a consultant in both fields but mostly animals both domestic and wildlife. Also, I continue to do all I'm able here at home rendering hands on care for certain animals that need me if it's at all humanly possible for me to handle.

Having shared all the above, I want to assure you that you did indeed do exactly the right thing at exactly the right time for your Angel Fur Kid Brutus. Many people take it too far and wait too long because they just can't let go. Well, none of us ever, ever, ever want to let go of our most beloved, cherished fur kids. We want them to stay with us for as long as we can make it last. However, you have to ask yourself the following question: Do I want to make myself feel better by doing everything humanly possible to extend my dog's life no matter what my fur kid will have to endure, suffer and go through ... Or do I want to make my soul mate Brutus feel better by stopping his suffering as soon as possible?

Of course, for many, their fur and feather kids still have quality of life and can be made to stay comfortable and happy until it's obvious that they no longer have quality of life. Then, that's the time we, as humane individuals, take them to the Veterinarian to end their suffering. Sonya, Brutus no longer had any quality of life and you did exactly what you ought have done. Honest. And, I do speak from a wealth of experience also having several beloved pets euthanized as well as serving as a volunteer at an Emergency Vet Clinic assisting the doctor with that and other duties.

Please know that cats and dogs have no concept and no fear of death. They do greatly fear suffering and pain. Since they have no voice, we must be their advocates, caretakers, friends, Moms, Dads and their voice. If your Brutus could have told you, he'd have said, "Thank you so much, Mom! Thank you! Thank you! Now, I can sleep and be at peace. I Love You, Mom!" Sonya, That's just what Brutus would have said to you. I've seen that "Thank you" in the eyes and hearts of so many animals, most of them were someone's pet and/or Fur Kid. They are grateful. Again, I speak from experience.

I recall when it was time to help my most beloved dog Maiden, to be put to sleep. She was one of the Greyhounds I'd rescued. After having done all I possibly could by taking her to my own Vet and then to a specialist, it finally became so obvious that she had no quality of life left at all. My wonderful late husband Kenny and I went together to have Maiden put to sleep. Poor Kenny could not keep from crying so had to leave the exam room. I stayed with Maiden, petted her, spoke to her soothingly and kissed her while Dr. Gabor gave her the shot. Bless Dr. Gabor because I do believe he may be the incarnation of St. Francis of Assisi. Word! Anyway, Maiden being such a large dog, they did it on a blanket on the floor ...

Still, I wasn't ready to let go. I went to the floor, bent over her, hugged her even though I knew she was gone. Sonya, it took 2 Vet Technicians and Dr. Gabor to gently pull me away from Maiden's body and they were still so kind as not to remove her until I'd left the room. My poor husband Kenny. He loved her so much even though I had Maiden already when I met him, I do believe she took to him more than she took to me. We went home that night and Kenny was visibly shaken so I went to rent a movie (Jurassic Park), made some popcorn and hoped it would help Kenny. It did help some, but he was so depressed the next morning going to work without loving on Maiden first.

Well, since I knew Maiden's time was short, I tried to prepare Kenny by taking him to the Humane Society days before that. It was the Humane Society located in the next city over and I knew they had several rescued Greyhounds up for adoption. One was a male named Trader and also brindle in color like Maiden had been. Someone had adopted him but returned him "due to fleas" as the poster read. That was hogwash. It was probably due to complications stemming from separation anxiety and I found that later to be true ...

Sonya, ain't no way I was ready for another dog yet. Maiden meant the world to me and I needed time. But, I just had to do something to help Kenny. So, after he left for work the next morning without Maiden there and was so very, very, sad ... I jumped in my car that I had at the time, went to that Humane Society, had to fill out a lot of paperwork ... It was almost like adopting a human child and I'm very glad they make it that difficult so that people will know what they're getting into, all the requirements, caring instructions and so on ...

Long story. However, when Kenny got home from work, I shall never forget how very surprised and thrilled he was when Trader dog came running down the stairs to greet him with tail wagging and big smile on the doggie's face. Priceless! They bonded right away and became inseparable. Another doggie that I got who loved Kenny more than it did me. Go figure. Had it just been me alone, I would have waited until I was ready for another dog. It's highly recommended that you wait until you're ready.

Of course, no other animal can ever replace your beloved Brutus. However, and way down the line when you're ready, you may want to consider fostering before actually owning another dog. That helps because it's taking baby steps. And, who knows? You may grow to love your fostered pup, kitty, hamster etceteras so much that you'll decide to keep him or her. Still, take your time. When you have decided to foster or adopt another fur kid, please know that you honor Brutus's memory in doing so. No, not a replacement. That's impossible. We realize that. Still, another fur kid who needs a loving, caring, compassionate home, family and Mommy just like you! Well, this post is as long as a novel so I'll stop for now.

Many Comforting Hugs to You and Your Angel Fur Kid Brutus!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie..I know you are right but I can't help but sometimes feel guilty or unsure. My emotions are so out of wack..one moment I'm feeling pretty good and the next I'm so sad and guilty I can't breathe..I know it's going to take time and I know that Brutus' quality of life was very important to him...and me....I can't wait to get through this..if that's ever totally possible. Thanks for all your support, stories, and graphics...they do help me alot.

{{{{{Sonya}}}}} Of course you feel that way. It's all still so raw in your mind, heart and soul. Hey, it's been a little over two years since my sudden loss and I still feel consumed with guilt. It happened on my watch. There were so many 'red flags" screaming in my face that it was going to happen, but I didn't see them at the time. Then again, I didn't know then what I know now. Still ... Dang!

Will I ever get over feeling this guilt? I don't know. What I do is to ask Alex again and again to please forgive me. Also, I'm doing everything I'm able to put those three culprits behind bars who did what they did to my Buddy dog, Styx kitty, Alex parrot, my home and myself. There's plenty of concrete evidence, witnesses and I caught them in the act as well. How dumb of them. But know this, it was planed. I found that out later, too. So, I looked into the sky and promised Alex he'd have earthly justice if it takes the rest of my life and as long as there's one breath left in my body. The process is slow. Very slow. That's okay. I'm a very patient person.

What I need is to find some way to forgive myself. It's very difficult for me to feel much less express anger. I find it frightening. A lot of people here would love to go feed those three some asphalt. I'd never heard of that expression until one member said that it's a good thing I left out certain names, locations and email addresses. Bless everyone here for all their wonderful support to me! Here's one of the many poems I wrote early on in an attempt to express my feelings, all I was experiencing and trying to find some way to forgive myself ...

"Mend These Broken Wings"
By: AngelCareOne

What do you say when you can't talk?
Where do you go when you can't walk?

It's useless to communicate.
Not capable expressing hate.

And so you sleep to get away
From all the troubles of the day.

But that's a stupid thing to do.
Troubles wait and still haunt you.

Perhaps it's best never to slumber.
But woes are patient. Return. Outnumber.

Your mind keeps racing to and fro.
So which direction should you go?

The past is nice at times that's true.
But mostly horrors do you view.

Staying sane in present time
Cannot be done. A thin, fine line.

The past and present you perceive
Brings wish of good things to retrieve.

You know that you must find a way
To conquer sanely just today.

Must be somehow which can be found
Stop vicious circles round and round.

There's one road back to sanity.
Forgive and that will set you free.

Sonya, of course, I'm referring to forgiving myself. Also, I choose or create illustrations for each of my poems and those I post that are written by others. I hope my sharing the above has given you some small solace to know you're not alone. You're really not, Dear One. And, you're not going insane. Hugs!!! Please click on the links below and read a bit when you feel up to it. They've proven very valuable to me and I pray they'll help you, too.

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss

Grief & the Loss of a Pet

This Web site gives phone numbers and times of day to call and speak with live professionals. The names of the states are up at the top. Click on them to get the information I just mentioned ...

Pet Bereavement Support Groups

You may want to try this. It works and helps millions of people ...

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions

Definitely go here and check this out, Sonya. Okay? Okay ...

Light A Candle Online. It Is Free. Please Read.

If and when I find anything more that can be of help to you, I'll be sure to come back and post it for you. Take all the time in the world. They're all posted in the Pet Resources Area here at LS so no hurry. Remember, take baby steps and be kind to you!

Many Comforting Hugs and I Wish You Peace!!!





Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie...thankyou for the links, I did read them and I appreciate it...what happened to you and your fur/feather kids is just so awful...my heart aches for you that someone could do that. I understand your anger and your poem is awesome for expressing your feelings. Hopefully justice will be served on those worthless excuses for human beings. And you can't blame yourself for their actions, you had no control over the matter. Just don't let them take away your trust/caring...it's so hard to find someone like you today who cares so much for others.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Today is two weeks Brutus and I am still missing you so much, but I'm getting better...I think...I still think about you constantly....and I shed tears for you. I have been thinking more and more about all the good times we had together instead of the fact that I don't have you anymore.

Fishin in the Dark



And remember this, Radar and Tanga doing synchronized swimming...lol...they always try to be just like you!


And remember this lovely sloppy kiss you gave Daddy?


Miss you so much pooh-man!

Love always,
Mom

Thank you so much for your kindness. Blessings!

Oh, more photos of Beautiful Brutus. Awww, how precious!!!

Thank you very much for sharing.

Many Comforting Hugs to you and your Angel Fur Kid Brutus!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Aww, Brutus was a gorgeous dog, labs have such beautiful natures, I can just feel that big licky kiss he is giving your husband. I'm always getting licked to death by my dogs and the (cat) must say I prefer the dog's tongue to the cat's. What are the other dogs called? they sure love the water don't they? they are sooo cute!

madi xx

Good Morning Madi...Radar is the black and white mix, he is about 9...we think he is beagle/spaniel/lab mix, 45lbs? We really don't know what he is, we got him When he was about a year or so old from SAFE (save animals from euthanasia)...we got Radar because when Brutus was about 4 he went through a spell almost like depression, but there was nothing physical wrong with him...vet suggested another dog so we found Radar... and Brutus quickly came out of his depression. Although dogs love thier humans more than anything, I do think my dogs benefit from other dogs, especially since we have to work and are gone for 8 hrs/day. Radar is my hubbies Soul Dog.

Tanga is the white one with the tan spots, he is a rat terrier. We just got Tanga in March of this year and he is about 1 1/2 yrs old. We also got him from a rescue called new rattitude. The decision to get Tanga was a tough one...we knew Brutus' time was limited and Radar was so so close to Brutus..they slept together most of the time. Brutus did not like Tanga...he tollerated him, but towards the end he got very mean with Tanga and we had to really watch them together. Radar and Tanga are best buds now, started happening about a month before Brutus went to the bridge. I'm so glad now we got Tanga for Radar, I think it really helped him with Brutus' passing. Radar has had his moments the past two weeks where we could see he was grieving for his pooh-man but not near as bad as we thought it would be and I think that's because Tanga is here.

I sometimes feel guilty for getting Tanga since Brutus didn't like him much, but I will say there is no dog in the world that makes me and my husband laugh like Tanga does....he is a bit high energy, but not too bad. He is so packed with personality, you laugh when you just look at him.

Both Tanga and Radar had issues that we had to work through being rescues. Radar had severe seperation anxiety, he would eat the walls when we left for work...even through his crate. It took a good year to make him feel comfortable when we left, but I'm glad we stuck it out with him, he is a wonderful dog. Tanga was a runner, he was found along a busy interstate during a winter storm...which is common for rat terriers...he is not anymore though. At home we do not have a fenced in yard and he does fine, of course I am always outside when my dogs are too. Only problem with Tanga that I'm having a hard time breaking is his love of the taste of poop...his poop, Radar's poop, it doesn't matter, he loves to eat poop. I do pick up the yard daily but if I miss a terd, he is sure to find it...lol.

Radar and Tanga play constantly...it is great to watch! I'll have to post a pic of these two sometimes, it is hilarious...on dial up right now so no downloading today.

Hope you all have a good day,
Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

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Hi Brutus' Mom

I've been reading all your postings on here. Your doggies sound to be bringing you so much comfort and it's so good that they have each other at this time, as like you and your husband they will be missing darling Brutus.

I think it's a good thing that you took Brutus with you this time.You have to do what brings you the most comfort. I have Noushka's 'box' that contained her urn, in our bedroom with lots of photos of her and Tasha all around it. Her ashes, we did bury next to Tasha in their garden. I can look out to where they are from my computer desk.
I've been sorting through lots of photo's these last few days and I found a photo of our Black Lab/GSD cross, Sooty. Think we'd only just rescued him so he was only a few weeks old. I thought you might like to see him. He was such a cutey. Sadly he only lived to be about 7 as I've mentioned before.
Your postings are lovely. You've helped and sent love to everyone, that means such a lot to us all.
I hope you like the pic of little Sooty......
Love and hugs

Jan xx

Hi.

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better. It's tough, I know, and there are times when it's really hard.

Your pups are so cute. I know what you mean when you say you felt guilty getting Tanga not long before Brutus left. We did that too. We got Casey just two weeks before Hunny left. (I hate to say died, because she didn't really die - we killed her - I still have bit of an issue with it). We didn't get her because we knew Hunny's time was coming to an end though. We got her to keep Barney company. Just makes me wonder if Hunny understood that or if she's mad because she thinks we got her to replace her. I sure hope not and if she does, I sure hope she can forgive me one day. I just wish Lily could have had the chance to meet them too.

Anyway, it's good that your pups are moving on. They are quite resilient. Ours mourned for a week or so. They were so lost, they wondered around the house looking for her. Very upsetting. But they are doing well now. I often wonder if they even remember Hunny at all - it's been eight months.

I've been racking my brain trying to think of something special to buy in remembrance of Hunny and Lily for Christmas. I've not had much luck though. I think maybe I'll just make a donation to Winnipeg Humane Society (that's where we got Lily). I think helping other helpless animals is the way to go. I would adopt them all if I could!

Anyway, better go (I'm at work).

Take care and hugs to you and your gorgeous pups.

Lynette.

oh Lynette, please don't say that. I do understand that feeling though and I've been trying to work through it too. I keep 2nd guessing my decision/timing. We can not torture ourselves like that though...when the moment came we made the decision because it was the right thing. ((hugs))

Jan....Sooty is adorable! Thankyou

Lynette it's understandable how you feel, I have felt exactly the same, the guilt is normal and most people you talk to feel the same way about it. The cat I had before Ulriich was so old that he was actually going rotten, he was fly blown and couldn't even get up in the end. He was a stray that someone had dumped near our place close to 20yrs earlier when my son was just a small boy. He was an adult cat when we got him, desexed and all, so God only knows how old that cat actually was. Well we had to get him PTS at that time and even though he was near death and there was absolutely nothing that could be done for him, I still felt really guilty. Please don't you feel guilty Lynette, you chose the right time and our loved ones depend on us to do that.

madi xx

My dear Brutus...Thursdays are so hard for me. We come back from the week-end house and I don't want to come home...today before work I went behind the barn to where you would always trek...I searched everywhere for a pawprint of yours that hadn't washed away..no luck....I just stood gazing in the woods wanting to see you. Radar doesn't like coming home either on Thursdays..he usually runs right into the bedroom and lays in his bed..I'm sure he is missing you...I didn't tell you but everyday coming home from work I made sure I was late so that Daddy would get home before me...being the first to get home to you after work was such a joy..at least I think that now..before I thought it was a pain..you barking and carrying on to meet me and to be fed. I have yet to get home first and I keep putting off...anyhow I hate Thursdays..

I miss you so much and am afraid that the pictures in my head of you will eventually fade...not because I want them to..but because it just happens with us humans.....I never want to forget that sweet face of yours and those soulful big brown eyes.

Love always.
Mom

Remember Lake Superior? You loved the waves


One of the few pics of all of us (since I was always the one taking the picture)...poor Radar's getting choked


Doing what you love, I hope you are doing lots of this now


One of the times I tortured you..lol


Miss you so much Brutus
Love,
Mom

And finally, me and you after a long day of swimming and playing hard...you were so tired you couldn't even hold your head up...I don't look so wonderful in this pic!



I miss you so much my pooh-man choo!

{{{{{Sonya}}}}} Oh My Gosh, Brutus is so very adorable and I know you miss him terribly. Now, who's idea was it to put that Viking Hat on him and what was the occasion? I love it! How precious is that? One can certainly see all the love you have for each other. Awww! Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers as I wing many loving Angels to soothe and gently guide you through this most difficult time. Blessings to you and yours.



I Wish You Peace!

Many Comforting Hugs to You and Your Angel Fur Kid Brutus!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Good Morning Dottie....I want to say it was 4th of July of 2008...we used to have a 5th wheel rv in a permanent campground (before we bought this weekend house you hear me talk of) on a lake and a friend came to visit and brought that viking hat with him...Radar wore it too...lol

Radar is the one who really seems to get "tortured" wearing things that belong to people. When Doug's sister's were visiting this past summer, Radar went back into the spare room to be with them (Radar is a snugglebug)...a few minutes later Radar comes walking into the kitchen with fancy victoria secret bra/panties on...it was hilarious, but I think he was alittle embarrassed....I don't think I got a pic of that one, but I do have a pic of Radar with a ski hat/goggles on that I will have to post sometime.

I use to have doggie sunglasses for both Brutus and Radar and they would wear them on the boat and boy did they attract the attention...people loved it...and they actually liked wearing them...they were made for dogs so they fit around their eyes really well.

Doug used to dress Brutus in one of his old Steeler Football t-shirts during games and Brutus would wear it through the whole game.

Dear Brutus....today is the first snow of the season...hard to believe we haven't had other than a few flakes until now. It is snowing like crazy here....gosh you loved the snow...you would dig in the big piles that we had shoveled and would wash your face in the snow. I've got to find a picture of that...it just doesn't seem right without you...nothing is the same, I just can't get use to it and I don't want to.

Miss you pooh-man
Love,
Mom

Found some pics:

lol...I had those goggles on you too:



And you in the snow, this was probably about 2-3 years ago:



Love you my sweet boy!

HI Sonya,
All your pictures are so fantastic to see. I so do know the pain you are going through, wish we could make it go away. I've been the same the last few days, just can't stop crying. It makes me feel better posting the pictures of my doggy darlings on here, seems to bring them closer again and keep them there, vivid in my mind.
We too have pics of our girls with sunglasses , sun hats, reindeer antlers(yes we really do) Sorry girls ! They seemed to quite like 'dressing up' Well they never grumbled anyway.

Brutus so reminded me and hubby (Dave) of our Sooty boy in the pic where he's carring the stick. Soot used to find the biggest one he could and used to try and carry it all the way back home. Sometimes they were like actual tree trunks, ha, and sometimes very long. Watch out anyone in his way, Sent us flying on a few occasions.
He also loved the water. We had a job keeping him out of it. Nearly lost him in a tidal current down in Cornwall one year. Was very scary seeing him being swept along but we managed to get out there and haul him back to dry land.
Keep posting those lovely pics. They really did make me both laugh and cry. Snow is going to be bad for me too as Tasha and Noushka were real 'snow loving' dogs. We haven't had any yet but its chiiling fast here now, so expecting it soon.
By the way you look quite gorgeous in your pics so don't put yourself down , girl.
Thinking of you

Love Jan xx

Oh Dottie....I love it...that fits him for sure!

Thankyou for the smile.

Hugs,
Brutus' Mom

Bless Dottie, Brutus will be so happy that his mom is smiling. That is so lovely !

Love Jan xx My girls will love him too he looks sooo cool !! xx

Hi Sonya and Jan. So glad you like the image I made. Sonya, I was inspired not only by the photo but also by all you've said about Brutus in all your posts so far. That includes the part where you said, "Radar comes walking into the kitchen with fancy victoria secret bra/panties." Doug's sister's doing. Sure wish I'd been there. Of course, I couldn't resist when you said, "Doug used to dress Brutus in one of his old Steeler Football T-shirts during games and Brutus would wear it through the whole game." And ...

Say, ya know that Brutus is way too sexy for that.

Here's the original version of "I'm Too Sexy" from 1992 ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vziUC1IT0wo

Now, this is a newer video and has scantily clad sexy backup dancers. It's still fine to post here as there's nothing lewd about it in the least. However, one might not want to let young eyes see them ladies shaking their booties. Just sayin' so ya'll will know and here it is ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q75gREOjyFI

This one is perfect to show kids and it's the one I thought about when I made the image.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gcbsy5SiCIo

Again, I'm so pleased you like it!

Many Comforting Hugs to you both and your Angel Fur Kids!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Cool is the word and cool is the dude. Brutus looks absolutely adorable in those goggles Sonya. Would love to see some of Radar in Victoria's undies. Oh and I have just noticed the Viking hat, you can see by his demeanour that he was a very loving dog. Thanks for sharing, I love looking at all the beautiful angel baby pics on this forum.

madi xx

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Hi Sonya

Hope you are ok. Been thinking of you and thought you would like to see my Tasha in her shades.
Love and hugs

Jan x

Hi everyone...Dottie I always did like that song, it's definately a feel good song.

oh Jan...what a hoot...I do believe Tasha is "smiling" in that pic! Her fur is gorgeous...do they require alot of brushing?

I've been doing fairly well, getting better...at least I thought so. Doug tells me last night (3 week anniversary of losing Brutus)...that he hates to see me in this haze I've been in...I admit at times I'm there, but I didn't think I was "that" bad...he says I'm not myself yet, that I don't laugh enough and have been ignoring Radar and Tanga at times. I've really been trying hard to not be a "downer"...I even put up a little Christmas tree at the week-end house. I guess I'm just not totally ready to let go yet. I still do cry alittle every day, but I'm able to control it...and only really let it out when I'm alone. It just hasn't been enough time yet. I do see what he's saying about not paying enough attention to Radar and Tanga...so last night I made it a point to get on the floor with them and roll around and play and Doug joined in...I enjoyed it, but I did feel like I was trying too hard. I just need alittle more time....that's all just more time.

I did hit a deer yesterday on the way to work at 5am in the morning...pretty much totalled my car that I just made the last payment on in October...figures. Two hours late for work and had to call a friend to come get me, I am fine though, airbag did not go off so that's good...I'm sure I would of lost control of the car if it had. Insurance will cover it to be fixed or total it, if they total it, I will have to buy another car with another payment...so send me good thoughts that they'll fix it. I was so looking forward to not having a car payment for a year or two. I don't care much about what I drive as long as the motor is reliable since it's almost 60miles one way for me to work. This motor was reliable and I liked this car...who can not like a car that is paid for and still looks good...well...did look good.

Well, I hope you all are doing well and want to say I so appreciate all of you...you have helped me so much get through this terrible time of my life...you are all angels...I look forward everyday to reading your posts...would be really neat if we could all meet in person wouldn't it? I bet we'd get in trouble though...lol.

Hugs to all and kisses to my pooh-man...your Mommy loves you.

Oh thank goodness you are ok Sonya, sorry to hear about the deer and the car, whatever next eh! The main thing is that you weren't injured.

I'm glad you liked the photo of Tasha in her shades. Yes she does look to be smiling , probably thinking, 'here we go again, next comes the sunhat... whatever !!!' She loved it really.

I have put my tree up . I wasn't going to but then , I thought, whatever will the grandchildren think if Nannijanni doesn't 'do' Christmas. So I got my act together and up went the tree and trimmings, tears rolling down my cheeks, Oh dear. Felt dreadful, just kept thinking, this time last year..............
It does look pretty. I've got a beautiful angel on the top that reminds me of Dottie(bit more discretely dressed- no corset).She has lovely wings that light up, not quite as big as Dotties.
I am afraid there are no animals (other than my Angels) in my life now. Maybe next Spring there might be the patter of furry paws again, hopefully. Need to be free to help with the new grandchild(due early February) as my Daughter wants me to move in for a couple of weeks, so not the right time now to bring a puppy home. Will give me a bit more time as well to sort my head (and heart) out.
Well must go now as it's well past midnight here in Uk.
Thinking of you.
Love Jan xx

Wow Sonya, glad you're ok, like you really needed that. I live in an area that is rife with kangaroos and it is impossible to miss them when they decide to hop across the road in front of you. I don't know about deer, but kangaroos just bound straight into you before you even know they're there. They have absolutely no road sense whatsoever and they are so damned big. I feel so sorry for you especially since you have just paid the car off, they are so expensive and cost a fortune to run.
Sonya, it's only 3 weeks since you lost your dear Brutus and it is little wonder you are not being yourself yet. Men don't like you not being yourself, my husband is a very kind man who helps me heaps, he's the best, but after a while he didn't like me not being myself, he wanted the old me back. I think men feel insecure or something when we women are not giving them our full attention. You can't rush it though, I went through all the stages you describe, like not paying attention to the other animals, crying every single day, some days all day, being down, but trying to appear normal in front of people who thought I was nuts. Faking it just does not work, grieving takes as long as it takes. You will be able to cope in time, I am now, still have that hole in my heart, but I can enjoy playing with my dogs and have fun with them again and I have a cat here that I'm showering with love and I'm getting that love back, even though she's not mine and I may lose her one day. If you're ever in Australia Sonya, I would be happy to meet up with you. Now let me see, what would we talk about? Oh yes, pets, pets and more pets. Take care.

madi xx

Tasha looks so cool Jan, she was such a beauty and she looked so happy, as I'm sure she was with you and she's so "WHITE" Hope you have a good day. Hugs.

madi xx

My dear Pooh-man...It's been almost a month and I still miss you so much. Yesterday I heard a song on the radio...Willie Nelson's Always on my mind...and I totally lost it....you ARE always on my mind. I was looking through some photos of you and wanted to post some more for my friends on the forum.

You and Radar lounging on the deck up at camp:


...and you...doing what you love...swimming:


Hugs and kisses to you my sweet boy.

I don't know why this pics came out so small...guess I still don't totally know what I'm doing.

Today was alittle rough...took Tanga into the vets for his rabies shot..once there an older shephard came in..you could tell he was old and tired..he was limping as well..with him were what I assumed Mother and Daughter..Daughter was around 14 maybe...I could tell instantly when I looked into that young girls face what was about to happen. I was crushed. Vet took us in the room and shut the door for Tanga's shot..first words out of my mouth...are they here for euthanasia? He confirmed and I felt terrible and started crying. He and I talked about how I was doing and he tried to be cheerful. We came out of the exam room and that young beautiful girl was holding her dogs face while tears streamed down her face...I so wanted to run over and hug her but it wasn't my place or time to interfere...it was so sad..I wanted to help so bad..to talk to her..to hold her while she cried..but I didn't know her and again didn't want to interfere with her last time with her beloved. I been crying off and on all day...for all of you...for Brutus..for that young girl. I wish I had here phone number, I would invite myself over to her house and cry with her and try to comfort her....sad day.

I so miss you Brutus..

Love,
Mom

Oh how sad, I'm crying for all of you and that gorgeous darling baby on his last journey, it just breaks my heart. Love your photos of Brutus and Radar too, beautiful dogs, labs are real water babies aren't they? Hugs

madi xx