Last night I made the decision to let my Maki go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. She has been my baby for 12 1/2 years. Through it all. I have posted here 2 previous times and thought that those were the hardest times... but this is hurting me so deep that I feel like I will not recover. Maki, my pug, had cushings which caused pancreatitis, bladder stones and very slow healing. Her eye surgery from 2 years ago had not healed right. I think that injury is what caused her downward slope. She aged so much after that. She could not take any more medications. The pancreatitis is finally what made me make the decision. At least I think thats why she was in pain. She had an accident all over me and the bed on Sat night. Then was breathing with a type of whine all day on Sunday. She had been wearing diapers for a while now and I noticed that it was dry for the first time in forever. I took her to the ER with a small soft serve ice cream, that she didn't have to share with her brothers. They put in the catheter and brought her back to me. She went out licking the final drops from the cup.
I thought because I knew this was coming, that it would be easier. It's not. I'm a mess. I can barely see through the tears to type. I know it will get easier. I know it was the right thing. It just hurts so much.
I can't remove her food bowl. I can't move the diapers from near the door. I don't want to. It is so different this time. I'm such a mess.
I just wanted to post because this site was so helpful to me in the past.
Thanks for reading this.
-Chris

Chris, I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think I have anything really helpful to say right now. I'm just sorry.

Magdalene

Chris, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm sure you already know this, but take your time. Just keep breathing in deep. Even when we think we've prepared ourselves, it suddenly feels like we haven't prepared at all. I thought my biggest fear & concern was Frasier's death so I tried so hard to "prepare" for it but after he died I found out the worst part was living without him! I'm sorry you're feeling all of this.
Please keep posting. It's no consolation but it sounds like you did the right thing for you Maki.
-Donna

dear chris

i am so sorry for your loss. we all know what you are going thru and how hard it is to go on without our loved ones. you miss the routines, the kisses, the greetings all of it. please know that maki is in a wonderful place now where his is no longer in discomfort and can eat all the ice cream she wants. i hope that she is hanging out with my fred and riley. know that we are here for you. you are not alone.
big hug from lucy and myself in california
patricia

Thanks for the replies. I really needed them. Today has been so hard. Everything is the "first time" without her. I have never slept at home without her and didnt sleep well so I slept alot today...on the couch. I have off work until wed, so I hope I feel better by then. At lease good enough to function.
I am so sorry for all of your losses as well. We share a grieving heart. So many people do not understand the grief of an animal. They are so much more than pets.
Just knowing people understand helps alot
Thanks

People generally don't understand the amount of pain one feels when they lose a furkid. The grief hits some of us just as hard as if we had lost a child or a spouse. I can tell from your posts that you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. No, it doesn't get easier to say goodbye. With the last one I had to do this with I cried like a baby and I'm not ashamed to say so. Frankly I think that grieving less would really worry me because I love all of my guys here so much. Right now I have my little cat Sam lying across my lap and I'm petting him for all of the furkids I've said goodbye to. I hope you feel better soon and I'll give Sam the Man a head scratch for you.