My beagle, Bobby, was my best mate in the entire world. He died early in the morning on 27th September, 2009 after a short illness. He was 11 and a half years old and I am not coping, in fact, I'm really struggling. I think this message board is a wonderful resource for grieving pet owners. I don't really have anyone that I can talk to about this, how do you explain to someone how much something means to you? They think he's just a dog. In all honesty, apart from my mum, I loved him more than anyone else I know.

He wasn't just a family dog that you fed once a day, went out and patted every now and then but otherwise generally ignored. He was my best mate and I was with him all the time. When I got Bobby I was studying at night's, home during the day playing with him. Then I worked afternoon shift, home during the day hanging out with my beagle. And for the last two years I've worked from home, my beagle still by my side (even though he was never allowed inside, as soon as everyone was off to school or work, he was inside with me).

Everyday I'd feed him, take him for long walks (he loved 'em, sniffed everything he could), tuck him under his covers during the cold winter nights, check on him all the time and give him big scratches on his back or chest, play all kinds of games with him which he loved (from throwing his squeezable ball to rumblings to chasing each other around the yard for no reason to games we invented ourselves like 'heat', 'the give' and 'the muzzler'). It's really hard to write about this coz this is when he showed so much of his personality, stuff that no other dog would do, stuff that used to crack me up, stuff that was uniquely Bobby.

There is a massive hole in my heart and a massive void in my life. I have an extra couple of hours each day that I don't know what to do with. The house is so empty and lifeless now. Everywhere I look I can picture him, every time I wake up or come home I expect to see his smiling little face and whipping tail at the side door. Now I sit here in this big empty house, alone, missing my little mate. I miss him so damn much.

Thank you for reading and letting me share,
Deano.

Deano,

So sorry to hear about your beloved Bobby. It sounds like you gave him a wonderful and fun life - he had so much good time with you. I know nothing will help right now but you just have to keep breathing and try to remember the good things. Bobby knows you love him and you will see him again. I lost my 14 year old sheltie about 6 weeks ago and I am just now starting to function again. I still miss him and I still cry but not as often.

You just need to let it out and come here alot - everybody here understands.

I will saya prayer for you and Bobby.

Cheryl and Angel Maxie

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have beagles so I know how great they are. All of us here understand your pain and know exactly what you're feeling and going through. It is tough, but it does get better. It just takes some time. I lost Lily, June 24 last year and Hunny, April 4 this year. So, we all know how much it hurts.

Beagles are so cute. I have three of them. One is a cross with a cavalier. But they are just so adorable. Izzy, our eldest, was a puppy mill survivor. She has come so far since we got her last year after losing Lily. Then we got Barney, he was a pup. He's a mama's boy. Then came Casey. Barney and Casey are three weeks apart, both a year old. Izzy is about five. Casey is very destructive, but quite sassy at the same time. I love their size. They are so compact! Quite the bed hogs though!

All I can offer is that you take it one day at a time. It does take time. I'm still grieving for Hunny and Lily. I miss them both so very much. I cry for them even now. I loved them, love them so much. They take a huge part of your heart and soul with them when they leave. But, I've lost other dogs before them, and it does get easier. This is a great place to come to. It helped me through the tough times with Hunny. I wish I had found it when I lost Lily.

So, please take care.

Thinking of you and sending a hug your way.

Condolences from Canada.

Lynette.

what a beautiful picture of bobby. unfortunately, everyone here understands the "hole in your heart" so so well. i wish we didnt. i dont know anyone here who wouldnt give a limb just to have their furbabies back for one more day. bobby was not just a dog, he was your best friend, your family member, your little shadow, he was a part of you and i know what a difficult time this is. i lost my kitty of 14 years this year. diabetes came and snatched fred away from me. his little brother riley (both rescues) died the previous year. it has not been easy as they were by my side thru thick and thin. you miss the little warm body, the "conversations", the routines, the way they could make you laugh, their smell, everything. but please know how lucky you both were to have each other. although i am not a religious person, i am spiritual and believe that when they leave us they are welcomed back by their maker who has missed them so much. when they cross rainbow bridge, they are pain free and can run the endless fields. the sun always shines there and they have many wonderful new friends.
please know that you are not alone. all of us here understand the pain that you are going thru and we are here to hold your hand thru this most difficult time. know that time will heal and bobby will live in your heart forever.

you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

We really do understand that void! Even when there are other very beloved pets in the house, there is still that hole, that void, that emptiness, that missing piece that made your home complete. I am so sorry for the loss of your best friend. I know you miss him dearly and I know there aren't words to really help at this time except to say that you are not alone in all the overwhelming feelings you have right now. It's been 1 month since my cat, Frasier, died and while I am functioning in the "real world", I still have waves of emotions at times if I let my guard down. I miss him so much that it physically hurts even now so I know you are hurting immensely. You're in my thoughts.

Deano, so sorry about Bobby. What a cutie! We all know what you're going through and feel for you. The grieving process is long and painful but you'll get through it. Its been about 13 weeks since I lost my dog Keesha and I'm just now feeling "ok". 13 weeks ago I didn't think I'd be able to get through it but time is a great healer. I will always miss Keesha as you will Bobby but in time it will get better. Hang in there and take care.

Deano, I'm so sorry about the loss of your dear Bobby. I understand the pain you're feeling...our Kobe is sick and I'm not sure how much longer we'll have her with us. These fur angels are so much more than pets, they are family and such a blessing. Keep posting here and sharing your feelings, I think it can really help. Take care

Thanks everyone for their kind words. I got Bobby's ashes back on Wednesday and in a strange way its helped me a little knowing he's still in the house. I've placed the urn in the study, where I work and where he spent most of the day lying around (beagles are so lazy). I've also tried to keep myself busy by collecting all the photos of Bobby I have and putting them in a special album, and by writing a journal about all the funny things he did and his quirky personality traits so I don't forget anything.

I always expected Bobby to have a long life because he was always healthy, active and well looked after. Most people couldn't believe he was 11, he always acted like a puppy. I suspected it would've been a little easier if we had to put him to sleep at age 15 or 16, after a full life, and when his sight and hearing and mobility was deteriorating but he still had many years left in him. That's the hardest thing to take, how sudden it was...

The way it all happened...

Last Tuesday night I noticed his stomach was bloated, I dismissed it as over-eating (some beagles love to do) but it didn't go away the next morning and he didn't seem himself. Wednesday I took him to the vet; he said Bobby was constipated and possibly had an enlarged prostate (Bobby wasn't neutered, by the way) but couldn't tell coz he was too blocked up (...up there). Thursday I let the laxatives do their job but I still noticed his mood was down and he had now begun to breathe heavier. Friday morning I took him to the vet; he confirmed an enlarged prostate, said he was in considerable discomfort, and confirmed blood in his urine. Vet thought it was either a bad prostate infection, an abcess in the prostate or prostate cancer. He was leaning towards abcess but thought to rule out infection first, so I was sent home with 5 days worth of antibiotics.

On the car ride home Bobby vomited. When cleaning it I noticed some blood. I gave him some ham which he ate, the first thing he'd eaten since Tuesday. He promptly went outside and vomited it up, as well as more blood. I quickly called the vet and told him I want a blood test now to confirm what this is, they agreed so I rushed him back. They wanted to keep Bobby in overnight and drip-feed him coz he wasn't eating, I agreed. Saturday morning I called the vet and he said Bobby condition is much worse than they first thought. The tests they did ruled out any problems with the prostate but the blood test showed a severe lack of platelets (the things that clot the blood).

They believed it was IMT, a rare auto-immune disease. His immune system was destroying itself and he didn't have enough platelets to stop the internal bleeding. His bleeding was in the stomach (hence the blood vomit). They were going to give him a blood transfusion from a big healthy dog to boost his platelets (to give you some idea, a normal dog has 200-500 platelets, Bobby was down to 16) and give him a cortezone to stop the immune system. Theoretically it should've worked. When I called back that night the vet said he was sleeping, but took well to the transfusion and even went for a walk and was wagging his tail that evening.

I thought we'd beaten it, I thought we'd caught it in time. 9am Sunday morning I got the call saying Bobby didn't make it. Sometime early that morning he had a tremendous bleed and there weren't enough platelets in his body to fight it. The doctors are baffled as to how he would've got this, I can't believe how aggressive it was. He went from a happy, playful, active dog on Tuesday, to no longer with me on Sunday. I don't mean to sound over-dramatic but it must be similar to the pain felt when I parent loses a child. I was, and have been since, devastated.

I am so, so, so sorry. I know it hurts.

Thinking of you.

You don't sound overdramatic. You have suffered a terrible loss. I am very sorry for your pain.

Magdalene

I am so sorry. He was such a cutie! Very lucky dog to have someone that loves him as much as you do.

I lost my dog very quickly too. Sometimes I wonder if it was a blessing that I didn't have time to agonize over the decision, or know that the end was near. Other times I wish I had had more time to say good bye.

I don't have any magic words to help you through this. I still cry daily for my Callie, I don't know if that will ever change. I've quit worrying about whether or not it's normal. I think more people understand than you realize that it hurts deeply to lose a pet, especially now that so many people have pets. Our pets love us so completely and so unselfishly, it's hard to lose that kind of love.

Hey Deano,


You are not over reacting and I can fully understand your loss. My little guy, Harley, passed away a little over 11 weeks ago and like Bobby, his death was totally unexpected. People always thought he was a puppy and he loved to walk and be outside. The longer the walk the better. He was 9 and I expected him to live at least another 5-6 years.

I don't believe nothing prepares you for the death of a pet, particularly dogs. They are a pack animal, so when they join your family, they are loyal to the pack and to the pack leader. To me dogs are the ultimate symbol of loyalty and unconditional love. They give us 100% of their love 100% of the time. How many humans honestly do that? I have always said that I hope to be half the person my dog thought I was the first time I met him.

Do not deny your feelings and do not let anyone tell you when your mourning period should be over. That is only for you to decide. When Harley died, I was a walking zombie for 2 weeks afterward. I really couldn't function at all. I merely did the bare minimum I could to get through life and just laid around for the rest. I found journalling helped me tremendously as did this forum. People here understand your loss and no one will judge you for whatever emotions you are having. It is natural, it is part of the grieving process, and it is very human. So please don't ever think you are over reacting. You are grieving.

Take care
Peace
Ben