My 13-year old Maine Coon, Franklin, passed away on September 26th. He was suffering from a number of medical issues which were beginning to cause him pain and had greatly deteriorated his quality of life. For the past 4 weeks, my husband and I agonized over his decline, thinking that he could pass away any day. On September 25th we made the decision to put him to sleep. To make it easier on him, we asked the vet to come to our house. He hated the car and the vet and we wanted him to be comfortable. For 15 hours we cried and tried to make our last hours together special, even though he didn't really know who we were anymore. The act of putting him to sleep was incredibly painful for me to watch as was the act of burying him.

I feel like I am so sad that I can barely breathe. I feel incredibly guilty for making the decision to put him to sleep. I feel like there is a whole in my heart and all of the air is leaking out of me. I knew that I loved Franklin like he was my baby, but I never knew that it would hurt this bad.

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you didn't have to be on this forum but you have come to the right place. I put my cat, Frasier to sleep at home 1 month ago yesterday. I understand the pain you are feeling and that suffocating feeling that just doesn't seem to go away in those first few days. It almost feels like you are trying to breathe under water.
It sounds like you did the right thing even though you may doubt yourself at times. I know what you mean about not realizing how it would hit you. I always dreaded the day one of my pets would die and I knew that the process would be more than difficult but the aftermath has been so devastating. I knew Frasier was an important part of our lives for the past 14 years but the hole in our home is much larger than I ever anticipated. It just seems to linger.
Anyway, I am very sorry for you. Just keep trying to take deep breaths and let yourself feel whatever comes to you. Keep posting.
-Donna

I am so sorry about your baby, I too lost mine Sept 23 and for 3 days I cried on the couch, didn't eat, never moved- It was terrible! By the 4th day I actually made it out of the house. I never knew how deep the pain could be for the loss of a pet (my child). Your maine coon was beautiful and you did the right thing, not sure I can give advice but now that my head has cleared some I realize maybe I held on a little too long but you never know what is right or wrong when you are in that situation and who is to judge you ? no one!
Just take each day one at a time!

I am thankful that I was able to close my store and grieve like I have never grieved before, I needed those 3 days and the weekend to be to myself, it did wonders even though I thought the sick feeling in my gut would never leave. I was so glad to find this forum- the people on here are so kind & understanding and will help you and myself get through these times.

Another thing that has helped me a great deal is by day 4 I started "journaling" our life together and still do each night before I go to bed to cut through the loneliness of her not being in bed with me.

Take care.

dear franklins mom,
im so sorry for your loss. i know what you are going thru as i lost my fred of 14 years not too long ago. diabetes stole him away from me and i had to make that horrible decision as well. i wish there was something i could say that would make it all better but i know there isnt. i cried till i didnt think there were any tears left and then i cried some more. i just didnt even want to get out of bed. nothing mattered to me anymore. but time heals as does writing about your grief. we are here for you. we understand your excruciating pain, that hole in your heart. you did the right thing, out of love. please release the guilt. franklin would not want you to feel bad. you gave him a gift; you released him from his discomfort, his pain and although in turn, we are left in pain, it was the right thing to do. take it one day at a time, one minute at a time and when you feel like the pain is so bad, remember and hold on to the fact that franklin is ok now. hes not hurting anymore and hes your little angel now, looking after his mom.
keep writing as it is very healing. we are here for you.

you are in my thoughts
patricia

I wanted to thank all of your for sharing your stories with me. It is very comforting to know that I am not alone and am not crazy, although I am very sad that you are experiencing the same overwhelming sadness that I am feeling. Your advice has been very helpful.

I have tried today to think about happy times with Franklin. My hubby gathered up all of the pictures that we have of Franklin and put them on a digital picture frame, so it's a perpetual slide show. He was such a goofy cat and liked to lie in the sun on his back with his feet up in the air. It makes me smile when I see those goofy pictures and it helps me remember how much joy we shared. It also has helped me to realize just how sick he was when we made the decision to end his suffering. He had lost so, so much weight that you could see his bones. He didn't look much like the cat we knew for most of his 13 year life.

The sobbing is a little more controlled today, but the sadness really creeps up on you. It's amazing all of the little ways that you interact with your pet and when they are gone you feel the void when they are not there.

Again, thank you so much for helping me to understand that I am not alone and I am not crazy for feeling such a depth of sadness for the loss of my furry baby.

Cathy

you are not alone and you are definately not crazy for loving your wonderful franklin. im glad you have a digital frame set up. sometimes its hard to look at pictures but in time, they will bring you smiles. i kept some of freds toys and also, i have little candle that i lite for him, right next to my bed. its been about 6 months now and although there are still nights when i cry myself to sleep, most of my tears have been replaced by smiles. i have wonderful and funny memories of my little angel locked in my heart forever as you will too, of sweet franklin.

shortly after fred died, lucy came into my life. she was this little scruffy dog that had had a horrible beginning, was only 6 months old and if noone took her would return to a shelter. i took her in sight unseen and although there are many times when i threaten to pack up her toys and ship her off to fresno in the next greyhound, (kidding) she has been my new angel that i know fred sent to me.

your life wont be the same without franklin but know that he is looking after you just like you looked after him for 13 years. it was his time to go. as hard as that is for all of us to accept, we all have our time. hes ok now and he is laying on his back as the sun warms his beautiful little face.

you are not alone. youre in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Cathy,

No, you aren't crazy. but more especially, you are NOT alone! I was also devestated when I had to have my beloved Bitsy put down. Even so, if I were to have to make the same decision today, I would come to the same conclusion; that I was giving my little girl the kindest gift I could by letting her pain and suffering end. Yes, I feel guilty, even three months later, but I know that trying to prolong Bitsy's life would have been selfish on my part, leaving her to suffer to spare my grief.

Talking with others on this forum has been a balm and a blessing. Everyone on this site realizes that our pets are SO much more than "just a...."! I and others share with you in your grief, and will always be willing to lend a "digital" ear!

My father also had a Maine Coon cat, which is an almost unheard of breed in Mississippi. The cat just showed up at our doorstep one day and proceeded to make my father his "dad". Because of the cat's large, sleepy looking eyes, and his ever-so-laid back attitude, my father named him "Stony", saying that the cat was stoned looking!

Hope that your grief will lessen, but never your memories of Franklin,

Andy