I want to tell you all how relieved I was to find this website today. All of your stories and support have helped me get through the day. Let me tell you my story.....

We lost our beautiful Katie yesterday afternoon. We rescued her from a shelter about 3 years ago. She was a Border Collie/German Shephard mix and she had the best personality. She would follow me around the house and stand next to me in the kitchen when I was cooking, sleep with me. She was my bug...(nickname). She was not crazy about smaller dogs and always had her eye on the one across the street...which brings me to my story (finally).

I had just gotten home from grocery shopping and I was going in and out of the front door with bags. Well, the dog across the street happened to get out of the house at the very same time and Katie pushed herself out the door and starting running full force for this small dog. We live on a very busy road and I saw it coming....I yelled for her and yelled for her to stop, but Katie was hit by an SUV. It was a horrible site and sound. The neighbors ran out and moved her to a driveway and Katie looked ok....she had no visible wounds and she was just lying there on the group, but she was calm...I later found out that she was actually in shock.

My husband was not home at the time, but arrived shortly after the accident happend and we took her to the emergency room. I had some hope because she looked "ok". Then I started thinking that there is no way that she could be "ok" because I saw the accident and I know that the car was going at lease 30mph. The doctor came in and gave us the sad prognosis....internal bleeding, a possible punctured lung and massive pain. We had to make a very tough decision....we decided to put Katie down and not make her go through all of the procedures that the DR was telling us she would need to do. She also told us that there was a very, very high chance that she would not make it and would be in alot of pain through it all.

We went in to say goodbye to Katie and I'm glad that we decided to do this...because faced with this type of agonizing decision, I would always wonder if we had made the right decision. After seeing her, I knew that we were doing the right thing. She had swelled up and her eyes were bugging out...she was clearly in a lot of pain. I was able to tell her goodbye and I'm thankful for that.


Since I was there with her, I feel terrible guilt. She was just an innocent dog and she trusted me to take care of her and I let her down. I cried myself to sleep last night. This is the first dog that I've ever had and I am truly suprised at how devistated that I am over the loss. I don't know if I will ever get over losing her.

The fact that you feel that she was an innocent dog and that they trust us to take care of us...that kills me because I also feel responsible for Ceaser's Death.
He trusted me to give him the right food ,shelter etc...I gave him Chinese food and he ate it all....next day he also suffered with internal bleeding, perontinitis, his stomache swelled and he like Katie was in pain. I feel for you and I understand what you are going through....I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. The pain will come and go...It as been 6 months and it is still painful and I regret giving him the freaking awful Chinese food and have not had Chinese food since.
Ceaser was also my first dog.

Dear Missing Katie,
I am so sorry for your loss. Your story is gut-wrenching and one that many of us can identify with. My cat, Frasier, wasn't hit by a car or taken really suddenly but I think that no matter how they go, we always feel guilt. We had to put Frasier to sleep 3 weeks ago and like your situation, we were told that he was in alot of pain even though he wasn't showing it. Other than his swollen abdomen, he looked normal. It wasn't what I expected my baby to look like at the time I would have to make such a decision. Even just today I have fought myself with guilt as I go through the timetable and second guess everything I did, and more importantly, didn't do. Even only I had....
I know you are wrestling with this guilt and I am so sorry for you. Eventually, you will have to give yourself a break because you can't withstand that pressure forever. Katie was doing what dogs do. You are not to blame. The pain you feel having had to see it happen and go through what you did at the vet must be enormous. You have many shoulders on this forum to cry on as often as you need to. Again, I am so sorry.
-Donna

Missing Katie,

I know what you are going through and it is going to be rough for awhile. I asked Maxie to forgive me and after awhile he visited me and I felt better. You can't control everything and sometimes things just happen. Just lay down the guilt for awhile - it will be there if you want to hold it again. Guilt really gets in the way of the grieving the loss. Just keep breathing - this will take awhile. Write a letter to Katie and tell her how you feel. Light a candle, make a little shrine. Cry it all out. I am a month out and I have cried every single day. It is not as bad now but that first week or so was a killer.

Hold on and keep coming back here. We care.

Cheryl and Angel Maxie

You guys are so great with your support and kind words. It helps me so much to talk with you all. Some people just don't understand. It isn't their fault, but I don't think you can understand until it's happend to you. The hardest times for me are in the morning and at night. She used to lay outside the bathroom when I was in the shower. It is very difficult for me to fall asleep when she is not in the room. Before they put her out of her misery, I was able to go in and tell her how very sorry I am. Writing her a letter is a great idea....I'm going to do that.

Last night, my husband, daughter and I sorted through some pictures of her and we are going to frame some of them and put them all around the house. At first, my daughter (she is 13) said that she didn't want to do it because it would make her sad to see her. I then told her to think about how happy she has been with us over the past 3 years and soon we would be able to look at her picture and smile.

I will keep coming back to this site. Thank you Everyone!

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

No matter how they leave us it always hurts. I've lost a few dogs over the years and it never gets any easier, but I would not trade any of those moments with them for anything.

I just lost two in the past year. We lost Lily suddenly and unexpectedly June 24 of last year. We were all totally devastated. She was only eight and we had expected her to be with us for another few years at least. We're not sure what happened, whether she choked on something or swallowed a bee. We don't know - all I know is watching the light fade from her eyes. And then just a few days later, we found out our other dog, Hunny had cancer. She lost two toes to the disease. And eventually her life. We had to put her down April 4th. This was the first time that I've had to do this. I was there with her to the end - because I had to be - she was my baby and I couldn't let her go without being there for. I told her that Lily was waiting for her. I sent a stuffed angel bear with Hunny and one for Lily and I tucked a little letter into one of them. I think Hunny was ready to leave at the end, of course she didn't want to, but I think she was tired of being sick. Her mind was still good, but the tumour on her foot was big and must have been very sore. She was on pain killers for the last month. I feel that she stuck around after though to keep an eye on our other pups and us too. Just recently though, I've had the feeling that's she's gone. I know she's still watching over us, but I don't think she's there with us all the time anymore. Which is ok, because as much as I love and miss them both, I need for them to be happy and healthy. And they are together again.

Sorry for rambling.

Eventually, the pain will lessen and the good memories will make you smile again. She'll always be in your heart.

You just have to take it one day at a time. There will be good days and then there'll be bad ones. And then, you'll feel guilty for not thinking of her enough. But it does get easier. It just takes time.

I wish I had found this site when we lost Lily. I really could have used it. But I found it a few days before losing Hunny and there were a few people who helped me through that awful ordeal. I come back quite often.

Take care.

Lynette

Thank you Lynette, I am sorry for your loss'. Feel free to ramble at any time. That is what this site is for. It has gotten me through the last few days. Take care.

Denise

I am sorry for your loss. I don't think you let Katie down at all. You made a difficult but loving decisions to spare her a lot of pain and agony. I know it's hard and it hurts.

Kelly

I found this article helped me out tremendously.

Peace & Love
Ben

Dealing with the Guilt.

Guilt. It's a word that can invoke in us the deepest, most terrible feelings of loss, horror, anger, and helplessness. Why did I do what I did? Why couldn't I have done more? Did I kill my beloved pet? Did I not do enough? Did I do too much? Did I put him/her down too soon? Did I wait too long? If only I had closed the gate. If only I had noticed sooner. If only I had waited longer. If only I had more money. If only I had rushed to the vet sooner. If only I had known more at the time. If only I had listened to my gut feelings. If only I had gone to a better vet.

And we beat ourselves up for all these questions and "if-onlys". Why do we do this? Because we loved our pets. Because we wish we could have done more, or wish we had not done what we did.

But we cannot bring them back. We cannot change what we did or did not do.

What we can do is stop hurting ourselves over the guilt. Each of us, in our own way, did what we thought was right at the time, using what we knew and felt. Each of us tried to do the best we could, and did it with the intention of love.

We are human beings, with frailties and faults. We don't know everything. We make mistakes. But we make them with the best of intentions.

To hurt ourselves with the terrible additional pain of guilt is to do disservice to the love we felt for our pets. With very, very few exceptions, we did the best we knew to do at the time. Even if we feel that we didn't do what we should have, or did what we should not have, we have learned, and everyone will benefit from that knowledge now.

Our beloved pets are gone, and out of pain. We still torture ourselves with the pain of guilt and doubt. It's human to do that, too, but are we being fair to ourselves?

We loved, deeply, and that says that we have a deep capacity for love that many do not. We are basically good people. Should we not recognize that goodness, instead of inflicting pain on ourselves for what we could, or should, or should not have done?

We took in a beloved creature, and gave him or her everything we could. We petted, we walked, we fed, we changed litter boxes, we played, we stroked, we sat sleepless on difficult nights. We cared, and did everything we knew to do at the time. And we looked in their eyes, and knew they understood that we loved them, and knew that they loved us.

If we didn't know enough, or made an innocent mistake, do we believe that they did not understand, and love and forgive us in spite of it? I believe they did, and that they do.

We need to forgive ourselves. If we can, we can increase our knowledge, reach out to help others, and use our pain to make things better for our pets, for others' pets, and for those animals out there who are alone and lost. We can make a difference. But only if we quit hating ourselves, blaming ourselves, for being human.

Let the guilt go. Know that your furbabies don't blame you; they understand, because they know your heart. Let yourself forgive yourself, and allow all the love you have to be there for another. There are so many who need it.

Learn, and then teach. Keep learning, and don't stop. Every pebble of knowledge and caring you send out will ripple throughout the world, and keep growing. And perhaps in time, every animal will be loved, and well-cared for, and there will be a great golden age for the animals, and for those of us who love them.


Ginger-lyn Summer
September 10, 1999

Thanks Harley Parley.

I cried the whole way through this. I have a lot of guilt with my two babies. I feel as if I let them down - Lily because she was a rescue and I guess I unconsciously made a promise to love and protect her forever, and Hunny - to keep her safe and healthy. I could do neither. Lily died suddenly and unexpectedly and we couldn't save her. Hunny died from cancer, I know we had no control over that, but still there is guilt that we couldn't do enough. I know we all carry guilt with us and this article makes a lot of sense.

I still have a lot of heartache for them both, but now I have 4 new babies. Three of whom are dogs that nobody wanted. One a puppy mill rescue, one that the owners could no longer care for (at least they made a good effort to find her a new home) and the third someone dumped in the town where I work. It makes me sick to think that no one wanted these precious beings (and all the other innocient animals in the world). I work very hard every day to make sure that they stay safe. I know I can't control everything. I have a lot of anxiety now though. After losing Hunny and Lily the way we did, I worry about them constantly. But I love them so much. I hope and pray that they are with us for a very long time.

Thank you for posting this article, although I cried through the whole thing, it is comforting to read.

Thank you to all the caring people on this website.