Hi everyone. I want to start by saying what a comfort this forum has been to me in the last 24 hours. All of you are so kind, gentle, and genuine. It was good for me to be able to read other people's stories about their losses (I was in no state to comment, but I read so many).
Let me tell you a little about my beloved dog, Butterscotch. His mother was a Pomeranian who got loose one night and came back a week later pregnant. The lady we adopted him from had no idea what the father's breed was. I have attached a picture of Butterscotch so you can see what he looked like. He has been part of my family for 18 years, the vast majority of my life. I was still in preschool when we adopted him, and I just graduated from college last winter. So needless to say this is a very deep loss for me. I barely remember life without him. He was so precious and special to me. He was one of my closest playmates when I was little...he was there for everything! The birth of my younger brother, the death of 3 of my grandparents, my first day of elementary school, my last day of college. His first night with us he cried and cried for his mother and sisters, I felt so bad for him, but he quickly became accustomed to our home. As a small child I of course loved to play with him, and he was always so patient and loving all through his life. He was very protective of us. He would spend his nights in the hallway outside of our bedrooms to make sure we were okay. In the winter time he would sleep in my room because he just loved the warm carpet. As the years went by, he showed signs of aging. His little muzzle began to grey, it wasn't as easy for him to go up stairs to sleep in the hallway at night, so he slept right at the foot of the stairs. We quickly learned to nudge him lightly when we came downstairs in the mornings so as not to step on him. This past year is when we saw a major decline. In the winter he had a bad fall. I found him on the kitchen floor with all 4 limbs just sprawled out, incontinent of urine and stool. Somehow he mustered up the strength to stand up and we rushed him to the vet. By the time we arrived he barely had a limp. The vet was very impressed with his physical condition. Over the next few months it was like he was a puppy again! He was running around the house, chasing his tail and occasionally barked at the mailman!
Last month I moved about 60 miles from home for my job. It was so painful to leave him. I missed my family, but especially my Butterscotch. About 3 weeks ago I had a doctor's appointment in my home town, so of course I had to stop at home to see everyone, including Butterscotch. He was still the old man I remembered. On Friday afternoon I got the call I had been dreading. Butterscotch was shutting down. He began to isolate himself and refused to eat or drink. He also became completely incontinent. We knew he was in his last days. He didn't appear to be suffering at all, so we were going to let nature take it's course. I was going to come home the next day to say my goodbyes. Well, early Saturday morning my parents awoke to blood curdling yelps coming from the kitchen. There he was on the floor, stomach distended, incontinent of hard, black stool. Later in the day the vet made a house call to put him down. He died around 3:15 PM yesterday. Unfortunately I wasn't able to make it home in time, but my mother assured me he was at peace. The vet said the the blood curdling yelps they heard were not out of pain, but more out of aggravation of not being able to relieve himself of urine/stool. Maybe they say that to everyone, but it made me feel better. It was killing me inside knowing that he was suffering during his last hours. My mother said that as soon as the vet walked in and saw Butterscotch he said that this was the right decision. He wasn't going to get better and this was a way to give him a dignified passing.
To say I am devastated would be an understatement. His death wasn't shocking or all that sudden, but that sure doesn't lessen the pain. The emotional pain. The physical pain. I feel like a zombie. To lose something that has been part of my everyday life is completely heart breaking. I haven't left my apartment since I heard the news. I am going home tomorrow, and I don't know if I'm ready. To add even more insult to injury, I will be undergoing back surgery on Tuesday, requiring me to be off of work for at least 8 weeks. It's not going to be an easy process, grieving this loss, and recovering from surgery. I long for his companionship so much right now. I can't wait until we are reunited again on Rainbow Bridge...
I know this is long, but it's helped me a great deal to talk about him.
Thanks for listening, and I wish all of you continued healing through this terrible, painful process.
Full Version: The Day After...
What a beautiful boy!
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can only imagine how hard it is for you after having literally grown up with Butterscotch! I remember all too well the actual physical pain; I was so surprized that it could hurt so bad! Cry, let it out. Look at all the pictures you can and remember and cry and love him. He's only gone physically, but still present in your heart, find comfort in that. I still tell Calle how much I love her and I still cry for her. It's not easy losing someone that was so much a part of your every day.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can only imagine how hard it is for you after having literally grown up with Butterscotch! I remember all too well the actual physical pain; I was so surprized that it could hurt so bad! Cry, let it out. Look at all the pictures you can and remember and cry and love him. He's only gone physically, but still present in your heart, find comfort in that. I still tell Calle how much I love her and I still cry for her. It's not easy losing someone that was so much a part of your every day.
Hi Edward,
Today, (well technically yesterday) marks 8 weeks since I took my beloved Harley for our last walk together. From what you are telling me, it sounds like Harley and Butterscoth had similar deaths in terms of black stools and yelping out in frustration. I know the zombie feeling too well. For days after Harley died I was truly a walking zombie and not knowing what to do. Harley died on July 20th and even though we've had record temperatures since then, summer ended the day my boy died.
There is never any shame when it comes to grieving my friend. I Have been fortunate that those around me understand that even though I'm a rough tough hockey player who doesn't even bleed when cut, that I need my space and time to grieve. MY boss told me that if I need a moment, then I was allowed to close my door and leave it closed for the day if I have to. I have a lovely fiancee who has supported me through this tough time. Most of all, I have written in a journal pretty much every day, trying to bring back the good memories I have of Harley. I would suggest that perhaps you do the same.
Butterscotch was a beautiful dog. He passed form this world knowing he was loved and cared for, and without one single regret. I think the reason we love our dogs so much is that they really are the ideal unselfish companion. They give us 100% of their love 100% of the time and they ask very little in return. We can only hope to become the people our dogs already think we are.
Take care my friend
Peace & Love
Ben
Today, (well technically yesterday) marks 8 weeks since I took my beloved Harley for our last walk together. From what you are telling me, it sounds like Harley and Butterscoth had similar deaths in terms of black stools and yelping out in frustration. I know the zombie feeling too well. For days after Harley died I was truly a walking zombie and not knowing what to do. Harley died on July 20th and even though we've had record temperatures since then, summer ended the day my boy died.
There is never any shame when it comes to grieving my friend. I Have been fortunate that those around me understand that even though I'm a rough tough hockey player who doesn't even bleed when cut, that I need my space and time to grieve. MY boss told me that if I need a moment, then I was allowed to close my door and leave it closed for the day if I have to. I have a lovely fiancee who has supported me through this tough time. Most of all, I have written in a journal pretty much every day, trying to bring back the good memories I have of Harley. I would suggest that perhaps you do the same.
Butterscotch was a beautiful dog. He passed form this world knowing he was loved and cared for, and without one single regret. I think the reason we love our dogs so much is that they really are the ideal unselfish companion. They give us 100% of their love 100% of the time and they ask very little in return. We can only hope to become the people our dogs already think we are.
Take care my friend
Peace & Love
Ben
Oh Edward, Butterscotch is beautiful - and always will be by the way. Every single person here understands how you feel.
I lost my dear old Frankie about 5 weeks ago, he was 17 1/2, and had all the usual frailties of extreme old age. He gradually went totally blind, deaf and lame over the final few years of his life.
Why I am telling you all this is, even though I know the circumstances weren't "ideal" for you, and not what you envisaged - i.e. you not being there, and butterscotch in distress - I'm not sure it would make a huge difference to the terrible loss you feel.
Because... I was "with" my dog when he suddenly and silently died (maybe heart attack or aneurysm, it was instant) - I was standing in the same room, perhaps 6 feet away - and I feel horribly guilty that I was making a coffee and not watching him for that particular second. But then I rationalise that I did that every morning and why should I have done anything different on that morning, etc., etc., just as you're probably wishing you were there on that day, etc. I had already driven my daughter to the train, and Frankie could have died then, while I was out. There were lots of times over the years when he had close calls, including a few times he was unconscious and I had to take him to the vets, and he miraculously recovered. The point is it could have happened any time regardless of whether I was there.
The thing is, even if you were there, holding him, you would probably feel you should have been able to help, and couldn't. We can do everything, absolutely everything, to help our pets, but with death there is nothing we can do. We are utterly helpless, whether we are holding them in our arms, or whether we're at the airport boarding a plane (as my husband was when I rang him!).
For all the pet owners who feel guilty about having their pets euthanised, there are just as many who feel guilty for having prolonged their pet's life unnecessarily. Yes this has also gone through my mind. We humans are great at finding ways of feeling guilty! :-)
This may not be any help to you, Edward, but it's meant to be reassuring in a weird kind of way. I have found many ways of feeling guilty, even though I was in the same room as my beautiful dog - I suppose it's our survival instinct, and we are programmed to preserve life even when death is staring us in the face. I was kind of hoping my dog might be only unconscious, so I hit him! I feel terrible about that now, but he was already gone.
It's unbearable, the loss, for you. You've never been without Butterscotch, he was your constant companion. Give yourself a break, you've lost one of the closest friends you've ever had. Be kind to yourself and do a few special things just for you. In time, you will add more pet/s to your life, but Butterscotch will always be a part of who you are.
My dog Frankie was 2 when my daughter was born, so he was like a brother to her, as she is an only child. I really feel for her, it's a similar situation to yours. Pace yourself, spoil yourself, and whenever you're faced with a problem, ask yourself "What would Butterscotch want me to do?" and you'll usually make the right decision.
deb
I lost my dear old Frankie about 5 weeks ago, he was 17 1/2, and had all the usual frailties of extreme old age. He gradually went totally blind, deaf and lame over the final few years of his life.
Why I am telling you all this is, even though I know the circumstances weren't "ideal" for you, and not what you envisaged - i.e. you not being there, and butterscotch in distress - I'm not sure it would make a huge difference to the terrible loss you feel.
Because... I was "with" my dog when he suddenly and silently died (maybe heart attack or aneurysm, it was instant) - I was standing in the same room, perhaps 6 feet away - and I feel horribly guilty that I was making a coffee and not watching him for that particular second. But then I rationalise that I did that every morning and why should I have done anything different on that morning, etc., etc., just as you're probably wishing you were there on that day, etc. I had already driven my daughter to the train, and Frankie could have died then, while I was out. There were lots of times over the years when he had close calls, including a few times he was unconscious and I had to take him to the vets, and he miraculously recovered. The point is it could have happened any time regardless of whether I was there.
The thing is, even if you were there, holding him, you would probably feel you should have been able to help, and couldn't. We can do everything, absolutely everything, to help our pets, but with death there is nothing we can do. We are utterly helpless, whether we are holding them in our arms, or whether we're at the airport boarding a plane (as my husband was when I rang him!).
For all the pet owners who feel guilty about having their pets euthanised, there are just as many who feel guilty for having prolonged their pet's life unnecessarily. Yes this has also gone through my mind. We humans are great at finding ways of feeling guilty! :-)
This may not be any help to you, Edward, but it's meant to be reassuring in a weird kind of way. I have found many ways of feeling guilty, even though I was in the same room as my beautiful dog - I suppose it's our survival instinct, and we are programmed to preserve life even when death is staring us in the face. I was kind of hoping my dog might be only unconscious, so I hit him! I feel terrible about that now, but he was already gone.
It's unbearable, the loss, for you. You've never been without Butterscotch, he was your constant companion. Give yourself a break, you've lost one of the closest friends you've ever had. Be kind to yourself and do a few special things just for you. In time, you will add more pet/s to your life, but Butterscotch will always be a part of who you are.
My dog Frankie was 2 when my daughter was born, so he was like a brother to her, as she is an only child. I really feel for her, it's a similar situation to yours. Pace yourself, spoil yourself, and whenever you're faced with a problem, ask yourself "What would Butterscotch want me to do?" and you'll usually make the right decision.
deb
Words can't really help here but I wanted you to know how truly sorry I am. I well know that feeling that your insides are being pulled out after losing a loved one. It may sound like a cliche but time heals this feeling to a great degree. Thank heavens our minds have the tendency to shed sorrow while leaving the happy memories. As I write this I am sitting here with our cat Sam curled up in my lap. Knowing that our time with them is finite may help us to better appreciate the time we have with them. I am going to give Sam a little extra petting now. 
Take care,
Ken Albin
Take care,
Ken Albin
So terribly sorry for your loss. We all know how you're feeling. Time does heal our broken hearts. It just takes some time.
I lost two babies - Lily, June of last year and Hunny this past April. Both were only 8 when they left this world. But knowing that they are both together again brings a little peace to my broken heart. I miss them so much each and every day. But I can talk about them sometimes without the tears streaming down my face. And that desperate aching for them has pretty much gone. So, time does heal. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
Take care.
Lynette.
I lost two babies - Lily, June of last year and Hunny this past April. Both were only 8 when they left this world. But knowing that they are both together again brings a little peace to my broken heart. I miss them so much each and every day. But I can talk about them sometimes without the tears streaming down my face. And that desperate aching for them has pretty much gone. So, time does heal. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
Take care.
Lynette.
Dear Edward
I share your pain, I wasn't ready for the physical pain that I felt after my Buddy died, it was a huge suprise. Go gently. This time just SUX!!!! Just keep reminding yourself to breathe.....I had to....I didn't realise I was tensing up & holding my breathe.......I am so sorry that you Butterscotch has gone & that you are hving surgery. It often seems that everything happens @ the same time.
Come & share with us here it will help you process all the emotions associated with grief.
Good luck & I wish you a speedy recovery from you operation.
Elaine xx
I share your pain, I wasn't ready for the physical pain that I felt after my Buddy died, it was a huge suprise. Go gently. This time just SUX!!!! Just keep reminding yourself to breathe.....I had to....I didn't realise I was tensing up & holding my breathe.......I am so sorry that you Butterscotch has gone & that you are hving surgery. It often seems that everything happens @ the same time.
Come & share with us here it will help you process all the emotions associated with grief.
Good luck & I wish you a speedy recovery from you operation.
Elaine xx
Hello Edward,
He was beautiful, my heart goes out to you as I know pretty much how your feeling right now...like your heart has been ripped right out of your chest. This is a great place to come and share whatever your feeling. Everyone here is wonderful!! It's been a little over three months for me and it is still hard at times. Just the other night I cried myself to sleep just thinking of my boy. ”Mourning never really ends. Only as time goes on, it erupts less frequently.”
Hang in there and good luck with your surgery.
He was beautiful, my heart goes out to you as I know pretty much how your feeling right now...like your heart has been ripped right out of your chest. This is a great place to come and share whatever your feeling. Everyone here is wonderful!! It's been a little over three months for me and it is still hard at times. Just the other night I cried myself to sleep just thinking of my boy. ”Mourning never really ends. Only as time goes on, it erupts less frequently.”
Hang in there and good luck with your surgery.
QUOTE (chele @ Sep 13 2009, 11:21 PM) 
What a beautiful boy!
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can only imagine how hard it is for you after having literally grown up with Butterscotch! I remember all too well the actual physical pain; I was so surprized that it could hurt so bad! Cry, let it out. Look at all the pictures you can and remember and cry and love him. He's only gone physically, but still present in your heart, find comfort in that. I still tell Calle how much I love her and I still cry for her. It's not easy losing someone that was so much a part of your every day.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I can only imagine how hard it is for you after having literally grown up with Butterscotch! I remember all too well the actual physical pain; I was so surprized that it could hurt so bad! Cry, let it out. Look at all the pictures you can and remember and cry and love him. He's only gone physically, but still present in your heart, find comfort in that. I still tell Calle how much I love her and I still cry for her. It's not easy losing someone that was so much a part of your every day.
Thank you, chele. I went home to my parents house where he lived and it's like he was still there. I kept wanting to feed him/take him outside to go to the bathroom/give him a treat, and I had to tell myself he wasn't there. In a way I think that is him reminding me that he is still with me. Very comforting.
QUOTE (Harley Parley @ Sep 14 2009, 03:45 AM)
Hi Edward,
Today, (well technically yesterday) marks 8 weeks since I took my beloved Harley for our last walk together. From what you are telling me, it sounds like Harley and Butterscoth had similar deaths in terms of black stools and yelping out in frustration. I know the zombie feeling too well. For days after Harley died I was truly a walking zombie and not knowing what to do. Harley died on July 20th and even though we've had record temperatures since then, summer ended the day my boy died.
There is never any shame when it comes to grieving my friend. I Have been fortunate that those around me understand that even though I'm a rough tough hockey player who doesn't even bleed when cut, that I need my space and time to grieve. MY boss told me that if I need a moment, then I was allowed to close my door and leave it closed for the day if I have to. I have a lovely fiancee who has supported me through this tough time. Most of all, I have written in a journal pretty much every day, trying to bring back the good memories I have of Harley. I would suggest that perhaps you do the same.
Butterscotch was a beautiful dog. He passed form this world knowing he was loved and cared for, and without one single regret. I think the reason we love our dogs so much is that they really are the ideal unselfish companion. They give us 100% of their love 100% of the time and they ask very little in return. We can only hope to become the people our dogs already think we are.
Take care my friend
Peace & Love
Ben
Today, (well technically yesterday) marks 8 weeks since I took my beloved Harley for our last walk together. From what you are telling me, it sounds like Harley and Butterscoth had similar deaths in terms of black stools and yelping out in frustration. I know the zombie feeling too well. For days after Harley died I was truly a walking zombie and not knowing what to do. Harley died on July 20th and even though we've had record temperatures since then, summer ended the day my boy died.
There is never any shame when it comes to grieving my friend. I Have been fortunate that those around me understand that even though I'm a rough tough hockey player who doesn't even bleed when cut, that I need my space and time to grieve. MY boss told me that if I need a moment, then I was allowed to close my door and leave it closed for the day if I have to. I have a lovely fiancee who has supported me through this tough time. Most of all, I have written in a journal pretty much every day, trying to bring back the good memories I have of Harley. I would suggest that perhaps you do the same.
Butterscotch was a beautiful dog. He passed form this world knowing he was loved and cared for, and without one single regret. I think the reason we love our dogs so much is that they really are the ideal unselfish companion. They give us 100% of their love 100% of the time and they ask very little in return. We can only hope to become the people our dogs already think we are.
Take care my friend
Peace & Love
Ben
Thanks, Ben. It truly is a terrible experience, one that you can't experience without the irreplaceable companionship of an animal. I find journaling very therapeutic as well. Letter writing has also helped with the grieving process in the past. Thank you for your comfort and reassurance. It is priceless to me.
QUOTE (debandfrankie @ Sep 14 2009, 05:51 AM)
Oh Edward, Butterscotch is beautiful - and always will be by the way. Every single person here understands how you feel.
I lost my dear old Frankie about 5 weeks ago, he was 17 1/2, and had all the usual frailties of extreme old age. He gradually went totally blind, deaf and lame over the final few years of his life.
Why I am telling you all this is, even though I know the circumstances weren't "ideal" for you, and not what you envisaged - i.e. you not being there, and butterscotch in distress - I'm not sure it would make a huge difference to the terrible loss you feel.
Because... I was "with" my dog when he suddenly and silently died (maybe heart attack or aneurysm, it was instant) - I was standing in the same room, perhaps 6 feet away - and I feel horribly guilty that I was making a coffee and not watching him for that particular second. But then I rationalise that I did that every morning and why should I have done anything different on that morning, etc., etc., just as you're probably wishing you were there on that day, etc. I had already driven my daughter to the train, and Frankie could have died then, while I was out. There were lots of times over the years when he had close calls, including a few times he was unconscious and I had to take him to the vets, and he miraculously recovered. The point is it could have happened any time regardless of whether I was there.
The thing is, even if you were there, holding him, you would probably feel you should have been able to help, and couldn't. We can do everything, absolutely everything, to help our pets, but with death there is nothing we can do. We are utterly helpless, whether we are holding them in our arms, or whether we're at the airport boarding a plane (as my husband was when I rang him!).
For all the pet owners who feel guilty about having their pets euthanised, there are just as many who feel guilty for having prolonged their pet's life unnecessarily. Yes this has also gone through my mind. We humans are great at finding ways of feeling guilty! :-)
This may not be any help to you, Edward, but it's meant to be reassuring in a weird kind of way. I have found many ways of feeling guilty, even though I was in the same room as my beautiful dog - I suppose it's our survival instinct, and we are programmed to preserve life even when death is staring us in the face. I was kind of hoping my dog might be only unconscious, so I hit him! I feel terrible about that now, but he was already gone.
It's unbearable, the loss, for you. You've never been without Butterscotch, he was your constant companion. Give yourself a break, you've lost one of the closest friends you've ever had. Be kind to yourself and do a few special things just for you. In time, you will add more pet/s to your life, but Butterscotch will always be a part of who you are.
My dog Frankie was 2 when my daughter was born, so he was like a brother to her, as she is an only child. I really feel for her, it's a similar situation to yours. Pace yourself, spoil yourself, and whenever you're faced with a problem, ask yourself "What would Butterscotch want me to do?" and you'll usually make the right decision.
deb
I lost my dear old Frankie about 5 weeks ago, he was 17 1/2, and had all the usual frailties of extreme old age. He gradually went totally blind, deaf and lame over the final few years of his life.
Why I am telling you all this is, even though I know the circumstances weren't "ideal" for you, and not what you envisaged - i.e. you not being there, and butterscotch in distress - I'm not sure it would make a huge difference to the terrible loss you feel.
Because... I was "with" my dog when he suddenly and silently died (maybe heart attack or aneurysm, it was instant) - I was standing in the same room, perhaps 6 feet away - and I feel horribly guilty that I was making a coffee and not watching him for that particular second. But then I rationalise that I did that every morning and why should I have done anything different on that morning, etc., etc., just as you're probably wishing you were there on that day, etc. I had already driven my daughter to the train, and Frankie could have died then, while I was out. There were lots of times over the years when he had close calls, including a few times he was unconscious and I had to take him to the vets, and he miraculously recovered. The point is it could have happened any time regardless of whether I was there.
The thing is, even if you were there, holding him, you would probably feel you should have been able to help, and couldn't. We can do everything, absolutely everything, to help our pets, but with death there is nothing we can do. We are utterly helpless, whether we are holding them in our arms, or whether we're at the airport boarding a plane (as my husband was when I rang him!).
For all the pet owners who feel guilty about having their pets euthanised, there are just as many who feel guilty for having prolonged their pet's life unnecessarily. Yes this has also gone through my mind. We humans are great at finding ways of feeling guilty! :-)
This may not be any help to you, Edward, but it's meant to be reassuring in a weird kind of way. I have found many ways of feeling guilty, even though I was in the same room as my beautiful dog - I suppose it's our survival instinct, and we are programmed to preserve life even when death is staring us in the face. I was kind of hoping my dog might be only unconscious, so I hit him! I feel terrible about that now, but he was already gone.
It's unbearable, the loss, for you. You've never been without Butterscotch, he was your constant companion. Give yourself a break, you've lost one of the closest friends you've ever had. Be kind to yourself and do a few special things just for you. In time, you will add more pet/s to your life, but Butterscotch will always be a part of who you are.
My dog Frankie was 2 when my daughter was born, so he was like a brother to her, as she is an only child. I really feel for her, it's a similar situation to yours. Pace yourself, spoil yourself, and whenever you're faced with a problem, ask yourself "What would Butterscotch want me to do?" and you'll usually make the right decision.
deb
Thanks, deb. You are so right, and your words are a huge help. I felt guilty about not being there for his passing, but I was there in spirit. I probably would have felt those awful pangs of guilt no matter where I was or what the circumstances were. I don't think there is a pleasant or easy way of dealing with such a loss. Our pets are a cherished member of our family!
QUOTE (Ken Albin @ Sep 15 2009, 01:20 PM)
Words can't really help here but I wanted you to know how truly sorry I am. I well know that feeling that your insides are being pulled out after losing a loved one. It may sound like a cliche but time heals this feeling to a great degree. Thank heavens our minds have the tendency to shed sorrow while leaving the happy memories. As I write this I am sitting here with our cat Sam curled up in my lap. Knowing that our time with them is finite may help us to better appreciate the time we have with them. I am going to give Sam a little extra petting now.
Take care,
Ken Albin
Take care,
Ken Albin
Thanks, Ken. It is cliche but very true. Each day the sorrow fades a little, and I'm reminded of all the love and joy he brought to our home. I'm glad I was able to share such a large portion of my life with him. Give Sam lots of love
QUOTE (lynette @ Sep 15 2009, 02:39 PM)
So terribly sorry for your loss. We all know how you're feeling. Time does heal our broken hearts. It just takes some time.
I lost two babies - Lily, June of last year and Hunny this past April. Both were only 8 when they left this world. But knowing that they are both together again brings a little peace to my broken heart. I miss them so much each and every day. But I can talk about them sometimes without the tears streaming down my face. And that desperate aching for them has pretty much gone. So, time does heal. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
Take care.
Lynette.
I lost two babies - Lily, June of last year and Hunny this past April. Both were only 8 when they left this world. But knowing that they are both together again brings a little peace to my broken heart. I miss them so much each and every day. But I can talk about them sometimes without the tears streaming down my face. And that desperate aching for them has pretty much gone. So, time does heal. You just have to take it one day at a time.
Thinking of you.
Take care.
Lynette.
Thanks Lynette. Very comforting to know they are reunited and forever happy! The first few days were the worst, but you are right, that truly desperate aching does fade each day, and you are able to focus on the joy they brought to your life.
QUOTE (petmum @ Sep 15 2009, 06:27 PM)
Dear Edward
I share your pain, I wasn't ready for the physical pain that I felt after my Buddy died, it was a huge suprise. Go gently. This time just SUX!!!! Just keep reminding yourself to breathe.....I had to....I didn't realise I was tensing up & holding my breathe.......I am so sorry that you Butterscotch has gone & that you are hving surgery. It often seems that everything happens @ the same time.
Come & share with us here it will help you process all the emotions associated with grief.
Good luck & I wish you a speedy recovery from you operation.
Elaine xx
I share your pain, I wasn't ready for the physical pain that I felt after my Buddy died, it was a huge suprise. Go gently. This time just SUX!!!! Just keep reminding yourself to breathe.....I had to....I didn't realise I was tensing up & holding my breathe.......I am so sorry that you Butterscotch has gone & that you are hving surgery. It often seems that everything happens @ the same time.
Come & share with us here it will help you process all the emotions associated with grief.
Good luck & I wish you a speedy recovery from you operation.
Elaine xx
Thanks, Elaine. I wasn't ready for the physical aspect of this process either. It was all I could do to go down the driveway to get the mail! Thank you for your well wishes, they are priceless.
QUOTE (Gemini's Mom @ Sep 15 2009, 09:24 PM)
Hello Edward,
He was beautiful, my heart goes out to you as I know pretty much how your feeling right now...like your heart has been ripped right out of your chest. This is a great place to come and share whatever your feeling. Everyone here is wonderful!! It's been a little over three months for me and it is still hard at times. Just the other night I cried myself to sleep just thinking of my boy. ”Mourning never really ends. Only as time goes on, it erupts less frequently.”
Hang in there and good luck with your surgery.
He was beautiful, my heart goes out to you as I know pretty much how your feeling right now...like your heart has been ripped right out of your chest. This is a great place to come and share whatever your feeling. Everyone here is wonderful!! It's been a little over three months for me and it is still hard at times. Just the other night I cried myself to sleep just thinking of my boy. ”Mourning never really ends. Only as time goes on, it erupts less frequently.”
Hang in there and good luck with your surgery.
Thanks, Gemini's Mom. You explained the feeling perfectly. It's comforting to share your grief with others who truly understand.
-------------------------------------------
Thank you all for taking the time to listen and respond. My thoughts are with all of you through these difficult, scary times. My surgery is Monday, and I am finally at the point where I can distract myself periodically. I have moved back in with my parents for a few weeks, into the home where Butterscotch lived for all these years. I can still feel him. I still feel the need to fill his dog dish, or take him out to pee, or give him a treat when he looks at me with those innocent, adorable eyes. Then I remember. But somehow I feel that is his way of letting me know he is still with me, and always will be.
Hope your surgery goes well, Edward. I'm so glad to hear you're moving back in with your folks for a few weeks while you recuperate. You will all help each other to heal, and Butterscotch will be there in spirit to comfort you in particular. Write down everything you can remember, get out all the old photos, make the most of this time at home and you will enjoy some wonderful memories of Butterscotch's long life on this earth. You could make an album and a journal. If you have to keep still, that could be a great thing to keep you busy.
I've discovered a new spiritual consciousness since Frankie died Aug 5th. I know he is near me and me, even more now that his physical suffering is over. His spirit is free, and he keeps looking after me. Love is forever, that is what I have learned. I've lost others in my life, but no-one as close as Frankie.
I'll always have ups and downs, when the grief hits me and I miss his physical presence. But these are becoming less frequent and less incapacitating.
Get well soon, and hope you get pampered while you're at your parents' place!
hugs
deb
I've discovered a new spiritual consciousness since Frankie died Aug 5th. I know he is near me and me, even more now that his physical suffering is over. His spirit is free, and he keeps looking after me. Love is forever, that is what I have learned. I've lost others in my life, but no-one as close as Frankie.
I'll always have ups and downs, when the grief hits me and I miss his physical presence. But these are becoming less frequent and less incapacitating.
Get well soon, and hope you get pampered while you're at your parents' place!
hugs
deb
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.