Hello, my name is Kelly and I am completely heartbroken. On June 24 I lost my best friend her name was Taffy and she was 18 years old. She was a yellow lab terrier mix and she was the best dog that you could ever ask for. She was in such great shape for 18, she only had a little arthritis in her back legs but other than that she was perfect, she was even still going on slow short walks with us. A few weeks before she passed we knew that she was starting to slow down, she was going out twice a night and sleeping a lot during the day. My mom, sister and I would comfort her in every way that we could, we carried her up and down the stairs to go outside and I slept on the couch so that I was close by incase she needed me. On June 23 we brought her bed outside and sat on our deck in the warm summer breeze like we did on many other nights, she seemed so comfortable. Then on the morning of June 24 she had a seizer which she has never had before, we rushed her to the vets office which was only 2 minutes away where they gave her a shot of valium and said they would have to keep her overnight to due test, they made it seem as if she was going to be ok but then about a half an hour later we got the news that she had passed. Our neighbor who works at the office said that she was with Taffy when she passed and that she was comfortable, I am putting my self through so much quilt because I wasn't in the room with her, I will never be able to forgive myself for that. It has already been 2 mouths and I still cry everyday, I had her since I was 7 and my life will not be the same without her. I'm trying to get through life as best as I can but it's so hard, I have a chronic illness called fibromyalgia and she was my only comfort. I feel like giving up but the one thing that keeps me going is that I know I will see her again one day. I truly believe that all of our pets will be in heaven with us and we will live together forever. I have already been getting signs from Taffy which have comforted me so much, the day after she passed there was a rainbow in the sky, I thought how beautiful it was but didn't think it meant anything until the next morning when we got a card from the vet's office which included the rainbow bridge poem, I then knew that the rainbow was a sign from Taffy telling us that she was ok and that I will see her again one day. I will keep Taffy in my heart forever until we can be together again.

Here is my favorite picture of Taffy and I on her favorite walking trail


http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?...mageID=60136503

hi kelly. im so sorry. please accept my condolences. i know how hard it is to lose your best friend and family member. (she is so beautiful by the way). losing our pet is one of the hardest things to ever go thru because they give us 100% unconditional love and yet they cant tell us when they are hurting or when they need us the most. please hold on to the fact that you and your family gave taffy a wonderful wonderful life. and i believe that they go straight to heaven and become our new gaurdian angels. but you must be kind to yourself now. you are being to hard on yourself. taffy would want you not to give up. although you were not there when she passed, she knew you loved her. there should be no doubt about that. i know you miss her deeply and i wish i could just give you a big hug in person. know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. may you have peace knowing that your sweet taffy is in heaven now and running around without the pain. i sure hope that my fred and riley (little cats) are leaving her in peace. they are trouble makers those two.

please keep writing. it is so healing and everyone here understands the anguish you are going thru. you are not alone.
patricia

Dear Kelly
I am so sorry for your loss, it is never easy to lose a friend. It was gr8 that your neighbour was there for your Taffy. I know you wanted to be there but @ least Taffy had a friend by her side. Nothing I can say will ease your pain, I know you will make it thru, cos I have after loosing my best friend of 14yrs. Come here & share with us, we care & know your pain.
{{{HUGS}}}
elaine

hi kelly i am so sorry for your loss of Taffy ,she was a beautiful girl and could not have had asked for a better sis or home. please use us as shoulders to cry on as we all know the feelings you have. this board has helped me cope with the unexpected loss of my Honey. I pray the lord will give you comfort from the emptyness left by your loss, sorry again , Scott

She was beautiful, and so lucky to have you. Please don't feel guilty about not being with her at the end. You were with her during her whole life! That means so much more. Maybe she knew it was time for her to go and couldn't bear leaving in front of you. Maybe that is why she chose to go at the vet's office instead of at home.

Hi Kelly, so sorry about Taffy...she's beautiful. I know exactly how you feel about feeling guilty about not being able to be with her at the end. Same thing happened with me and my dog Keesha. I feel awful about it and can't get it out of my mind. Just not being able to say your last farewells to them makes it that much harder. But like everyone on here has been telling me Taffy knew how much you loved her and she went peacefully.

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. I'm missing Taffy terribly but just knowing that there are people like you to help me through this is really nice, I appreciate each and every one of your post. I wanted to ask you guys does it get easier or harder over time? I really hope it gets easier because right now I am in so much pain. I'm trying to concentrate on celebrating her life, I know we are so lucky to have had her around for 18 years and I am so thankful for that. Thank you so much everyone again for your help, I really appreciate it. God Bless you all.

Kelly,

What a beautiful dog she is.................. and I can relate to losing such a long time special girl. My Flossie was 17-1/2 and I was hoping to see her make it to 18. She had started having seizures in July last year and it scared me to death. We were away from her regular vet by about 2,500 miles but I called him for advise. He of course knew her long history of medical problems and said that one that only lasted 5 minutes was not as significant as if she had it for a longer period of time or if she were to have them one after another. They could test her to see what was causing it but given her medical background he would not suggest doing it. Her vets have all been absolutely amazed at her ability to bounce back. (paralized but recovered to be able to walk with only a 45% chance expected, a kidney removal at age 11... 2 major surgeries in 5 days, extremely low blood platelets that I was sure I'd have to give her up as I vowed would not put her through more than one blood transfusion!)

I know you did what you could for her and are heartbroken. In answer to your question.... harder or easier over time? I think it varies from person to person. I also think it depends on the circumstances.... even whatever else may be going on in your life. I've lost many, many pets and each one has affected me differently. With Flossie the decision was torture.... making the appointment was harder than the drive to the vet's office for me. The appointment was the decision, the drive there was the necessary follow through.

For me it is easier most of the time but I still cry and it is almost 10 months. I'll never stop missing her and I guess I cry for me more than her as I know she suffers no more. Sometimes I still feel guilty for making the decision as she never gave up and I feel like I did. She was like a handicaped child and I had a lot of care for her from the age of 3-1/2. But she was not having a quality of life anymore so I felt she deserved for me to be the strong one.... ha, ha..... that's easy to SAY.... not so easy to do! I always knew I'd have a hard time. What a horrible decision to put her down but I had waited too long on the last cat I had and she suffered a terrible death and died 1 block from the vets office in my lap as the vet was on the way after hours for us. I just couldn't do that again and especially to such a loyal, wonderful pet who had been such a fighter..... I knew she was tired, legs really giving her trouble, getting cranky with me when I had to clean her up and the seizures were about once a month and left her so hyper and disoriented. It broke my heart to see her this way.

The best therapy for me in the beginning was to come here, read others' stories about their beloved pets and how they missed them ans well as what they did to cope. Just knowing you are not the only one who feels this way makes it all seem OK as well as "normal" to feel the way you do. I didn't want to focus on how terrible I feel so have been a bit distant about visiting and posting and try to focus on her life, spunky spirit and how many years we spent with her. I have her ashes and take them along when we travel as she had been traveling with us on long trips for about 8 summers. We took her to McDonalds for sausage biscuits on Sunday mornings and she loved their cold water in a cup so we always had one for her on the console that she could reach as we made a place for her between the seats.

I think these special ones train us rather than us train them don't they?

I hope you will soon find comfort in your wonderful memories of your beautiful Taffy. How wonderful that she has sent you signs. Shows what a connection you had with her.

I lost my Callie just a few days before you lost Flossie, so I don't really know if it gets easier or not. I immersed myself in pictures and memories of Callie, and cried and cried. I'm finally able to breathe most of the time, and only break down in tears at odd moments. This is day five of the rest of my life without Callie. I've lost many other pets over the years, I don't remember it hurting as bad as it did to lose Callie. But in my heart I know I did the right thing for Callie. As her friend and "Mommy" I had to let her go. Please don't feel like you gave up on Flossie, you didn't, you gave her the gift of peace.

Kelly, I can understand losing "my best friend", as my little chihuahua Bitsy was the best friend I ever had in my life! No, you weren't in the room with Taffy, but I was in the room when I had to make the decision to let Bitsy go. I also feel guilt, because it fell upon me to make the call to end her suffering. We can all second-guess ourselves and say "what-if"! However, as I read your post, I cannot help but feel that you did ALL that you could have for Taffy! While her passing may have been traumatic, you certainly went above and beyond in her last few days to make her as comfortable as possible, much as I did with my best friend. You may not have been there to share Taffy's last moments, but I am sure that she passed knowing that you loved and cared for her very much!

Andy

Thank you all again for your reply's, I read each and everyone one them. It makes me cry to know that you all care about me so much, Taffy would be so thankful that you are helping me through this. Just by seeing the pictures of Flossie and Bitsy I can tell that they were wonderful/sweet dogs and I'm sure that Callie was too. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost pets, they will stay in our hearts forever and I know that we will be reunited with them oneday.

I wrote a short poem about Taffy last night, here it is if you would like to read it...

Walking on the trail in rain and wind and snow
It was your favorite thing, how often we did go

A kiss from you in the morning made everything ok
You were the perfect dog and always did obey

Sleeping in moms bed and in the hallway too
I thank God for everyday that I spent with you

Even though I miss you I know I'll see you soon
Where we'll live forever and dance upon the moon

kelly, i can only answer for myself. it has gotten easier as time goes by. but my life will never be the same. everytime i have lost a best friend, they take a piece of my heart with them. i dont know how much i have left. to this day i can cry over anyone of my wonderful furry companions that have gone to heaven. i miss them so much. although my life isnt the same, its still good. I lost my little cat best friend fred (almost six months now) after 14 years. i thought i would have him till he was about 20. but he got diagnosed with diabetes and died shortly after. that lump in my throat is still there. the tears are still flowing and the giant black hole in my heart at times seems to get bigger. but i try and remember the happy times when i get really sad and am having a bad day. i am lucky. about a week after fred passed away, my puppy lucy found me. although i didnt want her at first, she forced her way into my life. she has helped to heal my pain and bring back the laughter. i know she was sent from heaven. i dont know how i would be now without her. (almost) six months later i have mostly good days and this weekend fred came to me in my dreams and i was so happy to see him. we have good days and bad days but we have to try and remember the joy they brought us and think about the years of happiness they brought us instead of the final moments.
you are in my thoughts and prayers
patricia

Patricia, thank you for your post. I am so sorry about fred he will be with you always. That is so wonderful that he came to you in a dream, that must have made you so happy. I can't wait till Taffy comes and visits me in a dream again. I'm glad you found a new friend too, I didn't want another dog right away but we did adopt a cat named Palmer, he has been helping me through this. My sister and I say that Palmer acts so much like Taffy that we know she sent him to us until we can see her again.

You know, for me, it has gotten easier with time. But it's still hard a lot. It's been a little over three years since I lost my best friend Eileen, and I still cry sometimes. Not every day anymore. And it no longer hurts just to breathe. But I know I'm always going to miss her terribly, and sometimes I just want her here so much I feel like I would just give anything for one more day. But it is easier than it was shortly after she died.

Magdalene

it did make me very happy. i remember waking up and thinking dont forget this in the morning...
im so happy that you have a little cat palmer. our furkids no matter what they are, cats or dogs, they just know what to do to help us. my cat fred and riley (who passed last year) the three of us went thru so much: breakups and major surgery, layoff, or just life. but everytime mom was upset for whatever reason, fred and riley knew that i needed them and they didnt leave my side. fred would even lick me like a dog. furkids are better than therapy. i know in my heart that fred sent me lucy. just this morning i was visualizing fred and his maker going thru photos: "this one? no. this one? no and fred picking the little trouble maker with the wiry hair and the little crazy beautiful eyes and saying THIS ONE!" it made me giggle. i know that taffy sent you little palmer. they do that you know. and they know the perfect time to do it. you will be reunited with taffy again. believe it. we will all be reunited with our loved ones again. thats what i hold on to and you should too. for now, picture taffy running down that beautiful trail that she always did, only this time shes with a bunch of her new found friends and she can go whenever she wants cuz where she is the sun always shines. she sends you kisses from upstairs.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

patricia, Thank you so much for your beautiful reply. I know Taffy is up in heaven right now playing with fred and riley, she always wagged her tail at cats so they will get along great. They will all play together until we can get up there with them. Thank you so much again your reply it has helped me more than you know, god bless you.

thank YOU. you have made my heart happy knowing that taffy is playing with fred and riley!
(((((((((big hugs)))))))) to you from me and lucy. i pray that our hearts will have peace knowing that they romp and play and are smiling from ear to ear as they return home to our maker.
patricia

Patricia, your reply's are so comforting. Thank you for everything you have written, everybody on here is so nice and helpful. I wanted to let you guys know that I recently read a book called rainbows and bridges, I am missing Taffy terrible but that book has helped me a lot, it reinforces the idea that she is in peace now and that I will see her again one day, which gives me so much comfort. Is there any books that you guys have read that have helped you?